Travis

Thinking will not overcome fear but action will – W. Clement Stone

The Tishomingo Rodeo Classic rolled into town with the force of a thunderstorm. Swift and sure, as electric as the lightning that sparked through a smattering of black clouds. Around town, people were abuzz with the excitement and all of the motels and hotels in the area slowly filled to capacity.

Things were no less quiet at the Grant ranch. In the week leading up to the rodeo's arrival, Travis spent his days working both on the land and with Guac who had decided his stubborn streak was here to stay. But Travis' mornings were spent training for the upcoming rodeo. He focused on his core until planks and crunches and leg drops filled his dreams.

They weren't the only thing that filled his dreams but...

Travis tried not to think of the other thing at all. Tried to keep his mind firmly off of the other thing.

He'd even gone so far as to avoid visiting his sister for the last few days just so he didn't have to see the other thing that was Brock Mason. The man that Travis had said way too much to as they'd lounged by the creek for hours together.

It had been odd for Travis that night after leaving the creek. He felt like the other Travis. The one who existed in shady motel rooms with Sam Kline except...

There had been less shame with Brock. Sam was engaged and there was something about the act of slinking into each other's rooms using the darkness and flickering motel lights to cover them that always left Travis feeling a little uncomfortable the next day. As if he'd done something wrong even if those nights with Sam...Those were the only times that Travis ever truly felt right.

And somehow, in a way that Travis couldn't comprehend, he'd felt more than right sitting with Brock. He'd also felt seen and known and understood which also didn't make sense because Brock Mason didn't really know who Travis was. He couldn't. Not considering the small amount of time that they'd actually known each other and yet it was the truth.

It was also the reason that Travis had been avoiding Brock because he wasn't sure he could even keep functioning properly if he saw the other man again. Didn't have any inclination as to how he could begin to keep his wits about him if Brock kept staring at him with those deep, knowing and soulful sea-green eyes.

The eyes were what Travis dreamed about the most. Well, the eyes and the lips and what it would feel like if—

No.

Travis shook the thoughts away, even as gooseflesh rose on his arms. It was really not the time to be daydreaming.

Before him, the road stretched towards the rising sun as Travis sped in his truck toward the rodeo grounds. He always liked to get to the rodeo early in the morning whenever he competed. Liked to sit in the lot with the windows rolled down for a spell before signing in just to let the comforting country air bring some semblance of balance to his system. He'd always found it calming, like the act of sitting in his truck and listening to the squabble on the radio and the distant sounds of horses and cattle, could chase away the nerves.

Yet when Travis arrived at the rodeo grounds, typically only filled with volunteers and workers preparing for the crowds and the first events of the day, he didn't have the time to sit in his truck alone for a familiar frame was leaning against the nearby arena. He cut the engine and paused, staring in the silence of the cab, as Brock Mason lifted his head away from his cell phone only to stare in Travis's direction.

Travis swallowed a lump in his throat and opened the door to his truck, wincing at the groan the hinges gave. "Hey," he called, hoping that his voice didn't betray his excitement at seeing Brock again even if he knew it was pointless. Brock Mason wasn't here for him. He was here for Bailey except—

Travis did a quick survey of the lot, making sure he hadn't missed Bailey's little silver Honda Civic.

Not here. Brock had come alone.

The lump in his throat returned. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd come see what all the fuss was about," Brock said, pushing away from the wall and cutting across the lot to meet Travis midway. "Your sister couldn't stop talking about this. Made it sound like it I couldn't miss coming to see it if I was here."

"The events don't start for another couple of hours."

"Bailey said you always get here early. Something about brooding in your truck. Thought I'd come and keep you company"

"I don't brood."

Brock grinned, flashing those bright white teeth. "Your tone says otherwise, Travis."

Travis' brow furrowed and he tried to ignore the way that sparks shot through his stomach. Brock had come specifically to see him. Somehow, this was much more nerve wracking than his upcoming events.

"Well, I can show you around the grounds if you want. Most people, including my family, will likely start showing up in an hour or so. You can find seats with them if you intend to stick around, though you might get swarmed. Lots of country music fans in these parts and while Bailey gets the courtesy of being from here and people mostly leave her alone, I find it unlikely that courtesy will extend to you."

"I'll take my chances," Brock said.

"What about Jay? Is he coming too?"

"Nah, he had plans. Something about a nature reserve. Of the two of us, he's the more likely one to attract a crowd."

"Fair enough."

Without discussing further, Travis began to lead Brock through the rodeo grounds. He pointed out his favourite food trucks, where the commentators and judges sat for scoring, and where they kept the animals before and during events. Travis even took him as close as they could get towards one of the fields where some of the bulls waited to be brought in for the bull riding in the afternoon. Their horns glinted in the early morning light, tapering to a sharp point.

"Noah rides those things?"

"Used to. Crazy, right?"

"He seems so level-headed and calm," Brock said, his eyes wide and focused on one particularly large white and brown bull who stared at them with dark eyes. The bull huffed, smoke curling from its nostrils. "Doesn't seem to be the sort to climb on the back of a bull."

"Yeah, yeah, just wait until you see him start to lose at cards. You'll see the level-headedness go right out the window."

Brock laughed, his eyes lighting, and Travis found his own smile widening as they turned back for the parking lot. Enough time had passed that cars and trucks were starting to pile in, the most desirable spots already taken up.

They paused next to Travis' truck as he gathered his gear for the day, feeling lighter and more ready for his events than his usual decompression routine in his truck accomplished.

But the lightness faded instantly as a familiar voice called, "Travis?"

Both Travis and Brock turned towards the voice but it was Travis' stomach that sank instantly. His mouth went dry, his palms beginning to sweat, as Sam Kline made his way across the parking lot. They hadn't seen each other since that night in Austin where Travis had followed Sam into his room and while it was only weeks, it felt like years had passed since that night.

"Hey, Sam," Travis said and he hoped his voice didn't betray him.

A part of him leapt at seeing Sam but this time, more than ever, it was outweighed by shame. He just hoped that Brock didn't pick up on any of the awkwardness that was sure to follow.

"How are you?" Sam asked, his brown eyes bright as he stared into Travis' face.

"Good, good." Travis swallowed thickly and then realized that Brock was standing silently a foot away, his eyes intent upon Sam's face like he was figuring out a complex puzzle. "Uh, this is—"

Travis stopped because while everyone might know that Bailey Grant was his sister and likely to be here today, broadcasting Brock Mason to the world didn't exactly seem like his call.

Brock looked over at him and smiled a little as if noticing Travis' hesitation. He extended a hand toward Sam. "Brock Mason."

Sam shook the offered hand and then his blond brow lifted delicately. "Brock Mason? Aren't you the guy from that band? God, what was the name..."

"Tallahassee?"

"That's it."

"Yes, I am indeed one of the guys from that band." Brock stressed the one and it wasn't hard to guess why. Getting mixed up with Trace Strickland was probably the last thing that any guy wanted to do right now.

"No shit." Sam laughed, his blond hair catching in the slight breeze. "Nice to meet you, man. Let me guess, you're here working with his sister, right?"

Brock nodded. "Yup."

"Figured. Travis always says that these big hotshot musicians are cycling through his town but I thought it was just a load of crap."

Travis felt a jolt pierce his heart. He'd never lied to Sam. In fact, Sam was the only person Travis was entirely truthful with. The fact that he'd think that Travis was just pulling his leg...

It didn't sit right.

"Well, I can't speak for any others but I believe it. Bailey's got a great setup here and Tishomingo...it's a great place. And Travis has been an awesome tour guide. He's been showing me around."

"Is that so?"

Brock shrugged. "Yeah. He's got a, uh, very welcoming personality."

"Right." Sam turned away, looking back at Travis with a hint of disappointment on his face as if he'd been hoping for more celebrity gossip to fall from Brock's mouth. "You free tonight?"

"Huh?"

"A few of the other guys on the circuit were talking about grabbing a drink after the events today. You in?"

Travis didn't think that Brock would pick up on Sam's clear double meaning, referring to their standing meet-up after rodeos, but he stared back with a frown, trying to guess Sam's game. They'd made the decision ages ago to not land in each other's bed when they were in home territory. Their engagements were only meant for shadowy motels, not comfortable mattresses and carefully selected sheets. Not when either of their families was only a stone's throw away.

But there was something a little hard in Sam's eyes as he looked between Brock and Travis. It looked like a hint of jealousy.

The pit in Travis' stomach grew to the size of an apple but he managed to say, "Maybe. We'll see how the day goes."

"Okay. I'll see you later though, I'm sure, but I'm going to go hit the sign-in table before the lines start to form. See you, Travis. Brock." Sam dipped his head and then wandered off in the general direction of the tables.

"He seems nice," Brock commented when Sam was out of earshot.

"He is. We've been on the circuit together for a while."

"Right."   The musician raised a brow but there was something a little knowing on his face that disquieted Travis. He felt unsettled in a way he rarely did before rodeos and all at once he longed for his regular routine where he could sit in his truck alone and far, far away from Brock Mason.

Travis took a step back and cleared his throat. "I, uh, I should go sign in too. Bailey and the rest of my family will be getting here shortly. They can show you the best places to sit."

And before Brock even had the chance to respond, Travis turned for the registration table.

*~*

As rodeos went, Travis had an excellent day. He came first in the saddle bronc event and second in the team roping with Noah. After, once the horses had been de-saddled and taken care of, they'd gone to find the rest of their group in the stands where they all settled in to watch the final event of the day.

Travis didn't know many of the bull riders on the circuit but Noah's excitement spread through their group with each new rider that appeared in the chute. It was good to have someone everyone else was turning to because Travis was caught between glancing at Brock – who spent half his time watching the bull riders and the other half signing autographs for excited fans who kept seeking him out – and looking to where Sam leaned against the rails on the other side of the arena, talking and laughing in a crowd of rodeo cowboys.

More than once, they'd locked eyes as Sam looked over at Travis.

And more than once, Travis had been the first to look away.

The rodeo came to a close shortly after seven, though despite the hour, the sun was still hanging fairly high in the sky, slowly beginning its descent towards dusk. They filed out of the stands and headed to the after-party that popped up every year. A time for drinking beer, dancing to music, and singing along to the cover band that was actually pretty good.

Bailey looped her arm through Travis' as they trailed behind the rest of the group and up ahead, their mother said something that made everyone else laugh. "You did great today, Trav."

"Thanks, Bails."

"Noah had fun too. It's been a while since he's competed in any event. He misses it even if he says he's happy just with the school."

"Do you think he wants to get back into competing bulls again?"

"God, no. He keeps telling me he's definitely done with that. Too many injuries over the years. He's basically an achy old man now." She raised her voice for the last part, teasing entering her tone.

"I heard that," Noah said over his shoulder, grinning.

"You were meant to."

Noah laughed and then immediately returned to his conversation with Stephen and Brock as if he'd never been interrupted at all.

Their relationship was so easy, Travis thought. From the beginning, even with all the crap they'd both been through in life, they'd just worked together.

He couldn't quite help his jealousy over the matter. Especially as he went to pass through the door to the makeshift bar on the rodeo grounds and saw Sam leaning against the counter, facing the entrance as if he was waiting for Travis to come find him.

That wasn't easy. Hell, that wasn't even supposed to be anything. Not with Sam set to be married and realistically, Travis knew that this thing between them – the late-night rendezvous and sneaky glances – would never lead to anything except heartbreak.

Still, Sam was here and staring at him. Besides, Sam was safe because Travis knew that whatever they were had limits that could not be exceeded. So he could be with Sam on the circuit and eventually that too would end when he was so beaten and bruised that riding broncs was no longer an option, at which point he'd be fully settled in the rest of his life with a nice girl, like Ginger, and he could lock away the Travis who existed only in those dark motel rooms for good.

Travis told himself that he'd be content with only acknowledging the existence of gay Travis while he was still young and unbound by the vows of marriage and so he took one step towards Sam—

And caught Brock's steady gaze, those sea-green eyes shifting like the ocean Travis had never been to.  His breath hitched in his throat and for just a second, it seemed like the world had taken a pause. Like everyone on the entire planet was suspended for the span of a single heartbeat.

Brock turned, his mouth opening to respond to something Stephen had said and time resumed.

"You guys get a table," he said, trying to shake the nerves. "I'll get some drinks. What does everyone want?"

The orders were rattled off and Travis turned for the bar, directly to where a small gap had formed next to Sam. He sidled in, waiting for one of the bartenders to turn his way, which, based on the sizeable crowd, would take a few minutes.

"Hi," Sam said, his voice sweet like honey.

"Hey."

"Thought you might not come for a drink. You seemed unsure earlier."

"I'm just here to grab a drink with my family."

"Well there'll be a group of us heading back to the motel once this place winds down later. You can join us, if you want. I think we're meeting in Johnny's room but Randy and Jordan will be there too. Henry Colbert said he might join. Same with Alyssa Barkos – she's that new barrel racer out of Grand Rapids."

Travis dropped his voice even though he doubted anyone would hear with the music from the loud band booming throughout the space. "What are you doing, Sam? You're in my hometown. I've got family and friends here."

"Look, I just thought—"

"Don't think whatever you were thinking. Not here."

Sam's face hardened a little but he held off answering as the bartender turned to get Travis' order. He rattled it off and as the woman began to rush around, grabbing bottles and filling glasses, Sam murmured lowly, "Is this because of that Tallahassee guy? Are you into him?"

"No."

The word sounded like a lie. 

"Travis."

"I'm not." That had a bit more conviction to it and Sam leaned back.  "Besides, he's not even—he's not like us." Even if a big part of Travis found itself wishing desperately that he was. "We just have rules for a reason, Sam. Remember?" The bartender returned with Travis' order piled on a tray and he handed over his credit card. As she ran it through the machine and handed it back, Travis lifted the tray and glanced back at Sam, almost as a peace offering. "I'll see you in Montana in a few weeks, yeah?"

"Yeah," Sam replied but Travis was already walking away. "Sure."

For the rest of the night, Travis forced himself not to look at Sam but it was easier than expected with his family around. They were always an entertaining group and as the night began to wind down, the fast-paced energetic songs were replaced by softer ballads that brought couples like his parents, Bailey and Noah, Jake and Piper, and Stephen and Caroline, Travis found himself sitting with Brock alone at the table.

"Well," Brock said. "I've decided I like the rodeo."

"Do you? What was your favourite part?"

"I liked watching what you did. The bronc riding. I'm not going to lie, those bulls scared me half to death. I don't know why anyone would willingly do that."

"Ask Noah. He did it for a lot of years and was one of the best."

"I did and I still don't understand it. I mean, what you do still seems crazy too but that just seemed insane." He looked contemplative. "Do they ever make you go through a psych evaluation to compete?"

"I've never had to do one."

"Maybe that should be a new rule."

Travis couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe musicians also need a psychiatric evaluation before they get famous. Make sure they can handle the crazy fans and celebrity."

Brock opened his mouth to form a rebuttal then shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Speaking of celebrity, I never asked. Where's Jay today?"

"He said something about going for a hike somewhere. I don't know. He dropped me off this morning and took the car. Said he'd be back to pick me up but he's still gone. Guess I'm hitchhiking back to my hotel."

"I can drive you." The words were out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them.

The air seemed to pulse between them and then Brock smiled. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

For a little while longer, they watched the couples slowly twirling around. Piper and Bailey tried to persuade Travis to hit the dancefloor but he stayed firmly in his chair, occasionally laughing at the fangirls who kept appearing from the woodwork to request Brock's autograph. Eventually, people began to leave the floor and the band stepped off the stage. Someone put on a playlist with a bunch of mainstream music but the Grant table at the back of the room all headed for the exit, ready to bring an end to the day.

A dark, cloudless night greeted them as they stepped outside, the moon glistening from high above. The stars peppered the sky and cicadas sounded across the rodeo grounds. A light breeze fluttered through the grass, whispering against Travis' ankles as he led the way forward to his truck.

"I'll meet you at home," he said to his parents. "I told Brock I'd give him a lift." They waved in acknowledgement and everyone headed out on their way.

The quiet filled the cab of Travis' truck, broken only by the soft inhales and exhales he and Brock released. He could have reached for the radio but his fingers couldn't seem to move from the wheel and so they listened only to each other and not a sound more.

It wasn't until he'd pulled into a parking spot at the side of the hotel and cut the engine that Brock spoke.

"So. You and Sam, huh?"

Travis' blood ran cold, ice filling his veins. He turned to Brock with a look of horror. "What did you say?"

"I was trying to find a way to raise it casually during the ride over here but I couldn't so I figured I'd just state the obvious. You and your buddy Sam. Is that a...thing? Are you guys together?"

"Sam? He and I...We're just – we're just friends."

Brock's lips pursed together. "That's what I said about my ninth-grade science fair partner too. Just friends. And he and I were just friends until we started making out behind the portables at our school."

It took a moment for those words to sink in. For what Brock was saying to become clear. But even still, with his brain scrambling, the only thing Travis could think of was that Brock Mason had just admitted to the fact that he had kissed guys.

"Look, I'm going to be upfront for a minute here Travis because I've been trying to figure you out and I was half-convinced that I was just seeing what I wanted to see in you because you're hot as hell and smart and kind...But then I saw you today with Sam and I knew that you were gay, like me. I just want to know if I've got a shot here or if you're locked down with Sam."

Gay like me gay like me gay like me.

Travis couldn't think anything beyond those three words on a loop that apparently had no beginning and no end. He felt as if he were going weightless, as if the world was becoming distant from his body and he was watching everything happen from afar. Watching as Brock reached out with a gentle but steady hand to grasp Travis' wrist.

That one touch brought him back to reality. Settled him in a way that Travis had never felt settled before. Even with the electricity pulsing through his veins and as his heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest, Travis felt more grounded than he had in his entire life.

"Travis?" Brock murmured and his face suddenly was only mere inches from Travis' own.

There were a few faint freckles across the bridge of Brock's nose. Travis had never noticed that before. His eyes travelled farther up though, away from the perfect nose to the eyes that shone brightly even in the shadows of night.

"We're nothing to each other," Travis whispered. "Not really."

"That's what I was hoping to hear."

And then before Travis could think or move or breathe, Brock was kissing him.  

***

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a long time since I've updated this book. I've had some major life events happen recently (including moving house, getting a puppy who has taken up a LOT of my time over the last eight months, as well as having to partake in several intensive work trips) which has left me minimal time for writing. 

I am still very much intending to finish this book. By my estimate, I've got about 25-30 chapters or so left to do. Updates may be irregular but I'm trying to get back onto a more consistent writing schedule as I work to finish this book and explore new projects. I'm always available to answer DM's or comments in this book if people are interested in chapter update timelines.

Happy reading!

DB.