Benji threw a party every first friday of baseball season. At first, it was just a baseball thing, but over the years, it turned into anyone who wanted to go. Everyone wore their newly appointed jerseys, if they were on a sports team, and it was a good time. If everyone was lucky, one of Benji's older brothers would make a surprise visit with booze.

This was only possible because Benji's father worked in Boston on the weekends, causing him to leave early Friday mornings and return Sunday afternoon. Bee wasn't sure Benji's father knew what was happening in his house, but no one ever addressed it.

Bee wore her new jersey, which had a large 9 on the back, and she wasn't thrilled. She wanted to take it off and just wear her tank top she had on underneath, but Larkin convinced her not to. She had the jersey tucked into her scalloped white shorts, looking a lot like she was a supportive girlfriend instead of a player, but she didn't care. Sure, the jersey was too big for her, ridiculously so, but it wouldn't stop her from showing Oakland that she was over the whole number debacle.

Only, she wasn't over it. She was so not over it.

She sat in Larkin's passenger seat, looking at her planner. Today, she crossed off the things she had.

Last Band rehearsal (10:30am, auditorium)

Table for May Day (12:00)

Student council meeting (12:45) Prom theme prepping

Baseball practice (2:30) Varsity decision today. Jerseys today.

Benji Party (8:30)

When Larkin caught sight of what she was doing, he laughed. "Uh, Bee, why did you bring your school planner?"

Larkin didn't understand her need to make lists, or her need to be in control. No one did, but that didn't bother her that much. It made her feel in control when she could cross things off.

She tucked her planner back into her bag. "I'm just crossing things off my to-do list."

"You are such a nerd," he laughed, pulling into Benji's driveway. When the car was in park, both Bee and Larkin jumped out, heading to the front door. Despite it being early, there were plenty of people there, mulling around in jerseys, holding red cups.

Bee tugged at her own jersey, wishing again that it was her number, but she put it behind her as Benji came out, greeting them with a huge grin.

Stephen stood with him, running his hand through Benji's hair casually, like usual. Bee didn't take note because by then, everyone knew Benji and Stephen were together. Instead, Bee focused on what was happening behind the two.

She immediately watched as Fauna threw her body around, dancing to the music, holding onto her friends. Bee didn't hate people very often, but she certainly didn't like Fauna. "Why is she here?"

Benji followed her gaze. "Dunno. She showed up with Oakland and Grueller."

Bee rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "Oakland is here? Great."

Benji ushered them in. "Bee, watch it. You've got green eyes. You're usually the nicest in our group, so what's up?"

Benji, honest as ever, pulled Bee to the side, his eyes narrowing. He knew something was wrong almost immediately. "Nothing. Oakland is pissing me off, and that girl cornered me the other day. I'm just on edge I guess."

Benji crossed his arms. "I think it's something else."

What, Ben? The fact that I'm struggling to even stay on the team? The fact that my future dreams hang in the balance of this senior year, and it's not looking great? The fact that everyone is down my throat about being a girl?

"Enlighten me." Her voice was nasty enough to make Benji widen his eyes in shock.

"I think you like him and you're jealous."

Bee laughed. "Like who?"

"Oak."

She shook her head vigorously. "No. No. He's trying to ruin my chances on the team and I'm responding in kind. Not because I like him. Ew." But, even as she said it, Bee realized she was blushing, thinking about the kiss. The kiss in the locker room where Oakland said he was going to ruin her.

Benji rolled his eyes. "I'm not stupid, Bee. For what it's worth, he's angry you're talking to me and standing so close."

She tried to turn around to see him, but Benji gripped her to stop her from moving. "Ben, he knows your gay. And he has Fauna and all the other girls he bangs. He's not jealous."

Benji leaned down closer because the music turned louder. "Doesn't mean he likes the sight of you with me. Bee, be careful, okay?"

This time last year, Bee had felt like she was on top of the world. She had her friends, her team, and her life was right on track. Now, she felt like she was fighting constantly just to breathe, and on top of it all, she had a boy making things confusing.

Now that she was on the team, she wondered if Oakland would leave her alone, or if it would be a continuous uphill battle for the rest of the season. She wondered just what sort of scheming went on in his head.

"I'm being careful. I know what it looks like but... I'm being careful. I promise."

Benji squeezed her shoulder, giving her a meaningful look before he sauntered off, looking for Stephen in the crowd and wrapping his arm around his boyfriend. They both bent their heads in conversation, and Bee turned away, not wanting to see if they were talking about her or not.

When she turned, she made eye contact with Oakland, who was standing against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes were on her, and he gave her a slick grin. There was a girl beside him, a girl from Park School, and she was holding onto his body. She said something into his ear, then she bit it.

Bee's face burned as she turned towards the kitchen, trying to escape. She didn't want to be peaking in on their private conversations, even if it was in the middle of a party. Still, she felt gross, and she reached in Benji's fridge for a soda.

"A soda for our Princess? How cute."

Bee slammed the fridge door, glaring at Oakland, wondering how he followed her so fast. Why he followed her so fast. She leaned against the fridge, assessing him. He wore a Park School hoodie, ignoring the point of the jersey party, and he was drinking from a red cup.

"I don't drink." She wasn't about to explain to him her family dynamics, and she knew he didn't care anyway, so she offered nothing else about her alcoholic father. Instead, she popped open the Coke and took a sip.

"Afraid drunk you would make a pass at me?" His grin was cocky, like perhaps he really did believe that, but Bee wasn't going to give it to him. She shrugged, then remembered Marnie's words: ignore him.

She slid around the fridge and kept walking out of the kitchen and into the main living room, where people were dancing and mingling. Oakland was hot on her tail but she quickly ducked into her group, putting space between them. She put her hand on the arm of a guy standing in their circle to get balance as she fixed her shoe.

When she made eye contact with him, she realized he wasn't one of her friends. Her cheeks burned as she released him immediately. "I uh, sorry."

The guy laughed, tipping his head back. His jersey was a lacrosse jersey, telling Bee what she needed to know: he didn't hang in their group usually. He was cute, with floppy brown hair and a wide smile.

"I never mind when a pretty girl puts her hands on me." He winked. "I'm Dan."

She ducked her head and blushed. "I'm Bee."

His smile was infectious and he gripped her waist. "I know. You're pretty popular, miss I-do-every-afterschool-activity."

She gave a shrug and giggled, feeling normal. Well, more normal than she did when she interacted with Oakland. "I guess I am pretty busy, but that's important to me. I'd rather be swamped than do nothing at all." She was pleased he didn't mention her being on the baseball team.

"I heard you're going to Harvard. That's pretty big."

She gave another shrug, grinning. "I'm pretty excited about it. I can see myself now, surrounded by books, eating on the lawn, hanging out with friends..." She gave a wistful sigh, not even mentioning baseball. She didn't want to just be the baseball girl, not all the time.

"You must be a genius." His words were flattering, and his tone was so sweet it made her melt. This was how boys were supposed to treat you, not with toxic words and bullying. She leaned into his touch, putting her hand on his chest.

"I don't think I'm a genius, but I'll take the compliment." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, suddenly shy. She liked Dan already, but the feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't the attraction she wanted to feel.

"I have one question though. Is Oak your boyfriend?"

She jerked back at his question, not expecting it. "What? No. Why?" She tried to spot him in the crowd, but she couldn't find him. Her mouth twisted into an immediate frown. "Is he saying he is?"

"No. He's just been glaring at me since you stumbled into my arms. And he talks about you a lot at lunch. Huh."

She leaned back to look him in the eyes. "I hate him."

Dan laughed, refocusing his attention on her. "Oak and I are kinda friends, and I don't want to step on his toes, y'know?"

She stepped out of his embrace immediately, feeling like she was doused with cold water. "Oakland doesn't own me. And he doesn't like me, so I don't get what the issue is."

Dan gave her a sad smile, putting more distance between them. "You're wearing his number tonight, aren't you? What kind of message does that send?"

Bee grabbed her jersey. "This number? 9? This is my number, now." She looked down, then it hit her at once and she flinched from the realization that she did look like a girlfriend of a baseball player in that moment. "No fucking way. That asshole."

She didn't even say goodbye to Dan; she spun on her heel and stormed out of that room, nearly running up the stairs to Benji's room. She didn't want to think about what all the Park School girls had been thinking all night. How they had looked at her with those narrowed eyes. Bee had just assumed it was because of her position on the team, but it was so much more than that.

She pushed open Benji's bedroom and and threw her bag on his bed. She shoved her hands in her hair and yanked hard, causing tears to spark in her eyes. She hated him. How dare he do that to her? She paced to the window, throwing it open and sucking down the chilly March air.

"Hey, Buzz lightyear, why did you sprint up here? Trying to catch Benji in the action?"

She didn't even turn around for Oakland. Of course he's here! She pressed her face out the window. "Leave me alone."

She heard him sit on Benji's bed. "You must think you're hot shit, ignoring me all day."

She didn't respond, pissed he knew her motives, pissed he somehow got coach to give her his number, pissed he took hers. This was all a game to him, and it wasn't a game for her. Her future wasn't a game to be played like this.

"Hmmm... you actually are a busy bee. Look at these to-do lists."

He knew it would get a reaction from her, and it did. She spun around, her face angry, and she stomped to the bed. She went to yank it her planner from him, but he didn't let go of the book. He yanked her closer, grinning, and she was tempted to spit on him.

"Let go of my planner. Don't go looking through people's shit!" She gave it another yank, but he responded in tandem, yanking it back so hard, she fell on the bed. She let the planner go, shoving him off the bed, or trying to. When he didn't move, she tried again, harder.

"You are such a violent little thing, aren't you? I should call you bitin' bee." His voice was full of humor, showing her how much of a joke this was to him. How much he didn't care about her or her feelings.

She leaned away, glaring at him, noticing that his sweatshirt had the number 9 right there on the sleeve. Telling everyone that the number 9 was his and his alone. That made her angry all over again, and she grabbed the jersey, trying to yank it off.

Oakland noticed immediately what she was doing, and he grabbed her wrists, pushing her into the mattress. "Hey!" She yelled, struggling, the shirt over her head but trapped on her arms, showing off her white cami. The white cami that was revealing enough to make boys stop and stare. The cami that has the built in bra, so you decided to go without one.

She knew, without a doubt, that Oakland could see her nipples, and for some ungodly reason, she felt them harden just at the thought that he was looking.

"Ah, you ignore me all day then go for a strip tease," he joked, sitting on her, pressing her low into the mattress. His weight, while heavy, felt way too delicious, and she stilled underneath him.

"I can't believe this is your jersey, you prick!" She yelled, her voice muffled by the jersey. What made this worse was that she couldn't see his face, just the jersey caught on her head.

He transferred both of her wrists into one hand, then he moved the jersey down with the other, low enough so that it covered her. Then, he pressed his hand against her bare hip, his fingers edging underneath the cami, his nose pressed against hers.

"Why so mad? You came here wearing the jersey every girl out there wants to be in." His voice was dark and deep, and it made her so angry she tried to headbutt him. Oakland though saw it coming, pulling his head away, grinning. "Oh, little bee, you're going to regret that."

"You're going to regret stealing my number so you could get me here in this!" Her voice was a screech. "Oakland, I'm done. I don't want to play this game. I'm not Fauna, or the other girls. I just want to play baseball and graduate."

His easy expression turned hard in an instant. "You think this is a fucking game? It's not!" His voice was now an angry roar, and she flinched into the mattress. "You're fucking with my chances of playing college ball! Boston College is scouting this year, and what, you think they'll put me on the team if I'm on the bench my senior year? Yeah fucking right. You're in my way all the goddamn time. And everyone dotes on you, little miss perfect, little miss popular. Well guess what? I don't like you, and I don't want you on my team."

She froze under him, hating the part of her that wilted at his words. The part of her that saw him as an attractive boy and wanted him. But of course, he didn't see her in the same way. He saw her as an obstacle, as a pathetic girl on his boys team, and she had let herself forget that for a moment.

Ignoring him to make him jealous? She should have been ignoring him because he was an asshole.

"That's so unfair." Her voice was surprisingly low and steady. "You've seen me play. You know I'm good. You saw me bat those home runs, and you saw me make those perfect plays, and you know my throws are spot on. So be honest: you hate me because you're a sexist piece of shit who can't stand the idea of a girl on his team."

She expected him to let her go, to roll away from her disgusted, but instead his lips found hers. He was so angry, nipping at her lips, forcing his tongue between her lips, making her cry out. The hand on her hip pressed her harder, shoving her into the mattress, and the hand holding her wrists was bruising.

She tried to turn away, not wanting this for a second time, but he didn't let her. He pressed his mouth against hers, swallowing her every thought. His tongue met hers, met the roof of her mouth, swept her away.

He was a good kisser, and that made it worse.

He leaned all of his weight on her and moved his hands so that he was gripping both of them, then sliding his fingers through the spaces between hers, and they were holding hands above her head. The kiss changed then, and they weren't nipping at each other. The kiss was slow and smooth, and Oakland was rolling his hips against her, making her moan into his mouth.

His mouth left hers, finding her jaw, pressing kisses there. They were so soft, so tender, that when Bee closed her eyes, she imagined that she wasn't with Oakland. She was with a different boy, a boy that loved her, a boy that cared for her.

When Oakland's lips found her neck, he bit her hard, then his tongue was soothing the pain. The way his hips rolled into hers made her press her head into the mattress, her eyes rolling back, her mouth pushing out breathy sounds like made her cheeks burn.

Oakland was making her come undone, and she hated it.

He let go of her hands, and then his were under the jersey, lifting it from her. She let him take it off, then let him lay her back against the blankets, and she didn't dare open her eyes. If she opened her eyes, she would see him and his cruel eyes, and the spell would be forever broken.

In that moment, she felt so loved that she didn't want to face reality. It was better to believe the lie, for that one moment, as his hands crept under her cami, pressing into her burning skin.

He gave her hips a squeeze. "Oh, little Bee, I am so going to ruin you. You make it so easy, I mean, look at you. You're so helpless, just from one little kiss. Imagine what'll happen when we go all the way and then I toss you to the curb. It'll feel so much worse."

She froze under him, looking up, hating what she saw. Hating what he'd done to her, because he was right. It took one kiss and she was putty in his hands. And she knew that he had the power to ruin her, and he was going to do it.

She knew her face looked hurt. She knew her expression was the same one that all the girls before her wore, and she hated it. Hated that he had bested her. Hated that there was absolutely no come back she could say that would change what he saw in her eyes: she was trapped.

"Why?" Her voice was small, little, barely there. So unlike the person she forced herself to be around Oakland. She knew he expected her to be angry, but she couldn't, not with the way her heart was squeezing dangerously.

"This may be your school, but it's my team, Beatrice." He got off of her in one swift move, looking so unaffected by the kiss that it made her fall backwards into the mattress and into a pit of absolute embarrassment. He grabbed the jersey and threw it at her. "Now, I suggest you put that on before someone sees you here, half naked, having perverted thoughts about me."

She sat up, shoving her head into the shirt, tears in her eyes. "I'm not half naked, asshole." She swiped her tears, grabbed her bag, and left the room. She didn't care if he was following her, or if he was still standing in that room, grinning. It didn't matter.

She nearly tripped down the stairs, desperate to find Larkin. Desperate to go home and forget all about her terrible Friday night. Desperate to forget about Oakland and the way her heart squeezed whenever she thought about him.

Two kisses, and she was a goner. Two kisses, and she was well on her way to being ruined, just like Oakland wanted.