"Your still having nightmares" dean said scaring me causing me to point my gun at him

"Shit dean you scared me" I said setting the gun down

"Your jumpy you lied to us about remembering" he said

"It's hell dean want do you want me to tell you" I snapped

"That it's not as bad as it sounds" he chuckled sarcastically

"We both know that's not true, but whatever you do don't let alaster get to you, he gets in your head your done for" i said

"Alaster?" He asked

"A demon down there, I had it bad Dean I was put up to Lucifer himself" i said looking down at my scars

"Those from down there?" He asked

"Torture dean, I went through it then gave in around the last few months down there and I became the torturer" I said not looking into his eyes

He didn't say anything so I continued after a short breath.

"The monster Hunter becomes the monster and that's how it is" i said and finally looked up to see he had fear on his face

"Trinity I'm sorry you went through they" he said

"And for nothing because the bastard of a father is dead to save you" i hissed and threw my phone

"Hey hey he did what any of us would do of the other" he said

"Dean I died and not even ten years later but three I get out of the heat box and to find out dad was in my place, that means he not only fixed my deal but yours" i said

"Then I went and fucked it up I know" he said

"Yeah and Sammy feels the loss of us all" i said

"What do you think happened when you left after that call Huh?" He snapped

"I made a choice to save someone you needed more" i yelled

"Needed him more that's what you think we needed" he yelled

"What's going on guys?" Sam asked but we ignored him

"You've never needed me, I've always been with Bobby never around you both so yes I saved dad to give you someone you needed I went to hell for you and that bastard trained places only for you to do the same stupid shit we did" I snapped

"This is about the deal they made?" Sam asked

"Yes Sammy trinity here lied she remembers everything about hell" Dean said

"Why did you lie?" Sam sounded hurt

"To save dean the pain of how hell is actually fucking hell and you get tortured and you get sent to a cell with Lucifer to be tortured because your a cool toy to play with and your killed over and over slower and slower each time until you can't handle the pain anymore so you give in and become the torturer instead of the tortured" i yelled and fall to the ground crying

"Trinity your home now your safe" Sam said hugging me

"I just wanted it to go away to end and next thing I know I'm top side again" I said softly leaning into Sam