The Sun's light shames the greyness away from the sky.

Roots that were firmly entrenched into the ground are all uprooted, drying out in the heat of the day.

Nature seems to be in distress.

Full eyes of that pack are on their Alpha.

Blatant blame presses in on him as the raft gets closer to shore. Luki in the back, the Savage dragging us forward with the rope attached to the trees. All I have to do is hold onto my pup. Waves crash over the logs primitively that are lashed together with the destroyed hide of the shelter.

Both males are naked when they step out of the water. The Savage holds his hand out for me take. The loincloth tied securely to my waist. Birth blood is still leaking out - thighs sticky, flies are buzzing around.

Tension elevates the air.

Tight blameful eyes regard their Alpha as he stands to shelter my body with his from the pack.

...he waits.

Solidly standing against his pack. The Alpha facing their judgment of who he is to them.

"Say what you have to say," he speaks to all. His father steps out of the shadow, watching - not interfering.

"You picked the wrong place to stop." An Elder male steps to the front.

"You're carelessness has brought devastation to our pack." Another Elder steps forward, the female leans on a walking stick. Luki stands on his brother's left.

I'm his Right, Luki is the Left. The Alpha is our Middle. 

"As Alpha, you should have predicted this."

A rumbling agreement throughout the pack, like slow-moving waves washing against the chest of the Savage. The ripples starting to get bigger, fuller, more violent as more speak up and accuse their Alpha of putting them in harm's way.

Luki, bristles on his Left.

The Savage listens accurately to everything they have to say. Each of their voices is heard in complete calm.

There is no elevation to the beat of his heart. Nothing rises on him.

Ridge fur is all matted down without a bristle.

Every voice that wants the opportunity to speak their opinion about the situation has the chance to voice their concerns. Once they are finished, the Savage straightens himself up all the way to his full height of Hierarchy.

"There was a miscalculation on my part, I thought that the water would never rise above the ridge. There is no history of the river breaking over the ridge. It will be noted that there is potential for this in our books. I take the responsibility for the loss you have suffered. I made the decision to camp here, and it was the wrong one."

...he waits.

Murmuring, ripple once again gains strength to bash against him directly into his chest.

Taking a step, shoulder to shoulder with my Alpha.

"Your Alpha was with you, helping you through the storm. He was with his pack. While I-" a drop to his stomach is felt by me, so hard it induces a gag. Heart rate climbing on him. The inside of the Savage Wars.

"He was with you, Providing, Protecting you. How dare you blame him for something that was not ever predicted. Were you with your mate when she brought her Future into the world?" Asking the Elder who was the first one to speak.

"Yes," he says.

"Was your mate with you when you welped your pup," asking the female who spoke next.

"Yes," she replies back.

"While I was birthing my pup, my mate was helping the pack." An acute heaviness weighs the shoulders down of the Alpha. I feel it as if it's my weight to hold up.

"I called to him to help me, to be with me. Because I am selfish. He was with the pack as his pup slipped from my Nest." An auditory intake of his breath is becoming more noticeable. His bones crack from the inside, soul pain leeches itself out.

...nothing speaks.

His father wears a smile before turning himself away from the group.

"How will we forage, everything is destroyed?" A worried sound comes from the middle of the pack. The old Alpha turns - cunning eyes tighten.

"Are you that unsure of your skills that you are afraid a storm has ruined the way we gather food. You should just go belly up now. Stay in your spot and die in your spot if you are so sure that everything is destroyed. How did you even survive your winter trails?" All mouths shut hard. No one else speaks.

"Luna Bessa, come to my fire I have food for you and I would like to meet my grandson."

Hard, heavy steps of the Savage now walk forward parting the pack with his tone of sound.

Fires are starting to drift the scent of smoke in the air the further into the destroyed forest we get. Tents have been set up, pups are running naked, barefoot through the destruction.

Searching for Orva, she's not to be found, but her mate is. He's sitting by the fire alone. Their tents already set up.

"Come and eat with us." His father leads us to the small fire with a cast iron pot to the side, simmering up vapors of steam that disappear the higher the tendrils climb.

Mouth waters, hunger tightens, knots into a stomach that requires extra food to produce milk for the pup.

"I'll trade you, a bowl of soup to hold my grandson?" Ladling the stew into the bowl, he puts it on the fur that's spread out. His mother approaches with distinct respect. Calm, without an upward rise to her. I watch every move she makes. She's holding skins in her hands, with a satchel stuffed full - bulging out the sides.

Sitting down, strong, secure hands reach for the pup that's protected from the light underneath the dirty loincloth. Saturated in his own excrements.

Wolves start to gather around, pressing in to have their first glimpse of their Future Alpha.

"Keep them away for now," turning to my Savage.

Visual movement is fluid on a body that drops to all fours. Mimicking the Wild, he circles the perimeter with a War of teeth showing. A rumble sounding, rushing up the length of his throat. The path he makes is clear, our privacy will be maintained. All step off his path, all hunch shoulders to the mastery of his Nature.

Alpha.

"I've collect moss for you, and my mate was able to kill rabbits, the hides are perfect to wrap around his waist to collect the waste." His mother is gently taking out moss that is packed densely in the satchel.

"We should clean him first before we put his diaper on." The old Luna has a pot with water in it that's near the fire. She puts her wrist in it, before dipping some fabric into the water.

The old alpha is sniffing the pup, his lips against his cheek, nose in his neck. Odinson squirms, trying to wake up. His head is pulling away but his eyes are tightly closed. Fists balled up on the verge of crying. Face scrunches.

"Put him down on the blanket, let me look at him." His mother is smoothing a spot making sure there is nothing on the soft fur before he's set gently down. She begins to wash his body with warm water. He pulls his legs up to his chest, she washes every crevice, every fold of skin. Cleaning him completely. Correctly.

"This is how we diaper our pups in the bush." placing the moss against his bottom and front, to catch the filth that will come out, she then wraps the rabbit fur around him securing it with a tie that has been sown into the waistband.

"You'll have to wash the hides in the stream to clean them, dry them stretched out on two sticks when it's time for bed sleep with them so they hold your scent and soften with your body heat." His mother picks up my pup in her arms, cradles him against her chest, sniffs his head, his cheek. Nibbling at his flesh.

"He's perfect." a swallow from her, emotions bubbling up with a shine on both of their eyes.

"Eat," I'm given a bowl of stew, thick chunks of meat that melt as soon as my tongue pushes against the pieces on the roof of my mouth. Not one but two bowls are eaten. The Savage is busy making his tent by his parents. Luki is helping his brother set up camp.

Both parents take turns holding Odin in their arms until its time to feed him.

When their work is done they are both given a bowl of stew to eat, not as much as what I had. They are given a very lean portion enough to taste not enough to fill them like my stomach is bloated.

"He's a strong male, Borson." A proud grandfather reaches out to a son and hugs him, cheek to cheek.

"He will be taught to follow the ways of the Moon. Without exceptions." Conviction is prominent in words that come out bold sounding.

When the pup is done nursing the Savage takes him from me, watching him learn how to burp him from his father. Both males laugh when a belch comes up right from the gut of the pup.

"Are you tired, Bessa?' Borson inquires when my eyes close for more than a blink.

"I am."

"Good night," standing. Blood trickles down.

"Use the moss on you too, Bessa. It will keep the inside of your tent clean until your Nest heals itself." Her voice is gentle, kind almost like my mother's own voice.

Taking the satchel from her when I enter the tent, it's dark. Bunching up the moss I put it at my entrance to collect blood.

Laying on my side, the pup gets tucked into my chest. The Savage lays down, pressing his chest against my back. His fingers graze the length of my arm.

"How do you feel?" Gentle words in the dark that whisper his low tone against the back of my neck.

"I'm not sure, I feel exhausted, different. I don't really know." Eyes are closed while speaking. Heavy lips stay closed even when he moves closer. Wrapping me up in his arms.

Secure.

"Thank you, Bessa. For giving me a family."

Stiffening. The bones of my chest pull in, clamping tight.

"Did you picture yourself with her like this, with your arms wrapped around her. Thanking her for the family she would have given you?"

...silence.

"Yes,"

"Don't thank me for something that is my obligation to you, to the pack. Don't wrap your arms around me the same way you wanted to hold her. Don't be mistaken, Alpha. I am doing what is expected of me as Luna. We are not a family. You are his father, I am his mother. But a family, I'll never be in the family you pictured with her. I will never be that picture you wanted from another." His arms loosen their hold on me.

"You wanted all this with someone else. You wanted a pup from someone else. You wanted everything from someone else. And all I wanted was you. It's hard to share you with her. It's hard to become something that you already pictured before me."

...silence.

"Bessa, I-"

"Don't. It's too late. I don't want the family you've always wanted. I wanted a family, I had dreams, big bold dreams of what my family would be like. They probably mimic what you wanted, except I was never in your dreams, right? It was her face you wanted to smile too as you looked at the pup she would have given you."

Silence hurts because silence tells his truth to me.

"Did you picture how proud you would be when she gave you a male?"

"Yes," the word comes out with a sickness his gut is feeling.

"Don't touch me."

...his hand slides away from my body.

"I'll never be happy with you, really happy. There might be moments throughout the years that will make you think that I am happy, but it will just be a moment out of years and years. I had so much hope before you. I had many dreams. I wanted my family. Not someone else's dreams of a family that I never once belonged to."

His heartbeat is hard, pounding between us.

"Are you happy, Borson?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you happy with me?"

"That's not a fair question." He's tensing up.

"All my questions are fair."

"At times I am happy with you other times, no I'm not happy with you." Truth, nothing but truth spills from his lips.

"Have you ever regretted finding me?"

No sound from him.

"It's simple, yes or no."

...waiting.

"If you mark me, you'll know all the answers to your questions."

"I'm not going to mark you until I need to mark you, my mate." A sweet sound slides off a sharp tongue.

"Do you or don't you regret finding me."

I can feel the shake of his body.

"At times I regret finding you."

...silence.

"I'm going to be a good mother, a good Luna, a proper Right to you. But nothing more. I'm sorry for ruining all the dreams you had before me. I'm sorry for all the regrets you must have about me. Please get out of the tent right now. I want to sleep without the burden of your body by me."

The beat of his heart pulls away to the point I can't hear it anymore.

Softly, quietly, crying. Suffocating my voice into the fur.

The Savage only comes into the tent when the pup cries, he will take the dirty diaper from me to wash and I put the clean with moss stuffed inside until the next feeding.

Our routine becomes routine.

Hardly one word spoken to the other.

Orva is still inside her tent the day I come to visit. She's not been seen outside, not once.

"Orva, it's me, Bessa. Can I come inside?"

...no answer.

"I'm coming it." Her mate nods his head, he's lost weight, his ribs are showing through his chest.

Orva is on her side, facing the wall.

"I'm sorry Orva for your loss."

It's tightening up my throat as if someone is squeezing it.

Nothing can be swallowed down and Orva is crying now.

"I couldn't hold onto her." A small voice, not her voice. Her voice would never be that small that lost.

"Orva, it's not your fault."

"I'm her mother, it's my fault." words form in a throat that seems to be scratched up from the abuse it's taken from her screaming out.

Laying down with her, I hold her as she cries. Letting her cry again and again until she falls back asleep. She's lighter, without weight.

Placing a kiss I go back to my Routine with the Savage.

The days move, the pup grows, and we are in our proper places. Me on his right. Dutiful. Respectful of position. The mother of the next heir, and Luna of the pack.

In the tent he no longer shares with me, I cry myself some night, some nights I pretend to have a male that's all mine. I pretend in my mind a life that I could have had, should have had. Instead of being a regret to green eyes.

There is a deep pleasure when Luki and I are together, sometimes I pretend he's my mate. Laughing with him, gathering herbs. He wears flowers in his hair, and he makes me a crown for mine.

Sometimes when looking at Luki, I think I can fall in love with him, but then that would make me no better than the Savage.

"Would you like to come with me to the lake and wash?' The Savage will ask me every day to do things with him.

"Regretfully, not today." Turning on my heels, the pup clutched to my chest who smiles now.

Odin and his father practice their smiles together when I go to wash by myself or with Orva who is slowly coming back from living in the dark of her tent.

Her face carries no smile but her eyes don't water all the time either.

"Bessa, come with me." Luki is excited, he takes Odin from my arms, walking us away from the pack.

"What is it?"

"I found something you might like."

"Look," Luki points to a bush loaded with fruit.

"Black raspberries. My favorite." Luki sits down with Odin who is smiling toothless to the side at his Uncle.

Picking the fruit, handing some to Luki we sit and gorge ourselves fully. Lips stained, teeth stain, fingers all stained.

"Thank you, Luki," touching the side of his face. Letting the side of my thumb slide down the vein on his throat. Letting it rest against his now beating heart. Getting closer to him.

"You have juice all over your mouth." gliding my finger over his lips, looking at his eyes.

Looking at him, stilling. My finger remains against his mouth.

Not moving, not pulling away.

We don't hear the Savage, we only see him standing in front of us.

My hand drops quickly.

"What are you doing?" He asks, his face mirrors mine now. Straightline no laughing anymore.

"Nothing," looking away.

"Eating," Luki states while standing up. The stain on his mouth makes his lips look painted.

The Savage takes Odin from Luki's hands.

Teeth slide out of his mouth, "you should go, brother." It's a barely contained threat to Luki.

"I'll come with you Luki."

"No, I want you to stay with me." His hand grabs onto my wrist, not hard but enough that I can't walk away from him.

He waits for Luki to leave.

"What you're doing is not right, Bessa."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes, you are. You're shutting me out of everything you do. You won't let me walk with you, wash with you, eat with you and sleep in the same tent. You can't even talk to me when I ask you questions." Hurt comes from his voice that's trying to remain calm, unlike his body that is visibly shaking.

"Whose fault is that?" Silver whipped words lash out.

"Yours, Bessa. You are at fault now. I am trying. I will always keep trying but you have to try too."

"I have to try? Your regret has to try?" I want to shove him. I want to hit his face.

"I'm nothing but a regret to you, that's all I am-" His lips press against mine. Hard, fast, he bites into my bottom lip, a gasp out. Body mechanics naturally grab onto his shoulders. His fingers weave through my hair pulling my head back, throat exposed. He bites into me.

It hurts, I whimper.

A moan comes out...long and embarrassing.

I'm not released from my spot until hard tremors affect the constitution of my marrow to liquify inside bones.

"In the beginning, yes I had regrets about finding you because of how miserable I made you. I don't regret you in my life. I don't regret loving you more than what I ever thought the word love meant." He's breathing so hard, his chest is heaving.

The pup cries between us.

"When it's bedtime, I will sleep in there with you. With my family. It might not be what you or I thought it would be - but its something that I would never trade, for anything. No matter how vile you are, no matter how unforgiving you are. No matter what you do, I will always want our family. I will always want you." His words firmly push out into my structure.

The ribs surrounding my heart pulls in.

A snippet of Elska. 

"I don't like to be touched. Stay away from me or I will take your fingers off one by one."