I was on my way to detention

when I saw Presley

and Mary

holding hands

acting all coupley with each other.

when they saw me

they burst out laughing

and when they passed me

Presley coughed,

saying

"crazy slut"

Mary laughed too

and said,

"and her sister too"

then she shoved me 

into the lockers.

I started to go after her

only to be held back

by someone grabbing my shoulder.

I tried to get away,

but I couldn't.

I whipped around

to see who was holding me back

who was keeping me

from yet another fight, 

only to find Shane

shaking his head at me

and pulling me away.

"they're not worth it"

he said,

trying to catch my eye

when I wouldn't look at him.

"hey,

don't listen to them.

they're wrong, okay?

trust me,

I want more than anything

to teach them a lesson,

but it's not worth it

they're not worth it.

don't give them that satisfaction"

I wanted so badly to go after them

to get in another fight

because maybe I deserved it

I deserved to lose

I didn't deserve the comfort

that Shane was trying to give me

He was only trying to help

but I didn't deserve help

and I certainly wasn't going to become

some stupid project

that he could fix,

just like everybody else.

so I told him

 I had to go to detention,

and pushed past him,

leaving him standing by the lockers

alone

* * *

after detention

I didn't want to go back

to the apartment,

so instead

I went to the beach

a place I hadn't been

since the hurricane

since they found Daiha 

since she'd been put in the hospital

again

since she'd been declared

brain damaged.

it took everything in me

to take each step 

towards the water

where wave

after wave

after wave

crashed onto the beach.

before the hurricane,

I would've called it soothing,

but now, 

I cringed

at each crash

of every wave.

I dug my feet into the sand

refusing to go any further

than just off the steps

of the boardwalk.

there were a lot of people

because it was almost summer

all laughing

and happy

and relaxing

as if nothing even happened.

I glared at the waves

at the people

at everything

because it wasn't fair.

it wasn't fair 

that my sister was in a coma

it wasn't fair

that she didn't get a chance

it wasn't fair

that my parents ignored me

that it took their daughter

practically dying

to pay attention to her

and then a coma

to take all of their time.

what about me?

I shouldn't even think like that

though

because it was all my fault...

I didn't deserve their attention

I was a failure

and the one who put 

her own sister in a coma.

It still wasn't fair though

because Daiha should be awake

she should be alive

instead of just sleeping.

it wasn't fair..

not fair

not fair

not

fair . . . 

I felt myself getting dizzy,

the sound of the ocean 

getting louder

and louder

and louder

and louder

and I couldn't breathe again

why does this keep happening?

I sank into the sand

cradling my head

in between my knees

as it pounded wildly.

I squeezed my eyes shut

to try to ease some of the pain

it didn't work very well

but at least that way 

I couldn't see everyone

I couldn't see if they were staring at me

judging me

calling me crazy..

just

like 

Presley