"So...yeah, I'm just gonna go get a burger real quick?" Cole says a bit awkwardly, casting worried looks over in Ethan and I's direction. Ethan hasn't made direct eye contact with me since that one millisecond he finally realized I was here, and my body hasn't quite made a recovery from that look yet.  

But Cole, poor Cole, looks so very awkward standing in the room with us now, and has made that ridiculous excuse. Why is it so ridiculous? Well, because Ethan walked in the room with a pizza for the two of them mere seconds ago. So basically, Cole just wants to get the hell out of here. 

And I can't really blame him because, well, I kind of want to do the same thing. Ethan's entire demeanor has changed since he noticed I was here. Instead of being calm and casual like he was when he first got here, he's not gone completely still and silent and just...cold. It scares the absolute shit out of me. 

Cole pretty much sprints out of the apartment door mere seconds after his announcement, and as soon as he's gone, I look over at Ethan. I haven't spared him a look since he won't freaking spare me one, and even though we're alone it seems as if he still won't do it. It's like he's not even going to accept the fact that I am here and that I want to talk. 

Feeling quite angry because I've made such a trip to see him, that I've spent so much of my mom's money on guess and had to endure the most mind-numbing nine hour drive here, I can't help but snap after a minute or two of silence on his end. "So that's it, then?" I ask, "I come all the way out here and you're not even going to say a word?" 

"What do you want me to say?" he asks after a moment's hesitation, still not looking at me but at the pillow on the couch a few inches away from me. "I said all I had to say yesterday." 

"Well I didn't," I tell him, gradually getting angrier and angrier that he won't just forgive me and kiss me and put all of this behind us. That had been my one deep hope, that I'd come in here and he'd see me and realize how stupid he was to believe that I'd cheat on him and that he'd come back to Tennessee with me. But as I sit here, looking at him and thinking of things that I could possibly say to him, I realize that it's really not going to be easy at all. 

Damn it. 

I continue, "I wasn't exactly able to get a word in yesterday, so that's why I'm here. That's why I drove here. To explain myself." 

This is when he finally looks me in the eye, looking angry and cold...but deep down, deep down in those fucking gorgeous eyes of his I see the start of something. Something that could mean forgiveness for me. And that's when I feel a little glimmer of hope start. He snorts, "Yeah? What's there for you to explain, Hallie? What I saw yesterday was all the explanation I needed." 

"No," I say hotly, "What you saw yesterday was Fred forcing himself on me and me too fucking shocked to do anything about it." When I see him roll his eyes at me, it stings, it stings a lot, but I add, "And I understand why you'd think I cheated. I was weird after he told me he had feelings for me and then you see him kissing me, so I get it, okay? It looks bad. I understand. But it's not...it's not what I looked like. And I know that phrase is used so much and it usually just means complete bullshit, but in this case it's true! Ethan, why would I tell you I love you and then cheat on you the next day? Do you honestly believe I'd do something like that?" 

"I didn't," he says quickly, but even after he speaks it's clear that he's thinking over what I said, that he's thinking it through and maybe, just maybe, realizing that I could never truly cheat on him. Not after what the two of us had. I may be stupid as shit in some aspects of my life, but I'd never be stupid enough to screw up a relationship like Ethan and I had.  

"But seeing the two of y'all...well, it made me look at you a bit differently," he says bitterly, showing me some kind of emotion other than anger. Thank God. At least he's doing something other than standing there and yelling at me. 

I stand up, hesitantly walking towards him and screaming a mental praise because he doesn't run away from me the minute I do. He doesn't reach out and touch me like he used to, of course, but it means a lot that he didn't flinch away. I say, "Ethan, what you saw was not what actually happened. He came in looking all tired and depressed and started talking about how me and him belonged together and I kept telling him that I was with you, that I didn't like him 'cause I loved you, and he kept saying that I didn't know because we hadn't ever tried. But I still didn't want to try! I didn't, okay? But he just walked over and trapped me in that chair and kissed me and...and that's when you walked in." 

He's quiet for a long while after that, and me, being the optimist that I am, starts to believe that it's because he's forgiven me. That it's because he's thinking it over and realizing that I'm telling the truth. But I'm so freaking wrong that it hurts. 

Because after that long, felt-like-ten-fucking-minutes silence, he looks down at me and with the coldest, most rigid face I've ever seen on him, says, "You need to go, Hallie." 

I feel my heart squeeze painfully in my chest, the finality in his tone making the blood in my veins turn to ice. "What?" I croak out, wondering where in the hell that came from. I thought we were finally getting to good terms, I thought he was considering forgiving me, and then he tells me to leave? What the hell? 

"We're over, okay?" he says, his voice losing some of it's hard exterior but still sounding harsh enough to tear away at the last of my sanity. "I'm sorry you drove all the way down here, but it doesn't change what happened. Doesn't change what I feel." 

I'm already crying, as pathetic as it sounds. I already feel the now familiar trickles of water hitting my cheeks. I know that I look like a weak and emotional mess; I know that I should just leave the apartment without looking back and forget that Ethan ever came into my life. But I can't just leave it at that. I refuse to let it end with me running out a crying mess. "I never knew you could be such a dick," I say, the words sounding like acid on my tongue, but me being far too upset to even care. 

He looks over at me like I'm crazy, which I'm kind of starting to believe that I am, but I don't care. I put it behind me and continue on my little over-emotional rant. "You know me, Ethan. Better than anyone else. You know that I'd never cheat on you. But for some reason you just won't fucking admit that you overreacted! I've apologized for something that I could have stopped, yes, but wasn't truly my fault. I've cried over it, I haven't gotten any sleep over it. But you won't do the same! Just get it through your thick fucking skull that I love you far too much to even consider kissing another guy! Okay? It's not that hard to comprehend! So seriously, just get the hell over yourself and realize that I'd never-" 

"HALLIE!" he yells, interrupting me mid-rant, his eyes pretty damn crazy as he makes his way closer to me and then grabs my arm. Before I can even revel in the fact that he's finally touching me again, he demands, "What are we supposed to do then? In your little world, what's supposed to happen after this grand apology? We kiss and make up? Call it a day? Well maybe you've forgotten, but I'm going on tour at the end of this month. I'm not going to see you for a year. So you wanna keep the relationship up, huh? You want to date someone you won't see for a year?" 

"I'll be in school, not in jail!" I yell back at him, wondering where on earth this whole thing came from. Yeah, he's briefly mentioned the tour thing before and yeah, we said we'd cross that bridge when it came to it, but never did I think he was so fucking mad about it. "There's planes and busses and these wonderful little things called weekends and holidays and Skype! Musicians do it all the time, hell my parents have been married for twenty years and he's been going on tours since day one. Obviously, by my being here, it shows I want to try. Of course I want to! But do you? Is that why you're making such a huge deal out of me cheating when I've told you time and time again I didn't cheat? Did you just need an excuse to break things off?" 

"Of course not!" he practically screams, scaring the absolute crap out of me. He's never been this loud, this forceful with me. He's never raised his voice this high, never made me actually somewhat scared of him. He's always been such a nice and gentle guy, not this. Not this angry mess of a person. I don't know what's gotten into him, but I do know that don't like it all. Not one little bit.  

But then he seems to realize the force of his words, that his actions are kind of terrifying, because he then drops my arm and reaches up to comb his hair with his fingers, mumbling "Sorry."  

"It's okay," I say sincerely, taking a step closer to him. Knowing that I have to stop being so emotional in all of this so as not to have another freak out like just a moment ago, I take a deep breath and then say as calmly as possibly, "Look Ethan, you know how I feel about you. I've explained everything I need to, and it's up to you to decide if you forgive me or not. I want you to come home with me, come back to how it was, and then go on tour at the end of the month. I'm willing to work for this relationship. If you are too, then all you need to do is tell me, 'cause if you're not, I'm just going to leave." 

I don't know how on Earth I managed to sound so calm and collected, but I am so very proud of myself after my little speech is over. My tears have finally ceased, I'm not scared like I was moments ago. I just feel...I just feel empty. I feel so detached from this situation, now that everything is out in the open. I'm done. I just want to go home and curl underneath my covers and sleep the day away.  

"Hallie, I just..." he sighs, dropping his fingers from his hair and then looking away from me, away from the situation. And it's in that moment that I know. He just wants to be done with me. He wants to be done with what happened this summer...with me. 

He's about to tour the country and swoon thousands of girls every single night with the sound of his voice. He just wants freedom. He wants away from me. He doesn't want me, this girl with low-self esteem and the speaking habits of a thirteen year old boy. He doesn't want someone who's going to want to spend every weekend holed up in the house cuddling and watching movies because he doesn't like me going out and drinking.  

He wants someone better. 

And this tour is the perfect place to find her. 

So understanding, completely understanding his reasoning to the point that it feels like my heart is being cracked in half, I just nod. I just simply stand there and nod my head. "I get it," I tell him, my voice sounding as broken as I feel right now. With shaky fingers I reach up and tuck a stray curl behind my ear, before telling him, "I'll leave then, okay? Don't worry about it." 

And with that I turn away from him, my legs feeling like jelly beneath me. Trying to keep from sobbing in front of him, I bite down onto my bottom lip and then after grabbing my keys from the bar, I get the hell out of there.  

I don't slam the door behind me like I know I should. I know that I should be angry at him for doing this to me, for having just wanted me for the summer. But I'm not. I'm used to it. I'm used to guys just wanting me for a time frame, whether it's a one night stand or a summer fling. I just...I guess I just thought that Ethan would be different. That maybe, if I was lucky, he'd want me for longer. 

But I guess that I'm just not the girl that he wants. He wants someone beautiful, someone charming...someone who doesn't like to get drunk, someone who doesn't have a slight stomach pooch and doesn't randomly get pimples in between her boobs. He probably wants some gorgeous, radiant blonde girl who wears hairspray and makeup and all that junk. 

He just doesn't want me. 

And that's what hurts the most. 

This summer was so utterly beautiful for me, so perfect, but apparently it didn't hold nearly the same meaning for him.  

He just didn't see me the way I saw him.  

By the time I get to my car it's pretty much safe to say that I'm a complete wreck. I'm shaking and I can't think straight and there are tears flooding my face and I just don't even know how to handle myself. I rest my head on my steering wheel, knowing that I need to calm myself down before I attempt to drive anywhere.  

Seconds into me trying to breathe myself to calmness, I hear a knock on my window, scaring the absolute shit out of me. I jump, almost hitting my head on the roof of my car, before I look to the side and see and unfamiliar face looking back at me. It's a guy that looks to be about my age, kind of cute, with a birth mark right above his pouty mouth.  

Not really knowing what else to do, I turn my car on and then roll down my window, knowing a little bit better than to open the door to him. Feeling absolutely ridiculous due to what I know my face looks like, I ask, "Do you need something?" 

He flashes me a friendly smile, looking like he wants to cheer me up for some reason that I have no idea of. He says simply, "You look like you could use a drink." 

It's been so long since I've actually had a drink, that I find myself stupidly considering the offer from this person I've never once talked to in my life. I mean seriously, what time's better to get completely shitfaced then after the couple of days I've had? There is no better time. Not at all. And it's like fate has brought me this semi-cute offer right now for a reason. There has to be a reason. A stranger wouldn't just offer me an escape on a normal day. 

Noting my thoughtful silence, the guy says, "Come on. There's a bunch of people just chilling at the pool. You should join us." 

"I..." I start, wanting so badly to accept the offer, but knowing how dumb it would be for me to do so. This is how girls get raped, killed. I know that. I've watched so many episodes of SVU that it's almost embarrassing. 

But still. 

I just want to get rid of this horrible hollow feeling inside of me. I don't want to think about the fact that Ethan's just told me to get the hell out of his life. That he no longer wants me in it. 

I don't want to think about it anymore. 

So with that thought just flashing through my head, I reach down and pull the keys out of the ignition, my brain screaming for me to not do this but everything else telling me to just do it. The guy standing at my car, the guy whose name I don't even know, flashes me an excited smile when he realizes that I'm going to go with him and then opens my door for me. 

I climb out of the car, my body feeling eerily numb as I do so, and then begin to follow the guy as he leads me towards the gate to the pool. But a few steps into it, while this stranger is telling me all about some economics class he's taking, I hear a heartbreakingly familiar voice yell out my name. 

My head whips up and around so fast that I feel a yell of protest from my neck bones, but when I see Ethan hurrying towards me nothing else really matters. The numbness from mere seconds ago disappears and instead I start to feel my heart pick up pace and my mind begin to whirl at why he's coming after me. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Ethan demands once he's closer to me, his eyes quickly flashing back and forth between the guy whose name I still don't know and me.  

Before I can even manage to come up with some kind of reply, the guy next to me says, "Chill dude, she's just coming hang at the pool." 

Ethan gives me the biggest "what the fuck are you thinking?" look before looking back at the guy and says, "No she's not. How 'bout you go hang at the pool and never talk to her again?" 

I've never heard him sound so possessive about me before. Not once. And while I should be pissed as hell that he still thinks he has some kind of control over me after just breaking up with me, I can't help but feel like this is him showing me that he still cares about me. That I'm something he doesn't want to lose. 

And even though he's managed to break my heart twice over the span of about twenty-four hours, I still want to run up to him and kiss him and beg him to take me back. But even though my mind has no dignity whatsoever, my actions do. So instead of doing what I truly want, I cross my arms over my chest and ask, "Why do you even care what I do?" 

He looks at me like I'm so stupid and crazy that, I'm not going to lie, makes me feel just a bit ashamed. I know that I'm being ridiculous with this whole thing, that I should have just been normal and peeled out of the parking lot like any other scorned woman would, but that's just not how things panned out. I was stupid and hurt and reckless when I accepted this stranger's offer to go drink with him and people I don't know. I know that. But still, there was some kind of reasoning to it. 

I just don't know exactly what that reasoning was. 

Speaking to me like I'm twelve years old, he asks me, "So you actually think it's smart to hang out with some guy you don't even know?" 

Taking offense at this, the guy standing next to me exclaims, "Hey! What's wrong with me?" 

Ethan rolls his eyes at how drunk this guy obviously is, and says, "Just leave it alone, man. She's not leaving with you." 

"Whatever," the guy says, "She's not that hot anyways." And with that lovely little dig at me, he turns over his shoulder and then disappears on his way to what I'm guessing is the pool. 

Ass hole. 

But now that it's just Ethan and I, now that I don't have the security blanket of Ethan directing his anger at someone other than me, I'm suddenly terrified. This guy has the power to change how I feel. He has the power to make me smile or make me cry once again, and I hate it. I hate that I've given him that right. I should never have done that. This is why I should always be single. 

I'll never feel like I'm feeling right now. 

All vulnerable and antsy and sad. 

It's the worst feeling in the absolute world. 

"Hallie," he starts, taking a step towards me. But I can't look up and face him. I really can't. Because then I'll just see the finality in his eyes, and even though I've already seen it so much recently, I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing it again. 

So I shake my head and say, "Look, I'm sorry about that. Okay? It was stupid and I knew it was stupid but he...he just made it seem like it'd make me feel better. But it's fine. I'll get in my car and actually leave this time; I know that it's what you want." 

"Stop," he says, and then when I feel his hand grab my arm, I know that it's all over. For some reason I just know. And when I look up at him and see not the finality, but the apology and the sadness and hopefulness in his expression, I know that it's all over. 

That this fighting and these tears and all of the awfulness that's been going on recently is over. 

He gives me a sad smile, his eyes looking guilty and ashamed, before he says, "Look. I know that I've been so awful to you lately and that you didn't deserve any of it, but I was just...I was just trying to make it easier on myself. When I saw...when I saw you kissing him...I wanted to kill him. I literally wanted to kill him, Hals. I've never felt anything like that before. I've never been so pissed and...and devastated about something, okay? So I thought that maybe if I broke things off with you, it'd be easier. That when I was on tour I wouldn't have to worry about you leaving me or finding someone better. But then...then you showed up here and then you left and I just...I couldn't handle seeing you walk out of my life like that. Because I love you and I want you in my life, I want you with me and not that Fred guy and not some random stranger who's obviously dumb as shit because he said you're not that hot." 

I can't help it. I giggle. I giggle at his little speech. I know that I should do something epically romantic like jumping into his arms and kissing him like a mad woman, but for some reason...that's not the first thing I wanted to do. He's just...he's just so fucking cute sometimes that I can't stand it. 

I know that I should be feeling something so much bigger than "ohemgee he's so cute" but...it's the truth. Never in a million years did I think I'd be on the receiving end of such a romantic, loving spiel. Especially one coming from such a hot guy. But it's not even the fact that he's hot. It's just that he's one of the greatest guys on the planet, one of the sweetest. And he's mine. 

He's finally mine again. 

And I'm never letting him go. 

His eyes go wide at my little laugh, and before I know it he's swept me up into his arms and is saying, "Really, Hals? I give you this huge, long speech and you just giggle at me?" 

Feeling my heart absolutely soaring inside of my chest, I twine my arms around his neck and pull his face closer to mine, having missed this closeness so very much. I smile and say, "Sorry, but that was just...just...you're fucking adorable, you know that?" 

He rolls his eyes playfully at me and says, "I can't believe that's the reaction I get after practically pouring my heart out for you." 

I laugh once again, feeling so very happy that I just don't know what to do with myself. But as I see him smiling there in front of me, his eyes twinkling happily like I've come to love so much, I know just what to do.  

I kiss him. 

And I don't stop.