It's been a heck of a long time since I have been on Wattpad.

I mean damn I've hardly done anything to do with writing since I stopped using Wattpad properly.

One of my books is ranked #24th in Pokemon though, so that's pretty cool. At least I accomplished something XD

I actually only came on to copy and paste my anime list onto a blank document so I have it somewhere else.

It's not like I'll ever have enough time to focus on writing at any point in the near future or any time beyond that. 

I feel a little too out of shape and old for the Pokemon stuff though. I'm not too involved with it anymore anyway. I'd write something far more serious and complex if I had the time, but University is going to bind me to my desk and force me to work on my modules 24/7 while trying to help out with everything at home. 

Damn the rest of this year and 2019 will be so tiring. 

No idea why I am even typing this out atm, I won't lie.

I suppose it's more of a reminiscent note for myself and I've been worrying about how I am going to handle everything I need to juggle in my life over the next year and as well as wanting my anime list, I thought about how much I enjoyed being on here. 

Booting up my tablet for the first time in a year probably kick-started it tbh. I remember cranking out 1500 words every few hours on that shit and publishing 3,4 sometimes 5 chapters a night and feeling the hand cramps, before staying up and watching anime all night. That grew and grew and eventually I got through the summer, got into Sixth Form (college, final two years of high school; depends where you are from lol) and I got a chromebook. At that time I could type 130 words a minute so I was doing 3-4k word chapters a night instead and working on actually improving on writing, even though it was for something I didn't really show a lot of care, probably because putting so much effort into a Pokemon-based ship at my age felt strange to me, but I enjoyed writing so there was no harm done. 

Before I knew it I wasn't just writing. I was interacting. Becoming part of a community. It happened after a long while but at a rapid pace and then I was in a little group chat. Less than 6 months into that I already had some strong friendships, troubling moments and looking back now, I was 100% a massive idiot and if I could go back to the day I joined I would change a whole lot of things, but people always think that about certain things in life, just because they regret whatever they might have felt, thought or done. For me it's all three really.

I stopped writing around this point. That was when I had so many ideas, but my focus had switched completely, and so I kind of just gave up on it and didn't think about it. 

My focus should have been on school and doing the best I could but I didn't want to focus on that. I had a lot of sleepless nights and one teacher specifically always noticed this and tried to help me by advising I take pills to help me sleep. Of course, she had no idea why I wasn't sleeping, what was troubling my life at the time and whatever else was going on. 

I never spoke about that shit because I knew it was ridiculous and I quickly learnt that i'd look back on my depressing times with embarrassment. After that I conquered any shitty feelings pretty quickly. 

Once I did that I practically rebuilt myself as a person and I can sense how much i have grown now. I'm more confident with interactions in all aspects of life, except for my abilities (i suck at everything).

Then again if I was to say i'm great at something then I'm not doing a good enough job on that thing, because that would be too easy.

Anyway, that led me to this summer. 

I've been focusing on so many things different to how it used to be. I hardly interact, talk, write or do anything like I used to on here. I was too focused on doing what I felt was right for myself after everything that has happened since I joined Wattpad. 

Despite my ramblings and nonsensical chatting, I suppose that my worries about the next year made me realise that without any of this, without anything I did and without all those regrets and feelings of idiocy and the dark times, I wouldn't be where I am in the first place, or be the person I am today.

So picking up that old and god awful tablet made me realise that Wattpad truly was the best times for me and thank God I decided to watch all of B&W in a massive marathon back before I even joined Wattpad. 

Thank God for everything that has happened and everyone I've met. 

I'm thanking a person I don't believe in a lot aren't I XD 

I've typed almost 1k words for rambling purposes but I guess I literally could have just said

Thanks a lot for everything, everyone.

and I don't think I'll ever be going away properly, because I'm too connected to this site and the people I have met. I only wish the best for everyone and I don't mind re-connecting with people I haven't spoken to in ages, or just getting a little more involved in things. 

Who knows.

Anyway shameless plug but I'm streaming every day now because when I play games I find it fun and it helps to work on my interaction with people, although I don't have any kind of following to talk to haha.