Sunggyu: 17 years old
Dongwoo: 16 years old
Woohuyn and Hoya: 15 years old
Sungyeol: 14 years old
Myungsoo: 13 years old
Sungjong: 12 years old

~°~°~ Sungyeol ~°~°~

- Oh my god, Niel how could you fail this math test, it was so easy!!
- No it wasn't.
- Yes!! It was so logical and...
- Sungyeol, we are bestfriends and all but I really hate you after tests.
- What? Why?
- You're a genius... So of course everything is easy for you. Stop talking and keep walking now.
- What's with you today ? You're all grumpy.

Niel did not answer me and kept walking in the busy hall of our school. The day was over and we were all heading outside to go home.
At the gate, my friend did not say a word and just disappeared in the crowd. He was so weird today, I could not understand him sometimes. I did not follow him and waited under a tree. Myungsoo and Sungjong would join me pretty soon.
As the students quickly vanished out of school, I thought about my brothers. How are they doing today? Sunggyu-hyung looked so tired lately. I know he had two jobs at the same time but I supposed that he had found a third one at night time. He was so stubborn, exhausting himself like this was not helping at all. The other hyungs seemed to disappear at night too. It was never all at the same time but I was scared that one day, it would really be the case. I knew that I was not strong enough to protect Myungie and Jongie, how was I supposed to do that if that day would ever come?

- Hyung? Yeollie-hyung?!
- Ah, oh, Jongie! You scared me.
- I was calling you for five minutes now, what are you thinking about?
- Nothing. Where is Myungsoo?
- I met him in the hall but he left for the bathroom. He will be here soon.

Something seemed to bother my younger brother. His eyes were worried and as I saw Myungsoo coming toward us, I knew why. His face was paler than usual, his breathing was shorter and it was as if he was about to faint.

- Myungsoo, are you alright?
- Yes hyung. Sorry for being late, let's go home now.

And he just ignored my concern and passed the gate, heading toward our house. Why everyone was so weird today?

When we entered in the house, a delicious scent of pancakes was floating in the air. Woohyun-hyung was in the kitchen as usual and seemed to prepare a fest.

- Hi Hyunie-hyung!! We're home!!
- Hey Jongie, Yeollie, Myungie. Come and eat, I just finished the pancakes and it's still hot.
- Oh I love you hyung!! What are we celebrating? I exclaimed, having already a pancake in my mouth
- Nothing, I just wanted to make you guys happy. Myungsoo, come and sit.
- No thanks, I'll just go upstairs.

And again, he ignored us and just disappeared.

- Did something happen? Woohyun-hyung asked us.
- I don't know, he seemed sick when I meet up with him in the hall. But he didn't want to tell me anything. Said Sungjong, concern in his voice.
- Yeah he is paler than this morning too. I hope it's not his heart again. He was doing fine lately. I added.
- Let him rest for now. I will check on him later. Woohyun-hyung announced.

We all agreed on that and kept eating the delicious plate. Woohyun-hyung stayed with us a little bit and asked us about our day as usual and then went upstairs to check on Myungsoo.
As we finished the sweet meal and headed in our room to start our homework, Dongwoo-hyung suddenly appeared in the hall and was running to the door.

- Hey guys! I got to go. Don't forget your homeworks and go to bed early tonight. See ya!
- But where are you going so ... fast...

Sungjong did not have the time to finish his sentence that Dongwoo-hyung was already outside, running to somewhere unknown.

- Seriously, this hyung. He should be more careful. Sungjong sighed deeply.
- You know how he is. I answered.
- That's why I'm worried about him. He shouldn't make his younger brother worried about him.

I laughed lightly at Jongie while we entered in our room.
Myungsoo was sitting on his bed, his phone in his hands and frowning at something. He looked indeed paler and exhausted. His arms were slightly shaking, unable to bear the ligth weight of his own phone. Something was definitly wrong with him.

- Myungsoo, what is bothering you? You don't look well.

As soon as he heard me speaking, he quickly hide his phone behind him and looked so startled. Why was he so scared suddenly?

- Hey guys, I didn't hear you coming upstairs... I'm going to shower...

And he just ran out of the room... with his phone in his hands.

- What's going on with him? I asked outloud
- Let him be hyung. You know that he will come to us when he will be ready to talk.
- Yeah, I know. But Myungsoo and Niel were both acting so weird today. I'm wondering if there's something going on between those two.
- Something going on? What do you mean?
- I don't know... I just have a bad feeling about it.
- Stop worrying yourself Yeollie-hyung. Nothing is going on between Myungie-hyung and Niel-hyung, you're just imagining all of it.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Come on hyung, help me with my homeworks. It will change your mind.

I joined Sungjong near his desk to have a look at his homeworks. I knew that he was smart enough to do it by himself but I was glad that he gave me an excuse to forget about my uneasy thoughts.
An hour passed by and Myungsoo was still not back. My bad feeling was there again, just in my throat. Something was definitly wrong and I did not want to ignore it anymore. I let Jongie finish his last exercise alone and went to find Woohyung-hyung in his room.
I found him staring at something in his drawer when I came in but as soon as he heard my quiet steps, he closed the mysterious box and turned to me.

- Sungyeol-ah, do you need anything?
- Hyung, hum, did you see Myungsoo?

I wanted to ask him about what he was looking at but I decided that this question could wait. Myungsoo was much more important, at that moment.

- Myungsoo? No, I heard him going in the bathroom a while ago but I didn't hear him getting out.
- Something is wrong, hyung. I can feel it.

I started to panic. So I just ran to the bathroom door, as fast as I could and tried to open it but it would not move a bit. I could hear the water running down in the shower but as I knocked harder and harder on the door, Myungsoo would not respond. Woohyun-hyung and Sungjong were now behind me, screaming my brother's name but nothing happened on the other side of the door.
Everything moved so fast then. Woohyung-hyung pushed me aside and kicked the door down. I did not know that he would be capable of so much strength. I was impressed. But then, I only felt fear when the three of us found Myungsoo unconscious, laying on the wet floor. He was not breathing anymore.

- Sungjong, call an ambulance! Sungyeol, help me to get him out of here!

As soon as we put Myungsoo down in the hall, Woohyung-hyung started to reanimated him. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and two deep breath through his mouth. And the cycle started again.
Sungjong joined us and told us that the ambulance was coming soon. Tears were running down his face and I took him in my arms. That was all we could do. Supporting each other and praying for the life of our brother while Woohyung-hyung was trying to save him.
And all I could hear were the heavy breath of my hyung, while he was putting all of his strength in each push, the plea of Sungjong who was asking any god to save his brother and a dead silence from Myungsoo.
I should have known. I should have seen it. He was paler and weaker than usual. Why did I not ask him more about his health? Maybe if I followed him in the bathroom, maybe if I ask him to not lock the door then he would not be laying there, skin as white as the snow and heart stopped.
I joined Sungjong in his prays as Woohyung was not giving up, even if tears were rolling down his cheeks.

- Come on Myungsoo. You can't die. Do you hear me?! You can't die. So breath, please, please, breath Myungsoo. Breath!

And just when knocks were heard downstairs, announcing to us that the medical team were finally here, Myungsoo opened his eyes and took a long and deep breath, just as us.
He was then safely taken to the hospital and we let Woohyung-hyung go with him. As the ambulance left the house on the night street, Sungjong and I closed the door and headed to the nearest train station. On our way, we called the other hyungs who joined us in front of the hospital as we arrived.

We spend our night in the hall of the hospital. Sunggyu-hyung and Woohyun-hyung were the only ones allowed in Myungsoo's room. We could go back home but none of us wanted to leave this place. In some way, it was reassuring to be here and to know that Myungsoo was in good hands, surrounded by nurses and doctors.
We slept uncomfortably on the chairs, our necks hurt but it was nothing compare to the heartbreaking feeling at the information that we received when we woke up. Our father was not there. The hospital called him but he did not even dare to come visit his own son. I could see that our hyungs were apparently expecting that, their looks were so dark. I knew that he did not want to do anything with us since a long time ago. He told us. I would never forget that moment. But deep down in me, I really wished that he would come back to us one day.
However, this morning, the reality hit me, like it never did before. And it hurt. So much. And the thing was that I did not even cry. I was just disappointed. And maybe that was even worse than saddeness.
I thought it was the most horrible day of my life. How could a father give up on his children? I really thought that nothing could be more aweful than that. How was I so naive and wrong. It was nothing compare to what was coming.

~°~°~ Sungjong ~°~°~

A month, then two passed by after that aweful night, and even if Myungsoo-hyung had to stay permanently at the hospital for some time, we could not camp there with him. Little by little, we returned home and went on with our lives.
Days were all the same. Sungyeol-hyung and I woke up in an empty house, we ate quickly and went to school. After that, we visited Myungsoo-hyung and allowed Woohyun-hyung or Hoya-hyung to go home and rest a few hours. Then, when night arrived, it was Sunggyu-hyung or Dongwoo-hyung who stayed with our brother while we headed home. And as every night, no one was there to welcome us.
I did not know what was going on with my older brothers or where they all went after the sunset but I knew that they were struggling day and night to find a way out of this house, a way out of this hell.
It was so hard to keep on living like this. I could see how everyone was so tired but they could not give up. It was all for Sungyeol-hyung, Myungsoo-hyung and me. I knew it. But I was so angry that they had to screw up their lives, their futurs for us. It was so unfair. Life was unfair.
I was maybe the youngest, but I wanted to help to. They always said to me that the best thing to do to help them was to succes in my studies but I wanted to do more. I wanted to save them as they wanted to save me.
So I started to search for houses, appartements, anything where we could build our new home. Something cheap, not too far from town and near the hospital. It was not easy and it took me days. But finally, there were indeed a few places that fit perfectly the research.
I build then a thick file with all the advantages and the inconvenients. I printed maps and photos. And I even asked to visit the places. People who received me were all wondering why such a young boy was asking to buy an appartement but I did not care about theirs looks. All I wanted was to find a way out of our hell. I was determined no matter what my brothers would say. I wanted to help and I was going to do it. 

After months, Myungsoo-hyung was still confined in his hospital room. He was doing great but not great enough for the doctor to release him. We were all taking turn by his side everyday and were doing our best to keep living but things were starting to get really hard. We were all so exhausted.

- Hey Jongie...

I was taking back to reality by the cold and fragile hand of my brother. He looked so calm in this white bed. How could he be so peaceful? 

- You're not listening to me again, Jongie. What is it? What's in your mind?
- Sorry Myungie-hyung, I'm ... just really tired.
- I know. But there's something else right? What are you up to?
- I ... 

I was not sur if I could already tell him about the appartment that I found. I hesitated, just for a second but finally, I sighed and decided to share the weight that I was bearing lately.
I was afraid that he would take my idea with the wrong mind. Maybe he would be furious about me hiding and doing things behind his back. Maybe he would tell the others who would be mad too. I was scared and my voice was trembling though I did not want to show him my weakness, not at that moment.
But at the end, he gently took my hand and smiled to me. That kind of smile that made you feel much better after a long and hard day. 

- I'm so proud of you Jongie-ah. I really am.

And that was all it took to let all my tears out and cry with relief. 

- You should tell the others too. They will love the idea. Myungsoo-hyung said after I calmed myself down.
- Do you really think so, hyung?
- I do. I know that they're doing a lot to save some money and they don't have time to do what you did. You really did help us by taking this initiative.

We smiled at each other. Maybe things would finally change after all. I could feel a new energy flowing in me.

- I will. The entire file is ready. I will give it to them as soon as I will see them tonight.
- Good.

Yes, we finally had a new hope to which we could hold onto.

- What's with those smiles? Did I miss something? How long did I sleep?

We turned to Sungyeol-hyung who just woke up from his nap and looked a mess. As he was still totally dizzy, we could not stop our laughter. He did not understand first but it did not take long for him to join us in our happiness.
My heart felt so light. It had been so long that I did not laughed so much with my brothers. It felt good.

That night, when Sungyeol-hyung and I walked back home, I told him about my whereabouts and as Myungsoo-hyung, he appreciated the idea and was proud of me. I was kind of proud of me too and gained back my confidence. For the first time after so long, our way back was not stressful and anxious. We were talking happily about anything and everything. It felt good. I almost forgot about what was waiting for us at the end of our way. Almost.
As soon as we pushed open our door, the angry footsteps reminded us who was in there. It has been a while since our father spent a night in this house. Usually, he only came back for a few minutes, just the time to take some clothes and to let some money on the kitchen table. It has been months that my fear disappeared with his absence.
But the moment when we crossed the doorway, the anxiety and the despair hit me back in my stomach and took my breath away. The nightmare caught on us again. 

- Finally you're home! Why is there nothing to eat in this f*ck*ng house?!

I hated his voice. I wanted to take my brother's hand and walked back in the street. I would rather stay outside all night than in this house with this crazy man that was our father. But I did nothing. I was too scared to act. 

- Sungjong, go upstairs and close the door. You know were to hide.

I looked at my brother. Was he serious? There was no way that I was going to let him stay down here all alone. 

- But hyung ...
- There's no but. Just go.

I hated it when he used this firm tone, reminding me that he was older than me. And so, I obeyed. But as soon as the door of the closet was closed, locking me in this safe darkness that I knew to well, I hated myself. Why did I let Sungyeol-hyung all alone? I should had stay. Why was I so stupid?
I was ready to get up and ran out of this room but I heard those broken noises, those angry words and those desparate cries. And my body just froze. It was so wrong. What was happening was so wrong. I knew it. I was disgusted. But I could not do anything at all. I could just not move. Why could I not move? Damn it!
And as the heartbroken screams died in the night, only those filthy words were left in the silent. My tears fell slowly as I stopped breathing. Everything was so wrong. How was it possible?
Hyungs, were were you? Why was I all alone in this closet? Why was Sungyeol-hyung all alone in front of this monster? Did you not promise that you would protect us? Why was there no one with us tonight? How our own father could to that to his own son? We were used to the strikes, to the angry words. But this ... This was a rape and it was so wrong. However, no one was there to stop it. I did not stop it. I could not. And I hated myself for that.
Those few minutes seemed so long. I felt myself dying, I felt my heart being ruined, tainted by hate and sorrow. I was thrown in the darkness and this time, I was all alone and it was even darker than before. My body was shaking. My tears were flowing down. But I just stayed there, in that so familiar closet that was supposed to protect me. But it did not. Not from thoses aweful noises from downstairs. I wanted to throw up so badly. Thoses minutes were agonising. 

Finally, when I heard the front door being slammed shut, I slipped out of the room on my trembling legs. If I was not holding myself to the walls, I thought that I would fell and passed out on the floor. But I had to go to my brother. What I was feeling at that moment was nothing to what he just lived through. I was scared to see how badly he was hurt.
It took all of my strength to pushed myself to the living room. It was a mess. And in the middle of all of it, Sungyeol-hyung was lying there, his clothes were torned apart and his eyes were glassy, as if he was dead inside. 

- Sung ... Sungyeol-hyung? I whispered, afraid of his answer.

But he did not respond. I sat quietly beside him and wrapped him gently in my jacket. He still did not move. 

- Pl ... Please, say something, hyung.

No answer again. I gulped. I was so scared but I had to do something. So I took him in my arms and we walked upstairs with difficulties. All of his weight was on me and I managed to not make us fall. Once in our room, I laid him on my bed and stayed with him. Never letting go of his hand.
I tried to call the other hyungs, but none of them took my calls. I felt betrayed. It hurt so much. But at that time, I wanted to only focused on Sungyeol-hyung. He protected me, however, I could not tell if I was glad or if I was angry at his stupid idea. Everything was so unfair. Everything was so wrong. 

- Jong ... ie ...
- Hyung?!

Finally, he was partially back to his senses and was looking at me with his eyes full of tears. 

- I'm ... I'm so glad that he did not ... touch you.
- What are you talking about, stupid hyung? Why did you let him do that to you?! Why did you not fight back?!
- Because I had to ... keep you ... safe. 

He was seriously so stupid! What about his own safety?!
That night, we felt asleep after crying out all of our despair. Our heart hurt to the point where we could not even breath. We wanted to scream our sorrow. But no one would hear us just like our hyungs who were not there that night. We were so exhausted that we passed out, in each other arms. And I found myself again in this darkness, darker than ever. I knew that no matter what, from now on, I would be forever trapped in there. 

Warm hands woke me up. There were whispers all around me. I did not want to open my eyes because that would mean that the night before was real. But I did it anyway and I saw Woohyun-hyung above me. 

- Sungjong, are you two alright? What happened? We went home earlier and we saw all the mess downstairs.

I looked around and noticed Sunggyu-hyung and Hoya-hyung in front of the bed, worried looks on their dark and tired face. Sungyeol-hyung was still deeply asleep next to me and he was fully covered with blankets. I breathed with relief at that only sight.

- Jongie-ah, are you two hurt?
- Where were you hyungs? I tried to call all of you.
- We know and we're sorry. We were ... busy. Sunggyu-hyung answered, uneasy.
- Busy? Well I hope that it was for a good reason because it was a living hell here yesterday.
- What happened? Hoya-hyung asked, his voice trembling a bit.
- I'm not the one who would tell you about it. Just know that Sungyeol-hyung protected me and that you all broke your promise to be here against that monster.
- Jongie ... Woohyun-hyung murmured.

I sat up and pulled out of under my bed the thick file about the apartment that I found. I handed it to Sunggyu-hyung.

- Get us out of here and fast. Things can't keep going on like this. We can't live in here anymore.

Sunggyu-hyung nodded and took the file from my hand. I saw Woohyun-hyung putting a hand on Sungyeol-hyung. By reflex, I did not let him do it. 

- Don't wake him up. Not now ... please.
- Did he hurt him?
- He did more than that. He broke him. He broke us. 

Silence filled the room after what I said. I knew that they wanted to know what happened. But it was Sungyeol-hyung's choice to say it or not. All they had to know at that moment was that they were not there when we needed them the most. And that was the most painful realisation that I made that morrning before falling back to a numbing sleep. 

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Hi there, so sorry for making you wait for so long and for this really sad chapter. I made a break in all of my stories but now I'm back!! I missed you all so much!!

I hope that you enjoy reading it and will still be with me for the next chapter. 

Love you~