As time passes by, I find myself missing Liam more and more, which is quite unsettling. I actually look forward to his calls and texts and when I talk to him I’m left with a smile plastered on my face. I have to constantly scold myself, reminding me that I’m an adult and this is not how adults should act like. And then the next day when I hear my mobile I ran to pick it up.

I’m pathetic.

And Liam is making things worse to the point it is frustrating. I actually think it would be better if he goes back to the jerk because it was easier for me to keep distance. But if he calls me at night and tells me the things he saw in certain city or how he read and article about given current issue so we can talk about it, I find it hard to resist him. He even calls Zayn sometimes so the three us can chat until very late, when Dean shouts at them they have to go to bed or else.

“I should go to bed, too,” I say out loud after Dean has yelled at them to go to bed for the third time because they have an interview tomorrow morning and they need to get some rest.

“Dean is gonna scolds me tomorrow when he can’t wake me up,” Zayn comments and I chuckle. When I went to see Liam in Paris I noticed Zayn’s heavy sleeper and it’s a herculean task to make him leave the bed, so I do believe him. “I should go to sleep. Goodnight, Belle. You should come to visit us soon!”

“Goodnight, Zayn. Don’t make Dean drag you out of bed,” I reply.

“I promise nothing!” he declares solemnly before leaving.

I know Liam is still at the phone, probably disabling the speaker so no one else can hear us. “I’m sorry for keeping you awake.”

“It’s later for you so I should be the one apologising,” I remind him but I hear him clicking his tongue.

“I don’t mind. Plus, I didn’t understand that law so I had to ask you and well, we got carried away,” he sums up and I smile at his words as I lie on my bed, looking at the ceiling with the mobile pressed against my ear. We’ve been talking for like two hours. “By the way, Zayn is right, you should visit me again. We’re going to Belgium this weekend what if we meet there? Would you like to visit? Think of all the chocolate.”

I laugh out loud, thinking about it. “Don’t tempt me, Liam. I have loads of things to do here.”

“Oh come on, I wanna see you before the holidays. Please, Belle. Please, please, please! Don’t make me wake Zayn to help me begging,” he threatens next and I laugh again.

“Fine, Liam. I’ll go. This weekend, right?”

“Yes! And yes, this weekend. I’ll organise everything like the previous time, however Zayn said that if we go to a museum we have to take him,” informs Liam and I can’t wipe out the smile from my face. “Okay, I’ll go to sleep now. Sweet dreams, Belle. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Sweet dreams, Liam,” I reply, not daring to say that I also can’t wait to see him because I’ve missed him a lot.

All this is getting out of hand because we keep getting along and everything feels so nice between us now. Maybe it’s because he’s away, I don’t know. It’s not that he is nicer to me, but his whole attitude has improved. It’s like he’s feet are back on the ground and now he’s getting even more attention, more love from the fans. For what I’ve seen he is more polite and considerate, yet he’s still confident borderline arrogant. He knows he’s not the little kid from before, the one no one wanted to befriend. He wears that confidence now but he’s not a jerk as he was when I met him. He doesn’t treat people like they are beneath him anymore and he acknowledges his flaws and ignorance.

He’s so human, just a man, that I have a hard time remembering we’re not really in a relationship and I shouldn’t like him because it would end up being a fiasco at the end.

What am I supposed to do? It seems like every time we talk and laugh my feelings get more out of control and I’m starting to get really scared because I’m dreading the moment things will have to end. I’m getting too used to being with him and this world. I’m even sad that Zayn and I will also have to part, too because he’s become a friend of mine. We keep in touch, mostly texting each other and talking a bit when Liam calls. We get along so well that I’m sad I’ll have to say goodbye also to him when the contract ends.

“I think you fancy him,” Ariel tells me when I tell her about these conflictive thoughts the day before I leave for Brussels to see Liam.

I sigh deeply. “I’m afraid so,” I agree and Ariel squeals in a very high pitch, I can barely hear it but I bet dogs would cry. “And I think Liam also feels the same way. I mean, I know he never saw this as a job but he’s become more honest about it, more invested.”

“Then forget it’s a job!” she exclaims. I smile at her because she’s so cute when she’s excited. It’s like she gets so into whatever is happening that she even forgets she’s shy or that there’s s asocial pressure. Besides, we meet quite regularly so she’s used to me and I consider her a friend, too. “Right, Havi?” she asks the other girl with us having coffee at the label’s cafeteria. I’ve also grown very fond of and close to Havi.

“Why not?” Havi says with a smile. “There’s no clause that you can’t start a relationship with Liam after the contract ends. A real relationship. The contract was to speed things up and reassure you and your father about it. Liam never wanted to hire a girlfriend.”

I look away, very aware of that but it still feels weird to start a relationship out of a contract. It feels unethical. There’s a reason why one shouldn’t mix personal life with one’s work.

“I don’t think it would be a healthy relationship, and it would weigh in on us later. Thinking back and remembering that we got together because I was forced to tolerate him at first. I really don’t think that’s okay,” I say out loud and it’s weird for me to be talking about my problems with someone, but at the same time it’s so useful. “And I don’t want to lie forever and say we met in another circumstance. And I can’t lie to myself or to my dad. We know how it started. But what about Liam’s family? Would we be able to tell them the truth and confess we deceived them at first? And the media would be on us so we would have to keep the lie forever. That can’t be healthy.”

“But if you like each other…” Ariel whines feebly and I sigh.

“Not because I fancy him I won’t question the integrity of a relationship with him.  Even if I were in love with him I’d have to think ahead and keep my head cold. Relationships are more than just having feelings for each other, you need more than that. A relationship that was born from a lie is not a healthy one, Ariel.”

She looks down, all excitement gone from her expression and Havi also looks defeated. But even if their expressions are sad, the weight in my chest is heavier. I’m afraid that I’ll like him more and more and by the time the contract is over I won’t be able to look at this rationally and I’ll let myself be dragged into something that won’t be good for me or Liam. I don’t want to feel like a hypocrite every time I look at his family or his fans or the media. Now I can do it because I tell myself it’s a job and I won’t do it forever, but if we’re in a real relationship, how will I ease my mind and conscience?

“You’ll miss him and he’ll miss you. Don’t you care about that?” Havi asks me and I sigh again.

“I do care and that’s what worries me now, that if I keep having these feelings it’ll only be difficult at the end. And it’s not like I can put distance between us now because we have to be in a relationship, fake and arranged as it is but relationship nonetheless.” I rub my face with my hands, feeling suffocated with all this. “But humans don’t die of broken hearts, right? Maybe he’ll ask for another girlfriend after me and she won’t have a problem to be with him for more than the arranged time.”

I mean it as a joke, but the thought actually leaves a sour taste in my mouth and a knot in my stomach. Havi and Ariel don’t seem to find it funny either.

“He wouldn’t do that. I don’t think he’ll ever do that again, Belle.” She looks at me with such pity in her eyes that it makes me feel uncomfortable. “I’m sorry because I honestly think you’re good to each other. You brought him back to the ground and you look more relaxed than when I met you.”

I smile because I know I’ve changed. Before all this started I was solely focused on keeping my father on his feet. I lived for him and put my life aside, but since I started this job I’ve been more concerned about my life, Dad is more reliable so I don’t need to be all over his face, I can live my life. I have friends, I laugh more and I feel more like myself than as someone’s guardian. Now that I’m interacting with more people I realise that I’ve never liked isolation, that I actually enjoy talking to others, having friends, going out with them and having plans with them. The idea of going to Brussels this weekend to see Liam makes me feel like a child again. I told myself I was okay on my own, that my books were enough to keep me happy but even if they do make me happy, I also yearn for human interaction.

It’s quite similar as what it happened with Liam. At first I was forced to be with him but with time I’ve learnt to enjoy his company and I actually like to be with him. It’s the same with other people. I was forced to interact with them because of the contract, to go to parties and being nice to Liam’s acquaintances but now I have my own friends and I like this.

“Yeah, it’s a real pity,” I agree with Havi because I can also see now that even if Liam and I are so different, we work together. We complement each other quite well.

And even if I know all this, that I should try to stop from falling for Liam, I’m still bouncing on my feet when I arrive to Bruxelles-Midi, knowing Liam is very close and with him a whole city to explore. If I’m honest, I’m more excited to sightsee Brussels but I’m also very, very eager to meet Liam.

“Belle!” I hear my name being called and I turn around just to see Liam—followed by Dean, of course—coming my way with a big smile on his lips.

My own lips curl up in a wide smile as I feel my heart racing in my chest. I hold tighter my backpack and walk up to him, hurrying to meet him even sooner and I’m about to stop when we’re face-to-face but he doesn’t care about that, he wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me tightly.

“You’re here. I’m sorry I made you wait. We got a bit lost on our way,” he tells me with his face buried in my hair. I hold on to him, my feet barely touching the ground.

“It’s okay, I didn’t wait much,” I tell him even if I arrived fifteen minutes ago. I was busy watching everything around me to mind waiting. Plus, I knew he was on his way, he texted me.

He puts me down and steps back to see my face. One of his hands cups my cheek and his smile turns warmer. “I missed you,” he says making my guts twist before he leans in and kisses me.

It’s a soft kiss but I grab the lapels of his coat and deepen the kiss because even if I know I shouldn’t do this, even if I know I should try to keep some distance I can’t help myself. I’ve missed him and I like kissing him, okay? I accept that.

Liam seems surprised that I’m the one kissing him fiercely, but he soon recovers and hugs me tighter, giving into the kiss way too easily. I know we’re going over the top and that if someone is taking pictures of us right now the comments won’t be nice, but I don’t really care.

I chuckle in the kiss because I think of the first pictures Liam and I got taken, in which I felt so cheap and low next to him and now we’re full snogging in public and I don’t mind what the media might say about us. I mean, I’m about to wrap my legs around his hips and I’m sure I look more of a slut now than I did back then, but I don’t care. At least now I’m actually enjoying it.

We break the kiss because it was getting too suffocating and no matter how much we ignore the rest, we’re still in a public place.

“Well, it seems you also missed me,” he says, a cocky smile on his lips that I peck again.

“Maybe,” I concede and his eyes widen.

He doesn’t mind telling me he misses me, that he thinks of me and whatnot, but I never let him know. I don’t remind him this is a job anymore, but I don’t let him know I’m not acting anymore. Accepting I miss him, especially when it’s just the two of us, is accepting this stopped being a job at some level. That’s why I never tell him I miss him even if I do, because I don’t think it’s good he knows and it’s better if he has some doubts that I’m might still be acting.

Saying that I maybe missed him is not clearing up his doubts, but it’s giving him some hope. Maybe I’m being cruel, maybe I’m not, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Let’s go,” I say before he can question me further until he learns I’ve actually missed him terribly. “I can’t wait to see Brussels!”

-:-:-

Update yay! Leave your comments!

Bel, xx