her summer was dreary

and filled with online physics

until the past weekend.

she got to see her best friend,

Rosie,

who she hadn't seen

in over five years,

since she had moved away 

after fifth grade.

Rosie had been

her best friend 

since kindergarten;

she was more like a sister

than a friend.

and everything in life was alright again

for the three short days 

that she got to see her for.

The six hour car ride 

to get to Rosie 

couldn't go by fast enough;

she had been looking forward

to this particular weekend

for weeks now.

When they pulled up,

and she saw Rosie,

she all but trampled her sister

to get out of the car.

Both she and Rosie squealed,

ran towards each other,

and hugged.

it was like the world finally made sense again

and she didn't feel so empty anymore

tears dripped down her cheeks,

but for once,

they weren't of sadness or loneliness-

they were of joy.

she couldn't believe 

that she was finally

finally

seeing her best friend again.

it was like nothing had changed;

it didn't feel like five years had gone by

without seeing each other in person;

it was like she had never left.

* * * 

it felt so normal

to be sitting next to Rosie.

they jammed out in the car

for the rest of the drive to her grandparents house,

and they joked around like it was an every day thing.

when they got to her grandparents house,

they immediately went to the room they were staying in

and talked about everything and nothing.

they woke up extra early in the morning

the next day

so that they could have

as much time as possible together.

they spent the cool morning outside

looking out over the lake 

that her grandparents lived on,

and talking even more about life

about friends

about food

about music

about anything.

sometimes they didn't talk,

and that was okay too,

because sitting next to each other

in silence

with nothing to say

was just as comforting

as laughing and talking.

they could have just sat there

for hours

not really talking

and being in each others presence 

would have been enough.

then,

her parents

took them to a park

with three different waterfalls,

and they took a million pictures together.

she wanted to have documentation 

that Rosie was in fact real

that that entire weekend

was not, in fact, a dream.

she couldn't count how many times

that she had dreamed about

finally seeing her best friend again

only to wake up

and be disappointed again

that it wasn't real.

this time,

though,

it was real.

she was real.

Rosie was real.

* * * 

it was crazy to think

how much they had both changed

yet how similar they both still were

to the little girls

they used to be.

Rosie was still 

the strong,

easy to laugh,

resilient,

goofy,

forgetful (on occasion),

caring,

fierce girl 

she had always known her to be.

but she had been through so much

since she had last seen her.

Rosie was adopted,

but her adoptive mother 

had died when they were in fourth grade.

then, 

her adoptive father

remarried almost immediately

to the devil incarnate.

Rosie had become a real life cinderella-

evil step mother and all.

it wasn't until Rosie had moved in with her brother

that she told her of the abuse

that she had gone through.

of the verbal terrors thrown her way

and the numerous slaps and pain

that she endured.

this,

of course,

was after she had moved.

there was absolutely nothing she could do.

she felt so helpless, and useless.

she couldn't be there for her best friend

when she needed it most.

what kind of person did that make her??

she should've known

or realized

what was going on,

tried harder to make sure Rosie was okay,

but she didn't.

she was too busy having a pity party

to realize what was going on.

she was glad that Rosie

wasn't living with her parents anymore,

but they still haunted Rosie.

they constantly were fighting for custody,

breaking the no contact agreement

and coming close to breaking the restraining order

on multiple occasions.

what worried her now, 

though,

was the new freedom that Rosie was taking advantage of...

drinking

partying

drugs

sex...

she was worried that something would happen to her

that she would get hurt

or killed

in what could be seemingly harmless fun 

at the time,

and there would be nothing that she could do.

she hated feeling so useless

she hated living so far from Rosie

she hated that she could never be there for her 

in the way she needed her to be.

she hated that she had become an expert at long distance friendship.

why do people leave?

* * *

she and Rosie

had a plan to live together 

after college.

they would live by the beach

and get a black cat 

and share an apartment.

they would get a pull out couch

and a big squishy armchair

and an old box TV

so they could watch vhs tapes.

they would even share a room

if they had to.

they would get a job somewhere,

Rosie a teacher,

and she-

well,

who knows what.

she could figure it out later.

what she was afraid of

was that it was all a dream.

that their plan

would only ever be a dream

that it would never work out

that it was a child's fantasy,

to wish that they could live together

after years of separation.

she was so so so scared

that her plan

that their plan

wasn't what God had planned

and she didn't want to admit

that it probably wasn't God's plan

that it was all a child's fantasy

that it was all a silly dream.

maybe what she was truly scared of,

was losing Rosie.

she was absolutely terrified of it.

* * *

the weekend went by 

way too fast.

it was like they blinked 

and it was over

and they were dropping Rosie

back off at her house.

she wished more than anything

that she could've stayed with Rosie,

but she had marching band camp

all that week,

and she couldn't miss it.

her heart ached

and she wanted to cry

when she was getting back in the car

without Rosie with her.

she hugged Rosie 

for so long 

before she finally left.

she waved until she couldn't see 

her house anymore,

and it was like the world had split back into two

like nothing made sense anymore.

why did her best friend have to live

hours and hours away?

the tears that came to her eyes

were more than just sadness;

they were of despair.

because after finally reuniting with her best friend,

she had to leave all over again.

everyone leaves.

including her.

she left. 

and she hated that more than anything.