[Oh Lira]

I've never been defiant in front of the committee. Not even when I made sure Park Yunhyeok would never be a problem anymore. But, this time, I'm more hesitant than ever. How Saeyi managed to turn tables is beyond me.

She must've made a miracle retrieving the previous content from my old burner account, which I had deleted. Even when I insisted I just shared most of the contents against her, she countered everything. Now, the focus is shifting on Jeong Byeonghee.

"Who told you about his past career as an idol?"

"His cousin, Jeong Chaeryeom," I answer. "But that's all she told me. I kind of expected her to share something more compromising about him."

"So, you admit to spreading that piece of information just to put Byeonghee in a difficult position?" I'm cornered. Denying will make Saeyi look stronger and might lead the committee to call others to testify, such as Sara or even Byeonghee himself.

However, admitting to it isn't much better. I'll be exposed and treated as someone insicure who needs a scapegoat to distract others from my own shortcomings. I know, I'm far from perfect. But this doesn't mean the committee gets to restore Byeonghee's or Saeyi's almost non existent honor.

"He was already acting suspiciously. My gut told me he had something to hide. I originally expected to take a lot longer to uncover his secret." I try to sound confident, but can't. I doubt anyone will take me seriously here. They'd rather believe Sara's yapping or Saeyi's lies.

"And what about the burner account you used to spread the allegations?"

"I deleted it."

"May I ask why?"

"Because I thought it was the right thing to do. I couldn't leave it be." The committee take the bait, believing my motives are genuine. Actually, I only deleted the account in fear of being caught. I don't mention that because my position will get worse otherwise.

"So, you thought that content would be lost forever the moment you deleted your account." The president sounds sharper than before, which isn't a good sign. I can no longer attack. I must defend myself.

"Honestly, I'm surprised. I didn't think anyone would be able to retrieve the content. It must've been the work of a hacker... or someone close to me betrayed me." I'm confused. Who would be bold enough to pull such a move? Nobody in my close circle is smart enough to backstab me.

This has to be the doing of Saeyi. Not directly. Rather, through the very few people who still trust her: Sara, Saehyeon or, especially, Byeonghee. He is the one who's causing me the most trouble in front of the committee.

Sweat beads my whole body, starting from my forehead and then spreading to the rest of my face and even my arms. I hate sweating. I feel dirty. The first thing I'll do when I'm out of here is taking a shower, then a long nap. Well, if I manage to come out this den alive.

"Oh Lira, what happened is really serious. Park Saeyi has countered your accusations, and so has Jeong Byeonghee. It turns out, however, that those two aren't the only ones you targeted. Why so?" At this point, I can't escape fate. I must answer honestly, without shortcuts.

"My sixth sense suggested I keep an eye on them. They displayed questionable behavior at best under multiple circumstances and got away with it." I open up about my suspicions for the first time, hoping they'll understand. However, all I receive in return is a string of disapproving frowns.

"So, you think that one is a bully just because they give you 'bad vibes?' That's not good reasoning, I'm afraid." The vicepresident's words hurt more the sharpest blade. It's like neither she nor anyone else wants to understand my struggles. Everyone's ready to dismiss me, to judge me, to make me pass off as a lunatic.

I burst into tears. "Yes, I did what I did. I can't hide anymore. I rode after a rumor on Saeyi and amplified it out of spite." The more stuff I confess, the more I realize I have nothing more to lose. "I contacted Byeonghee's cousin to learn about his parallel life as an idol."

The president interrupts me. "Do you regret what you did?"

I don't answer his question directly, but continue my subject. "And, yes, I lied about the late Yunhyeok. We had a date but it went badly wrong. It was my fault, not his. Now, if you want to expel me, please do. It's only fair if I get punished."

One member of the committee points out. "We haven't decided the course of action yet, Oh. It's us who deliberate on what punishment is appropriate, not you. Be patient."

I insist. "I can't stay here, knowing everyone will rightfully turn against me. I'll leave. I'm ready to leave this school now if you tell me."

The committee's point stands as they dismiss me. "For now, you can return to your activities. We'll announce the final decision when it's appropriate. Off you go," says the president, and it's final. I obey and leave the premises.

I won't let Saeyi, Sara, Byeonghee and their little crew have the last laugh, though. If I have to abandon this school, I'll do so on my own terms.

***

While my former schoolmates are busy with the dreaded Suneung, I don't think about it. Since I was summoned by the school committee to answer questions about what I had accused Saeyi of, I've completely left school. The backlash derived from my confession isn't the reason why, though.

My family are deep into legal trouble. Actually, they have been for years, but they hid everything from me. Aunt has been forced to shut down her bar after allegations of unpaid debts and fraudulent bankruptcy emerged. Dad was indicted on multiple real estate scam counts and tax evasion.

Anyway, the latter is a charge common to most members of my family. This is the lowest blow I've had to take so far. Since staying in Seoul has increasingly become more dangerous for them, I have to follow them on the run and leave the city.

Mom suggest I completely wipe out my social network presence before I delete my accounts, which I do in order not to have a repeat of what happened with the burner. I can't hold a grudge on anyone but myself over how things evolved.

I can tell myself I should've been more careful, but would this have been enough to ensure I'd get away with what I did? Well, to be fair, the correct answer is no. It would've come to bite me later on in my life, and it would've been worse.

I don't even care whether Saeyi & Co will claim they have avenged Yunhyeok's death. He didn't pass away directly because of me. He was ill. I could pray they don't spread the toxic narrative that he fell sick because of me, but at this point I don't care.

My reputation is tarnished. My life is ruined. Does living even make sense to me? Has it ever, by the way? What is life? Too many question, no answer in sight. What's worse is that there's no hope for the future either.

If I have to be doomed forever, then either I have to accept this dreadful condition, knowing there's barely anything I can do to improve it, or take extreme measures.