I love you only when he's gone. It's like why do I even bother? So what. He was gone on vacation. Great. Couldn't talk to me for a week and a half. Ok, yea now I'm getting at why I'm doing this. But why the bloody fvck am I faking this? I know I don't want to break your heart. I know I don't have the strength to kill myself. I know I can't possibly be happy with you. I know that I can live without you. I know that I don't need you to keep me steady. I have him for that. I have that boy. Yeah him. The boy who saved me from myself. That's him alright. You? I was just getting comfortable. That's it. True love is for him. That boy. I'm sorry? Maybe I am; then again I don't know. So please, don't take this the wrong way. I love you. Sorta. But I've been faking this all too long. I've been the biggest faker ever. But I can't keep faking those fvcking three little heartbreaking words when you don't mean them; "I Love You." Such a statement. Such a moving saying. Not. Your just something for me to lean on and give me artificial happiness. Why do I even bother trying to love you? Because I feel sorry for you. I hate these cruel words that I'm typing right now, but who am I to say that I'm not good enough, or that these words don't mean something? Exactly. They mean everything. I wish I didn't fake this. I wish I was good enough for you damn it. But for Christ's sake. I can't be good enough for everyone. I'm a lower grade then you damn it. So please, can we stop loving each other and be friends?
I didn't think so. Hope is so cheap v.v