I remember thinking I had you...

At 9:00 at night, I crept along the creaky stairs and out the front door. I made my way down to the beach, the flashlight on my phone and the moon my source of light.

Reaching the sand, I sat down on my towel and gazed at the water, the waves rippling from the breeze. I sighed in relaxation, reveling in the peace of the night. I was nervous of what James had planned for me, but I mostly trusted him at this point. I was scared to become close with him, after what happened with Inez, but he wasn't like her at all.

Except Inez wasn't "like her" when we were friends.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

*Last April*

"Inez!" I called out, desperately needing to talk to her. I brushed away the hair that stuck to my forehead and unsuccessfully tried to subtly fan out my shirt.

She turned her head to look at me. Her shiny blond hair spilled across her shoulders, as her bright red lips spread and smiled.

"Ah, Auggie," she began. Her sugary tone made me want to cry.

Not again, I thought.

"What are you doing here?" she continued, gesturing to the scene around us. "This isn't exactly your crowd." The pounding music vibrated into my brain, and the people shoving each other mixed with couples making out made me extremely uncomfortable.

I glared at her, ignoring the hurt consuming me. "It wasn't your crowd either," I retorted loudly over the blaring music. I thought nothing could bring me to a high school house party, but apparently, I cared too much about my best friend.

"It is now," she replied, her blue eyes shining at me. She took a sip of god-knows-what as her posse giggled.

I stood stock-still facing her. "Inez, please," I practically begged. "What happened to you? Why have you been so distant with me?"

She stepped closer, the scent of alcohol surrounding me. Her eyes bore into mine for what felt like an eternity. "Augustine, just go. We're done," she said finally.

"Don't do this, Inez," I said, tears finally leaking out of my eyes. "I thought we were best friends."

"You mean nothing to me," she spat. "Go home. No one wants you here."

I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. I turned and shoved my way through the dimly lit hallway and through the living room. I stepped on dropped solo cups and barged past teenagers dancing and drinking.

As I tore home, more and more tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe she'd treated me so horribly. I didn't care that her friends laughed at me. Nothing hurt me worse than her words.

As I ran along the sidewalk, tears began to blur my vision. My body shook, knowing I'd lost the one person I always counted on. I still didn't know what changed. One day we were watching old movies in our pjs. The next, she was saddled up next to some new friend group and didn't care about me at all.

Her friendship was my saving grace. I hated school, besides English class, my parents barely acknowledged me, and I was beyond overwhelmed with life. She was my light.

Maybe it wasn't her lack of friendship that bothered me. Maybe I cared in a different way.

*

I wiped away a stray tear that slowly ran down my cheek. After Inez had ditched me, I vowed to never let anyone become that close to me. She ruined the remainder of my junior year, as well as the beginning of my summer. I hoped a month on PEI could fix that, but James was tearing down every wall I had worked so hard to build.

"Hey," I heard a voice from behind me.

I spun around to see James walking along the beach towards me. He wore a grey hoodie and his dark blue swim trunks. He had his glasses on, his warm brown eyes meeting mine though them. I smiled politely and waited for him to explain what the point of this meet-up was.

"You came," he stated.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Want to explain what this is about? I have a comfy bed I could be in right now."

James rolled his eyes. "Wow, no need to sound so excited," he said sarcastically.

"Let's just get this over with," I told him.

A smile appeared on his face. "C'mon," he said, leading me towards the water.

I followed him, curious of how the ocean was supposed to help me with my insecurities.

We reached the edge of the sand, the water almost touching our feet. The waves rippled softly, while the rest of the world was quiet. I could see faint lights from other beach houses, but they were far enough away that we were alone. I glanced at James with questions in my eyes.

"Ok, here me out," he began.

I raised my eyebrows but listened patiently.

"When I felt scared to take my shirt off or show skin at the beach, I came down here at night and did it. I know it may not make sense, but showing yourself to nature can sometimes be scarier than being in front of people."

I scrunched my face and shook my head. "It definitely isn't," I told him. "People judge more."

James's eyes softened as he looked at me. "Augustine, just try," he pleaded. "It's not always about the people. It could be because this is a place you haven't been able to show your insecurities. If you let yourself push through it now, you may feel a little more comfortable in front of other people. It's worth a shot."

"So...I'm supposed to just take off my shirt and walk along the beach in a swimsuit?" I asked him. "Hold on; is this just so you see me without a shirt? You creep!" I swatted him with the sleeve of my hoodie.

James burst out laughing as he dodged my swat. "Not at all," he chuckled. "I'll turn the other way and keep my eyes closed. Promise." He held out his pinkie finger towards me.

I sighed and clasped my own pinkie around his. I looked for any sign of distrust in his eyes, but as usual, he wore his soft, honest expression.

"Give it a shot," he smiled.

"Fine."

James turned around and placed his hands over his face. I rolled my eyes and prepared to make a complete fool of myself.

"Wait," he said, turning back around. "It only works if you're standing waist-high in water." He grinned.

"I'm not going in there at night!" I burst out. "It'll be freezing!"

"I know, Augustine, I'm joking. Whenever you're ready." He turned back around and re-covered his eyes.

Wishing I didn't look so stupid, I tugged off my dark purple hoodie and slipped James's green t-shirt over my head. I had meant to take it off earlier, but it was comfortable and smelled nice, like salt water mixed with laundry detergent. Not wanting to put my clothes on the sand, I walked over to James and placed them on his head. I heard him stifle a laugh, but he didn't move. I then took off my sweatpants and rested them on his shoulder.

I shook off my teal flip-slops and took a few steps towards the water, the waves touching my feet. I kept my arms wrapped around my torso, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"This was a bad idea," I said, anxious thoughts whirling through my brain. I knew no one was there besides James and me, but I still felt naked and vulnerable.

"Are you okay?" James asked, his voice muffled by his hands.

"I don't know," I said softly.

"Let your arms rest by your sides," he said.

I snapped my head in his direction, but he wasn't looking at me. He just knew. Slowly, I lowered my arms until they relaxed against my legs. I took a deep breath, and as I exhaled, the tension in my body relaxed. I must've looked ridiculous, but at least no one could see me. My shoulders dropped, my jaw unclenched, and I stood there in my swimsuit, allowing myself to be seen. Not by people, but by nature. James was right; it did feel good.

"How did you know this would work?" I asked softly.

James removed his hands from his face, but his back stayed turned. "I don't know why it helps, but it does," he said.

"Then why aren't you doing it?" I said, feeling a surge of confidence move through me.

I knew he was smiling, even though his back was turned. "If that's what you want," he teased. He took off my clothes still on him, placed them away from the water, then slowly removed his hoodie, t-shirt, and kicked off his sandals.

I immediately felt nervous, averting my gaze to the sand. But something inside me told me to push myself.

"You can turn around now," I whispered.

James slowly spun to face me, his eyes connecting with mine. I knew I should've felt awkward, but his presence calmed me. He didn't look me up and down but held my gaze and smiled. My stomach fluttered, and I backed away until the water reached my ankles. I saw the surprise in James's eyes, so I continued, the waves wrapping around my knees. It was cold, but I remained in the ocean, holding back a laugh.

"It's nice," I smiled. "Want to join me?"

James looked at me in disbelief but followed me into the water. The moment his foot touched the waves, he yelped and jumped back.

"What the hell?" he sputtered. "It's freezing."

I shook my head. "It's not bad," said, keeping a straight face. It was so cold, and I forced my teeth to keep from chattering. Teasing James was worth it.

"Fine then," James said, stepping into the water. He sucked in a sharp breath, but kept walking in. As he got closer, I moved farther away until the water reached my waist. I smiled as James sulked.

"Augustine, wait," he said, his face turning serious.

"What?" I asked, the waves softly hitting my lower back.

"Thank you for trusting me."

"Thank you for helping me," I replied. "I never feel pretty, but I do now." I wasn't lying. I did feel pretty, with the breeze against my body and the stars shining above. I looked up at them and the crescent moon glimmering down on us and raised my arms in the air.

I didn't realize James had moved closer until he stood right in front of me. "You're always pretty," he said.

I immediately blushed.

"I'm sorry, that sounded weird," he said quickly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"It's okay," I smiled, and he visibly relaxed.

The gentleness in his eyes calmed me, and I let my exhaustion take over. Mentally, I was drained. Taking care of Aurora was wonderful, but still difficult. I worried about Inez constantly, and everything with James made me overthink. I let all those thoughts disappear, and took a step towards James, narrowing the small gap between us. Slowly, I rested my head in the crook of his neck, my body relaxing even more.

I could tell I surprised him, but he didn't move away. I felt his hands brush against my skin, then rest on my waist. Never had I felt so comfortable in my body, but James helped me let go of the insecurities I felt. He tilted his head, so it rested against mine, and I immediately forgot how cold the water was.

I could stay here all night, I thought.

"Augustine," James whispered suddenly.

"Yes?"

He removed his right hand from my waist and used it to tilt my chin towards his. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as he looked at me. He touched his forehead to mine, our lips almost brushing. I knew he was waiting for me, giving me the chance to back out if I wanted.

I could've played it off as if I didn't know he wanted to kiss me. My rule was simple: don't get attached to anyone. But I was sick of feeling alone. Sick of brushing off friendliness because I was scared of getting hurt again. If James was going to hurt me, I'd deal with it later.

I slowly closed the gap between us, my lips softly pressing against his. Warmth spread throughout my body as my stomach fluttered. His lips were warm, and he moved his hand to my cheek, his fingers wrapping around the back of my neck. The water was no longer cold around my waist, but a breeze rippled in the air, and I shivered.

James pulled away, then pressed his forehead against mine. "Let's get you warmed up," he smiled.

I nodded, taking his offered hand and letting him guide me to shore. I touched my lips that still tingled from our short kiss.

"Want to come back to my house?" James asked, picking up our clothes from the sand while we both put on our sandals. "We can make tea or hot chocolate and watch a movie."

"Sure," I smiled. My parents would be wrapped up in work and wouldn't notice I was gone. I had put Aurora to bed earlier and made sure she was sound asleep before leaving. We began walking away from the water and toward James's cottage. He passed me my hoodie, and I slipped it over my head. It was getting chilly out, and the saltwater clinging to my legs didn't help. James put his hoodie on, then slipped his hand into mine.

I savoured the walk, neither of us saying anything. As we neared the cottage, James stopped me.

"Augustine," he began, placing his hands on my shoulders. "In case you haven't heard this enough...you're beautiful. Completely beautiful."

I froze, letting his words sink in. I almost didn't believe someone so awkward could become so sweet.

Almost.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"C'mon,"he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Let's go warm up and get comfy."

A/N: Feeling awkward 'cause that's the first kiss scene I've ever written. Always happy for feedback :)