I must've fallen asleep

because when I woke up

I was still at the beach.

It also

must've been 

really early in the morning

because the sun was still

under the horizon

and there was nobody 

on the beach.

It took me a minute

to get the strength

to push myself off the sand,

to move at all.

It took everything in me

to just walk,

because I felt so weak

so 

empty

and it was then

that I realized 

I hadn't eaten anything

since dinner with my parents

which was two days ago..

how could I forget to eat?

sure,

I drank

but food?

how could I forget?

I just

my head hurt so bad

thanks to the alcohol

that I drank the night before,

not that I was even drunk.

I felt so weak

so

weak....

I found myself

stumbling

towards the cafe

that was open 24/7.

I collapsed into a booth

as soon as I was inside

because it was as if

I couldn't even walk anymore

I couldn't stand

I couldn't 

do

anything.

I closed my eyes

and put my head on the table

and started crying

even if the people working saw me

even if the two other people

sitting in the cafe

could see me fall apart

I just couldn't take it anymore

I didn't even know

what it was.

Life?

I couldn't even describe it

all I knew

was that I couldn't keep going

I was alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

alone-

"Are you okay?"

I looked up,

tears falling from my eyes,

to find a girl

looking at me

with a concerned look.

I was a mess

my hair was filled with sand

and dirt

and my clothes

were wrinkled

and dirty

and I probably smelled

and it was probably 4am

but this girl

the waitress

I guess

still came up to me.

Maybe it was her job

to wait on the booth

that I was sitting at

but she asked if I was okay..

I guess

any decent human being

would ask that though

to any young girl

sobbing 

and a complete mess.

"not really"

I said to the girl.

Grace.

Her name was Grace.

at least,

that's what her name tag said.

and then

she sat down next to me

and put her arm around me

and told me 

it was okay to cry

to let it out.

that I didn't have to talk about it

if I didn't want to.

I found myself 

burying my face

in her shoulder

and crying

and crying

and crying

even though I was a mess

even though I smelled bad

even though she was a stranger.

I just couldn't hold it in anymore

I couldn't be alone

I 

couldn't 

handle

this

alone

anymore

* * *

when I had finally 

stopped crying,

I wiped my tears,

but found myself 

not wanting to leave

the cafe

not wanting to

face the world

face the reality 

that I was alone

face the fact that Daiha 

was still in a coma

that it was all my fault

all my fault

all

my

fault..

Grace placed a mug

in front of me

startling me.

"It's on the house"

she said

and I was glad,

because I didn't have any money

and I wouldn't

have been able to pay for it.

I looked at her,

tried to smile,

and said

"thank you,

for,

ya know,

being there"

I felt embarrassed

and dirty

and all I wanted

was to shower

and curl under a blanket

even though

it was getting 

hotter every day.

What I really wanted,

though,

was to have someone 

just hold me

be there for me

love me

not just ignore me

not just lay there

unable to do anything

I just

needed

someone...

then,

Grace said,

"if you don't want to go home,

you know,

you  could come to my house,

if you want?

I know it's weird

because we just met

and we're strangers,

but I have a nice shower

that you can use

and I have some clean clothes

that you can change into,

but only if you want.

I don't want to seem

like a weirdo

or something like that.

I just thought-"

I cut her off

before she could ramble more

because what she was offering

was the nicest thing

someone had ever done for me

that I could remember.

"you don't have to,

but if you really don't mind,"

I said,

and she said 

that she didn't mind at all.

so when she finished her shift

I found myself

climbing into her car

and letting her take me

to where ever she lived.

It didn't matter 

that she was a stranger

that I didn't know her

or where she lived

or that she could potentially be

a psychopath.

all that mattered

was that I finally

finally

wasn't alone anymore.

I 

wasn't 

alone...

not alone

not alone

not alone

not alone

not

alone....