// I'm obsessed with Tokyo ghoul atm. KANEKI KEN

sorry it's been a while I've been suffering at SCHOOL but I had the day off today yay //

dan

Time, a funny thing, passed without you even realising.

Humans forget, and soon days become a blur, which mould into vague weeks, and eventually we only remember moments.

The weeks after Dan and Phil broke it off were hell for Dan, they seemed to drag on forever, but now they're just a vague memory of utter hurt and sadness. He doesn't remember specifics, but he does remember everything about that last phone call.

His nightmares haven't stopped either. Dan always wakes up in a sweat, his mind flashing with thoughts of Shane, Phil bleeding out, blood, knife, gun, fear.

Now, three months on, Dan has started to slowly get better, to pick himself up and try to move on. Phil hasn't called him once - but to be fair, Dan blocked him on everything, so it may have been a bit hard for Phil anyway. The nightmares haven't even wavered though.

"Hey, Dan!" A voice calls, and Dan is attacked from behind in a hug, "how've you been buddy?"

"Troye?" Dan asks, turning around with a wide grin to see a mop of curly hair, "I missed you!"

"I know, sorry it's been so long, I've been super busy with the tour and new album," Troye says sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, "I'm here for a couple days before I head back home to Perth."

"Oh cool, you must be glad to be going back home though," Dan says.

"Yeah, I do miss it. Mum's been texting or calling me every day though," Troye laughs, shaking his head with a smile, "she can't wait to see me."

Dan forces a smile, but feels a painful tug on his heart. Would his mother text or call him is he were on tour half way around the world? Not bloody likely. His parents would hardly notice he wasn't there.

"So enough about me, how've you been?" Troye asks.

It's supposed to be a harmless question, but for some reason, Dan decides just to let out all the emotions he's been holding in for a long time.

Instead of replying to Troye with he usual bullshit of 'I'm good' Dan breaks down into broken sobs and hugs onto Troye, who just stands there with his friend until his sobs finally die out.

"So, what's wrong Dan?" Troye asks, giving Dan a small, encouraging smile.

And if all comes out of Dan. The words pour out of him like a river, he tells Troye everything; about Shane, about Phil, about his parents, and Phil again.

"You don't deserve this shit Dan," Troye says, frowning sadly at his friend, "you really don't."

"I just want it to end Troye," Dan whispers, tears shining in his eyes, "I'm so tired of feeling like this."

"Then find your escape Dan," Troye says, smiling at Dan but it's not like he can see it anyway, so he reaches out and places his hand on Dan's shoulder supportively.

Dan nods, but there's a problem;

He already found an escape - Phil.

***

Troye left a week ago now, and Dan is alone again.

Not entirely alone, but Troye and Phil were his closest friends. They know everything about him. Well, Troye does and Phil used to.

Dan often wonders how Phil is. What he's feeling, if he's even slightly upset, if he's moved on... Dan may have been the one who initiated their breakup, but it was Phil who broke his promise in the end.

Dan sighs, lying in bed, and after an hour of tossing and turning he decides to just listen to music instead. He shuffles his playlist when a song Dan listened to a few years ago comes on.

little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep,

little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories,

little do you know I'm trying pick myself up piece by piece...

[ i think this song kinda fits with the book a little (more recent chapters) ^_^ ]

Dan closes his eyes, willing himself not to cry. He wonders if he ever even crosses Phil's mind. Probably now. He didn't even seem to cross his mind while they were together, now Phil has no reason to think of him.

Part of Dan is relieved that he let Phil go, but the other 99.9% of him hates himself for it. Dan misses Phil, he can't deny that, but if their paths crossed again, Dan isn't sure what he'd do.

He and Phil have been through so much, he doesn't know if his heart could take any more. Maybe it's time for Dan to look for a more stable relationship. More... Safe.

Maybe it's finally time for him to let Phil go, but part of him knows that he'll never fully let Phil go, because after all;

His face remains the most beautiful thing Dan has ever seen.

[ v beautiful ]

***

Dan sits opposite him in a cafe.

This is their fourth date, well, not including the ones where they just hung out. He's not entirely sure about Lyle but he makes him feel safe. He knows that Lyle will never leave him, fake death, get stabbed from drug dealing, etc. but there's still something missing.

Perhaps Dan will never find love like he had with Phil again. Or maybe he will eventually feel it after a long time. But Dan's only kidding himself, he knows deep down that he'll never find another person like Phil Lester.

Lyle smiles at Dan, which he can't see, his blonde, messy fringe falling into his blurry face. He's quite tanned as well. Dan found it quite funny when he realised that Lyle was basically the exact opposite of Phil in his looks.

He's a shorter guy, Phil is tall, Phil has the bluest eyes possible, Lyle apparently has brown eyes, Lyle has blonde, messy hair, Phil has ebony coloured hair and goes crazy when he has a tiny fringe gap.

They're opposites look wise, and personality as well. Lyle is clean cut, innocent, polite, but he's kind of boring. Still, Dan can tell that Lyle really likes him, and Dan kind of likes him. He just can't stop comparing him to what he had with Phil. He needs to stop comparing everything with Phil.

"Dan? We should get going now," Lyle says, slipping his hand into Dan's.

He pulls Dan out of the chair, insisting on paying before leading him out of the cafe and onto the street. After they browse a couple of shops, Lyle offers to walk Dan home.

As Dan and Lyle walk to his house, exchanging small talk along the way, Dan can't seem to shut his mind up. Fifteen minutes later, they're stopped outside Dan's front door.

"Thanks for walking me back," Dan says, forcing a smile.

"Uh Dan, I um, have something I was to ask you," Lyle says nervously, looking down at his hands, a blush seeping onto his cheeks.

"Yeah, what is it?" Dan asks, dreading what's coming next - he knows but he hopes he's wrong, he's not ready.

"Um, will you be my boyfriend?" Lyle asks, looking at Dan.

Dan looks back at Lyle, but all he sees is a blurry face staring back at him. He wants Phil's blue eyes, his smirking lips, his beak shaped nose, his milky skin, sarcastic but loving nature...

Hell, he wants Phil. But he can't have Phil, Phil isn't here. He didn't want Dan, so Dan has to move on, and this is the way he can do it.

"Y-yes," Dan stammers out, and Lyle attacks him into a tight hug.

Dan feels numb. He doesn't love Lyle, he knows that. He's just hoping he can learn to love him. He's using Lyle as a rebound to get over Phil, but he's determined to be loyal to him. He wants to love Lyle, and he will.

But when Dan looks up, still hugging Lyle, he sees something which makes his heart stop and eyes start to water.

There, standing on the front pavement, is Phil, looking straight into Dan's eyes with a look of hurt, anger and betrayal. Dan watches helplessly as Phil turns sharply and walks away.

It takes all Dan has not to run after Phil. And after Lyle leaves and Dan is alone in his house, he collapses to the floor and sobs until there's a sharp knock on his front door.

Dan dries his eyes and fixes his hair, hoping that he doesn't look too much like a mess, and opens the door to find Phil standing in his doorway, his arms folded across his chest.

"Ph-Phil," Dan stammers, his eyes wide and heart thumping inside of him.

"We need to talk," Phil says, looking straight at Dan, his face void of emotion.

But God how Dan has missed his face. The sight of his crystal clear, bright blue eyes makes Dan want to cry. He wants to throw his arms around Phil, to just be in his arms again.

"I-okay," Dan stammers, standing back so Phil can walk inside before he shuts the door after him.

Dan follows Phil, sitting on the couch opposite him in the living room. They sit in silence [ someone must've stolen their radio ] before Dan coughs awkwardly, looking up at Phil.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Dan asks quietly, biting his lip nervously.

Phil looks back at Dan, his eyes so full of emotions it's impossible for Dan to decode just one from them. Phil sighs deeply, his eyes never looking away from Dan's once.

"I want to talk about us."

**************

an// what Dan has a bf now but PHILS BACK. What's Phil gonna say???

450 votes and 400 comments for the next chapter!

I can't believe the last chapter got over 600 votes omg thanks guys. I hope you're still liking the book! It'll only probs have a couple chapters left now.

#spon: I've recently posted my first ever teen fiction novel. It's called galaxies apart and I'm v excited to write it. it would mean a lot if you'd check it out ^_^

anyway hopefully next update will be within the week! I hate school already help. ^_^

p.s: I need new phan fics to read, any recommendations? I already asked on my message board but everyone recommended books on my reading list and someone recommended my own book. I appreciate the effort guys but I NEED SOMETHING GOOD TO READ.