A/N: Greetings Pineapples!  Here's just a quick one shot. It was inspired by Neon Trees song "Songs I Can't Listen To". But I put an even more depressing spin on it. Because I'm a downer to the max! YAY!
Lol.

Enjoy!
🍍
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Tyler POV*

The buzzer of my alarm awoke me from another dreamless night. I barely sleep anymore so what's the point of dreams anyway. I instinctively reach over to feel the much needed warm body next to me. Only to be met with cold sheets. Silly me I forgot you left a long time ago. That's fine, it's not like I'm missing you.

Then why does it feel like yesterday I held you in my arms? Why can't I remember yesterday? Nothing really matters since you're gone. So what's the point of thinking when all I ever think about is you.

I stare at the ceiling. Just waiting to hear a reason to get up, but I never do. Yet eventually I manage to force my body to move. Only because my bladder is full.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror and all I see is you’re smiling face. I always loved that smile. But now I just want to smash it into a million little pieces. I decide a shower will help me wash away my past mistakes.

The hot water reminds me of you. I let my hands feel around me, just like you used to. It's not the same but it gets the job done. And it helps relieve some stress. But why am I stressed in the first place? I'm free to do whatever I want. Then how come I don't  want to do anything at all?

I get out and get dressed. Nothing too fancy since I'm only sitting around the house. The t.v is boring, but it was always boring. Even when you were here. But why did it seem interesting when you were around?

I drown myself in liquor because why the hell not? No reason to stay sober anyway. Everything becomes hazy. And I wanna go for a walk. So I drag myself out into the blinding sunshine.

I don't know where I'm headed, but my feet keep moving. I guess they have a map to somewhere and just forgot to tell me.

________

The buzzer of my alarm awoke me from another dreamless night. I barely sleep anymore so what's the point of dreams anyway. I instinctively reach over to feel the much needed warm body next to me. Only to be met with cold sheets. Silly me I forgot you left a long time ago. That's fine, it's not like I'm missing you.

Then why does it feel like yesterday I held you in my arms? Why can't I remember yesterday? Nothing really matters since you're gone. So what's the point of thinking when all I ever think about is you.

I stare at the ceiling. Just waiting to hear a reason to get up, but I never do. Yet eventually I manage to force my body to move. Only because my bladder is full.

I hate looking in the mirror because that's where you are. Just watching me. Taunting me. I really need to remember to break that damn mirror.

The hot water reminds me of you. I let my hands feel around me, just like you used to. It's not the same but it gets the job done. And it helps relieve some stress. But why am I stressed in the first place? I'm free to do whatever I want. Then how come I don't  want to do anything at all?

I throw on whatever feels comfortable. I drop myself on the couch. To see another afternoon of boring t.v.

I drown myself in liquor because why the hell not? No reason to stay sober anyway. Everything becomes hazy. And I wanna go for a walk. So I drag myself out into the blinding sunshine.

I don't know where I'm headed, but my feet keep moving. I guess they have a map to somewhere and just forgot to tell me.

________

The buzzer of my alarm awoke me from another dreamless night. I barely sleep anymore so what's the point of dreams anyway. I instinctively reach over to feel the much needed warm body next to me. Only to be met with cold sheets. Silly me I forgot you left a long time ago. That's fine, it's not like I'm missing you.

You were here just yesterday. What did I even do yesterday? Well since I can't remember I guess it doesn't matter much.

The ceiling holds little answers to my questions. So why do I keep asking it things? I really need to pee. I guess I better get up then.

You. Why are you always in my mirror? Didn't you leave me? Then why stick around here just to prove you’re better off without me!? One of these days I'm going to smash that fucking mirror.

Showering alone means more hot water for me. No one else. But I still remember the way you used to touch me. So at least I'm not completely alone.

I just put on the clothes I just stepped out off. I think it's still clean. Why bother cleaning in the first place? No one’s here, but me.

I stare at pointless t.v until it's time to drink. Is there really a set time to drink? I don't know, but it seems like this is a great time to get drunk.

Before I know it, I'm  walking outside. But where am I headed? My feet won't tell me, but I have a strong suspicion I know.

I'm afraid. But why am I afraid? It's just a place, right? No it means more than that.

________

That damn buzzer. Always the same tone. At the same time. Why do I listen to it? Maybe because it saves me from the darkness. No I have you for that. I feel coldness beside me. Wait you left me and now I feel stupid. But believe me, I don't miss you.

Out of this room, I hate the ceiling the most. Why won't you answer me? I sigh as I just go to the bathroom. Stupid ceiling never helped me anyway.

As soon as I see you in the mirror I punch it. You're smile still remains. I get angrier and grab a hammer. You won't make me feel bad anymore, you hear me!? Now you're in pieces on the floor. I'm sad now, but I refuse to cry over broken glass.

The water is burning my skin. Yet I stand here regardless. Time for my stress reliever. It's becoming routine and I hate routines. They make everything boring.

I give up on drying off. So I'm dripping wet in dry clothes. Well they were dry when I put them on. Now they’re just as soaked and sticking to my skin.

T.v makes me yawn. Well since my mouth is already open, why not take a drink right? Yeah liquor will numb me to all the bad thoughts.

I'm  walking again. The sun is too bright. Maybe I should save this walk for tonight. But my feet won't listen to reason so I guess it's now or never.

Here. I'm here at your house. Have I been here before? Maybe. I see you talking to him. The sexy bastard that you left me for. Those brown eyes stare into his like you used to look at me. You pull him in for a kiss. I never forgot how your lips taste. Your soft hands pull at his brown wavy locks. His get tangled in your sunflower curls.

You give him that same smile that I see in my mirror everyday. That sickening yet oh so alluring smile that I hate. You look happy with him, but that's not right. You were supposed to be happy with me. What does he give you that I can't? Why do you love him and not me? Did you forget that you promised to help me?

I wasn't that cold was I? If I was then it was only because I was afraid to get attached to you. Because no strings means it hurts less when we let go. But you somehow found a way in. You broke my wall and seeped inside my heart. Now I can't get you out. Are you happy now!?

You got everything you wanted! All just to give up and leave. That's not how love works Josh! We don't ever run away because the only way out is through. You taught me that and then you broke all the rules.

I then notice that my cheeks are wet. It must've started raining. I look up to the sky and see clouds slowly floating by. It's now dark. Did I stand here outside your house all day? Did you see me? Do you even care I come here everyday!? It's the only way I get to see that wonderful face of yours. Even if it's not looking at me anymore. I still want to see it.

It's late I think because the street lights are on. So I decide to just go home and drink some more. I gaze one last time inside your window. You look at me with a frown. As if I'm something to pity. But I don't need nor want your pity. It takes all of my power not to just scream and storm in there. Make you love me, but you know what I'm better off alone.

I turn to leave. You won't stop me anyway. I rid my face of those damn drops. I hate these constant rain clouds that follow me. But don't for a second think that I miss you. You’re the last thing on my mind. And the first, and maybe somewhere in the middle too.

Urgh….I need a drink.