A/N: In creative writing today, we had to write a story and this was our criteria:

"1. This story needs to involve teeth.
2. There has to be one really terrible (terrible as in a corny joke, not terrible as in offensive!) joke.
3. There needs to be at least one animal.
4. Someone famous needs to make an appearance.
5. There needs to be one character that everyone just doesn't like. Sort of like a Toby character from The Office (although I love Toby, the rest of the office staff doesn't seem to!)"

So I wrote a story basically in the Once on Instagram universe (except Regina isn't pregnant and they all still live in Storybrooke) and broke the fourth wall in every other paragraph, so have something semi-light-hearted with some ranting to hopefully brighten your day. I made a few changes, but this is basically exactly what I turned in, so we'll see how my teacher likes it😂

~

"May 8, 2016 was one of the worst days of my life. I lost my soulmate--"

"Stop telling people I'm dead!"

"Sometimes I can still hear his voice." Regina looked up into the distance. "If you're out there, Adam and Eddy, just know that you ruined my life and the lives of so many other people who drew hope from Robin Hood. Honestly, who in their right mind kills off Robin Hood?! And there wasn't even a reason for it either! And now, Jen is stealing our saltiness for her fans! This is an outrage!"

"Regina!" Emma ripped the paper out of her friend's hand. "You can't say that! You know there has to be a famous person in this story, and if you keep ranting, it will be Jen, Adam, or Eddy and you'll get in a fist fight with them."

"Yes please," Regina didn't seem to think a fist fight was a bad idea. "Hold on! Why can't Robin just be the famous person? I mean, he's Robin Hood! Robin is famous."

"Yeah!" Robin agreed. "Then I won't have to break up a fist fight. I'll just be the famous person."

"Fine," Emma agreed. "What else do we need?" She pulled her phone from her pocket to check the list. "She needs us to include teeth, an animal, a character no one likes, and...ooh! A super corny joke! I love those!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "All your jokes are corny. Remember that time you, Ruby, and Neal spent an hour just making bad puns?"

Emma smiled. "Yes! Okay, so once we have everything else, we'll gather all the other components and I'll tell a really bad joke. So, let's see... who is someone no one likes?"

"I have a whole list!" Regina exclaimed, "There's Hook, Hyde, Hades, Adam and Eddy, Percival, Pan, James, Past-- Oh wait. My bad, we're not being salty about that last one right now. So, how about one of those?"

"Well..." Emma frowned, "Hades and Percival don't exist anymore, Pan and James are in the River of Lost Souls, Hyde is just... no. And you'll probably light Adam and Eddy on fire. So Hook it is! Now we need at least one animal."

"Does Robin's lion tattoo count?" Regina asked, holding her husband's arm out so Emma could see. "Or does it have to be, like, real?"

Emma shrugged. "No idea-- Wait! Ruby can just turn into a wolf tonight."

"How do we know tonight will be a full moon?" Robin asked.

"If the plot calls for it, we'll have a full moon," Emma said simply. "So I think the only thing left is teeth."

"We all already have teeth," Regina pointed out. "Why would we need to find teeth? Do they have to be outside of our mouths?"

"Hmmm..." Emma thought for a moment. "I guess as long as she writes in some detail about our teeth here, that should be okay." Emma smiled, showing off her white teeth.

"Alright, so you get Killian and Robin and I will get Ruby," Regina said. "We'll all meet up at the town line tonight."

"Why the town line?"

"So we can cry over the season four midseason finale and we can cry over Robin's unfair death and we can be salty. And we can sing Hook's song about revenge."

~

Emma found Hook's ship at the docks, just as she knew she would. It was like she said earlier, if the plot called for it, it would be handed to them on a silver platter. All Emma really needed to do was to think up the best corny joke she could.

"Oh, Killian," Emma called from the dock. "I need you for something!" One beat. Two beats. How could he not be in his ship? That was the only place he ever was. Three. Four.

"What do you need?" Came the reply.

"We need you to complete the criteria for the story."

"Why me?" Hook stepped down onto the dock next to Emma. "What criteria did I fit that Regina actually agreed to?"

"Uh..." Emma hesitated. "Someone who's missing a limb." Emma gestured to Hook's missing hand. "You were the closest we've got."

"That sounds fake, but okay. So what now?"

"We wait for sundown."

~

Ruby was in Granny's with Dorothy. It was nearly closing time when Regina and Robin entered the restaurant. "We're not here for food," Regina assured Ruby when she saw the look on her face. "We need to borrow you for the story. We need at least one animal."

"Um, what about Toto?" Dorothy asked. "He is, after all, fully dog and not a werewolf."

Regina and Robin looked at each other before Robin finally spoke up. "Sure, bring him along too. The list said 'at least one', so it's okay if we have both Ruby and Toto." Robin looked at Regina, "That's okay, right?"

Regina nodded. "Besides, we don't want to separate Ruby and Dorothy. We're not monsters like Adam and Eddy are. They drove Jen away from their show!"

"Regina..."

"I'm sorry," Regina apologized in a soft voice. "I'm just saying, if I agreed to play a role and then three years later, they forced my character into an abusive relationship, I would have wanted to leave too."

"You're going to upset all of the CaptainSwan fans."

"Yeah, well they don't exist here because the plot demands we live in a world where no one likes Hook," Regina shot back. "Let's exclude him from a 'happy beginning' and see how people react. It's only fair, in my humble opinion."

"Yeah, let's move onto the next scene."

~

As soon as night fell, Emma, Killian, Regina, Robin, Ruby, Dorothy, and Toto were all at the town line. The full moon shone down, transforming Ruby into a wolf. Toto had become used to Ruby as a wolf at this point, so he sat next to her, his tail wagging excitedly.

"Thank you all for gathering here tonight," Emma began. "This is for a very important story and you have been invited either because you meet needed criteria or because I like you," Emma winked at Regina, who rolled her eyes. "Anyways, there is one aspect of this story that is missing. We have teeth - obviously, everyone has teeth. We have at least one animal - hello, Ruby and Toto. We have someone famous--"

"And anyone who says Robin Hood is not famous can FIGHT ME!" Regina interrupted. After a moment of silence, she spoke again, "Carry on."

Emma cleared her throat, "Right. And we also have, uh, someone who is missing a limb. That would be Killian. What we don't have yet is a terribly corny joke. So are you all ready? This is dedicated to Nathan the Taco Bell Lover*!"

"Just get on with it!" Regina shouted.

Emma took a deep breath. "The trampoline business is very risky."

The night was silent for several moments. Regina squeezed Robin's hand, trying to brace herself for the pain Emma was about to make her endure.

"I mean, it has its ups and downs."

Another moment of silence and then everyone who was there exploded into applause. They did it! They completed all of the criteria, with six minutes left! Now they could all rant about how unfair Robin's death was.

Because I mean, honestly. Did A&E really think they could get away with killing the one and only Robin Hood? He's famous! You can't kill a famous person and expect everyone to be okay with it, especially when you don't have a reason for it.

Rest in peace, Robin Hood. I will forever be sad and bitter over your death that had no purpose. You deserve your happy ending much more than Hook the Fake Hero and I will fight for your happiness for forever.

#LegendsNeverDie #SeanDeservedBetter

~

*Nathan the Taco Bell Lover is one of my Bible quiz coaches, and he told us that joke while we were on the bus headed to either a quiz meet or a youth group event (i don't remember which)