𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖎𝖝𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓
no golden girl

✦

         IT WAS WEIRD, to consider yourself the villain of the story. Most villains considered themselves unlikely heroes, that they were doing good and had the right idea, only to be foiled. Or maybe they wanted mayhem, but it was strange for Maia to look in the mirror and not see a hero, but a villain.

She had never seen herself as a hero, it wasn't like she was the golden boy Harry Potter, but she had seen herself as neutral, or more aligned with good. But now, when she looked in the mirror, hiding her left arm so that no one could ever see it (not even herself), she was in true form a villain.

She was one of those who killed innocent muggleborns, who stood by the cause and allowed it. She was one of those who stood for blood purity above all, with the superiority that her want to vomit because they didn't deserve it if this was how they treated those "below" them. She was one who stood with Voldemort; stood for murder, elimination of a race, and domination.

No one would paint her as an unlikely hero; Maia Greene would go down in history as a villain. No one would deeper into it or get to know her story. No one would see how she was led astray, forced into this for the protection of her family, no one would care. They would see the mark, her name, and write their own story.

And as she looked at Draco Malfoy, with sunken features and sickly pale skin, dead, tired eyes with so little strength...it was solidified. They only saw his name, his house, and called him evil. No one looked deeper; no one saw the detrimental state of his health or his body. They saw him, but they didn't.

That was her.

As she stood, surrounding by gold, with treasure abounding farther than her eyes could see, jewels, diamonds, silver and gold...she felt utterly alone. Unworthy to see all this beauty, knowing she was disgracing it with her true nature, and unworthy to live. To stay in this castle, to have her magic, to bare the name Greene; she was completely unworthy.

"We're not getting anywhere with the cabinet," Draco brought up, as if she didn't see him kick at a pile of gold and curse just seconds earlier.

"I can see that," she said with no bite. He didn't deserve it, and she was too tired to give it even if he did, "So what are you gonna do? It's almost Christmas and we can't go to them without anything."

"Progress without near success is complete failure," Draco scoffed, looking at her when she frowned, "That's what my father always said. I can't tell him the truth."

"We can't lie either," Maia reminded him. Voldemort searched their minds and any lie would be uncovered, "But the cabinet needs more time."

Draco turned away. "No," he uttered, voice commanding even though silent, "We can't. Not yet."

"What choice do we have? You said it yourself, progress without near success is complete failure. We need to have something to show, and a dead or harmed Dumbledore will do just that," Maia cried, tears brimming in her eyes at the thought of killing someone. But it had to be done, so she had to be strong and do it.

"We can't!" Draco yelled at her, his hands shaking as his breathing became heavy. "We can't," he muttered again, broken.

Maia sighed and went up to him, bringing a hand to his shoulder, causing him to jolt before relaxing and allowing her to continue rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. "I never said that it had to be now. We can always make sure it goes wrong; we just need to have something to show."

Draco looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, looking around at all the jewelry and lost niceties. "Surely something in here has to be cursed," she said, her tone light even though her words were grave, "We just have to find it."

"If it's cursed, we can't touch it," he warned her, and she scoffed.

"I know that, I'm not an idiot," she sent him a small glare, "But the Restricted Section will have books full of cursed items and surely, with everything else that Hogwarts has, they have to have some cursed items, and where would why deposit them but a room to hide things in?"

Draco looked down, "That's...very logical," he conceded, and Maia sent him a grin, even though she hated how her brain worked well for these deadly deeds.

"Thanks, I know," Maia said, "So, you want to do that?"

"No, I don't want to do any of this – I just want to...I don't know, be normal, but I can't. But we have to, so okay," Draco nodded.

Maia swallowed. "Normal is very relative," she said quietly, "But I know what you mean."

"At least you got to be normal once," Draco said sadly, "My whole life, my parents have been preparing for this. Raising me to, I don't know, like this? Want this? My father always turned up his nose to others, so I did the same. Now look where I am; not wanting to turn my nose up anymore."

"I did get to be normal, but only because Demetri wanted to kill Leo and I," Maia admitted to him, even though she was certain he had heard it all before, "My own father wanted to kill us because Leo's a squib and that, in his mind, is disgraceful. But now he's trying to play it like he's always loved him and only wants the best for me when in reality, I should be dead. He wanted me dead, and when he didn't get to me, he killed my mother."

Draco looked away, "Yet here we are."

"Here we are," Maia repeated with a sigh, "I suppose it's better than death anyway."

"I think I'd rather be dead than have to kill someone else, but it's not like I have much of a choice now," Draco said gravely, "So, cursed items. You can do that, but I'm going to continue working on the cabinet."

✦

Surprising, it didn't take her as long as expected to find a cursed item written about in a book and then find one in the Room of Requirement where they stayed. She thought it would at least take her every night for a week or two, or maybe force her into having to work on this over Christmas break, but the book titled The Most Dangerous Jewels glistened perfectly for her to see with only her wand lighting the way.

And it was perfect, because she looked throughout all the piles of gold that mocked her, glistening and gleaming, screaming I'm golden! and laughing in her face because she wasn't. Maia was no golden girl, and although she had known this for a very long time, the reminder still caused a pang in her heart. But she found it – found a cursed necklace and immediately grabbed a cloth as to not have her skin make contact with it – that would be embarrassing and too suspicious.

But she had it, now she only had to think of how she was going to use it.

"We could smuggle it to where Dumbledore's office is located," Draco suggested, "Not put it in there, but near the gargoyles and staircase."

Maia shook her head, "No. I don't want Dumbledore to be near this."

"He is the one we're trying to kill, you know?" Draco spelled it out for her, as if she didn't know and didn't already feel guilty for his eminent death.

Still, she scoffed and rolled her shoulder, trying to roll the racking guilt off her body. "I know that, Draco, I told you that I'm not an idiot and I'm not. I just...I don't want there any chance of him dying yet."

"So what are we supposed to do?" Draco asked helplessly and she felt her heart squeeze.

Maia slumped against the cabinet, a small sigh escaping her lips as she looked intently at him. "I don't know," she admitted, "But nothing that could actually harm him."

"Tough, because this is a cursed necklace," Draco noted, and she rolled her eyes at his snide remarks.

She looked away from him, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought about it before her eyes lit up and glimmered as she returned to look at his face with a small, proud smile creeping up on her face. "I got it! There's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend –"

"I hardly see how that matters."

"– oh, shut up and listen to me! All we need to do is use the Imperius Curse on someone to take the locket and tell them to get it Dumbledore, someone is bound to bump into them and touch it," Maia explained, proud of herself only for a second before it morphed into disgust for being able to come up with such a wicked plan.

"The Imperius Curse is forbidden," Draco commented.

"So is murdering someone, yet that's what we're planning right now, so I doubt that one little curse will mean anything in the long run," Maia said, "Come on, Draco, they won't really get hurt. At least, not too badly."

He still looked conflicted, his mind knowing that he had to but his core not wanting to. Maia felt the same but pushed the objections inside her away. This was for her family, and for them she would do anything even if they hated her in the end.

"Fine," it seemed like duty won out in the end for Draco, "We'll do it. I'll plant the necklace on someone, and we'll go from there."

She took a step back. "Are you sure? Because I can do it," she offered, wanting to at least take the blame if it went south rather than Draco.

"I'm sure," Draco nodded in confirmation, "It's not like I was going to do anything on Saturday anyway, and if I'm caught...well, it's not like some people aren't already suspecting me of being a Death Eater. You're safe, we shouldn't jeopardize that."

Maia wanted to argue and fight, to say that she should do this because it was her plan and he didn't even want to do this, but he looked so determined that her words got caught in her throat and she didn't. Instead, she nodded, and watched as Draco muttered a goodnight to her and left, part of her still wanting to follow him into the grave instead of staying here and just watching.

✦

On Saturday, with her nerves fiddling with her body causing her to be unable to stand still and making her hand shake slightly, Maia joined Emilia to Hogsmeade, wishing she had the girl's care-free attitude. The girl had a bag full of candy from Honeydukes to sate her needs and a bow in her hair, holding it up as she hummed a nice tune.

Maia did none of that.

"What's got your knickers in a twist today?" Emilia asked her as they entered The Three Broomsticks and sit down at a table.

"Hm?" Maia asked before blinking and attempting to shake off her nerves, "Oh, nothing."

Emilia gave her a knowing look. "Sure, and I'm not blonde," the girl said sarcastically, "Come on, Maia, what's been getting into this year? You're so tense and tight and her shoulders must have so many knots in them. And you haven't even noticed that Jeremy McMillian has the biggest crush on you and sits next to in Charms just to talk to you, and that he keeps glancing your way now."

"What?" Maia asked, looking around and, yep, there was Jeremy McMillian looking down quickly as she had just caught him glancing at her. "Oh, well it's not like it matters."

"I know, he's kinda cute but now hot and definitely not confident enough to ever tell you how he feels," Emilia nodded.

"Oh, no, that's not what I meant," Maia shook her head, "I just...well, I'm not interested in him."

"Nobody is," Emilia said, "It's kinda sad, right? I feel bad for him a little, but it's not like he rememberable enough to be fancied. He should work on that."

"Yeah, that's sad," Maia echoed.

Emilia stared at her intently. "You're not even paying attention, are you? Really, Maia, what's been eating at you? You're not the same anymore."

Maia looked down, you're not the same anymore. Emilia wasn't wrong, she was different from years past because she could no longer be a golden girl. She used to know exactly who she was and who she was going to be – she was Maia Amara Greene who came from a single mother but still had a large family. Now, she was Amara Carrow and it got complicated. She didn't get to choose her future, choose which world she wanted to be in, that was already decided for her. Maia Greene had choices, Amara Carrow didn't.

You're not the same anymore.

No, because she was balancing being Maia and Amara at the same time and she was neither. She wasn't a golden girl anymore, but she wasn't a murderer. She didn't have a choice in her future, but she still had the desire to choose.

"Lots of things happened over summer," Maia eventually told Emilia, "Put things into perspective."

"And does that perspective include being a buzzkill who only focuses on herself and goes out after curfew breaking the rules every single night? I mean, you were always a rulebreaker, but nothing like this," Emilia bluntly said.

"I don't – I'm not focusing on myself," Maia managed to stutter out, because if she only thought about herself, she would be gone by now.

"So you've got a boyfriend then?" Emilia asked, a smirk creeping up at the thought.

"Why are those my only two choices? No, I don't have a boyfriend, no I'm not just focusing on myself. I'm just – I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just going through every day and that's it," Maia finished, because she couldn't tell Emilia about her mission and it really was the truth.

She wasn't who she wanted to be, and she wasn't who they wanted her to be either. She didn't think she would ever be one or the other again. She was just Amara/Maia navigating the world and doing whatever it took to survive and keep her family alive.

"Hm," Emilia huffed out, clearly unhappy with her resolution, "Well, I want some Firewhiskey, think I can convince the bartender to give me some?"

There was a mischievous smile on her face and a glint in her eyes and Maia had no doubt in her mind that if Emilia really wanted to get some Firewhiskey, no one would be able to tell her no. She was stubborn, and fairly attractive. The bartender wouldn't stand a chance. "Go try it," she encouraged her friend, "And get me a butterbeer while you're at it."

"Alright," Emilia messed with her hair to make it look more presentable and then stood up, "Wish me luck!"

"Luck!" Maia called as her friend went to the counter where a young, flustered man was working – well, flustered once Emilia came up to him and no doubt began to lay on the heavy flirting.

Her eyes strayed to see Katie Bell, who she knew played Quidditch and was quite good at it if she recalled correctly from the few games she had attended, go to the bathroom and then she saw Draco slip into the building and head the same way. There was a package in hand.

Maia sat up in alarm, eyes widening before she calmed herself knowing she couldn't have a big reaction. Draco blended in well and she was sure that no one would notice him, which was good, and only a minute after he entered, he left. There was no package in his hand this time.

And then she watched as Katie Bell, looking determined, walked out of The Three Broomsticks without looking at anyone else, carrying the package that Draco once had. She saw Katie's friends stand up and run after her, calling out her name, and she was sure that Katie didn't turn around once.

Maia gulped, looking away and to Emilia, who was flirting with the bartender who placed down a butterbeer and a Firewhiskey, none the wiser to what had just occurred. And even though she knew that no one could connect her to the crime, she still felt her heart beat wildly in her chest.

You're safe, that's what Draco had said. No one would suspect her of anything because she was just Golden Girl Maia with a good mother who could never harm another person. Maia with the squib twin brother, Maia with the proven to be good cousin, Calypso.

You're safe. No one ever thought of her being evil, no one even knew that her real last name wasn't Greene but Carrow and that her father that once wanted her dead now wants her to be a Death Eater just like him. They don't know that she has a mark on her left arm, branding her to the genocide of people like her mother and brother. They don't know, they don't know.

You're safe. She wasn't Draco, who everyone thought was evil. She was Maia because no one knew about Amara. She was a golden girl right now, not planning any deadly deeds, unaware of what would happen to Katie. Only Amara knew about that, and she didn't exist to these people.

You're safe. When Emilia turned around and walked back to their table with a mug of butterbeer and bottle of Firewhiskey, there was no accusatory look, only one of pride. And later, when Katie eventually touched the necklace and earned its wrath, no one went looking for Maia to be held responsible, no one even thought of her as one of the suspects because why would they? She's safe.