Age 16:

I smirked up at myself in the bathroom mirror...my once platinum blonde hair was now a deep chocolate brown. I had stolen some dye from the local drugstore, along with several bottle of alcohol that I stashed in my purse. The clerk who worked the register was a guy who went to my high school, I knew he always had some sort of crush on me over the years, so I used my bright blue eyes and large chest to distract him like I did every time I needed something from the store. I used my body to my advantage, a thing most women would frown upon but frankly I never gave a shit. In my eyes I wasn't worth the affection men would give normal girls, I was broken on the inside out and no guy would want me.

I felt my blonde hair was too innocent for the woman I had grown into, and my new dark hair suited me a lot better in my eyes. I lined my bright blue eyes with some black eyeliner and several coats of mascara as I finished getting ready for school....one of the random days i decided to go....Daryl and I liked to skip a lot. We were juniors this year, and how we managed not to fail from lack of attendance was beyond me....We both pretty much stopped caring last year. Our dads didn't care what we did at school, and neither did we. 

"Get out of there girl, I gotta piss!" I heard my dad shout on the other side of the bathroom door, his hand  pounding hard on the door. "Calm down old man" I said bored as i slipped my feet into my black heeled boots. I ripped open the door just before my dad went to pound on the door once more. "You think that dark hair makes you look better it don't" My sneered before shoving me out of the way and slamming the door behind me. I just shook my head and grabbed my bag before running out of the front door. Today was considered a good day in my book, a day where my dad didn't let his anger get the best of him....I was glad, because i was running out of cover up.

I looked over to the Dixon's and saw Daryl leaning against his truck smoking a cigarette. I put my leather jacket over my black tank top before heading next door. "What the fuck did you do to your hair vannah?" Daryl asked with widened eyes as he took in my new look. "Needed a change" I said shrugging and grabbing the cigarette from his fingers a taking a deep inhale, closing my eyes. I felt a tug on the ends of my long hair, and peeked over to see Daryl observing a lock of hair he was twiddling between his fingertips. "This isn't going to make my job any easier you know, I already gotta keep the guys off of you" Daryl said slightly irritated as he stole back the cigarette. 

"You don't have to do that Dare, maybe I like the attention" I said smiling over at the guy who has been my best friend for over eight years. Daryl just shook his head before hopping in the driver side of the truck. At school it was no secret that I liked to sleep around, and loved the attention the guys gave me. I lost my virginity last year at a party we were at, and it was all down hill from there....I guess you could say I had self worth issues, a guy paid me any attention and I was like butter at his feet...except for Daryl of course. Daryl still was nothing more than my best friend....my only friend for that matter, girls didn't take kindly to me at school, maybe for the fact I slept with a lot of their boyfriends.

Daryl tried his hardest to keep guys away from me when they came crawling, he succeeded most of the time, but Daryl wasn't attached at my hip and the second he left the boys came calling. Daryl was no athlete, I don't think he ever played a game of football a day in his life, but he was nowhere near small. Daryl had learned to hunt from Merle when we were thirteen, and holding that heavy crossbow of his did his arms well. He was only about an inch taller than me, and I was quite tall...at 5'9, but often times I felt he towered over me. He had those muscles that nobody knew he had until his shirt was off. 

I rolled my eyes at Daryl before climbing in the passenger side of the truck. It was silent for a few before I snatched the pack of cigarettes out of the glove box and popped one into my mouth. Daryl I could see was chewing on his thumbnail, something he had done since we were kids, something he did when he was deep in thought. "What's wrong over there?" I asked turning so I could face him and plopping my feet up in the middle of the seat. Daryl looked down at me feet and up to my face before shaking his head and looking back to the road. 

"Daryl, I know somethings wrong, might as well tell me" I said nudging him lightly in the side with my boot. He winced for a second before pulling up to a stoplight int he middle of town, then turning to look over at me. "I just wish you could see what I see Vannah" He said softly with a shake of his head. I looked down at my lap before looking back up at him. "I'm nothing Daryl" I mumbled and picked at my painted nails. I felt like I was nothing all the time....All of those guys I spent my time with were all a distraction from my shit life...I never cared about any of them, or loved them....they were all just something to temporarily numb the pain. The only time I didn't hate myself was with Daryl, the only person I truly cared for or loved in my life.

I felt the truck's brakes slam and snapped my head over to see Daryl glaring at me. "Don't fucking say that Savannah" He practically growled at me. I knew he was pissed, he only ever used my whole name when i mad him angry. "It's true Daryl, What the fuck do I have! My dad treats me worse than a dog! I don't have anything good in my life!" I said my voice getting louder with every word. I don't know why I was getting so upset all of a sudden. Daryl was shaking his head and gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

"What the fuck am I then?" Daryl yelled, tossing his cigarette out of the window. I felt tears prickling in my eyes as Daryl had never really yelled at me before, and when anyone yelled it only reminded me of when my dad got mad. "Whatever Savannah" Daryl said before jumping out of the truck and slamming the door. It took me a moment to realize that we had gotten to school and Daryl had parked the truck. I quickly jumped out and slammed my own door. "Dare wait!" I called out to him, but Daryl just slipped his hood over his head and quickened his pace into school.

"Looking good Savannah" Someone said beside me, I looked over to see Justin Parker, one of the guys on the baseball team looking me up and down. He was playing with one of his bats in his hands, and holding his cell phone in the other. Justin was one of the guys I had slept with earlier in the year, I was drunk and didn't quite remember most of it. I rolled my eyes at him before taking a swig of my water bottle that contained something clear and a hell of a lot stronger than water. "Wanna get together later?" he asked as i slipped the cap back on my bottle. "Next time Parker" I mumbled when the bell rang and I hesitantly went to class...

School drug on just like it always does, caddy girls talking about me when they thought I wasn't looking, boys trying to get me to "hang out" after school, and me gradually getting intoxicated as the day went on. I almost got in trouble because my water bottle rolled under my history teachers desk, but I flashed one smile to Mr.Dawson and he gave it right back no questions asked, and i downed the vodka before anyone was the wiser. Daryl I could tell was still mad at me from our argument this morning, but he was still waiting on the bed of his truck for me just like he had done every day before...This time was different though, instead of us cracking jokes and figuring out plans for the weekend, we were silent the entire way home. Daryl slammed his truck door and wandered into his house without even a goodbye to me...

That night I was working on my math homework, even though I didn't care about school or how I did, I was actually pretty smart and things like algebra came very easy to me. I was sitting at the kitchen table, my iPod headphones plugged into my ears, and one of Daryl's hooded sweatshirts pulled over my newly dark head. My dad stumbled in pissed drunk just like most nights, but this night was different....

I had seen my dad walk in through the front door, but ignored him thinking he was just going to pass out in front of the tv again, but i was wrong. I smelled him before I even knew he was there, the smell of old cigarettes and bourbon reeked on his breath, and his mouth was right next to my ear. "I changed my mind, I like this look" He said slurring over his words after he ripped out one of my ear buds. I cringed as his fingers started twiddling with my hair, his other hand reached around and started to unzip my jacket.

"Dad stop" I said standing up from my chair and tried to push my father off of me. "Don't talk to me that way, you respect your father you hear!" He yelled pushing me backwards into the kitchen counter. "Father?" i scoffed rolling my eyes at him. It only fueled his drunken rage farther, and my face soon stung as his hand collided with my cheek. I winced and forced any tears down as I would not give him that satisfaction. I looked up at my poor excuse for a father, his brown hair hanging in a mess down his face, and his bright blue eyes clouded in a drunken haze and something resembling something sickening.... I hated looking into my father's eyes, they were completely identical to my own and I hated that I ever got anything from this man.

He walked closer to me, and ignored my attempts of trying to walk past him, he only pushed me farther into the counter....the wood digging into my spine. "Please just leave me alone" i whimpered as my father's hands were touching me in places a father should never touch his daughter. "Shhhh" He said in my ear as one hand found it's way to the button on my jeans, only making me squirm harder. "Stop fighting me!" He roared loudly before I got up the strength to knee him in the groin. He fell to the ground allowing me to step over him and find a weapon to defend myself. 

I found a large kitchen knife by the sink, and i swiftly grabbed it as my father was slowly rising from the ground. "Ill fucking kill you, you fucking bitch!" He said screaming louder than i have ever heard him scream before. The look in his eyes was terrifying, and if I didn't have a way of defending myself at this moment I would have been trembling to my knees. I held the knife at my side, out of plain sight and waited for my perfect moment. My father was standing up straight now, and was clenching his fists by his side. He was coming closer and closer with every second that passed, until I could feel his putrid hot breath on my face. 

"You wont touch me again"I whispered before plunging the large knife into his stomach. His eyes went wide, looking from me to the protruding knife sticking from his abdomen before falling sideways onto the ground. I felt the tears finally come, and when they did they didn't stop... I sank down the counter and sat on the ground looking down at my father as he begged me to help him, as he tried to stop himself from bleeding....but I took pure sick enjoyment out of watching him die. He never took mercy in an eight year old girl as he beat her unconscious... He never cared if his daughter passed out from hunger, he never cared one bit about me so why should I care enough to help him. 

Several hours passed and I just sat across the kitchen watching until my father no longer moved. I pulled myself up off of the cold tile ground before running to my room and locking to the door, still sticking the chair under the door knob even though I knew my father was as good as dead. I did what i always did when times got tough, when my life got too hard....I ran to Daryl.

I opened my window the rest of the way, and was surprised when Daryl's was already fully open, and his light was off. I climbed into his bedroom quickly and shut the window behind me, trying to see if Daryl was in here. "Daryl" I called out softly, walking closer to his bed. I heard something shuffling around in his bed, and when my eyes adjusted to the dark room I could see he was laying on his back, the covers wrapped around his exposed waist. "Vannah?" I heard his sleepy voice call out in dark. Hearing Daryl's comforting voice was enough to send me over the edge,and I ran over to his bed and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

"Hey...Hey" He said as he sat up against his headboard bringing me into his lap. I felt him reach over and flick the lamp on beside his bed, and i looked up to see his bright blue eyes looking at me with worry. "Talk to me" He said reaching over and wiping the large tears that were falling heavy from my eyes. I just held onto Daryl as if my life depended on it, my nails clawing into his back as if he were the one thing keeping me from going falling apart. "Daryl, my dad tried to.... He tried to.." I said stuttering trying to get the words out. 

"Shhh, its ok... What did he do?" Daryl asked calmly, pulling my face up that was buried in the crook of his neck. I gave him one look...one look that said everything that I couldn't get out, because saying what my dad had tried to do to me hours earlier was too much to say out loud. "Ill fucking kill him" Daryl growled jumping up from his bed after gently laying me down. Daryl was tossing on a t-shirt that was laying on his messy floor, and walking towards the bedroom window. "Dare stop!" i called out, jumping up from the bed and running after him.

"That man is sick Savannah! I wont let him cross that line with you!"  He said angrily shoving the window open. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back before he climbed through, he clumsily caught himself before he fell. "He's dead" I said barely louder than a whisper.

"What?" Daryl asked confused looking back and forth from me and and my house that was only inches away.

"I killed him" I whimpered falling to my knees on the ground with my head in my hands. I just cried, hearing nothing but my soft whimpers as Daryl was silent. I was terrified that hearing what i did that Daryl would want nothing to do with me, nothing to do with someone who killed their own flesh and blood. But I was wrong, Daryl bent down and wrapped his arms around me, carrying my bridal style over to his bed. He never put me down, he just positioned himself where he was sitting up and I was still cradled in his arms. To any unknown outsider it would look like Daryl and I were "Lovers" But that was never the case. Daryl was my family in my eyes, he was everything I had and everything I needed. And while I loved Daryl with everything I had, we never crossed that line....even thought there were moments like this where I seriously considered it.

"Ill take care of it Vannah, you don't have to worry about him anymore" He whispered in my ear, as my head was rested on his shoulder, my tears wetting his white t-shirt. "Just hold me Daryl" I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. Daryl gently kissed the top of my head, "Always" was all he said for the rest of the night. Daryl was never a huge talker, but he always had that talent of making me feel safe with just a single word. And I had to thank whatever god was out there for bringing him into my life, because without Daryl I believe I would have been dead a long time ago, by my fathers hand or even my own....