It was getting out of control.

Ever since we kissed and spent the night together on his cell, things had gotten more and more intense between us. I was no longer interested in hiding my feelings for J when I was with him. The moment he set foot inside my office and the guards closed the door, we wasted no time and our lips crashed immediately. It was painful, exciting, electrifying, just like him. The Joker had me totally and utterly wrapped around his finger.

But no matter how far we went, he seemed reluctant to cross that line. When his hands reached my clothes some invisible force pulled him away from me, like my bare skin could burn him down to ashes. He could have taken me by then, without any kind of resistance from me, but something stopped him every single time.

And when I got home alone by night, it was unbearable. All I wanted was to be with him, feel his arms around me, his lips on my neck, to hear his voice as I drifted to sleep; I was addicted, my feelings for the psychotic clown had grown obsessive and it was killing me.

I lost it one morning, my heart was burning and my throat hurt terribly, a lump inside it made it so difficult to breathe. Tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably I had to lock myself inside my office as I sobbed like a widow at her husband's funeral.

I wanted him so bad and curing him had become a necessity, for me. Dr. Harleen was no longer interested in proving the world she could fix the unfixable, to solve the puzzle that twisted the clown's mind, the awards, the recognition, that was all thrown into the trash. All I wanted was to be with J, to call him mine, to get away from these walls with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

I snapped and rummaged the drawers, looking for a piece of paper that would be our salvation, our way out of this filthy place, our freedom. My hands shook as I signed it and smiled cowardly when my eyes read the paper again and again and again.

Patient: Joker
Diagnosis: Psychopathy, Schizophrenia, Antisocial Personality Disorder, ASPD, Personality Desorder, Bipolarity. Signs of self harm and violent behavior towards others.
Treatment: Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)

•••

"You're so quiet today." I asked him say on his usual husky voice that melted my insides, but I refused to let him change my mind and regret the decision I had made.

Why would I regret it? I was doing it for us. Or so I thought.

I stood up from the cold chair and walked over next to him, my hand reaching down to the back of his head. He was watching me curiously already, I could swear he knew how to read my mind by then. It was scary.

"I need you to trust me on this, J." I started, my voice nervous and shaky he noticed it immediately. "You're getting a different kind of treatment tomorrow morning. I'll be there by your side at all times and I promise it won't hurt you."

Joker frowned and said nothing, just stared at me with a certain hint of anger building up inside him. It was obvious in his ice blue eyes, and it hurt me terribly. How could I be so selfish?

"You're getting ECT, which is a–"

"I know what that is," he mumbled, pushing my hand away from his neck, "however, my dear, I never thought you would be the mediocre, pathetic kind of doctor who would let me go through that. I thought we were getting along and making an amazing progress. Now you want to fry my brain, you are so funny, Harleen."

His sarcasm and irony stopped my heart, the tears I had managed to stop from pouring down my cheeks blurred my vision as I inevitably darted my look away from the man before me.

"Oh, so now you're crying?" he chuckled, standing up and walking towards me until I ended up trapped between him and the nearest wall. "Could you please be so kind to tell me why the fuck are you crying, doctor? Because I hurt your ego? Because I am right? Because you're nothing but a da–"

"Because I'm doing this for us! You said, and I quote: 'I would do anything for us to be together, baby...' while you were so busy shoving your tongue down my throat!" I screamed as my fists hit his chest.

Seconds felt like hours as we stared at each other silently, until a loud animalistic growl escaped from his throat and his lips covered mine, kissing me hungrily.

•••

It was more awful than I expected it to be. I knew the treatment, knew the body's reaction to the shocks. This time it was unbearable. I couldn't get that painful look away from my mind, the anger, his body twisting on the table.

But as I sat before him the day after, his gaze soft, calm and even friendly, somehow convinced me that I had done the right thing.

"Doctor Quinzel," he said melodically, his adorable orbs focused on my face. "I live for this moments with you."

I felt myself smile dumbly as my hand reached for my pocket, searching for something I had gotten for J, A gift as a truce for making him go through that torture.

"I brought you a kitty, Mister J. So if you get some after effects you can have something soft you can hold onto."

"You're so thoughtful and adorable, kiddo." he said, his dreamy smile sending a wave of relief through my body. "But as soon as they get me out of this jacket I will wrap my arms around that delicious body... and the cat, of course."

It had worked. I kept repeating myself as we talked and shared some tender kisses, leaned against the table. It was just a matter of time for my Joker to be able to leave this place so we could be together.

What a naive, silly, stupid little girl I was.

"My child. I agreed to take your... treatment. And I must say I feel much better but now, my sweet Harleen, now you need to start your own treatment." he said suddenly, his neck swinging like a snake as he spoke, hypnotizing me. "We're so close to leave this place forever, my love. But first, you must pass certain easy, tessy, tests. There is something you could do for me, doctor."

Anything, anything for you.

"I need a machine gun."

To be continued...