Hold on

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Naked

Chapter 16

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She was stunned. His tears, his words. Melodious yet wrenching. She shuddered, her legs gave in, and he hurriedly ran over to catch her in his arms. A small tear fell out of her own eyes.

"I- Jeon, I-"

"We can cancel the movie, let's get you home first!"

"No, I- I am so sorry." She cried more, scared of the consequences. Scared that she might break him if she tells him the truth. Scared he would hate her from the pit of his heart. Scared that that affection in his eyes would turn into venom.

"Don't!" His eyes showed that fear again and she hated it. She didn't want to be so precious to him when she couldn't let him be her precious one, yet. "I don't expect you to say that you love me back, noona-"

"I am so sorr-"

"-Not right away. Take your time. You may not be over that filth yet, but just so you know... I'm here, waiting for you-"

"Jeon, please, don't be so good-"

"I want to be with you, noona, I want to be with you, wake you up every morning with sweet words and then when night comes I'll kiss you to sleep. I want to walk all those paths with you, hand in hand. I apologize, I didn't realize that soon, but I love you! So much. I want to be there for you, be the shoulder you cry on, be the lips you want to kiss, be the person you want to make love with, be the one you look at with that glimmering twinkle in your eyes. I want to reach up to you, I want to fly with you."

"Jeon..." She whispered, it was difficult for her to speak his name, and she hated it, when he left her body to stand on its own, she wanted the warmth back, the touch back, his affection back.

"Home, first?" She couldn't help but nod to him, standing right beside him as he called for a cab.

When they reached his house, she smiled at him. She didn't wonder why they were at his house or it was her first time to be there, rather she just walked along with him as he entered the place.

"Be a little careful, Gureum is in there." He cooed in cutely and went away, leaving her alone in the living room.

Without hesitation, she sat on the rug, hugging her legs close to her chest and letting out a heavy breath. She felt the load lessen gradually, her eyes still bored into void. And then she snapped out of it.

No, no, no. I can't do this to him. It'd be so wrong. I can't say that I love him back when I don't know that myself. I can't be selfish, I won't use him.

Her eyes widened, and she cursed her own thoughts of using the poor boy. She stepped up, looking for him. Walking through the corridor, she entered the kitchen adjacent to a staircase that led her upstairs.

"Jeon?" She heard him hum from the only room and immediately walked to find him. His house made her feel cozy, small but warm. All the walls painted in a soothing brown colour, lighter than that, several medals and certificates covered the parallel walls as she walked through the long walkway. She couldn't help but look at them, each by each.

Mostly they were for sports, some were from dancing and singing competitions, he even received some for his writing, she smiled admirably.
Talented. She thought to herself, coughing intentionally before entering his room

"You took long." He smiled at her, still crouching on the ground, petting his dog.

"Gureum?"

"Yes." He extended his hand for her as she paced to sit beside him, petting the dog slowly. "It'll be gone soon."

"What do you mean?"

"My friend will be taking him with himself, so no meets with this one. You'll miss me, right?" He cupped the cheeks of the dog, pulled it closer in his embrace and played with it's fur.

"Jeon, I... I'm still not over my past. I just, I got depressed and maybe I still am, but I'm trying my best to get over him. I don't show that, but deep down I'm still afraid, afraid that if I trust anyone again they'll leave me. Just like him."

"I understand, noona. That's why I don't want to force yo-"

"He was loyal, we both were. It was sure we would never cheat on each other," Her eyes focussed in void again, Jeon noticed her pupils dilate, emphasising on some undefined spot.

"But we were more passionate about our careers, we both wanted to make money and I guess, we didn't make each other our first priority but money. We were like other couples, we went on dates, we had late night talks, we spent time with each other but then bit by bit, gradually, we got bored and it was just... We were just together for sex after that, there wasn't any love making, it was just a need to fulfill our desires but that desire also started bugging me."

"Noona, you don't have to talk if you don't want to or... Just vent it out on me." He noticed her nose scrunch, her heavy breaths, her eyes squinted with tears held in them.

"Even after that, I still wanted us, but that was not the case with him. He got high one day, and when he returned back to our shared place we fought, no reason in particular, whatever came to our mind, we blamed it on each other and he stomped out. Leaving me alone and I was crying. I was twenty two at that time. Next morning when he came to me, he was crying."

Jeon was trued her best to understand her, sympathize with her, try to feel her insecurities. And how much she would have been sorry, for the guy, for herself.

"He came and told me, it was the first time I saw him cry, he said he went to a bar had sex with some unknown woman and wouldn't want us to go any further. He was much more disgusted of himself than I was. We broke up. Few days after thinking and contemplating, when I finally thought of getting over it he called me, I love you, he said that," Now she scoffed, angered by what the guy did.

"He had the audacity to do that. We broke up in haste and it was all over but I loved him, even after all the times we fought, we couldn't talk or go on simple dates, I loved him. I could have stopped him from breaking up but trust. The night he went out, I thought of making up with him when he returned. I stayed awake waiting for him, he'd come back, we'd apologise and yay happy together!" She clapped, making him feel even more worried, concerned.

"But no, the guy was too horny and ended up fucking just a random woman he hadn't even heard from, but I don't blame him completely. After some time, when there was just a desire, I felt wrong, I felt dirty and I stopped, I wouldn't use his body and he won't use mine, that's what I did. There must be sexual frustration, mental frustration too, he wanted to achieve his goal and he was too busy with it, he had his own problems, I knew that. But still, that wasn't something I expected, fuck I never wanted that."

"Noona..." Jeon saw her breaking infront of him, and it hurt him. The least, he thought, he could do to comfort her was listen. But he saw the evident pain in her voice, her red eyes and those forcefully stopped tears lingering at the brim of her eyes' waterline.

"Let me. His call broke me even more, he could've asked me to start once again. To trust him once again. To try to love him once again. But no, he said I love you, fucking I love you, why? Did he think of me as a toy, who would come to him just because he said 'I love you' and then breakup when he'd cheat and then again come back to him if he apologizes? That was so wrong, it made me so upset Jeon, it pained."

"That's the only reason I am not ready, yet, I don't know how would people, how would you treat me. I'm sorry, it'll hurt but give me time. I cannot just come like this, I need to be sure. Sure that you will be with me, you will never do what he did to me, sure that I love you with all of me."

His surroundings stopped, his eyes focused on only her, there weren't any other things as beautiful as her for him. And he believed that she would be the only one he could hold on and so did he need to tell her, to hold on him, to use him so that she could love again, so that she could be free again.

"Hold on, Seol, I need you!"

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A/n

Woahhhh... Let's cry! Don't, this was just... mehhhh

I'm bored again people. And buy me dog someone!

Next chapter, I don't know but it maybe .... there would be a fight, family issues 🤧

Anyway, I would've written BLACK too but nah let this one be alone!

Be the best of you!