// wow the last chapter. I'm not sure I can even believe this. It's been a ride which ISN'T OVER YET! there's still an epilogue so don't fear kids.

but seriously, thank you for reading this. Whether you've been here from the start or just started reading today, thank you! blurry face has basically made my account grow so much I can't even. I'm going to miss this book. //

four months later.

phil

Phil Lester is surviving, to say the least.

Every day, he gets up, goes to work or university, comes home, works or studies and then collapses into bed until the dawn of tomorrow.

However, it hasn't been that simple. When he rises every morning, his side still aches painfully. When he goes to university, he can't seem to concentrate. When he's walking to and from work, he's petrified every time he passes an alley. When he collapses into bed every night, his mind just won't leave him alone.

Phil Lester is being haunted by himself, by his memories, by the world. He's not really surviving, that's what everyone else does, that's what he used to do. Now he's battling his way through every day. His life is a war now, every sunrise signals the beginning of another battle.

Phil is struggling, which is probably an understatement. He's losing himself again, his anger is coming back, the frustration, annoyance, snappy nature...

He's just too overwhelmed with everything. It's not supposed to be this way. He's supposed to be with Dan, but Dan left him.

Dan left him.

After all they'd been through together, despite what they were to each other Dan just walked out, leaving behind nothing but a letter for Phil. Phil tried to understand Dan's reasons, but every time he read the letter again he became more distressed, more confused, more angry.

Phil sighs, running a hand through his black fringe. He hears the front door creak open and turns away, slumping back down into the chocolate coloured couch.

"Phil, you look miserable," Chris says, walking past his old friend and current flat mate, "but then again, you look like that every day."

"Thanks," Phil grumbles, folding his arms over his chest and pouting, resembling a child mid-tantrum, "you're a great friend."

"You know it," Chris says, poking his head back around the wall, "have you gone food shopping yet?"

"No," Phil says with a sigh, rolling his eyes, "it's your week."

"No! It clearly says that it's- fuck," Chris curses, walking back into the living room, "how do you feel about ordering pizza tonight?"

"Is it that hard to remember to buy some freaking food?" Phil asks, huffing in annoyance.

"Sorry frowny Phil," Chris says, "I forgot."

"Don't call me that," Phil grumbles.

"Well I can't really call you funny Phil or laughing Lester. You're not exactly cheerful are you?" Chris points out.

"Shut up and let me wallow in self pity, heartbreak and bad feelings," Phil says with a sigh.

"You know what Phil? No. I've had it. It's been four months. I get that you meant a lot to each other, and I'm not asking you to move on or forget him, I'm asking you to live your life!" Chris says, standing in front of Phil with a stern look, "you can't spend your life waiting for him, hoping for him. You don't have to forget him, just show yourself you can be happy without him."

Phil bites his lip, looking down, his mind processing Chris' words. Maybe he's right, maybe he should stop waiting for something to change, for Dan Howell to come back. He's god knows where right now.

He can't live in the past, he has to look forward. As Dan said in the letter, their days together were golden and definitely a high and significant point in Phil's life, but they have to move on.

Maybe they'll meet again, maybe they won't. Either way, Phil knows that part of him will always love Dan Howell.

So instead of dwelling on that, he'll embrace it, and live.

The next few mornings are different. Phil gets out of bed feeling revived; almost happy. He's looking forward to each day. He's not dwelling on what he's lost, but focusing on what he has got.

He finds that he's able to pay attention in class. There are moments still though when he feels haunted, scared and alone. But these last few days have been better for him.

He has had multiple above average days.

"You seem more cheerful now," Chris comments one night, seeing his friend lying on the lounge scrolling through tumblr.

"I think I am, you talk helped me," Phil admits, "thanks."

"You're welcome," Chris says, "anything for my cinnamon roll."

"Cinnamon roll?" Phil asks with a raised eyebrow.

"It's an Internet phrase," Chris replies with a laugh, "I'm glad you're feeling better though."

"Yeah, me too," Phil says, biting his lip thoughtfully, "I guess I just needed to hear that."

"Well whenever you need something told to you, just ask your good old buddy Chris," Chris says with a laugh.

"Okay then, Chris do I need a haircut?" Phil asks.

"Yes you look like there's a fucking dog on your head."

"Thanks man."

"Anytime," Chris says, walking away towards the kitchen.

Phil smiles as he faces his laptop screen again. He bites his lip as his mind wanders slightly. He finds his thoughts back on Dan, but this time he doesn't find sadness overwhelming his senses. He just feels a small tinge, but a sort of light feeling as well.

He misses Dan and knows a part of him always will. But now he can smile about the memories they once had, and hold on to the small hope that the world will bring them back together again;

Even if it's only one last time.

***

dan

Dan drops the last of the boxes on the floor in front of him.

He straightens his back, stretching before leaning back and surveying his new flat, looking around the box filled room.

"What do you think Dan?" Pj asks, "big enough for five of us?"

"I get the biggest room!" Dan says with a grin.

"TOO LATE!" Caspar yells from a room.

"Ugh well-" Dan starts.

"Next biggest!" Dodie yells followed by a slamming door.

"Next best!" Carrie yells.

"Argh!" Dan cries, running to the best of the two rooms remaining, "I carried all the boxes up!"

"Well that's because you're a boy," Dodie says, leaning on Dan's doorway, her face blurred but Dan knows she's probably giving her a smug look.

"So is Caspar but he was too busy running around like a hyperactive puppy!" Dan complains, "and Pj was bloody taking photos and vlogging the whole thing."

"My heart bleeds for you Daniel!" Carrie says dramatically, taking a place beside Dodie.

"Argh go away!" Dan grumbles, "and you can carry your own boxes from the living room to your bedrooms now."

"But-"

"Get those biceps working," Dan laughs, walking past them, "it'll be good for you."

Later that night, Dan has the main necessities unpacked in his room. He collapses onto his bed, tired and drained of energy.

He's happy now, moved into a flat with some new friends and some older ones. His blurry face is still there, but he's trying not to let it bother him as much now.

There are many times in the day where the sea of blurry faces makes Dan want to run back and find Phil. He wants to treasure the sight of his blue eyes and every other aspect of his face.

There are times when he thinks about Phil, both smiling and sad about the memories he thinks of them. He misses Phil, and wonders if he ever things of him as well.

Things are getting better for Dan, he hopes that things are getting better for Phil as well. He hopes that he'll see him again one day. His life has changed because of Phil.

He was a broken, lost boy with a condition which made him a freak and not even a slither of hope left. However, that's when he first saw Phil.

Phil showed him a face, and after warming up to him, Phil became Dan's first good friend, his first love and when Dan's own family was falling apart, he became his home.

Phil was what turned Dan's mind and emotions around, he changed Dan and gave him hope. He can't thank Phil enough for that. He knows that deep down he will always love Phil Lester; that will never change.

That night, Dan falls asleep with a smile on his face. That night, he sleeps well.

That night, he dreams of Phil Lester, completely unaware that miles away, Phil Lester is dreaming of him too.

**************

an// that's the last chapter done! I hope you enjoyed it!

DONT KILL ME YET THOUGH THERES STILL AN EPILOGUE COMING!!!!

only 234 votes and 123 comments for the epilogue! (I know it will be reached quickly because I hope to have it up in the next few days.)

also, quick thing about the comment goals: a few people were complaining about it. I just want to say, I put the goals so people know when to expect a new update, I put the goals to know that people still like the book, I never put the goals higher than what the last chapter reached, I aim to update weekly whether the goal is reached or not and I don't think it's much to ask people to leave a vote after I've spent so long writing this book.

And on that note, THANK YOU SO MUH FOR READING BLURRY FACE IT HAS MEANT TO MUCH TO ME !!!

the epilogue should be up in the next few days yay!

I hope you like the ending I have planned, and glass minds soon!!!

love you guys so much ^_^ (sorry I've been slack with replies as well, I've been busy)