⚠️Trigger Warning ⚠️

There will be talks of suicide, suicidal tendencies, gore, blood, and death.

Illiana POV

    I open my eyes to darkness, everything around me blanketed in pure black. I frantically feel around until my hand grabs something cold. My heart races in my chest and fear courses through my veins. This is too familiar. I shuffle around trying to find something to turn on a light or figure out where I am. That's when I see a twinkle of faint light to my left. I scramble up and start running to it but trip over something large, hitting my mouth harshly on the floor.

Pain blooms in my cheek and I feel my lips split. I pick myself up while wiping at my bloody lip, when suddenly the lights turn on. The light blinds me momentarily and I squint my eyes for a second before looking around a familiar basement. But I can't remember from where. I look down to my bloody hands and notice I'm still slightly laying on whatever I tripped on. It only takes me a few seconds to recognize what, or more correctly who, I tripped over. "Oh gods! Sammy! Sammy no! Not again!" I scream.

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️

Death, blood, etc.

     My best friend is sprawled out on his back, white as a sheet. His head is bent at an unatural angle and his skin is so pale it's blue. His eyes are devoid of life and there's dark red blood pooling around him. My breath catches in my throat and I scramble away from his form, holding a bloody hand to my mouth to cover my cries. I know what's coming. Who is coming. The door bursts open and my head snaps to the large man before I let out a shrill scream. He runs towards me and grabs my arms tightly but this time he just starts shaking me. "Illiana! Wake up! Lils!"

⚠️ Trigger Warning Over ⚠️

    The man and Sammy slowly dissolve before my eyes until my bedroom slowly comes into view. My mind finally registers that dad is holding me and I'm safely in my bedroom. "Oh gods! Daddy I'm s-sorry I-I couldn't s-save him. I-I am s-so s-" I struggle out, my chest heaving and tears streaming down my face. "Illiana stop. Honey it's okay. None of that was your fault okay? I thought you said these nightmares were going away?" My dad asks gently.

My stomach churns, ready to rid itself of its contents and I move my knees to my chest. My body shakes and sweat covers me as I stare at the wall. "I'm not having nightmares dad. I'm reliving memories." His face drops and I see the pity in his eyes. He pulls me into a hug as I bury my head into his shoulder and sob. The cries eventually turn into just sniffles and he leaves to go back to bed, putting a light kiss on my forehead.

   Not being able to sleep, I stare at my ceiling just waiting for my alarm to go off. You are worthless. If you would have just stayed home or fought harder, he would still be here. Why didn't you die instead of him? You should just end it, all this suffering wasted on you. You're not helping anyone by being here anyways. I grimace at my thoughts and then jump as my alarm blares. Gods. I really need to sleep.

I trudge tiredly to my closet to grab some clothes. I pick a random sweatshirt, some jeans, my undergarments, and my favorite belt. Then grab my high top Chucks and lace them up. My chest feels empty and hollow as I go through the motions of my day. I wash my face then brush my teeth, not even bothering with makeup. I spray some water in my hair and then some curl crème. I gently weave my hair into a long fishtail braid that hangs messily along my back. After putting on deodorant and perfume, I'm ready to leave.

Her outfit
You can always imagine something different

Her shoes

Her hair

    I grab my bag and make my way downstairs, seeing Isabella at the table but not dad. Ignoring her, I grab a water and an apple for breakfast then turn around to leave. "Hey!" Isabella shouts before I reach the front door. "I want you to stop threatening my friends and talking shit about me. I didn't start those rumors and they wouldn't have even begun if you weren't actually crazy. Oh and Edward? He's mine." Isabella states and then twitches her non-existent ass past me, getting into her truck. That bitch is psychotic. I don't want anything to do with mind fucker. But she is right about the crazy part.

   I sigh and run a hand along my face, contemplating just skipping school all together. Shaking my head, I grab my keys then get into my vehicle. The drive to school is quiet and I quickly park in the back of the lot. Before getting out, I briefly drop my head onto the steering wheel and mumble "please let today be a good day. I really need something to go well." I release a sigh then open my door, hopping out. As I'm walking into school, I spy Isabella cornering Edward. I snicker at the sight and his head snaps to me, as if he heard me. He gives me a distressed look but I smirk while flipping him off and keep walking. Fucking idiot.

   My morning classes pass quickly and soon it's time for lunch. Instead of going to the cafeteria to eat, I head to the library and send Rissa a text to meet me there. I scan the seating and find a nice set of couches by a bay window that has a blue padded seat. I grab my worn out copy of Marked by P.C + Kristin Cast (seriously one of my favorite series) and curl up in the window seat. Rissa comes in a few minutes later with a similar worn out copy of Marked and we read together. She places her head on my shoulder and I lean back into the seat; savoring her touch and the quiet room.

     After a few minutes of reading and listening to the rain hit the window, I hear a few sets of feet approaching me. Rissa sighs, not even looking up but I do. I turn my head to see the Cullen siblings coming to us. Including the mind fucker. Why do they want to be around me so much? Can't they see I'm not interested? Rissa places a book mark in her book and looks up, obviously aggravated from with interrupted. Honestly, I just wish they would leave me alone. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jaspers face pinch up like he's in pain and then stumble back a bit.

   His siblings rush to him but Edward looks at me with pity. Gods I hate that look. Rissa tenses beside me as my anger flares at him "don't fucking look at me like that giraffe!" His mouth drops open "I do not look like a giraffe Illiana." His voice. No! Do not fall into that trap. I roll my eyes and grab my bag, taking Rissa's too. Her hand intertwines with mine and she sends Edward a glare as we walk past him. Leaving the library, we head to the cafeteria. I grab myself a Red Bull from the vending machine while Rissa grabs some sour patch kids. We then go to the back of the cafeteria to a corner table that's empty. I slide one earbud in, handing the other to Rissa and hit shuffle. Trauma by NF plays as I look out the window. The rain is so nice today. I wish I could just sit outside and let the rain wash everything away.

   I hear a chair being pulled out beside me and see Edward. Rissa lets out an audible sigh and mumbles "again? Can't you take a hint?" I narrow my eyes, ready to yell but he puts a hand up, stopping me. "Before you yell at me to leave I want to apologize. To both of you" he pleads, making eye contact with us both. "I know I came off hostile and weird but I never meant to. And about the mind thing, I just wanted to know you more because you're so pretty- I mean not pretty, not that you aren't pretty! I mean you're both beautiful and I am going to shut up now.." he covers his face with his hands.

    I try to hide my laughter but it slips out. And soon so does Rissa's. Her giggles ring out like little bells and I can't help but laugh along with her. His head snaps up and he starts grinning at us both. "I really am sorry. I want to start off on a better foot so if you'd like, my family is going to Port Angeles to do some shopping this weekend. Would you both like to join us? Everyone really wants you two to come." Should I go? I really don't want to get close to anyone again. It never ends well but it would piss Isabella off. I look over to Bella with a smirk. Speaking of the bitch, she's glaring a hole through my head. Fuck it. I need new clothes and I'm in the mood for chaos. My eyes meet Rissa's first though and when she nods yes I smile, then turn towards Edward.

  "Okay, we'll come. Here is my number so you can text me the details and feel free to pass it on to your siblings." I say. Rissa writes down her number as well, handing the paper over to him with a grin. His face lights up as the bell rings and Rissa grabs her things. "See you tomorrow? I have 'family duties' to do tonight" she asks. I nod and place a kiss on her cheek. "Yeah I'll pick you up" I mumble as she walks away towards class. I get up and go to grab my bag but Edward snatches it up before I can.

    "Hey that's mine!" I go to reach for it but he pulls it away.  "I know that. We have class next to each other and then art together. Let me be a gentleman to make up for being such a asshole" He says. "I can still carry my bag giraffe" I gripe, folding my arms over my chest and pouting. His jaw drops "I do not look like a giraffe Illiana!" I giggle at his face, red from embarrassment. "But you are a very cute giraffe. Make all the boy giraffes go WHAAA!" I joke. Edward raises an eyebrow at me. "Princess Diaries huh? At least you have good taste." We both start laughing again as we near our classes. Gods. I haven't felt this light since.. no don't ruin it.

  "Thanks for walking my bag and I to class giraffe." I smile up at him. He smirks at me and hands me my bag. I spy Isabella walking by and glaring at me. She stops and goes to grab Edward's arm but he moves forward and places a kiss on my cheek. I turn beat red and feel a tingly almost electric feeling all over my body. Hmm. That is the exact same feeling I get with Rissa.. I shake my thoughts away and wave bye to him the go to my class. I spot Alice and Jasper in the corner so I sit with them. Class drags by but the bell finally rings. Ugh I hate math. I walk out of the door to find Edward waiting for me. Or I hope it's me. Wait. No I don't. No feelings, no feelings, no feel- "Illiana? Are you ready to go to art?" Edward asks with a blinding smile. "Yes I am. Thanks for walking with me" I smile at him. I am so dead.

    Art goes by too quickly as usual and now I'm packing up my stuff to leave. Edward left early saying something about family drama. I hear the front doors slam behind me as I walk to my truck with my AirPods in and face down. I stop and struggle to set my heavy bag on the black hood. Unfortunately, my left earbud slips out dropping to the ground and when I go to pick it up, a loud screeching sound comes from my left. My head snaps up to see a black van careening towards me. I hear screams ring out around me but it's too late to move. My eyes lock with Rissa, who is by her sister, and I freeze.

    The tires squeal louder as the car gets closer and without thinking I put my palms up, squeezing my eyes shut. An invisible bubble pops up around me and the van bounces off of it. Between the force of the silent spell and massive van slamming into my shield; my body gives out and I fall straight back, hitting the ground hard. I hiss out in pain and struggle to sit up. Something wet starts dripping down my face so I try to wipe it away. But when I bring my hand back it's covered in my inky black blood. Fuck. I quickly push out a silent spell to make my blood red before spots take over my vision. I hear my name being yelled with sirens dancing in the background before I see nothing but black.

    I wake up in a bright room, making me wince at all the vivid white that surrounds me. That smell. My eyes snap open and finally adjust to the room. My eyes drag around the room and I see I'm in a hospital. No, no, no, no. No hospitals. My heart rate picks up and my throat starts to close as my anxiety overflows. My chest heaves as it gets harder to breathe and I claw at the wires hanging off my body. I scramble to find the nurses button with hot tears flooding my red face. My breathing becomes shallow and my heart feels as if it's going to explode.

      My eyes start to glaze over and memories rush over me. The heartbreak. The guilt. "I love you Lils." Sammys last words ringing through my head. My other half. The person I let die. The overwhelming anguish of being alone taking over me, the feeling of someone punching holes through my chest over and over. The countless days of just wanting to die. The guilt. The overwhelming feeling of drowning as everyone just stands and watches. Oh Sammy. My breathing becomes so erratic that it's nonexistent and I can't find the fucking nurses button! At that moment Dr. Cullen walks in wide eyed. "Illiana calm down please. Nurse! NURSE! I NEED A NURSE-" my hearing fades away and I see specks in my vision. My body slumps and I blackout again.

    My head spins as I slowly start hearing voices around me. What the hell happened? "Chief Swan, I promise Illiana is okay. She just had a severe panic attack. I'm assuming it was caused by being in a hospital again after.. the incident." Oh yeah. That's right. I had a panic attack. "Now before she wakes up, is there anything you need to tell me about her? When she came in for her doctors appointment she was very guarded and didn't want any help. I could see she was still struggling but didn't want to press her, send her back into old habits. I think the situation has gone too far now to just let it go. I mean my kids say she doesn't even eat at school, has she relapsed?" Dad better not snitch on me. You know what I'm just going to- I open my eyes and groan at the bright lights, effectively cutting off the conversation.

    "Illiana?! Oh honey are you okay? I was so worried!" Dad grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. I sigh and relax into the hug, savoring the warmth he radiates that no longer fills my own ice cold chest. Dad's hugs really are a cure all. "I'm okay dad. I think?" I ask Dr. Cullen. He nods back with a smile. "Yes Illiana, you are completely fine but you may experience more PTSD episodes than normal. I am writing you a prescription for some sedatives and before you say no, it's only for emergencies. You also have had a lot of visitors. I can grab them if you're both okay with that?" Dad and Dr. Cullen look to me. I shrug "that's fine by me." I just hope it's not anyone from the Rez, well other than Leah but I doubt she would ever speak to me again.

  "I am going to drop some stuff off at work and then grab you some food and clothes. What would you like to eat?" I think about it for a second "can you just get a huge thing of chicken and rice soup from the diner please?" He nods and kisses my head. "I'm really glad you're okay sweetheart. I love you and I'll be back soon!" He yells as he walks out, quietly closing the door. Not even two minutes later, the door swings opens again, showing Rissa and the Cullens walk in. My favorite giraffe. Edward snorts but tries to cover it with a laugh. I wonder if he can sometimes hear my thoughts.

   The siblings all crowd around my bed while Rissa just climbs in beside me and pulls me into her arms. I smile and silently lay on her chest as she plays with my hair. It's quiet until Emmett speaks up "So you're not dead. How?" His siblings shoot him glares and Rosalie slaps the back of his head. "Ow Rose! You know we were all thinking it. Actually Edward you ca- Ow! Damn it Rose!" He pouts after receiving yet another slap and a harsh glare. I start giggling and soon I can't stop. But the giggles soon turn to sniffles and then sobs. "Oh my gods! I almost died again." Why can't I die? Why can't I finally be at rest? Edward and Jasper both have a look of horror on their face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start crying. Just some ptsd I guess. So why are y'all here?" I ask while wiping my tears away, trying to save whatever dignity I have left.

  Rissa squeezes my shoulder, helping calm my nerves. Rosalie gets closer to me and grabs my right hand "because we were worried Ana! (Pronounced ah-nah) You should have been crushed. You should be dead! I- we were so scared!" Ana. That sounds so angelic coming from her mouth. "Wait. Why? We just met." I ask with furrowed brows. Rissa tenses behind me and I lookup to her. She shrugs her shoulders before narrowing her eyes in the Cullen siblings. They all look around at each other nervously before Edward speaks up "I, I mean we, care a lot about you. I know we haven't known each other very long but you're special Illana. As are you Clarissa." He states, looking at us both intensely. They're obviously hiding something from us. Not only that, who would want me? I'm broken. So, so broken.

    "But why?! Why do y'all care?! I'm so broken, and so so fucked up. I know you've heard the rumors about me. So why do y'all constantly try to be my friend?!" I huff out. Rissa holds me closer to her and glares at them. "Seriously! Can you all it take the hint? We are together and happy!" The room is silent as the siblings look at an each other. "The truth is-" "Emmett no!" the siblings yell at him but he continues like he didn't hear them  " we are vampires and you are both of our soulmates. To all five of us." I blink a couple of times before I let out a snort.  Vampires? Oh gods, the irony. I don't think my grimoire even has anything about vampires but it might. Wait did he say soulmates? I know my grimoire at least has that.

   Without saying anything, I snap my fingers and my grimoire appears. Rissa sits up with me as I thumb through the pages. The Cullens jump back in surprise, minus Emmett. I mean they already know I'm something supernatural since I stopped the van. I look at Edward. Hey giraffe, wanna take a guess at what Rissa and I are? Edward laughs and all his siblings stare at him. "Well Illiana, I have no clue what you are, though I have an idea of Clarissa" he says softly. I knew Edward could read my mind sometimes. I just have to let down my guard a bit.

    Rissa's eyebrows shoot up and she looks at him "give it your best shot then giraffe." He shakes his head with a smile "siren right?" She nods with a smirk "half right." He looks at her puzzled while Emmett looks giddy. Alice and Jasper just smile, watching us both. Rosalie is looking back and forth between Rissa and I "does this not bother either of you? That we are monsters?" I snort and shake my head. "You haven't seen real monsters" my memories flooding through again. I shiver and open my grimoire. I hear Edward take a sharp intake of breath. "Was.. was that your memories Illiana?"

   I tense while leafing through my book, not making eye contact but pause for a second and look at him. "Yes. I have a lot of baggage with me. I mean if I told you all of my secrets, you wouldn't look at me the same way. Also you know you can call me by a nickname right? You don't have to say my full name since it's a bit formal." Rissa nods beside me "yeah me too!" Helping me to change the subject but I can tell they won't let it go so easy. "Wait- ma'am, is that why you're always sad? Both of you?" Jasper asks. The question takes me by surprise so it takes me a few minutes before I nod my head yes. Rissa just stares into space, disassociating. I grab her hand in mine while continuing to look through my grimoire and quickly find the page I was looking for.

'Soulmates. Supernatural beings usually have at least one soulmate. Sometimes there is a shared mate for a group or just a throuple. The more mates a supernatural being has, the more powerful they are.'

     My eyes take in the late and I sigh. Huh. Well I be damned. That means I have six soulmates counting Rissa... five vampire soulmates and one siren. Fuck me!  "So I have six soulmates... That are vampires and a siren... That are also all extremely hot."I say, making the others smile. I reach down and start gently pinch myself to make sure I'm actually awake. "Well shit, I am awake. I guess that means y'all wanna know what I am?" Everyone nods their head at me. So I let a smirk slide onto my face and look at each one of them before answering, building the suspense.

  "I'm a witch"

Authors note: so this chapter was a little all over the place and a bit sad but I wanted to give a flashback of what she's been through. Agains, this book will be dark so take caution in reading it.

• How did you like this chapter?

• So they know what she is now, do you think that will change things for them?

• Who is your favorite soulmate so far?

• Who do you want her first kiss to be?

• Any ideas on what the future chapters may bring? Or anything you want to add/see?

Thanks my dears. 🖤 Please check out my other books:

- Abomination a 100 WTS book

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- Alexithymia a Shadowhunters book

- Munificence a Santa Clause book

- Latibule a Sons of Anarchy book

- Aviothic a Fourth Wing book

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- Aeonian a House Of Night book

- Agathokakological a Once Upon A Time book

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