C H A P T E R   N I N E

Kade Kelley is staring at me. 

I can see him sneaking peeks at me out of the corner of his eyes, as he's been doing since the moment we settled into class. Yet, I'm content enough to let Kade stew. 

The comedy of this moment almost makes me want to laugh out loud; after all, who can say they've ever seen Kade Kelley tiptoe a proverbial ledge? No, Kade Kelley is loud and rambunctious. He's crude and gaudy at times, but in some ways, Kade's demeanor is refreshing. What you see is what you get with Kade; he's never tried to be someone he's not, and I doubt he'll start anytime soon. Compared to the crowds of posers at Elysian, Kade is one in a million. 

Kade is someone who even I am jealous of. Kade gets to be who he is without apologizes, which is more than I can say for myself. 

But. . .  right now. . . Kade Kelley is on my shit list. 

And he knows it. He knows damn well, which is why he's looking at me with those puppy dog eyes. 

"Noah," he finally musters the guts to murmur, "I didn't know." 

I know I should just sit there and continue to read through my assignment, but my eyes meet Kade's despite myself. 

"You didn't know that I'd ask Caiden to the dance, or you didn't know that he was already going with Genifer?" I snap. 

Kade almost flinches. "Neither before last night. . . but Noah - " 

But I've already turned back to stare bullets into my paper, before I jump over our desks to strangle Kade Kelley with my bare hands. 

I'm angry -- fuming, really - but more than anything I'm also embarrassed. It's Kade's fault that I even had the ridiculous idea to ask Caiden to the Winter Annual. It's Kade's fault that I made a fool of myself. And it's Kade's fault that I made enough of an impression for Caiden to spill his guts to Kade about my stupid proposal. 

I can only hope Caiden just told Kade because they're best buds. If Philip and Joshua know too. . . I don't know if I'll ever be able to live this down. 

God, this is turning out to be the worst two weeks of my life. 

When the bell rings, Kade jumps to his feet, seemingly conflicted. "Noah." He says again, but I'm over this. I'm over all of this. 

Without giving him a second glance, I stuff my papers into my bag and head for the door. 

The day after, I'm avoiding Caiden's heavy gaze as I walk across the lunch room to my table. For the past few days, I've been limiting my contact with him; whether it makes sense or not, I'm still somewhat hurt over Caiden's rejection. 

"Are you still not talking to him?" Elise says once I take my seat. 

I shrug, picking up my fork to dig into my macaroni. I told Elise about what happened the day after my blitz with Caiden; I needed a moment to process it myself. Unfortunately, choosing to disclose the event at lunch meant that River was there as well. Figuring the two come as a pair anyways, I just tried to block him out while I recounted the details in all of their morbid glory. 

"You can't just throw away your friendship over this, Noah. You know that." Elise reaches out to slip her hand in mine, squeezing gently. 

When I look up, River's expression is genuinely concerned, and I'm struck again by how great he is for and to Elise. My eyes flicker back to hers, and I sigh. 

"I know, I know. I'm just. . . embarrassed. I need time to get over it." 

"Well. . . I think Caiden probably would have said yes to going with you if he wasn't already going with Gen." 

I shoot Elise a look, unimpressed. "Don't even go there, El." 

But she holds firm. "I'm serious, Noah. I've seen the way you two look at each other --"

"And how's that?" I interject, dropping my fork. 

Elise raises her brows. "You know. Like you both have a thing for each other, but don't want the other to know." 

I scoff. "Caiden doesn't have a thing for me. We're just friends!" 

"And what about you?" 

"What about me? Do I have a thing for Caiden? No! Of course not. I asked him to the dance as friends." 

Elise doesn't look convinced, but I refuse to give in. Eventually, she wrinkles her nose and leans into River. "Have it your way then," she mutters before changing the subject. "Any progress with Autumn?" 

I glance behind me, where Autumn is sitting alone with Kaia at the latter's lunch table. "Nope. She's still freezing me out." 

Yet, I'm not the only one. It seems Autumn's dropped all of her friends. I haven't heard a peep about either Rowan or Eva, and I've seen even less of the two.

What scares -- and also excites -- me though, is that it looks like Autumn's lost interest in Caiden as well. A part of me thinks it's weird. After seven years, it's both surprising and absurd that my twin sister would give up on the self-proclaimed love of her life so easily. Coupled with her sudden change in company and her stifling emotional distance, a part of me thinks that something is up.

But another part of me wants to savor this. Another part of me wants to write it off as Autumn being Autumn, fickle and brash. 

I want to bask in having Caiden to myself, despite our current situation. 

And so I listen to the voice in my head that says that whatever Autumn is going through. . . it's not important. 

It's eight at night when the doorbell rings. 

I will admit. . . the fleeting thought that the surprise visitor could be Caiden does run through my head. I almost want it to be him, which makes me realize that I'm more or less over my pride and pain. 

I miss my friend. I miss Caiden. 

Yet, I also know how unlikely it is that Caiden would show up at the house unannounced. For one, Caiden just isn't that type of guy. He's way too courteous to ever impose his presence on someone else without confirming that it's wanted. Additionally, Caiden runs the risk of meeting Autumn at the door -- something we'd both like to avoid at all costs. 

It's much more likely that either one of Mom's friends or coworkers is stopping by for a visit, or even that Autumn has finally made up with Rowan and Eva and has invited them over for a girl's night.

When the doorbell rings again, I'm sitting in the living room surfing the web as I shovel popcorn into my mouth and ignore the movie playing on the flat screen. Though I'm closest to the door, Mom gets exasperated by the third ring and abandons whatever she's working on in the kitchen to attend to our visitor. 

"Jacklyn," Mom yells after a beat, a strange note in her voice, "someone wants to see you."

I jump to my feet embarrassingly fast. Maybe it is Caiden after all. 

"Hi." Kade Kelley is clutching a bundle of blue hydrangeas. He shifts his weight on my doorstep and tries for a small smile. 

"I'll leave you two to it," Mom murmurs quietly, slipping back into the house. 

It takes me a second to get over my complete and utter surprise. Never in a million years. . . "What are you doing here?" 

Kade lowers his eyes. "I, uh, I wanted to apologize for. . . what happened." His gaze flickers to mine, but I'm still reeling, unable to formulate an answer. Kade's hand shoots out, presenting the bouquet. "I brought you flowers. I was going for like, uh, the color of your eyes, but I don't think it's quite right." 

Mechanically, I reach for the hydrangeas. "Um, thank you." 

Kade puts his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. "So. . ." 

The boy in front of me is not Kade Kelley. It can't be. I don't recognize him, not when he's acting like this -- nervous and hesitant, awkward and timid. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me want to bolt, and so I decide to put Kade out of his misery. Maybe that'll fix him, bring back the Kade I know. 

"I forgive you, Kelley." I shrug. "I'm over it. The whole thing with Caiden. It was stupid. I don't blame you, and I don't hate you. You're off the hook." 

Kade blinks at me. Once. Twice. "Thanks. I mean - I'm glad - but that's not what I'm here for. Not entirely." He looks away. "I was wondering if. . . if you wanted to go with me? To the Winter Annual." 

I wait until Kade meets my eyes once again. There's both uncertainty and hope within his dark irises. His lips quirk up into a faint smirk, a glimmer of the normal Kade Kelley flashing across his face.

"Did Caiden put you up to this? I get it, and it's really nice of you both. . ." I kind of want to melt into the floor. It's mortifying -- the fact that Caiden felt so bad that he had to ask his best friend to take me to a stupid school dance. Yet, I also know this is Caiden's way of trying to make amends, and I miss him more than I ever thought I would. 

 Bewilderment falls on Kade's face like a curtain. "Wait - uh, Noah - " 

"It's okay, Kade. Yes. I - I'll go with you." 

"Ohmygosh, Noah! What?!" 

This is the first thing Elise says once I tell her that Kade Kelley has asked me to the Winter Annual. 

"Have you thought of what you're going to wear?" 

This is the second thing Elise says. 

It's midnight -- hours since Kade left -- and I've had enough time to think about what the hell I just agreed to. 

The Winter Annual. With Kade Kelley. Oh God. 

I drag my hands down my face as Elise temporary exits the window on our video chat. What was I thinking? It's dawned on me that I now have to dress up and go to a dance with Kade. Pose for pictures. Probably ride together. Actually dance.

I suck at dancing, but I've realized that right now, that's the least of my problems. 

"No. I didn't even think of that." I tell Elise. I'm seconds from just calling it quits and telling Kade never mind -- I'll talk to Caiden about it, and everything will be fine -- but Elise is grinning widely. 

"I thought so. Don't worry about it, Noah! I've already started."  

I freeze. "Started what?"

Elise giggles shamelessly. "Your costume!" 

I pick up my phone from where it's resting against one of my textbooks. "My what? What costume?" 

But Elise isn't listening anymore. River's come into the frame, nestling his head into her neck, and Elise's phone drops from her hand. 

"You'll love it. I promise! Got to go!" She giggles once more, and then the screen goes dark. 

This is going to be a disaster. I can't believe I actually said yes.

Well, that's not entirely true. Apart from the fact that the proposal was Caiden's makeshift apology -- when he didn't actually do anything wrong -- I know I said yes because I remembered the sting of Caiden's rejection. 

I remembered what it felt like to sit there, stunned into silence. And now, I remember what it feels like to constantly be nobody's first choice. I remember what it feels like to always be other, to always be second. 

I was born second. Seven fateful minutes after Autumn. It's always seemed like that was my destiny; it's always seemed like I was meant to live in Autumn's shadow.

But tonight, with Kade. . . 

And I know he only asked me because of Caiden. I know this is only a favor for his best friend, but that's the thing. 

Only I know. 

The rest of Elysian doesn't, and they don't have to. They'll only see me walking into the Annual on the arm of Kade Kelley. 

His first choice.

n o t e :

what do y'all think??? Noah's in for a lot, and I'll just tell you guys now that sh*t goes down at the Winter Annual. i'm excited! 

pls vote & comment, and thank you for reading!

general comments/questions can go here >>

see you soon,

- gift.