~ 23rd May 1991 ~

Izzy was over the moon about us becoming a family and he would always beam at me like he had some serious puppy love. I was seeing Izzy for the last time as Guns' was just about to kick off their 2-year tour and I had flown to Wisconsin to see their first gig. The plan was to originally travel with Izzy for most of his US dates, but our little pregnancy had put a stop to that idea. At a certain point, I would not be allowed to fly, and jumping from place to place would be too exhausting for me and the kid. Izzy had been clean for long enough to no longer be tempted by his bandmates, but he still wanted me to come with him for the company otherwise we'd be apart from each other for a really long time.

The tour was kicking off in East Troy at the Alpine Valley Music Theatre, which had a big paddock around it for parking. It was pretty early on when Izzy decided he was going to travel separately to the band to stop any temptations, which allowed him to pack whatever he wanted with him... which meant he decided to lug his motorbike with him everywhere. Just like my Rio experience with him and learning he could surf; I found out on this tour Izzy had pretty 'rad' biking skills too. So rad I couldn't help myself and I had to record some sneaky footage of him.

"You really think I'm 'film worthy'?" Izzy joked as he zipped past me.

My camcorder lens followed him around as Izzy did some sick drifts and tricks, kicking up a storm of dust that trailed after him.

"I'm only filming this for bub, you know, to prove you didn't always have a dad-bod."

Izzy skidded to a stop and he looked offended.

"I will not get a dad-bod! I'm going to stay this sexy forever you just watch."

The next night Guns' ran on stage around 9 pm and of course, they blew me away with their performance. The crowd was crazy for them and Axl strutted and ran around the stage for the whole show and somehow didn't even get very puffed. As expected, the boys ran off-stage after their 2-hour show dripping with sweat, and of course, Izzy couldn't help himself but rush over to me and mush his sweaty body against mine. Almost instantly, the other band members dumped their instruments and ran towards their limos that were waiting for them outside, ready to celebrate a night filled with debauchery. The guys running off and leaving Izzy behind would become a regular event after every show for the months to come, not that he minded, but I think deep down he was upset he couldn't unwind with his band (in an innocent, just chill on the couch kind of way) as drugs were always going to be involved.

Later that night in our hotel room, Izzy held me tightly as we spooned on the bed. He gently rubbed my belly as he hummed Heroes by David Bowie.

"It still spaces me out that there's something growing inside of me."

"I guess it is kind of foreign isn't it?" Izzy chuckled.

"Like in a few months, there's just going to be a newly made human chilling next to us in a cot. How?"

"Well you see Mel, when a man and woman love each other very much, they-"

"Shut up, you." I sighed as Izzy giggled away, "But you know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah, biology is whack, dog."

That night would be the last night I would spend with Izzy until very late July. While we were apart, I was busy on the set of Wayne's World as I decided to help produce the film. I thought it had potential and I always found the SNL skit highly amusing whenever it aired. My belly had started to stick out more during this time and it was such an odd experience. I really felt like I had been probed by an alien and it was growing inside me, and the creepy thoughts would always circulate around my brain. It didn't help to have Ripley with me as her name always reminded me of the 1979 movie, Alien.

Izzy would always call me and keep me up to date. It was not too soon after the tour started when things started to go bad. It started with Axl not showing up for sound checks, then it turned to him showing up later and later to every show, and Izzy told me Axl would usually be in his hotel room either sulking or 'waiting for the right moment' to emerge and come to the stadium. He would never warn the band either, so every night they were performing everyone would be waiting around backstage hoping he would show up. Then... the 2nd of July happened. Guns' were playing at the newly built Riverport Amphitheatre in St. Louis, and when the show kicked off they were already behind as Axl showed up just a couple of hours late for the gig. At some point not too far into their set Axl dived into the crowd to take a camera off a fan, got the shits the security did nothing about it, and stormed off stage. Moments later the crowd lost their minds with rage they started to tear the place apart and continue to riot in the streets. It was close to 1 am when I got a call from a distressed Izzy rambling into the phone informing me of his hectic afternoon.

"They were tearing the fuckin' ENTIRE place down, all our equipment was left on stage which is all probably fucked now! We've been smuggled into Chicago as we cowered in our fucking van so no one would attack us! I mean this is so fucked! I can't keep doing this with the way things are going! I just- fuck!"

"So you're safe now?" I croaked as I rubbed my tired eyes.

"Yeah, for now. I'm just fuckin' anxious that the cops are going to storm in and arrest our arses. I don't think they will, but anyway. The whole situation is just a goddam mess at the moment, and we're going to have to cancel the next few shows."

"Are you going to talk to Axl about this? There's no way he can get away with this, he's going to break Guns' up by the rate he's going."

"We've got to, it's fucking ridiculous. I gotta be truthful, Mel, I feel really fucking embarrassed right now. I mean what if some kids die tonight? I don't want another Donington repeat."

"Let's hope nothing that extreme happens, but I guess at the moment there's nothing we can do but wait to hear the news, Iz," I said with a yawn.

"Sorry I woke you up, babe."

"No, it's okay. I'm glad you did, I like to know what's happening and that you're safe."

"Are you and bub doing alright?"

"Seem to be. I'll be getting another check-up next week."

After about an hour of talking to each other, we finally said our goodnights, and as soon as I hung up the phone, I felt a dull pain suddenly hit my lower abdomen. At first, I thought it might have the bub moving around, but it gradually got worse. I started to panic; it felt like the same pain I felt all those months ago. I moved as quickly as I could to get some of my belongings together and get changed so I could drive to the hospital, and that's when I noticed the blood patch in the bed and on my upper thighs. 

It was happening again, and just like last time, Izzy was not with me. 

~

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