chapter one

Brown orbs stared out the glass window of the exact view outside the building of the Federal Bureau of Investigation in Quantico, Virginia. Specifically, where the Behavioral Analysis Unit, also known as the BAU located. A sharp inhale from the dark-haired woman, digging her nails into the sleeves of her shirt when a string of memories taunted her mind.

Her bloodied hand shakily gripped onto a weak masculine hand, tears streaming nonstop. "Keep your eyes open for me. Look at me." Her free hand brushed his face and slightly dilating orbs.

He coughed and pressed his hand on her abdomen. "D-Do you want to know my actual answer when you catch me in a daze?" He roughly coughed again with a spill of blood, causing her to squeeze his hand, tighter. "W-When I see you- I see my world."

In a blink of an eye, the ongoing nightmare appears as it occurred yesterday. Every piece of it rarely diminishing to her dismay. Despite her tendencies to suppress and move forward- there's resistance. Each day she wakes up realizing the person she built up to be- is lost deep in the deep crashing waves. Passing from days to months on the job working cases, Nina Shi's internal battle swimming to a nonexistent land.

No halfway mark. No light at the end of the tunnel.

"I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind. Edgar Allan Poe." Nina's lips parted as a sigh escape, keeping intact with the view.

"Rossi mentioned on the plane ride from our case in Bakersfield, likely referring to me." She reminisces the older man's narrowing look when he abruptly occupied the empty seat next to her on their plane ride. She responded no words except leaning her head onto his shoulder and hand holding on to him like a young girl with her father.

On the couch, a woman in her white and black attire with loosely tied blonde ponytail lightly nodded. "Well, many of us tend to roam in our thoughts a bit longer than expected. What did you assume it was about you?" She sunk into the armchair with a pen and notebook in her hands.

Nina whipped her head with her shoulders tensing. "Without working my job, my head would've exploded by now, hypothetically speaking. Every morning as I dress and look in my reflection...I see a different person. This weight on my chest is the recollection of pain and burdening scars."

"There's no cure to wipe out completely what you've endured, Nina. Nor time limit. It's a challenge that you need to face when you're ready because the only person holding you back is yourself." The blonde said. "And we learn to rediscover our strengths and weaknesses to overcome the trauma. It'll live with you, though I promise when the time is right- you'll be able to take your first steps of moving forward."

At the sound of a click in the keyhole, Nina pushed through the door to her apartment. Where she always is welcomed back into her dark, spacious home in the last couple of years. She couldn't deny the satisfaction arriving home earlier than usual from work since her unit had recently finished their reports on the case in Bakersfield. As she walked inside, keys and badge drop into the small marble bowl, bags settling against the wall, her coat back hanging in the closet, and the gun in a safe place for precaution.

While selecting the ingredients in preparation to cook dinner for one, Nina pressed a button to listen to the following voicemails left in her box.

"Hello, sis that loves to live in the shadows. I forgot how terrible you are at replying through texts, so I thought I would leave a message or two on here and your cell. Anyways, mom might call you up about dad's birthday- hope you're able to make it with your busy schedule. We all miss you."

"Hey, it's Savannah. I'm sure you're busy with your job. You're saving lives across the country. I'm climbing the ladder in the bakery industry. Anyways, I was hoping if we can get together sometime or at least answer my texts! Love you."

"Nina, it's your mother. I wanted to check up on you, and let you know we're having a surprise birthday party for your father. It would be nice to have you come around. Everyone misses you back home. Your father misses you too. We would love seeing you back home. It's been three years too long....Think about it, please. I love you."

"Hey, it's Hank. Your mom called me up to hope that you'll answer me instead. You should come for another visit to your dad's birthday. I know you're caught up with your job. I know you're hesitant, but remember I'm here, especially when times are tough. Let me know your decision. I can pick you up from the airport, if you need to. Call me back."

Sitting at her table and eating her dinner, Nina dove deeply into the documents of a case file. Wondering if the mistakes that could've been prevented. Ever since those crucial days of her life, Nina studied every piece of evidence until her eyes drop to the floor of exhaustion. She wasn't going crazy. This case was an old tick that wouldn't let go. She couldn't accept those mishaps that cost her pain and losses.

When a soft knock pounded her door, Nina became curious, considering she ever rarely has guests over. In the revelation of her neighbor through the peephole, the door unlocked the multiple lock attachments. "Sorry to bother you, Nina." The older woman sheepishly expressed.

"You have nothing to apologize about, Mrs. Milton." Nina warmly smiled at Julia Milton. Julia has been living in the apartment complex since Nina first arrived. The older woman always carried herself with grace and an inviting smile on her face. She became a good friend to the Shi woman unintentionally, sharing her stories over tea.

"Well, I came by earlier, but it appeared you weren't home for a few days," Julia mention in a questionable tone.

The Shi woman folded her arms over her chest, leaning on the doorway. "Yeah, I had to fly out for a case."

Julia gasped, eyeing her surroundings. "Snatch up the criminal?" She closely whispered.

Nina giggled out with an affirmative nod. "Of course."

She approvingly nods, "Good. Anyways, some of your mail got mixed with my pile." The older woman handed over the stack of mail to Nina.

"Thank you so much."

"No problem. I'll leave you in peace now. Have a nice night, Nina." Julia retreated to her apartment.

The majority of her mail were bills and spam of advertisements. Yet, one particularly stood out, causing Nina to inhale for a double-take of the name, Sheldon Jin. She sits down on her couch, unsure of what the late family friend sent a few weeks before his death.

Inside the envelope was a note, reading the hasty scribble writing that Jin likely didn't want to be seen sending.

Nina,

You always told me to go to you for help. I can count and trust you with anything. After going through this drive, I know you know what to do next. When you're there find detective Jay Halstead part of the Intelligence Unit. He's the only person I trust in there.

-Jin

Thoroughly reading the note, she took out the small black drive attached. Nina reaches for her cellphone to make a quick call.

"I'm here. I'm here. What's the emergency?" Bursting through Nina's apartment at 9:30 pm was the lively Penelope Garcia as the young Shi woman could describe her friend carrying her bags inside. When she made the urgent call, Penelope dropped everything at home and packed her things in a rush over.

"I need your help," Nina said after she locked her door. When the two friends move to the table for Penelope to take out her laptop and work her magic, Nina shuffled the papers into the case file. Although, she wasn't quick enough for the blonde to read off of it.

The technical analyst types away on her laptop as any regular day. Both women spent a few hours, scavenging into the heavy load of information Sheldon Jin inserted into the drive. They were astounded by the predicament Sheldon was, unfortunately, standing in that cut the thread to his life.

As Nina registered the newfound information, Penelope finds herself, automatically comforting her friend. "I'm sorry, Nina." She lends her hand to slip into Nina's.

"At least I know who killed him." Clicking her tongue to the roof of her mouth, Nina continued to remain intact with the screen.

"What are you going to do?"

Nina crossed her arms over her chest. "Jin's parents deserve some justice as does Jin. I helped him work his ass into the academy. Funny, how I knew he had a crush on me- when he came over to the house to hang out with Chris and would be nervous around me. Thought it was adorable." She lightly chuckled at the pieces of her life, which she began to reminisce of Jin. "I guess I'm going back to Chicago again. Find the district of the Intelligence Unit."

Lucky for Nina, the Sergeant of the unit is Hank Voight, her godfather. Hank was her father's partner in the Gang Unit back in the day. They always had each other's back, saved each other's lives on the account. Jimmy trusted the man for his life due to his loyalty over the years. Which explained why Hank Voight was the perfect candidate to be the godfather of his first child.

He instantly adored the baby girl as if she were his daughter, fulfilling the loss of his stillborn daughter. Receiving the news of becoming a godfather, he took the job seriously. They have developed this great relationship as the man was present in every milestone of Nina's life. The day she went into the FBI made the man's heart swell.

When she departed to work in the BAU in Quantico, they remained in touch from time to time. In the aftermath of three years ago, Nina disconnected herself from her loved ones in Chicago, especially her godfather. 

"Okay, let's see this detective Jay Halstead looks like." Penelope proceeded to search for the man that Nina is supposed to find. She rather does a significant background check for safety precaution.

Nina sat in the puddle of her thoughts, as the familiar name was on the tip of her tongue. She could not recall. Who is Detective Jay Halstead?

"Hubba, Hubba. Hello, handsome." Penelope's eyes indulged the picture of the man. Once, the raven-haired woman was able to pull herself from her head- her eyes widen at the profile picture of Jay Halstead.

She remembers.

"Oh my God," Nina uttered out.

"Oh my God, indeed. Look at those baby blue eyes! Must be a charming man that should sweep me off my feet."

Nina rested her head into her hands, finally gaining Penelope's attention. "What's wrong?"

"Remember when I came back from Chicago and told you about this one-night stand, I had, which was out of character of me?" Nina mumbled into her hands.

The blonde slowly nodded, furrowing her brows. "Of course, the most scandalous news I've heard from you." When Nina told her about the one-night stand, she was in shock, however, supportive of her friend to liberate herself a bit.

Lifting her head from her hands, she sighed. "He's the guy."

"The guy?" Penelope repeated in a questioning tone for a second until connecting the dots from Nina's face to the screen. "Wait! Detective hottie is the one you slept?" She exclaimed loudly for the neighbors to hear.

Nina hissed at the woman. "You're going to wake my neighbors! Yes, he's the one now that I rediscover my memories."

"Well, this guy is clean. He went into the army and is an outstanding detective in this Intelligence Unit." Penelope typed away, diving into Jay's profile. "He's severely single. This must be fate. He's the perfect guy for you."

To her friend's dismay, she scoffed. "We're not looking into his profile to benefit my love life, Penelope. I sleep with him once, and he's suddenly my soulmate?"

"You did mention how he made you smile a lot." Penelope pressed her lips together, eyeing at her friend.

Nina became defensive. "I was drinking how many glasses by then."

The two friends planned out for Nina to fly out to Chicago with plane tickets and marking up the furlough days, which she'll have to consult with Hotchner. When Nina and Penelope finish their glasses of wine, after setting up the guest room for Penelope to sleep, Nina decided to call it a night.

Before heading off to her bedroom, Penelope called her out. "I saw you were looking at those files again. It's not healthy for you, Nina. We have to accept our losses instead of finding ways to undo it all. Remember, it was never your fault."

Nina doesn't respond to Penelope's heartfelt statement instead turned in to bed for the rest of the night.

The plane touched down Chicago in the early morning. The airport was quite pleasant prior to the busiest hours. Nina managed to snatch up her luggage, rolling to the front to meet the cool breeze welcome back home. Her eyes scan for the tall, familiar figure, automatically brought into his embrace as their bodies collided. Nina uttered a groan of the tight embrace. "There's the big sis I know and love. It would be nice to receive some type of effort for your little brother."

Her arms encircled Christopher's torso, relaxing into the hug. "You're so annoying."

"Feeling is mutual." He released a hearty laugh as his older sister feels the vibrations from his chest. "Come on, let's go grab a bite." As the Shi siblings pull away, Christopher snatched up his sister's luggage then guiding her to his car.

Finally, situating themselves inside the vehicle, Christopher looked over at the passenger seat. "Where do you want to go?"

Nina sent him a knowing look, "Do you have to ask that? After all these years, Chris?"

He playfully rolled his eyes and switched on the ignition to his car. "What? You haven't stepped foot in Chicago for three years?" He surrendered. She dismissed him with her hand while he drove out of the airport.

The Shi siblings were ordering from Cooper's diner's menu in a booth. Cooper's diner is a 24-hour establishment where they occasionally went back in their teenage days. The diner had always been the spot where their father could spend time with them when cases would prolong, preventing to see his family at home. Christopher averted his attention to his older sister across from him when the waitress wrote down their orders. "So, care to tell me why you're back? You were vague with your message."

"I don't think I was vague, Chris." She took a sip of her coffee.

He scoffed then pulled out his phone to read the text message, "You said, "Hey, I'm coming back home. Pick me up from the airport.""

"I came to surprise dad for his birthday early."

He snorted in his oldest sister's apparent lie. "Maybe, I should've been a profiler since it seems to be easy to read people." He jokingly retorted.

Nina glared at her brother, muttering out. "Asshole."

Christopher's teasing expression exchanged into a stern one. "I'm serious, Nina. Three years. You shut everyone out and now you pop up out of nowhere." Nina sighed out, diverting from his strong gaze. "I'm glad you're here, but there must be a reason you forced yourself to come out here."

She grabbed the envelope in her purse and slides it over on the table. Christopher went to pick it up, "Sheldon sent that to me, possibly before he got killed. I didn't get it until last night because it got mixed with my neighbor's mail while she was out of town. The person who murdered Sheldon is in that drive." She thoroughly explained, knowingly how her younger brother took it hard of his friend's death.

"You don't realize how much Sheldon wanted to give up in the academy. I tried to get through to him, but you were the only person that did. Aside from that crush, your work ethic and advice motivated him." He fondly spoke about his late friend.

Nina nodded while her lips slightly curve, "He was a sweet guy. All he needed was to trust his instincts and block those who didn't think he'll be a good cop. His family and himself deserve justice." The waitress came with their orders, settling the plates on the table with a warm smile before leaving. "Uncle Hank was his Sergeant. I've heard rumors and from the drive...is he trustworthy?" Even if he was her godfather and Sheldon's Sergeant, Sheldon specifically shared this drive solely to her.

"I'll admit, Uncle Hank deems to do questionable things, but that man would take a bullet for you, Nina. He'll take a bullet for our family." Christopher assured his older sister. "Maybe, you should talk to dad. Also, he'll be ecstatic to see his little girl after these few years." He chuckled out, cutting a slice of a fluffy pancake into his mouth.

She walked into a building in Chinatown sending a subtle nod to the officer that lets her inside. Overseeing the several Chinese officers, organizing and running through details of the case, Nina heads straight to the main office that belongs to Jimmy Shi. Instead of knocking, she twisted the doorknob to discover her father in amid conversation with one of his officers. The pair raise their gazes from the desk to Nina standing in the doorway.

Jimmy displayed a dumbfounded expression at the sight of his eldest. Before he could utter a word, Rick Fong went to approach the woman. "Damn, long time no see, Nina." Rick engulfed the woman, pressing a kiss on top of her head.

"It's been a while." Nina shyly glanced up at Rick.

"You're a big shot in the FBI. I've heard many stories about your unit. We should get a drink. So, you can share."  He smugly smirked.

The Shi man spoke up from behind. "Fong, stop flirting with my daughter and go give the intel of our plan to the squad." Nina stifled a giggle, waving off to officer.

As the door shuts, Jimmy catered his attention to his daughter. "Seems Rick still has feelings for you."

"Can we not discuss my past relationships?" Nina shook her head and traveled to be warmly embraced into her father's arms. He cradled his daughter's head, letting out a sigh of relief of her presence.

When the father and daughter sat down, Jimmy intently stared at Nina. "I wished you would've called but I'm happy to see you here." His daughter used to visit as often as she can when she left to work in the BAU, giving him the chance to see Nina from detailing with his vice squad in Chinatown. Everything had changed in the past three years of her absence.

"Uncle Hank. He's a fair cop in your eyes, right? I mean, you two worked together, but now?" Nina tilted her head, furrowing her brows to search the truth in her father.

Jimmy nodded, leaning back in his chair. "He isn't your godfather for no apparent reason. Ignore these foul rumors. Hank Voight might not handle things by the book, but he gets the criminals and saves lives. Overall, I trust him. Since the day you were born- he's pledged to have your back."

Nina shortly nodded, registering to entrust her father's words. "Okay."

"How's working the unit back there?"

"We travel for a case, find the suspect, resolve the case. Nothing new."

Jimmy narrowed down at his daughter who has the tendency to give him vague answers. Nina would always go into detail with her father from the academy to starting in the BAU. When the job would get tough, Nina would call up her father, considering he knew what she's enduring into this workforce. Now, his daughter shut herself down, partially straining her relationships.

Figuring to not press anymore, Jimmy went to change the subject. "I hope whatever you're doing goes well, and that you plan to stay a little longer than usual."

WRITTEN: 5/25/2020
PUBLISHED: 11/23/20