Of all the shit I had seen in my life, I could safely say that the Rumbling was the most terrifying of them all, and by a long shot. One Colossal Titan had been a big enough issue for us. For there to be thousands of them? It was something I could do without. I could hardly find it in myself to be grateful that I wasn't one of their targets.

It was as loud as it was terrifying, or incredibly more so, but unfortunately the released brutes were slow and heavy, and it would take a while for them to clear out completely. The thing was, once they did clear out, it would only mean that they were that much closer to flattening entire continents under their feet.

This was exactly what I didn't want to happen. This was what we'd fought to prevent - those of us that weren't Yeagerists, that is. I'd never really thought that I'd fight against my homeland, but I couldn't sit idly by while the entire rest of the world was crushed by our hand. Only... I hadn't sat idly by, but here I sat, watching the result of our failure.

I adored my homeland, but I thought that we might've been able to reach a compromise with the world. It'd be hard, but... Was it really that naïve, thinking that we could all come to a compromise, one where this didn't have to happen?

I knew that the world couldn't easily forgive what our ancestors did but how long would they really maintain that grudge? Did the sins of my ancestors really bleed into my own? I had enough weighing down on my conscience as it was, I didn't need more - especially if it was shit I hadn't done personally.

If we'd only gone along with the plan and put out a warning, a small slice of the Rumbling, harming only enough to prove a point, that would be one thing. For Eren and Zeke to do this... This was the worst outcome that could have happened today. By a long shot.

...But it was over. It was done. The Rumbling had begun. Everyone that didn't share our blood would die under the feet of Paradis' Titans. It was out of our hands now.

Only... no, it wasn't. Could we still stop Eren? If we could stop it, and bring Eren, Zeke, and the Yeagerists to justice... would that be enough? Theoretically, if we could stop it, that would serve as an effective warning, right? The people would know the power of the titans but would they leave us alone?

No, probably not. No matter what we did now, we Paradisians were not out of the clear. I doubted we ever would be. No matter what we did here, whether we stayed put or went to war, the world was always going to retaliate. It was always going to fight us.

Was Eren thinking he was just taking care of things before they could get that far? That was a terrifying thought, to take the world's fate onto your own shoulders, and to think that he felt he had to.

Either way... I'd dreamed that one day, Emi could see the world. More of it, more than just this island and Marley. She couldn't do that unless there was a world left to be seen.

This is all so wrong. All of it. I don't even know what's right anymore. All I know is that this isn't over yet. Far from it. Even if Eren completes the Rumbling and everyone beyond our shores dies, we'll have a hell of a lot to do. Cleaning up here, serving justice, rebuilding the military, reinstating the monarchy, everything.

And then there's what will happen if Eren doesn't complete the Rumbling. We'll have to face what he's done. The world will bring us to justice. They'll finish the job Marley started and take care of us, once and for all.

Goodness, my head is spinning just thinking of it all.

My entire body could feel the impact of tens of thousands of feet passing by. There was a constant tremor running through the city, the entire island. With my body resting on this rooftop, I could feel the impacts of each footfall, resounding through my body and ringing through my ears. It was deafening, the pounding seemingly echoing inside my head. It was an awful cacophony of noise, especially as the fallen stone of the walls resettled.

The scent of blood and gunpowder was soon overpowered by the smell of cold stone, and the foggy haze coating the city was weighed down by dust. A wave of the dust rolled across the district, blown by the force of the walls falling. Echoes of the resettling stone rang out across the city, distracting me only momentarily from the footsteps.

If anything, I could find solace in that I was safe, for now. I couldn't imagine that the Marleyan forces left on Paradis would be desperate to fight us, not with the threat of a million Colossal Titans heading towards their homeland.

If anything, I hoped that they would retreat, maybe give me a damn break.

I had little time to rest, though, because there was – go figure – another flash of light.

What now?

Only, this flash of light was blinding. So blinding, in fact, that I thought that maybe I'd really gone blind, with the way that I couldn't see anything for quite a few seconds. I began to panic; I was on a rooftop, and suddenly went blind. How the hell was I supposed to defend myself?

Was I dead? I was dead, wasn't I? No, wait. Nothing had killed me. I just, you know, lost my vision. Which was... definitely not normal. Maybe I was dead.

Just one thing after another, today.

With a blink, I found myself crouched on the ground of what looked like a flat plain, perhaps a desert. Shocked, I almost cried out, but I held my tongue. I didn't know where I was. It was probably for the best to keep quiet. There were so few details in this new place I'd found myself, it was hard to make anything out.

Ok, so I'm not blind. But my eyesight doesn't exactly help me now, now does it?

I couldn't quite focus on anything as I stood up and looked around. No one else was here. So where in the hell was I?

As I stood, I realized that I felt sort of... light. Weightless. Like I wasn't all there.

As if this body wasn't my own, or like I was moving through water.

Only, this was certainly my body, because I could feel each cell in my body working to keep me alive. I could hear my heart beating, feel the blood rushing through my veins. I was acutely aware of every part of my body separately, though I could acknowledge that they were one cohesive unit, making up myself.

And I definitely wasn't underwater. I for sure wasn't underwater. I was breathing, the air here fresh and clean and yet not there at all. And I was perfectly dry, so it couldn't have been that.

I felt almost like I was supposed to be here, like I belonged here. But there was a nagging sort of feeling too, like I was here too early, but at the same time, I was too late in my arrival.

It was as though I was some ethereal being in a realm that belonged to me; there were no rules, no restrictions, yet there was a defined right and a defined wrong. I could see everything, but nothing at all, and this was both not enough and too much.

All previous aches and exhaustion in my body were gone, all tension from my muscles lifted away. I wasn't tired anymore. I wasn't hurting. I was just... existing.

I looked up. The sky looked gorgeous. It reminded me of a beautiful midsummer night, nothing but inky darkness swirling around up there with stars twinkling in indiscriminate patterns. Turning around myself some more, my eyes drifted towards a huge flume of light stretching from the horizon up into the sky, tendrils of light reaching out through the sky like branches.

It was beautiful. It was beckoning to me, asking me to come closer. Some small part of my mind told me to stay put. The thin string wrapped around my heart connecting me to that light went slack and I looked away from it, at the endless landscape around me.

Was this what I'd see when I die? At least it was a nice view. And the land certainly looked endless. Was it just desolate plain, or was there something else out there, whatever this was? I wanted to find out, to go explore, but once again, that small part of my mind spoke up, urging me to stay where I was.

"Hear me," Eren's voice boomed, "all Subjects of Ymir."

A moment of silence passed as Eren's voice faded to echoes, and with a blink I was back on that rooftop in Shiganshina. I fell over, now back on a slanted roof when back there I was on a flat dune.

"Ow, fuck," I hissed, landing harshly on my side.

My instincts taking over, knowing it wouldn't do me well to stay in a vulnerable position, I got my feet underneath me and got into a crouch, looking around for danger. Only... what danger was I expecting? I blinked again, and looked around.

Where the hell was Eren, and why did I hear him so clearly? What the hell was that place? A troop of Marleyan soldiers ran along the street far below. They were retreating. But it'd only been a few seconds... why hadn't I seen them there, if they were so close?

Now back in Shiganshina, I suddenly felt heavier than normal. Where once being so aware of each cell in my body was something comforting and refreshing, now it was replaced by disdain as my body was suddenly weighed down by pain and exhaustion once more.

Just a moment ago I hadn't felt enough, and I was sure of nothing; now, I was feeling too much, and I was sure that I was in a lot of fucking pain.

"My name is Eren Yeager. I now speak to all the Subjects of Ymir by way of the Founding Titan's power."

I was back in that pretty landscape suddenly, and I looked around for Eren. But his voice seemed to be coming from everywhere. It was just in my head, so I couldn't figure out where he was. And where the hell even was this? What was this? I knew for a fact that there were other soldiers around, so why couldn't I see them now?

Wait... Subjects of Ymir. He was only speaking to us? Was time still moving out there? If one of those soldiers decided to shoot and kill me, would I feel it? Or would I only find out when Eren sent us back to-

"Every wall on the island of Paradis has been unhardened. All of the titans buried within them have begun to walk. My goal... is to protect the people of Paradis, who bore me and raised me."

As my eyes focused and the voice in my head became less jarring, I could begin to make out figures in the distance. I didn't dare take a step towards them, though. Back in... the real world, I guess, I was on a roof. If I walked here, and we got sent back, would I get caught in a wall or something? Maybe stuck in a table?

I didn't want to risk it. I just felt better knowing that others were here. I absentmindedly rubbed a hand against my hip, at the spot where my hip bone had hit the roof when I fell and where a bruise would surely begin to form. The only thing was, I didn't feel any pain again.

"But the world desires the extinction of the people of Paradis. Over countless years, their hatred has grown beyond this island. They surely will not stop until they have killed every one of the Subjects of Ymir. I reject their desire. The titans of the Walls will trample and rumble all the lands beyond this island. Until the lives there... are eliminated from this world."

And then... quiet. I found myself back on that rooftop, the pain of my bruising hip suddenly almost overbearing, begging all my senses to focus on it. What Eren had said was pretty damn final. So, that was that. He was going to destroy the whole world, except for this island. I took a moment to myself so I could gather my bearings.

Down below, another squadron of Marleyan soldiers ran by in a cluster, yelling to each other about maybe finding one of the zeppelins that had survived the onslaught. I didn't think that they'd find one, but they were leaving me alone for now, for which I was grateful, and so I decided not to bother them.

For now, though, I needed to find my squad. I wanted nothing more than to rest, but the kids had been closer to the giant explosion as the Founding Titan had formed, so I wanted to make sure that they were okay, first.

With a grunt, I heaved myself to my feet. I grabbed the controller grips, took a deep, steadying breath, then jumped from the roof. My gear work was sloppy now, and I wasn't going nearly as quickly as I normally could, but I cut myself some slack. It'd been a long day.

My body seemed heavier than normal. Whether this was a result of being in that dreamscape for a time, wherever or whatever it was, and being tossed back here suddenly and so I just felt heavier, or if it was just because of how exhausted I was, I wasn't sure, but all I wanted to do was sit down.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't worry about myself, not until I knew the kids were safe. All of them - Eren included. Oh, and poor Mikasa...

Dammit, focus. My mind was hazy and my thoughts muddled but I at least had a direction in mind. Having a goal allowed my body to just take over, though it protested each movement. Between the Marleyan soldiers and the titans, there was a lot of blood on my hands and soaked in my clothes.

Some of it had dried, staining the new clothes that Reyes had only just got me, but it wasn't the blood of my comrades, so I didn't dare complain. This all only served as proof that I'd fought, and I'd fought hard. I'd protected some of my comrades, and let some of the unlucky few who'd turned into titans lay to rest.

I couldn't even really feel my body right now, other than the heaviness. I was aching and sore, but that was all I could feel, and I wasn't even sure if I was injured or not. I'd been shot at, that was for sure, but as to whether I'd actually gotten hit, I had no clue. But I was still alive, so I could press on. As I swung from building to building, I noticed that I was once again flanked by Titans. They were stuffing their mouths with Marleyan soldiers, the unlucky ones left on the ground.

"Fuck me," I groaned. "Why are there so many, always? Never just one or two, always a thousand of the damn things." A frown tugged at my lips as I took the sight of all of them in. "I thought I was done fighting Titans. I really did. Levi and I, we..."

We had killed what we thought were the last of them. And here were our comrades, torn from their lives. Of all the ironies, of all the tragedies, of all the books ever written on suffering and warfare, never had I read anything as gut-wrenching, as terrifying, as sickening as this.

Looking ahead, I could see scouts gathered up on a rooftop up ahead, but from here I had no idea if they were Yeagerist or not. Regardless, my job was killing Titans. It always had been, and so it would remain. Apparently.

It was at least something that I was good at. If the whole world was getting flattened, I could at least do what I could to save the unlucky souls trapped here on this island, because they were only following orders. They shouldn't die here, not if they didn't have to. Though maybe it'd be doing them a mercy, letting them die here. It'd be easier than coming to terms with their entire homelands being flattened.

No, I had to save them.

God damn my bleeding heart.

It would be the death of me, it would.

Ignoring my heavy limbs, I continued to fight, once again killing titan after titan. I saved who I could, but the looks I got from the Marleyan soldiers who saw me showed that they still distrusted me, but I couldn't really blame them for that. I probably wouldn't trust me, either.

I fought on, slicing through the napes of countless titans. And once again I had to pilfer blades and gas from the Scouts who had gear but didn't make it. The Scouts had always known death, and known it well. This was the first time I'd needed to defile their bodies like this, though. Instead of honoring them, I looted them. It was disgusting. But I had to do what I needed to, to make it through this.

Guess I really wouldn't get a break, today. I followed the line of titans as they neared the large fort in the center of town, where the weaponless scouts had gathered – Yeagerists, mostly, and cowards at that.

Funny, really, that the Yeagerists hadn't been counting on everything going like this. Zeke's titans weren't just fighting Marleyans, but Scouts, too, and they'd been chased inside. It was too damn bad that they now had to be saved by us, the real scouts.

I fought the urge to scoff as I landed on another roof after killing another Titan; I nearly stumbled over my own feet but I huffed, sending out a grapple so I wouldn't have to rely on my feet anymore.

Real scouts. That's what we were - that's what I was.

To think, we used to be criticized for not even being real soldiers. We were a waste of money and resources. We were ridiculed. We suffered the most losses yet continued to fight on for humanity. We suffered abuse at the hands of our comrades from other regiments. We were looked down upon.

But then we rose up. We found the truth. We fought for it. We saved humanity, our small piece of it, over and over again. We sacrificed everything we had for the good of us all. We fought on, without thanks and without help. We rose up and eventually restored our image, the trust of the citizens, and the respect from other regiments.

And now... the good image we had restored for ourselves was ruined. Again. By jackasses like Floch.

My fighting led me back towards the fortress. The Titans were absolutely swarming the fort, where several of the Yeagerists had fled to. Hadn't these kids remembered that Titans would be drawn to places with a higher density of people inside?

Dumbasses. I know Shadis would have taught them that. That's what happened, I guess, when kids thought that they knew more than the seasoned vets.

Thankfully, I wasn't alone. I could distinctly make out the shapes of my young scouts fighting the Titans, and I was happy to know that, for one thing, they were safe; and secondly, if I fell here, someone would be around to see it.

That was a dark line of thinking. Ah, well.

I jumped into the fray, realizing very quickly that the kids were purposely drawing the titans towards the fortress. Or, at least, they were taking advantage of the idiots hiding inside to draw them in, so they could prepare Thunderspears.

I started to get myself out of the way, my landing on a nearby roof rather rough as I fell to my ass before twisting around to watch the carnage. Another wave of titans was rushing after a few soldiers, headed by Commandant Shadis, and I cursed once I realized that I had to get out of the way or risk getting grabbed. I heaved myself up again, and dropped off the roof.

My grapple only caught when I was feet above the ground and I propelled myself upwards, and I fell into line along the soldiers leading the titans. My technique was off, or perhaps it was my exhaustion making itself known, because my next grapple - aimed at the corner of a home only a few meters away from me - missed.

I fell to the ground, rolling several years only to roll to an unceremonious stop on my stomach. I didn't feel hurt - well, yes I did. I got to my elbows, then chanced a glance behind me. The titans were running like madmen, several sets of eyes landing on me.

This wasn't exactly the best place to fall, was it?

A strong hand gripped the back of my shirt and heaved me up. I somehow managed to get my feet under me as I glanced up to meet Shadis' eyes intense and serious, though ultimately concerned.

"Get up," he barked out. "Don't you dare fall here! Get your ass moving!"

"Yes, sir," I said, starting to stand but faltered, my aching limbs beginning to protest in earnest.

"Ackerman," he barked out, and for a moment it felt strange to be referred to like that, but warming too, for it was my last name. It just felt strange to hear it from him, he who had always referred to me as Ikeda because when we knew each other, that's who I was. "You've never disobeyed an order of mine before. Are you going to start now?"

"No, sir," I muttered as we started to run along the road, only enough to gain momentum to leap into the air.

This time, I was more careful about what I was doing, mostly because I was so aware of the commandant's eyes on me. He'd been my commander, way back when. It was tough to not follow his orders, no matter how little he liked us in the beginning.

Finally, I landed against the side of the tall tower of the fort that the other soldiers were gathering atop. My grapples attached to the top, but I had come to hang a lot lower. Goodness, I really did not want to move more today. But I couldn't stay here. I started to climb up, walking up the side of the tower where the kids had gone after the first bombardment.

"Captain Amaya," Armin greeted, peeking over the side of the tower to look down at me. As soon as we locked eyes, he blanched, and his eyes widened with concern. "Captain! You're hurt!"

Several soldiers leaned over to look at me, but my focus went to Jean as he leaned forward, looking a bit panicked. Offering quiet excuse me's to the scouts he squeezed between, he knelt on the edge and reached for me. I continued to climb, and each movement was agonizing and painstaking.

Still, when I reached the top I reached for him, taking his extended hand as soon as I was close enough. Jean grabbed my hand in a much stronger grip than I was able to manage, and with relative ease he pulled me up. Immediately, he pulled me well enough away from the edge so I wouldn't fall off, and he guided me to slump against him even as he remained in a crouch.

"Captain," he said gently, "you're bleeding."

"Am I," I murmured, focusing on myself for a moment and at last - yes, there it was. Pain. "Yeah. I'm feeling it now."

A sudden wave of dizziness took over and I swayed, only for Jean to grab my arm and pull me back against him. I dropped my forehead into my hand, squeezing my eyes shut to wait out the wave. When I could feel myself steady, I opened my eyes and lifted my head. My hand came away covered in blood, warm and sticky, and I winched, going to wipe it against my leg.

"Captain, what happened to you?"

"A lot," I answered. "But I'm ok."

"You're not," he protested. "You need help."

The other soldiers were readying their Thunderspears. "Not right now."

"Where were you?" He prodded, readying his own, and I, foolishly, started to get up. I had only just gotten my feet beneath me to prepare to stand, in order to prepare to help somehow, only for him to set his hand on my shoulder and with only the slightest bit of applied pressure, I fell back onto my ass.

"Ah," I said, thinking about it as I got over the humiliation of being so weak in this moment, "I'm not sure exactly. I was all over the place. I started here, went around killing the Marleyan soldiers so that you guys could focus on Eren and Zeke, but... then the Titans appeared, and I fought them, too. A-And then the Rumbling happened, so I came here."

"You're covered in blood," Jean said worriedly. "Not just your head."

"I don't remember feeling any pain," I told him. "So if I'm injured, it probably isn't anything major. I'm-"

"Don't tell me that you're fine," he huffed. An order was called out, for those with Thunderspears to get going. "Sit down and stay out of trouble, will you? I'll help you in a minute. Just stay here."

With the other scouts, he leapt from the tower, sending down a flurry of Thunderspears. I could hear something or other about Pixis, but I couldn't quite pay attention to anything other than the line of Titans still walking the lines of the now broken walls as they followed Eren. My vision blurred in and out, not making it easy to watch them, but even so I could tell exactly what it was that I was looking at.

It really was terrifying. My mind couldn't really comprehend the fact that it was even happening, but it was. The world-flattening was really happening. Our enemies would die. Some rogue part of my brain realized that if that was true, maybe I really would be done fighting.

...But the other side argued that I'd never be able to sit still. I couldn't accept genocide like this. It wasn't right. And hadn't I always vowed to fight for what I believed in? I'd done it so far; why would I stop now? Because I was tired?

Not tired, actually - I'm exhausted, one side argued.

So is everyone else, the other side protested.

I've done enough. I can run away with Emi and Levi.

Levi might be dead. I can't run away now, knowing the man who might've killed my husband is still out there. I might die today. I'm certainly close enough. Can't I rest?

Emi can never see the world if there isn't a world to see. I'll never know the truth about Levi if I don't go find out. I fight to protect those that cannot. I try to help those who need it. I'd be a hypocrite if I gave up now. Eren is still out there. Maybe he can still be saved, if there's any of him left.

Arguing with myself. Goodness, I really was out of it.

Before I knew it, Jean was back, attempting to help me stand up again before realizing that I wasn't paying attention to a damn thing that he was saying.

"Captain? Captain? A-Amaya, are you with me? Talk to me! Stay with me, captain!" A hand waved in front of my vision and I was forced to refocus, blinking a few times before looking up at him.

"Jean," I said, momentarily surprised to see him there. "Sorry. Zoned out looking at... that." I looked back at the Titans, and he turned his head to look too.

He sighed. "We're safe for now. Here, let me help you." He helped me down from the tower, and we sat just inside one of the rooms where the large window and most of the wall was completely broken.

When we were sitting down next to each other, looking out at the carnage of Shiganshina's latest battle, we were joined by a few other soldiers, as well as Yelena and Onyankopon. Far in the distance we could see the Colossal Titans still walking away, southward, following Eren.

Jean asked for a rag and some water, and it was soon brought to us. Though he was looking tired too, he waved off my command to worry about himself first. I didn't have the energy to argue further, so I allowed him to roll my sleeves up and check them for cuts.

There weren't any, but blood from slaying Titans and soldiers alike had stained my sleeves and coated my arms. While the blood from the Titans had evaporated, that of the soldiers had not. That was only a small consolation, knowing that I didn't have the blood of my friends and comrades on me.

Of my body, my arms had been the most blood-stained, which is why he'd checked it first. He got to his knees then, his fingers sifting through my hair to see if the dried blood lining my face was my own or someone else's.

"You gotta be more careful," he said. "How the hell am I supposed to explain it to Captain Levi if you got hurt? He'd kill me. Besides the fact he'd say I should have fought alongside you in his place, of course." He found the injury then, the pad of his thumb running over it lightly. It stung slightly, making me wince, but it was definitely far from the worst injury I'd ever gotten. "It's clotted already. I'll clean it."

He wet the rag, cleaning it gently before using alcohol to ensure it wouldn't get infected. It was a thin cut, but deep, and I wasn't entirely sure where I'd gotten it, or even when. "That shit always hurts," I hissed, and somehow that got a smile out of him. It was brief but managed to lift some of the tension from my own shoulders.

"Don't get hurt, then," he advised. He sat back on his heels, beginning to wipe the rest of my face clean from the blood. He dragged the towel across my forehead with a gentle touch, and I looked into his eyes to see only worry and exhaustion in them. Noticing my gaze, he glanced at me. "You pushed yourself too far, captain. You're shaking."

"I'll rest once you kids are checked for injuries," I said, looking down and noticing that there was a slight tremor in my arms and legs from overuse. They shook rhythmically, every few seconds. It was involuntary, but it didn't hurt, though I could definitely feel that the adrenaline was wearing off with the way that I began to feel worse and worse.

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "You should rest as soon as I'm done here." He began bandaging my head, my hair sticking out rather indiscriminately around it.

"I won't be able to rest for a while," I admitted.

"You should try, at least."

"I don't need sleep right now," I pressed as he secured the bandage. He noticed a new injury then, a nick in my ear; probably from when a bullet just whizzed by my left ear. He pressed his finger to it, getting a slight hiss of pain from me. "Just - ow, watch it."

"Sorry," he said, though he didn't sound too sorry. "For someone who is 'fine', you've got a lot of injuries."

"I told you, I didn't feel anything," I said. "I just... kept going."

As he dabbed the injury on my ear gently with the rag, he glanced down at me. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. I didn't feel any pain. I just kept fighting. Any soldier that aimed at me, I went after. Every Titan that came close, I killed."

This time, my words rendered him silent. His movements slowed as he considered what I'd said. He took a minute, but finally he spoke. "Captain, that's-"

"Reckless? Yeah, I know." I looked away. "But seeing Zeke, and not Levi, I... I guess I stopped caring about what happened to me. Does that make sense? I kept fighting, but I didn't worry about whether I was getting hurt or if I got killed." The weight of my recklessness settled on my shoulders. "I-I'm not proud of it. I was just so upset, just thinking that... that he..."

"Levi wouldn't let himself fall," Jean said, lowering his hand now that my injury was clean. "You know that. Not because of Zeke. Not when he has you and Emi to go home to. The entire world wouldn't be able to stop him from getting to you two." I didn't even have it in me to reply. If I had the energy to, I would've cried, but I just didn't have the energy to spare. Jean seemed to pick up on that, and wanted to distract me. "You don't want to sleep right now," he said quietly. "So what do you want, then?"

"Just to sit for a while."

"Here?"

"Here," I confirmed, focusing once more on the Colossal Titans that came in a constant line - one that seemed to have no end.

Jean followed my gaze, and was quiet for a moment. "I'll sit with you, then," he offered gently. "If you like."

"I would," I said, somehow managing the energy and strength to smile up at him. "I'd like that."

He helped me settle closer to the opening of the building and there we sat, watching the smoke billow past and the steady line of Titans continue towards the horizon. There were so damn many of them. And their footsteps were still so loud, even from here. It was a near-constant boom, for the moments in which there was not a single footstep slammed down was few and far between, rare as they were. There were just so many.

Before, I was confused at the fact that these Titans could trample the world - surely there'd be some way to evade their steps, no? But there wasn't - I could tell from here that their steps fell perfectly so, so that hardly a single square inch was spared of our land. Of our land - soon, they would reach other nations and topple them just by walking.

And dammit, the heat... it could reach us even here, and I could see the waves of heat rolling off their bodies.

I sighed. It'd been a long day.

"I'm glad you're ok," Jean said quietly. "When Armin called to you, saying you were hurt, I got scared. And seeing you covered in blood..."

"I didn't mean to worry you, but a few Titans wouldn't kill me," I said, as if that would reassure him. "I've gone through worse."

"You say that," he murmured, "but this was pretty damn bad." He looked over at me. "Why were you even on your own?"

"The Marleyan soldiers that landed near me were heading further into the city," I explained. "There were still citizens evacuating. I had to protect them."

"Ok," he said, "sure. But why didn't you come get one of us?"

I was rendered silent by his question. When I did speak, it was quiet, but honest. "I don't know."

"We were worried," he told me. "No one knew where you'd gone off to. And you come back hurt. What happened?"

"I really don't know," I answered him. I drew my knees in towards my chest, wrapping my arms around them. "It could've happened when I was fighting the soldiers. They were shooting at me, after all. Or maybe when I was fighting the Titans. As I said, I couldn't really feel anything. And there was a..."

"A...?"

"I don't know how to describe it," I admitted. "Not really. It was like... all at once, I knew what to do, where to go, how to do it... I felt stronger and faster, and... Like I wasn't myself."

"You are strong and fast," Jean protested.

"No," I argued gently. "This was different."

Jean contemplated what I said, then his eyes widened. "The first part, you said... you knew what to do?"

"Yes," I answered. "Something awakened inside, like something else took control. I don't know what it was. It felt foreign, but... familiar, somehow."

"None of that makes sense," Jean said, "but Mikasa and Captain Levi, they... they said something like that before, right?"

"Did they...? When?"

"I wasn't in the carriage," he said, "but I heard it all. When we were going to the Reiss Chapel."

Oh.

Oh.

"But, no," I said. "Mikasa and Levi, they're Ackermans. I'm not... If it was an awakening of some kind, like they said, then how...?"

Jean thought it over, just a bit more, then shrugged. "I don't know. But... just don't do that to me again."

"What are you, my mother?" I asked with a chuckle. A flush creeped up his neck. "I'm only teasing." I would've teased him more, but there was really no need to. We were quiet then, and were left in peace for a few minutes as we just gazed out over the city.

Onyankopon came closer, gazing out over Shiganshina as well. "The flames have settled," Jean spoke up. "The Marleyan soldiers are nearly wiped out. And the Pure Titans are all gone. This place is safe for now."

"I see," Onyankopon said. "Do you think you could tell us about this daydream, then? What... is Eren trying to do now?"

Jean shook his head. "Exactly what it looks like."

"I see," Onyankopon said again. "Is my homeland doomed as well?" I didn't answer him. Jean didn't, either. He knew what the answer was already. "You're looking... tired, Captain."

"You could just tell me that I look like shit," I joked. When his eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed like a fish, I chuckled. "I'm joking. I feel better than I probably look," I said, but he looked unconvinced. "At any rate, don't worry about me. I'm sorry we couldn't stop them, Onyankopon."

"There was nothing more for us to do," he sighed. "And you look like you've been fighting for a week straight." I directed my eyes back over the district. "It would make me feel better if you rested, captain. That goes for all of us."

"I'm sure it would," I said. "But not me."

"Things are safe now, relatively," Jean said quietly. He looked me in the eyes then, genuine concern etched in them. "How many did you... kill?"

"Titans or soldiers?"

The nonchalance of the question as I said it surprised them both. "Total."

"I don't know. Far too many to count," I shrugged. I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my fists, hoping it would ease the throbbing of my arms. "Entire houses lined with soldiers, entire hordes of Titans. I don't know how many. I wasn't really paying attention."

"There were hundreds of Titans," Jean muttered in disbelief. "Damn near the entire brass... And we gathered only half of what we left here to the fort. The only ones left to clean up were smaller class Titans that got crushed under rubble."

"Mm," I hummed, only half-listening to him as I watched the sun neared the horizon.

This would be everyone's first real sunset within the walls. The view had always been blocked before, shadows rushing into the districts as soon as the sun fell below them, but now, everyone would get to experience a real, true sunset - a privilege that once, I had not had, but with the scouts, I had seen them gloriously unfiltered and true beyond the walls.

I didn't look, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Jean look up at Onyankopon, the look returned. The next thing we knew, there were several sets of hurried feet coming up the stairs into the room. I didn't bother to turn around.

"Floch!" One of the other soldiers already in the room cried. "Are you okay?"

"Looks like while I was busy trying not to die when the walls came down," Floch said, "you were leading the Titan hunt, Jean. Oh, and our dear Captain Amaya, too. I'm sure you had no problem killing our comrades-turned-Titans, did you?"

I turned my head only to send him a glare that I'd learned from my husband. "You do realize that my job for years was to kill titans, correct? It doesn't matter whose face they have."

"You-"

"So, you're alive," Jean interjected, not sounding entirely too happy about it.

"Yep," Floch replied with a faux sense of ease, ignoring me for now. "Thanks for the concern. You know I can't afford to die, though. Not during the moment of the Eldian Empire's return." I watched as Floch approached Yelena, gun in hand. My brows pinched together. The hell was he playing at? "Yelena. Gather the volunteers. We're restraining you all."

He pointed the gun at her head, poking the end of the barrel into her hair. She didn't even look up. She didn't fight back, or talk, or even so much as defend herself in any capacity. Had she resolved herself to her fate, then? Pathetic. She'd fought this hard, why stop now?

Jean stood up. "What...?"

"Would you give it a rest, Floch?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at the kid. "Everyone's exhausted right now. I've got the worst migraine, and you're not making it any better. You're only allowed to be in here if you're quiet."

Floch turned to face me, lowering the gun as his goons got to work restraining Yelena forcefully, despite the fact she still was refusing to fight back. "Awfully bold of you to speak out, Captain," he spat. "We should be putting you behind bars as well. You hid away instead of showing yourself to get banded."

"Sorry, I didn't feel like being labeled," I said. At that, Floch glanced at two of the other Yeagerists up there with us, who got his silent cue and took steps towards me. I watched them closely, knowing what their intentions were. Before they could reach me though, Onyankopon stepped between us.

"Hold on, now..."

The two Yeagerists turned to Onyankopon, and started to tell him not to butt in, surely - only to fall silent when Floch brushed past them both. When he was standing just before me, he lifted his gun, pointing it right between my eyes.

The hair on the back of my neck did not rise. My inner voice did not tell me to run.

My instincts knew for certain that I was in no danger.

"Stand up," Floch said. I looked past the gun and at him, and to emphasize his point, he pressed the barrel to my forehead.

I still did not react. I only looked into his eyes, into those coppery tones that had the intent to kill - if not for the fear in his eyes.

He would not shoot.

Jean didn't seem to know that, though.

"Don't touch her," Jean shouted, stepping closer to me. "She managed to kill battalions of Marleyan soldiers as well as most of the Titans that we didn't lead here- that's dozens. She's still your captain, Floch. Put the gun down." His tone was venomous as he spoke.

I looked up at him in awe, surprised that he'd risk getting himself detained just to be able to defend me. I was moved, truly. Floch's eyes were dangerously cold as he regarded Jean, then they flickered down to me.

"The chain of command has fallen," Floch said. "Her seniority means nothing."

"Last I checked," I said, pushing the gun from my head and sitting up straight, "your ass and those of your little followers had to be saved today by Commandant Shadis. But didn't you have him beaten the other day? Get your head out of your ass, kid. Leave us alone."

"Tch-!" With an irritated huff, he turned on his heel and took a few steps towards the stairs, finally doing what I asked and leaving us alone.

"What an awful day," I breathed out.

Jean crouched down, nudging me with his elbow. "Come on, Amaya," he said gently. "You need rest."

"Yeah," I agreed, accepting it when he held a hand towards me.

I let him help me up, dropping his hand only for him to hold his arm out for me to take. I'd have told him that I was more than able to walk on my own when I suddenly felt the effects of the fighting today. The adrenaline had worn off and my mind had calmed down, and suddenly, it felt like I'd smashed into a brick wall over and over for hours. Maybe I had. It'd all been a blur anyway.

So, I took his arm. "Take me to see the others, first," I requested. "I want to see if they're all alright."

"Ok," he breathed out. "We'll go see them."

And so, he led me to see the other kids. And they were ok, thankfully. I went to each one in turn, giving them a hug and thanking them for getting out of today ok. Satisfied, I allowed Jean to take my arm again, and we made our way to one of the general barracks.

It was the closest area, and we were both in such desperate need of rest. I collapsed onto the nearest bed to the door, but Jean began to bustle around, trying to find a clean set of clothes, maybe a towel, anything.

He eventually did find those things, and I reluctantly got up again, finding my way to a shower, cleaning off, getting into those new clothes, and then returning to the barrack. The warmth of the shower had readied me for bed, and despite how early in the evening it was, I fell fast asleep, Jean sitting in one of the beds across from the one I claimed, promising to wake me if anything happened before stepping out of the room again.

—

By the time that I woke up, I felt awful, but marginally less so than when I had gone to sleep. I sat up slowly once my eyes had adjusted to the minimal light in the room. The blanket slid from my shoulders as I did, which was strange, because I distinctly remember just falling into bed when I went to sleep, whenever that was, without caring to use a blanket.

I wasn't sure what day it was, what time of day, or how long I'd been asleep. All I knew was that I could hear the gentle snores of the soldiers occupying other beds in the barracks. Right across from the bed I was in, lay Jean, passed out asleep.

I yawned as I set my feet on the floor, looking for where I'd left my boots. Finding them, I pushed my feet into them and laced them before standing. My limbs creaked and cracked, and I held back the satisfied groan that wanted to escape my lips.

I figured that getting food would be a good first step to take, but first, I stepped closer to Jean's bed and laughed quietly upon seeing the blanket tangled up in his legs. I didn't want to risk waking him, so I pulled the blanket down from the upper bunk of that bed and laid it over him.

"Thanks for taking care of me, kiddo," I said quietly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "This is why you're my favorite. Just don't tell anyone else. It's our secret, ok?"

I worked my way through the chilly hallways, trying to find the mess hall. When I did find it, it was occupied by a few soldiers but not too many. From the large windows, I could tell that it was not even dawn yet, which would explain it.

I grabbed some fruit for now, washed it down with some subpar tea, and by the time I passed back through the main foyer, a messenger was just stepping inside. I came to a stop, recognizing the express messenger and seeing the relief in his eyes as he recognized me.

"Glad I caught you, Captain Amaya," he said. I nodded to him as he came to a stop in front of me, tossing a salute to his chest.

"At ease," I said. "You have good news for me, I hope."

"Letter for you," he said. "From the capital."

He fished through his bag and handed me a thin letter, addressed to me from Reyes. I could only hope that the news from it really was good. We could all use some good news right now, and surely it wouldn't be too much to ask. "Thank you," I said to him. "As you were. Get some rest."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, Captain Amaya."

I returned to the barracks, knowing that at least it would be quiet for another while longer as everyone rested. I might head back to sleep, too, after I read this letter. I slipped back into the bed and sat cross-legged in the center, drawing the blanket up over my lap. When I was comfortable I ripped the envelope open, and slid the letter out.

Dear Amaya,

Emi and I made it. We met with Queen Historia, and my family arrived as well. We've got a small farmhouse for the time being, and Emi loved meeting all the cows once we arrived. I think she wanted to milk one.

All the walls fell. Does that mean Eren and Zeke met? Is Levi okay? Was it the Rumbling?

Until you give us the say-so, we'll remain here, or at least until things settle down and the titans leave the island. The Queen told us that it was fine by her. I didn't know that she was pregnant, though. My wife gave her the same treatment she gave you, offering some of her clothes and all the advice she could ever want. Edith also offered to be one of her midwives. Awfully pushy of her, I know, but she's my wife and I love her for it.

I don't know all of what's going on with the Yeagerists and the Scouts and what have you, but we'll stay put until you return. Something I will say, however, was that seeing the Walls all crumble and the titans hidden inside was as terrifying as it was liberating. It'll at least serve as proof to those who didn't want to believe you Scouts, anyway.

But it does mean that the world will get flattened. Is that really what the Yeagerists wanted? What was his name, the one you didn't particularly like, Floch? He took the lead, right? I hope he doesn't give you any problems. I may be old, but I can certainly still kick someone's ass.

On the ride here, I realized that Eren should have been more specific in his instructions, because some citizens got stepped on. Homes were destroyed, too. We rode by my home because it was on the way. We didn't go by yours, but mine was still standing. If yours isn't, your family is more than welcome to stay with us if you need to, for as long as you must.

Strider's getting friendly with the mares here, so you might have some extra foals to care for, sometime soon. Let's hope that Levi's mare doesn't get jealous.

I know how much this means to you, to fight. We'll support you however we can. I'll keep my promise to you, and to El. This old man can do one thing right, and it's this. I swear it.

Reyes

I lowered the letter after reading it, wondering how best I should respond to it. For a letter to have come so quickly (because dammit, it was still the same damn day) was incredible, and seemed like too much to ask.

Emi is alright. My daughter is safe.

I almost lost my way today, but I would not let it happen again. I would return to her. I-

"Ackerman. I thought you'd still be resting."

The voice surprised me, but it was a welcome one. "Commandant," I greeted, turning to face him. I folded the letter back up, putting it in my back pocket for now. I'd answer it later. "You should be resting, too."

"I find myself unable to," he admitted, gesturing for me to fall into step alongside him, which I did, gladly. Now that I had rested for a while, I was able to walk normally, and I was grateful that I was able to do that much. "I'm sure it's the same for you."

"It is," I said, remembering my protocol, to speak respectfully towards him, to only speak when spoken to. He caught onto this right away, and glanced down at me sidelong.

"Speak freely," he spoke firmly. "You are no longer my subordinate."

I shook my head, but smiled rather bashfully. "It'll be weird, but I'll try."

Shadis, for his part, chuckled at that. "I'm in no place to be giving orders anymore, anyway."

"Well," I considered, shrugging a little, "it's not your fault the world has gone to shit."

"No," he agreed. "I suppose not. Though I'm certain my actions - or inaction - did not help matters much."

I nearly scoffed. "Tell me about it."

We walked in silence for a while, rounding a corner and then another. Outside we went, into the open air of day - air that was still humid, still reeking with blood. Aside from the booming sound of footsteps, all was quiet.

"Strange how life works out," I mused, not wanting to break the silence but wanting to speak anyway. Shadis slid his hands into his pockets, some of his iron walls and steely nature peeling away.

We were alone, here. We could speak freely - two unremarkable soldiers, those who were not special among so many that were. People who might possibly have been in position to make a change... but ultimately did not.

"How so?"

"The same rambunctious cadets you reared became my own fledgling scouts," I said. "I'd have never guessed they'd become who they did."

Shadis nodded, clearly agreeing. "I did what I could to train them. And so did you. What they do with it now is up to them."

"I have no idea what they'll be doing now," I said honestly. "I have no idea what there is even to be done."

Our eyes found the same target: the Colossal Titans walking on towards the horizon, their eyes forward and remaining blind to the carnage beneath their feet.

"And what will you be doing now? Surely not going after Eren, not alone."

"I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stop him," I said. "Not alone, as you said. But I cannot allow this to happen freely."

"And why is that?"

"I saw lands far beyond our own," I told him. "I saw more than I thought I'd ever be able to see, being from where I am." Shadis' gaze was knowing, and filled with more concern than I'd have expected. He had, of course, not been happy about some street rats joining his regiment. But look at us now, having a conversation not as commander and recruit, but as near equals. "And yet that month away was not enough. There is so much to see, and the sheer amount of people Eren is aiming to kill... It's disgusting."

"Do you think he can be stopped?"

"By me? No, probably not," I admitted. "But Levi is still out there, I'm sure of it. Zeke would never be able to kill him. If we work together, then maybe..." I trailed off and sighed. "Or maybe I'm being foolish. Maybe I should just run away with him and Emi, if I find him at all."

"Let's hope Eren can be stopped," Shadis said, looking at me resolutely. "Otherwise there won't be a world for your daughter to explore."

"Right," I said, emotion swelling up in my chest. But I refused to cry here, not in front of my first commander. "We have no choice. We must stop him."

"By any means necessary," Shadis said quietly, and once again, we drifted off into a calm sort of quiet, only until he broke through it to speak quietly: "I apologize for not being present for your wedding. I thought it might be awkward."

That made me laugh, at least. "Don't worry about it," I said, smiling genuinely. "When we have a party for our fifth anniversary, just make sure to go to that."

Shadis let some of the amusement show in his eyes. "I suppose I'll need to start thinking of a gift, then."

—

Cleanup began soon after that. Soldiers were roused from sleep and right away, despite our collective fighting and exhaustion, we had to press on.

Honestly, the cleanup from the raid on our island itself was bad enough. There were fallen zeppelins draped over buildings, shreds of the material flowing in the wind. Plenty of the city was on fire, piles of burning rubble not being exactly easy to get rid of. Family homes, small stores, butcher shops, and everything between were crushed to piles of brick and stone and glass. The streets were a mess, mangled bodies mingling with the debris.

What made it worse was that the walls were gone, too. Heaps of the stone were left behind, along with long tracks of the dirt set underneath leaving great ridges between districts. There were plenty of people caught within the wreckage, which made cleanup even more difficult and heartbreaking.

We took body counts, took note of the destroyed buildings, gathered keepsakes, and wrapped body parts when we could, but it was so hard to keep a straight face. I found myself in the area where I'd been fighting, now without gear or weaponry, and instead of being here to fight, I was here to clean up the mess I'd made.

Seeing the bodies left behind was bad enough but knowing that it'd been me that had taken those lives was even harder than anticipated. The titans at least evaporated into thin air. As I went from building to building, helping Jean heave the bodies into the numerous carts, I could recognize some of their faces, and the lethal injuries I'd inflicted.

There was a man that I had stabbed the chest of and crushed under him was a man who I'd sliced through the neck. One soldier I found flattened on the ground was one that I had tossed from the roof. He'd landed onto his head and had died at the impact.

Jean seemed to come to the conclusion that it had been me that had killed all of these enemy soldiers, because he didn't utter a single word while we worked. There were other soldiers in the area, Scouts and Garrison and Military Police alike, donned with facemasks and long gloves, all working to clear away the wreckage and tally the losses.

It was long, tiring work, made all the more tiring as they were people that I'd killed. Maybe if I'd let them go, they'd still be alive and on their way home to Marley. Or maybe they'd have gotten crushed anyway by the Colossal Titans. Even now, they are still going. But no. This was warfare. It was only fitting that I'd have to face what I had done.

The fact of the matter was, they wanted to kill all Eldians. I was only protecting those that I loved. That was the truth, and yet, it didn't hurt any less to see what I had done. Still, someone had to do it, and we were already short enough on hands.

I only wished that I had some kind of update on Levi. It'd been well over a month by now that I'd seen him last, and I was getting antsy. First off, Zeke was goddesses only knew where by now, probably with Eren or maybe he died during the transformation into the Founding.

Even now, or perhaps especially now, it was terrifying to think about.

Eren, quite literally, had the power to flatten continents and he'd done it. The Colossal Titans weren't fast exactly, but there was no escaping it now. The only way to possibly stop it was to stop Eren. But how the hell were we supposed to do that? The Titan was bigger than any other titan possible, and it was all bone.

There wasn't exactly a nape to cut through, meaning we'd have to find where his body was hidden. But with the power of the War Hammer Titan he held, he could have hidden his physical body anywhere. It would be somewhere on the skeleton where we couldn't reach it, or it could still be here on Paradis. We had no way of knowing, so even if we could catch up, we'd be hard pressed to stop him.

...But we had to try. For the sake of the world, we had to try. Yes, this was war, and people wanted us dead. More important than that, though, was the fact that there were millions of innocent lives at risk. I just couldn't believe that this all was happening. Things seemed too easy, back in the day.

As I hefted up another body, I sighed. Maybe this would all be easier if I had stayed underground. I never had to worry about anyone other than my immediate friends. It'd certainly been a lot easier. Now, the weight of the world was resting on our shoulders.

I reached the nearest cart filled with corpses and tossed this one into the pile. I updated the body count, then got back to work. As of this morning, the news had been sent out that the Yeagerists were working to seize complete power.

With Zackley gone and the head commanders of the three regiments as good as gone, the hierarchy really had fallen. I didn't want to believe that Hange was dead, but Nile and Pixis were, that was for sure.

Of the remaining soldiers, we higher-ups were narrowing our numbers as well. Many of the lower heads of the regiments had consumed the wine, and thus had turned into titans. To my knowledge, there were only a handful of us left. A few Garrison lieutenants, a Military Police captain or two, and then me, of the scouts, and possibly – hopefully – Levi.

Realistically, I should be preparing for a promotion. I was the only scout here in a position to lead. Not that I wanted to be the Commander, maybe I'd go for vice-Commander, but apparently Floch was passing me by.

Floch wasn't waiting for permission or asking for advice. No, he seized power, but even that was met with resistance. The Yeagerists backed him, of course. But the citizens? There was some pushback from them, because it was made clear that the Rumbling was what the Yeagerists wanted.

But the Rumbling hadn't been perfect: homes had been crushed, fields trampled, and citizens killed. Families had been torn apart, not by the war, but by way of Eren and Zeke's master plan. And the common-folk were scared. Scared of Eren but unwilling to go against the Yeagerists.

The pushback Floch and his groupies had faced had proved a point. They wouldn't get complete support from the citizens, not like that would stop them. But I wasn't about to speak out. I couldn't risk getting detained like the volunteers. Hell, I thought it was awful that they were.

In the days that passed, I visited Onyankopon often, letting him know what was happening and sneaking him some food that was actually edible. I had to be sneaky about it, because Yeagerists were watching all the cells and I didn't want them to have any reason to detain me. If I got detained, I wouldn't be able to fight. It was as simple as that.

So, I played nice, kept my mouth shut, held my tongue, and acted with the bare minimum level of respect for Floch and those with him. I stuck to Jean's side for as much as I could, because we found mutual comfort in each other and it was nice to know that as everyone ran off in every direction doing all manner of things, we were on each other's side.

Armin, I knew, had taken the young girl Gabi to stop Connie from sacrificing Falco, the little boy. Both of the kids were from Marley, little stowaways. Gabi had been the girl who shot Sasha, and Falco had apparently eaten the holder of the Jaw Titan. I was, at the very least, just happy that he'd come out of this alive. There were so many - friends of mine, even - that had not.

Goodness. We really had lost Pixis, Nile, and so many others. And that sweet little boy had nearly died, too.

I felt bad for him. So young, and to now hold a Titan, knowing already that his life was limited. He only had so long to live. I felt bad for Connie, but I didn't think that sacrificing a child was the right way to go. Connie's mother was a titan. Did Connie really want to resort to forcing the power of one of the shifters on her? His entire village had been turned to Titans - I knew that. I felt so bad for him. To know that his family were now titans. But to sacrifice a kid?

From what I heard, Connie's mother had always had bad legs. So for her to become a soldier by force, needed for her titan, I couldn't quite imagine that's what she wanted. It wasn't something I'd ever want to force on anyone.

And besides, she'd remained a Titan for years now. If she woke up now, she'd have four years of news and developments to catch up on. The poor woman. That's why I hoped Armin and Gabi could catch them before it got to that point.

Oh, and part of Floch showing his dedication to his leadership role was literally executing one of the volunteers for no reason. It'd happened earlier, just after I passed out in bed on the day the Rumbling began. One of the volunteers had been made an example of what would happen if they didn't submit to the Yeagerists. He'd done it right in front of Jean, inviting him to revert to his "annoying, irresponsible, conceited" self and join them. I thought that was a crock of horseshit.

But apparently Jean and Mikasa, and the volunteers present, received news that perhaps was too shocking for them, because when I asked what else happened and what had been said, they clammed up. And that made me suspicious immediately.

In those hours that followed, where I worked alongside Jean cleaning up after the Rumbling, he refused to talk to me about it, which led me to believe that they'd heard something that maybe I wouldn't want to hear.

Floch called for me soon after that, catching me before I could find literally anyone else to talk to, offering for me the same proposition as Jean. He argued that the leadership experience I had would prove useful, and that many of the scouts already looked up to me.

If I joined him, not only would I be safe, but my family, too. So, essentially, it was a threat. Join, or well, I wouldn't be safe, and neither would my family. Before me I saw two options, and perhaps they were the same two options that Jean had seen when Floch offered him a spot.

If I joined, I had an in. I could very easily figure out what their plans were, where they were headed, and most importantly, what information they had. That was perhaps the best part. Right now, Yeagerists were scattering across the island, searching for remaining Marleyan forces and the like. And right now, what I wanted and needed was information. I still had absolutely no fucking idea where Levi was, or Hange for that matter.

If I didn't join, I'd be in danger.

As much as I hated to, I agreed. Floch had smiled at that, shaking my hand. There was something hidden in his eyes though, something like pain. And so my act continued - one born of concern for him. So was it truly all an act? Surely not, because he was still a soldier of mine, one horribly misguided and perhaps deluded, but he had beliefs he was willing to fight for and he had fought for us, once. So, didn't he deserve some care?

"Floch," I said, releasing his hand and peering into his eyes seriously. "It's been hours and you haven't rested, have you?"

"No," he said, as though it was silly of me to even ask, and maybe it was. "There's too much to be done. Eren left it all to me."

"Did he say to do it without rest? Without even being checked for injuries? You're hurt - I can tell. Let me just-"

"Stay away," he protested rather vehemently, shying away from my outstretched hand. "Don't. I don't need help."

I sighed. "Do you not trust me, Floch?"

"It's not that," he answered, his eyes still stony and guarded. Unluckily for him, looking into Levi's eyes had given me lots of experience deciphering what was hidden behind such eyes. "You're a good commanding officer - that's obvious. But you're too idealistic, and I don't agree with what you want."

"Fair enough," I considered. "So, global genocide is fine for you?"

"It's the only way to ensure that we'll be safe," he said. "You must know that, right?"

"I don't know anything for sure," I told him. "No one does. Not even you."

"Eren does," Floch said, and I fought the urge to sigh impatiently. "With the Rumbling, he's saving us all. Paradis will be safe. Isn't that what you want?"

"Of course," I said, "but not at the expense of millions of others."

"So you'll doom us to a life of fighting?"

"Hell, that's normal," I said. "I've spent my whole life fighting. But it's not what I want - what I want is peace."

"And that's impossible."

"Maybe so," I said gently. "But we have to try."

"Do you really think that's an option now?"

"This," I said calmly, "is a world of infinite possibilities. This you would know if you had even half the experience I have. And... if you have accepted it when we invited you to see the outside world with us."

"This outside world you want to protect," Floch said directly, "do you think it will treat you and Emiko nicely if it knows what you have done? Your crimes are crimes even far beyond this island, Amaya."

"Captain Amaya," I corrected right away. "And... if ever there is a day I must face punishment for my crimes, then so be it. But you're a fool if you think this island will be peaceful - we spent weeks on the run from the military as enlisted military soldiers. Civil war will find us."

"That," he said evenly, "is true of all places."

"So civil war is fine?"

"It's a far cry from global war."

"And that's a far cry from global genocide."

"You're trusting the world's fate to your subordinates, then? You surely can't believe they can save the world."

"It's a long shot," I acknowledged. "But why does that matter?"

"So why hesitate to join us, then? Why not join a sure thing? Paradis will be safe. Those subordinates of yours might not be able to do what you set out to - no, I think they can't. Eren can't be stopped. Not even by them."

"I might believe in them to save the world," I said, "or I might not."

"But you'd foolishly go after them?"

"I am prepared to sacrifice myself for the greater good," I said softly. "But I already joined you, did I not?"

"You did."

"Why the pointed questioning, then?"

"Your conviction doesn't seem strong," he noted.

"No," I agreed. "It's probably not. You have to understand how hard it is for me to go against what I want. But to protect my family, I'll do what I must. I may not want what the Yeagerists want, not exactly - but if it's my family's best shot of making it out of this alive, then I'll do that. I am prepared to sacrifice myself - but none of that means I'm not going to try my damnedest to survive this. And the best way I see of doing that," I lied, "is joining you."

"And you'll give us your all?"

"I'll give you my all," I spoke surely. "Under Erwin, I often had to do things I did not agree with. But I did them - I filled every order. You see something in this plan of yours I do not - just like Erwin always saw something I did not."

It was a lie. Floch's eyes were well-guarded, but incredibly intentioned and clear. I knew exactly what he was looking towards. He'd made it clear already, anyway. I just needed to fuel his ego - to fool him into thinking I was in this, completely and truly.

And he bought it. He smiled, and it was almost warm, almost reassuring. "Thank you, captain."

His voice... in that moment, it was genuine. He truly was grateful, and he believed me - and my heart constricted almost painfully at that. Because at the end of the day, he was, just like the others, a kid. He was a kid, fighting for what he thought was right.

"Truthfully," he spoke, "I always wanted to connect with you, the way the others did."

"You didn't make it easy," I spoke honestly.

"No," he agreed. "I didn't. But I did appreciate your attempts at it, anyway. Now, at least..."

"Now, at least," I continued, smiling at him truly, "we have the chance."

But then... something caught my attention, something strange, and the change in my expression caused Floch's smile to fade. "When you brought up my crimes... You didn't mention Levi. Was that on purpose?"

"It was."

"Why? Are his crimes lesser than my own?"

"Not necessarily," Floch said, "but it is difficult to discipline a corpse."

...

What?

"Floch," I said sternly, "tell me what you mean. Immediately."

An odd sort of look crossed his face then and he seemed nearly hesitant to answer me. "Answer me, Floch. Now."

"Zeke Yeager killed him. Levi is dead."

My heart nearly stopped right there. "Killed?"

Time seemed to stop for me at that moment. Levi couldn't die. He couldn't. But if he had... and I wasn't there with him...

At that moment, my heart seemed to stop. Time slowed. The grave statement settled on my shoulders like a physical weight, bearing down on me like a ton of bricks. Everything seemed to come crashing down at that very moment, all at once.

Levi is dead.

I couldn't even understand the statement. It was as though there was a block on my brain, keeping me from even comprehending those two words being in the same sentence. But Floch had said it. And he'd gone - he'd taken Hange to go find him and Zeke.

If ever I had been shocked to complete silence, this was it. Half of me had died, taken away with Levi's life. My entire body was still; not a thought entered my brain, my heart refused to beat, and all the blood in my body came to a stop.

Levi is dead.

What the hell was I supposed to do now?

How was I supposed to keep going on, knowing that the man who shared my heart was dead?

I'd been fighting to get back to him. If he was dead, what was I to do now?

For the first time in my life, everything came to a sudden standstill. I had no direction, no plan. Everything had been derailed by those three simple words that had wrapped like a chain around my heart, choking it. Those three words. Those damn three words. So insignificant, and yet they had my entire world crumbling around me.

I just couldn't wrap my head around it, but the mantra repeated endlessly in my head. It was the only thing I could focus on, just as the cold, bitter fear clenching my heart was the only thing I could feel.

Levi is dead.

Levi is dead.

...Levi is dead.

And I... I wanted to follow.