i'm worried

not for any particular reason, i just have this bad feeling in my gut and have felt vulnerable all day

idk why

i got my permit today (1st try! supposedly a big deal! watch out on the streets bc i'm actually shit!) and my mom kept trying to take pictures of me but i just looked dead - although that did help with the licence picture, but still

i'm finding it hard to be excited and have deleted three social media accounts within the past week, including my instagram today, which i'm sad about but also kind of ok with bc it's just not been helping me (i'm still on the lgbt one, but my personal is all gone)

i'm just

numb and anxious

the mom has been keeping me very busy lately, which has made it hard to talk to the one person who can make me feel a bit better, at least for a while, which has just contributed to the anxiety

i'm just

fuck

i'm just trapped

and i'm concerned about my relationships with others as i am unable to feel normal or act normal and i don't like it

i tried to start another chapter of the joe kellogg chronicles but i stopped because it just felt wrong

i'll probably delete this later, although i've been trying not to delete old chapters anymore, this just doesn't really fit with my aesthetic and feels wrong and negative in general, and i'd prefer this to be a more positive book and not one full of sadness, but sometimes i just need to let it out in writing so here u are

thanks for sticking through this

i'll go now