DejaneiraCantizaniz

First Impression: Whew! You sure wrote a lot! Love the color of the cover!

First of all, great job on writing so many chapters of your story! You have a great range of vocabulary, because you use such great verbs and adjectives for every situation. Also, you have great details of everything, especially every situation in the story. You also state the conflict early in the story and very clearly, so the reader knows what to expect and will read on, instead of getting bored. I love the plot idea; It's very unique and you definitely put your own twist on it. I especially love the mysterious and eerie mood of the story. That being said, there are many spelling and grammar mistakes, so when you go back and edit, make sure to fix those! One example I found was that you wrote "spinned," but the past tense of "spin" is "spun." Also, make sure to watch your verb tense because you often switch between present and past when you are talking about the same scenario. There are also some run on sentences, or some sentences that are just awkwardly phrased. You also tend to write sentences that don't have a subject. All these errors can be easily fixed when editing. In the beginning of the story, I was a little confused about who Cressida was, because you mentioned she educated the main character, and I thought she was just a nanny. You cleared it up in a few chapters later, but I would suggest telling us who she is early on in the story, or be more clear about it. Also, I would love to have more character description, especially about what kind of person the main character is. What is her personality? Show us that. Some parts of the story also don't flow as nicely, so I would suggest going back when editing to make sure they are smoother. Great work! 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with my suggestions, then feel free to ignore them :) 

- bluecrayonlady