september, 2018

jungwoo let out a puff of air as he swept some of his bright, sweaty auburn hair out of his eyes. he had been training nonstop since before the sun was even in the sky, and now it was starting to set.

he debuted in nct u with boss back in february, but now he was about to debut with nct 127. he was excited, but he was also nervous.

since his debut, he'd received a lot of hate about the way he sang and danced to the way he looked. no matter how much the members tried to cheer him up, he still felt very self-conscious. some fans didn't want him in 127 because they didn't want their favorite members to have to share the lines they didn't have with a new guy who "couldn't sing".

of course, there were the kind, loyal fans who accepted jungwoo as soon as he was rumored to joining nct in the first place, but the little hate overpowered all the love.

as time passed, jungwoo learned to deal with the hate and focus on the love. there were so many people who loved and supported him. and one included a girl named na chaeyeon.

she used to be a stylist for nct, and when jungwoo arrived, she instantly took him under her wing.

she had messy bangs that reminded jungwoo of park so-dam. chayeon had even switched with another stylist to do his hair full time. she would talk to him and encourage him and compliment him, and anytime jungwoo heard her voice, he would blush.

"jungwoo!" her light, sunny voice filled said boy's ears and he turned until he spotted her.

"noona, what are you doing here?"

the bubbly girl bounced on the balls of her feet, holding something behind her back, "you looked down today, so i got you something!" chaeyeon pulled her hands into view, and jungwoo smiled. she had brought him his favorite mint chocolate ice cream from baskin robbins.

the younger boy chuckled as he accepted the gift.

"you remembered,"

"of course i remembered, jungwoo."

with her hands empty, chaeyeon reached for jungwoo's free one. "listen, i want you to tell me when you feel bad, okay? i mean, i can tell when you aren't yourself, but i want you to be able to tell me." chaeyeon blushed and looked at the ground while jungwoo's heart rate skyrocketed.

he covered his shock with a small, forced laugh and dropped her hand to mess up her hair. "ah, cute."

chaeyeon turned even redder and swatted at his hand with a giggle. the boy smiled and instantly grabbed his noona's hand. the girl glanced at their intertwined fingers before smiled softly to herself and stepping closer to jungwoo as they continued walking.

•

"a member of the staff contacted us. they informed us that you have been getting... close with a member of our stylist team."

jungwoo kept his head down as his manager continued speaking.

"you are aware of the dating ban, correct?"

the boy nodded, unable to lift his head and justify himself. we aren't dating, he wanted to say, but he couldn't find his voice.

"good, then i don't have to remind you. since na chaeyeon is good at her job, she will not be fired." the word fired made jungwoo's stomach flip. "instead, she will be repositioned."

the boy felt his eyes start to burn. it was all a misunderstanding... right? it didn't matter. not anymore.

jungwoo stood and bowed, still unable to meet the sorry eyes of his manager. he let himself out and hurried down the hallway, his mind fixated on finding one person.

he knew where she'd be. she had to be there.

jungwoo threw the door to the styling room opened and found that it was empty except for the figure standing on the other side of the room.

"noona," the boy's voice cracked with that one word.

the girl turned and smiled when she saw him, but her eyes didn't light up the same way. they were glossy with unshed tears that broke jungwoo's heart. he took a step towards her and felt himself break. "i'm sorry..."

tears were now streaming down his face as chaeyeon dropped whatever she was holding and ran towards him. she held him tightly and stroked his hair as he buried his face in her shoulder and cried.

this was all his fault.

if only he'd been more careful.

if only he hadn't developed feelings for the one person he enjoyed most in the world.

she was his best friend, and now she wouldn't be allowed to talk to him.

she must have hated him.

chaeyeon pulled jungwoo's head from her shoulder and cupped his cheeks between her hands.

"whatever you're thinking, don't. this is not your fault. i should have been better. i'm your noona; i'm supposed to help you and guide you, not threaten your career. and this isn't the end, okay? i will text you every morning and cheer for you no matter what, okay?"

jungwoo sniffled and nodded, knowing there was no point arguing with her about whose fault it was. chaeyeon swiped one of his tears away with her thumb and smiled softly.

this time, her eyes sparkled.

then, chaeyeon pulled the boy forward and placed a quick, delicate kiss on his lips.

jungwoo's eyes widened in shock at the sudden action, but when chaeyeon pulled away and released his face, she was shining in a whole new light.

"noona, i like you," he said before he could stop himself. rather than act surprised about the confession, chaeyeon smiled bashfully and faced the ground before looking up again.

"i like you too, jungwoo."

she then reached behind her for her box of hair supplies. "now, go debut again. perform across the world and make those fans realize what they're missing."

•

jungwoo entered the dorm and tossed his bag on the floor before trudging to his room. struggling towards the door. he pushed it open with his shoulder and held the handle tightly to keep himself upright. the room started spinning as exhaustion and the lack of food hit him.

once the spots cleared from his vision, jungwoo stood upright, releasing the doorknob as he did. he let the door close behind him as he fell in front of his bed and let his head drop against the mattress.

he wanted to be liked by fans. he wanted to be complimented. he wanted na chaeyeon.

he wanted his noona.

instead, he looked at the plushie taeyong had given him.

"jungwoo?" the voice belonged to his new leader and kind member taeyong.

"oh, hyung," the boy tried to lift his voice to hide the fact that he'd been crying. it must have been worst than he thought because when he refused to meet his elder's eyes, taeyong gently grabbed his face and forced it upwards.

he scanned the boy's puffy eyes and his own softened. without saying anything, taeyong pulled jungwoo forward and hugged him tightly.

jungwoo hesitated due to shock, before hugging his hyung back. it'd been a while since one of the members had hugged him.

taeyong patted his younger's back affectionately and sighed, "i heard chaeyeon was getting moved and came to check on you. i know you two were close."

jungwoo felt fresh tears form in his eyes but refused to let them fall. he stayed silent, afraid that if he spoke he'd start crying again. taeyong rubbed his back once more and released the younger.

"here, i have something i want to give you."

the boy stared straight into the crack bead eyes belonging to the old plushie.

it was obvious that it wasn't new and that it held a story. taeyong had only told him that it was a gift that had been passed down between the members for years. the fact that taeyong gave it to the boy meant that he saw him as a member.

he saw him as part of nct.

jungwoo sat still, his eyes trained on the bear until sleep eventually consumed him.

her voice echoed in his skull as he slept.

"this isn't the end."

• • •

1366 words