"It's Uncle Beau! He's home!" Suzie ran around the corner of the house where her parents sat with her grandparents and Uncle J. She stood and pointed back the way she'd come and frowned. "Mummy. I'm not lying." She twisted the corner of her mouth and said, "I'm not."

"Come here, sweetheart. We'll wait here until Nana and Poppy see him first."

Suzie looked at her father's face. "Why aren't you happy? Nana's crying, Uncle J's leg is jerking, and Mummy looks worried. Only Poppy is smiling."

Richard scooped her up. "We'll give Uncle Beau a minute then Nana and I will see him. You can come and give him a big kiss and a hug soon. What do you say? Uncle Beau will love that."

Suzie grinned and then giggled because Poppy dug his fingers into her ribs. He swished her in the air, plonked her on her Daddy's lap, and then took Nana's hand. "Come on, woman. Come and welcome your son home."

Patricia wasn't sure how she felt. She was excited but scared. Happy but sad. Anxiety ghosted through her body. When she saw him, she wanted to react in the right way. She didn't want to smother him and risk losing him again. Richard took her hand and gave her the strength to stand.

As they moved towards the corner of the house, she heard a car door shut. Beau stood beside a dusty four-wheel drive with a kaki duffle bag over one shoulder. His hair was scruffy and his face was covered in bristles. Patricia staggered. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. He was here. He was home. She felt Richard steady her and run his hand up her back.

Beau dropped his bag and strode towards her. He put his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. "God... Mum. Don't. Please don't. Don't cry." Beau buried his face in her hair and held her tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She sucked in a loud breath and took hold of his face with both of her hands. "Beau... oh... Beau... I missed you so much." Patricia let go of his face and threw her arms around his neck. She squeezed him so hard that he off-balanced but she didn't let go.

Richard chuckled and put his hand on her shoulder. "Come on, woman. The poor boy can't breathe."

"I'm sorry, honey." Patricia eased off and touched Beau's face. "I'm just so happy to see you."

"Me too, Mum. It's good to be home." Beau set his mother on her feet and threw his arm around his father's shoulders. "Dad. I'm sorry. I don't know if you'll ever understand but I had to do this. I had to find myself."

Richard gripped Beau's shoulders and looked into his son's face. "Hey, there's plenty of time to talk about that later. Let's get you inside. You know how this family works. It wouldn't be a welcome home without the whole tribe." Richard pulled his son against his chest and patted him on the back.

Beau beamed and wiped his face. "The whole tribes here?"

"Yep... the whole tribe."

Josh was the first to get to him. They didn't speak but hugged hard. Lydia sobbed and snuggled into the crook of his arm while Taylor shook his hand.

Beau saw Suzie standing behind her father's leg. He crouched. "How's my little girl?"

She didn't move but grinned and murmured, "I told them you were here."

"You did?"

Suzie clasped her hands together and twisted from side to side as she beamed at him.

Beau held his hands out to her. "Can I have a hug?"

She glanced at her grandfather. He smiled at her. Suzie threw herself into Beau's hands. She put her arms around his neck and rested her cheek on his shoulder. "Poppy said you'd want a big hug from me."

"Poppy's a smart man, isn't he?"

Suzie giggled and cupped her hand around Beau's ear. "Now you're back Mummy and Nana will stop crying," she whispered.

Beau carried his things into his old room. It was the same as it had always been. He unpacked his bag and headed for the shower.

As Beau shaved, he studied his face. The last time he had looked at himself in this mirror there was a ball of anxiety in his gut and stress in his eyes. Beau smiled at his image and lathered his cheeks. He felt good. His family had welcomed him with open arms and not one had pressured him to talk.

It was as if he'd been away on an extended holiday. He could hear them milling around and calling to each other. The men were in the backyard setting up the barbeque while the women were in the kitchen. His mother shrieked with laughter about something that had been said to her. This was good. Perfect.

He drew the razor down his face and wondered if he would be in this space, this instant of time if he hadn't disappeared. Fin's image flashed in his mind. He thought about where she would be if he hadn't left his family and become another person.

Was he another person?

Beau looked at his reflection and asked, "Are you? Are you a different person?"

He heard Cody's voice echo in his head. "No, you wanker. You are who you are. You've just added some extra sauce."

Beau chuckled. Cody had been into levels. He believed that life is like a beef roll. Your experiences made it thicker and juicer and have added another level to the sandwich. He grinned at the thought of Cody, finished shaving and showering, and then headed outside.

"Are you drinking these days?" Richard held a stubby and titled his head in question.

"Yeah... not too often. Got any light?"

"You betcha." Richard returned the heavy.

Beau grinned when his father threw him a Hahn Light. "My favourite."

They talked about the goings on in the family and what they'd all been doing. Suzie had started prep. Josh was in a new band. Patricia was tracing the family tree. Taylor had bought a partnership in the commercial kitchen supply business he had managed for the last five years.

Beau swallowed a piece of meat and picked up his stubby. "What about you, Lid? What have you been up to?"

She watched him take a mouthful of beer and grinned because he'd called her by his pet name. A name only he and Cody had ever used.

"I'm pregnant again."

The beer got caught in his throat. Beau struggled to swallow it. A trickle ran down his chin. "Wow... fantastic! Man! Congratulations!" He stood and went around the table, crouched and hugged his sister.

She sobbed. Beau frowned and lifted her chin to look at her face. "What's up? This is good news, right?"

Lydia gasped for breath. "I thought you were dead!" She buried her head in Beau's neck.

"Ah... Lid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Beau ran his hand down the back of her head. "Come on. Don't cry. Please. I'm here now." He looked up to see his mother was crying. It was time. The welcome was over and he had to make things right.

Beau stood and gave Lydia's hair one more sweep. He took hold of his mother's hand and sat between them.

"I'm sorry I did what I did. I felt I had no choice."

"Beau?" Richard looked at him with worry. "You don't have to do this yet."

"Yeah, I do, Dad." Beau looked from his father's face to his mother's, and then his sister's and brother's. He looked back at his father. "It's time, Dad. Now's the right time." He took a deep breath of air. "Will you sit because I'd like to do this while we're all together?"

Richard sat beside his wife and took hold of her other hand. She snuggled against him.

Beau looked at each of them, and then said, "You all know where I've been in my head since Cody died. I'm sorry about that. I... shit. What can I say? Fuck I miss him so much but I'm better now. I've accepted that it wasn't my fault. Just a freak accident. I didn't mean to upset anyone but I had to go away. Living here. Seeing what I was doing to you all made me feel worse. The self-blame circle kept spinning. I blamed myself for Cody's death and the way I handled it was pretty fucked."

He held his hand in apology. "Sorry, Mum, I know you don't like swearing." He took a breath and continued, "Knowing what I was doing to you all was killing me. It sent me deeper into the hole. I was selfish and focused on how his death was affecting me. I couldn't see what it did to anyone else. Instead, I just added to your burden."

Beau lifted his face to the sky. He took another deep breath. "I'm so sorry for that. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you all but I'm going to try."

Josh stood behind Beau and put his hand on his shoulder. "There's no need. You were forgiven the day you left. We're a family, Beau. We'd never hold any of this against you. We never have."

Beau couldn't speak. He felt warm tears roll down his cheeks. He lifted Josh's hand and kissed its palm. "Thanks, J. That means a lot to me."

"I mean it, Beau. I know how close you and Cody were. We all do." He gave Beau a gentle smile. "I always wanted to be one of you."

Through her tears, Patricia let out a little chuckle. "Triplets. No thanks, Josh. Do you know how hard it was giving birth to that pair and then keeping them in line?"

Richard rocked back on his chair and laughed. "Do you remember when Cody went into Mr Jamison's backyard and stole his prize-winning pumpkin just before the show?"

"I remember it." Beau pointed at his father and grinned. "After all it was me, you flogged for it."

"Oh... Beau." Patricia beamed and touched his face. "He was always doing that. Getting into trouble and saying it was you."

"What about that girl you liked in grade ten? He pretended he was you and took her to the movies. When she thanked you for taking her the next day you had no idea what she was talking about."

They burst into laughter. For the next half hour, stories of Cody's antics set them in a happier frame of mind. Beau watched them talk. This was good. Better than he deserved but it was how he would have wanted it if he was the one who had died. He looked to the sky and thought if heaven existed, he hoped Cody was looking down because Beau knew he'd have wanted this too.

Beau's quietness settled them. They looked at him with concern. He smiled at his family. "Cody would have wanted this. Wanted us to be happy and remember him like this."

A tear trickled down Patricia's face. She stroked him again. "Yes, honey. It's exactly what he would have wanted."

Beau smiled at his mother and then kissed her cheek. "I need to tell you the rest." 

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