Chapter Thirteen

Jada’s POV

 “What are you looking for?”
I sighed and looked up from my scattered books on my bed. 

How could I forget it?

I groaned as silent as I could even though what I wanted to do was pull my hair. The vultures in that class should better not steal my study guide.

I turned to Mercy with a frown,

“I forgot something very important under my desk.”

“Well, you can still go get it if you are sure that is where you kept it.”
Mariam said and I nodded.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

Go with me and find out about it?

Do not get me wrong, Mercy and Mariam have proven to be one of the nicest roommates and friends one can get in this school.

But at a school like this or more like at a class like ours, no one is  to be trusted.
Aliya made that fact even more true for me and trust is not a word in my dictionary anymore. 

“Thanks, but do not worry about it.”
I walked out of the room and to the class.

It was a long walk but it is worth it.

Jayden and I prepared it over the holiday. For me. He did it to help me and I still got a nine? 

How did I fail that simple question for crying out loud?

And how did Anike get a ten?

She must be really smart. Smart than how I viewed her.

I got to the class and as expected it was empty except from one person that was still there.

“Jeff?”

I called as I walked closer to where he was seated with his head on the table,
I tapped his back lightly when he did not react to my voice.

He looked up then,
“What are you still doing here?”

I asked when he just looked confused to see me here.

he was not sleeping though. Whenever he sleeps his face gets puffy and right now it does not look puffy at all.

“I can ask the same.”

I quickly ran to my table.

His words reminded me of what I actually came here to do.

“I forgot something.”
I said and quickly placed the notebook in my bag.

“so, what are you doing here?”
I asked looking up from my bag. He was already standing close to me with his bag already backed. 

“Just thinking about stuff.”
He said with a smile.

Jeff is this type of person.

He goes through a whole lot and just covers it with a smile.

He is the type of person that is breaking but still does his best to make another person smile at the same time. 

I remember all that he did for me during the break. He and Jayden did their best to pull me out of depression but that also made me see what he was facing.

An abusive parent who at any chance will compare him to his best friend.

Other classes see this class as the privileged. The perfect honours class. but I see it as a curse. I see it as the worst curse.

Losing a single score has been driving me crazy. 

Why?

Because I am no different from Jeff.

I am tired of being constantly compared to my twin brother and trust me; we are doing our best!

And because of this I just wish Jeff can talk to me when things get worse.

We understand each other best and we can also find a way to help one another. From this misery.

“You can always talk to me about stuff Jeff. I appreciate all what you did for me during the holiday and I would love to be a listening ear to you too Jeff. I know that might be hard considering where we are. No one can be trusted but I trusted you with my issues, you can always do the same.”
I did the unexpected.

I walked closer and held his hand gently.

He followed my every move from behind his thick lenses. And I waited for something. A reply, a reaction, anything?

But nothing came.

I was about to drop his hands when he hugged me.

We have hugged countless times before. He is like the closest boyfriend that I have but I could feel it that this hug was different.

“I am tired, Jada. I am tired of everything.”
He said, finally pulling off that mask.

That fake smile mask.

The mask that fooled everyone except me.

The mask that only Jayden used to understand.

I found out about his dad when I caught Jayden helping him treat his wounds. They had no idea I was there and I did not mention it too.

“Jeff.”
I said quietly when I heard him sniffle.

Is he crying?

“Jeff.”
I called again and slowly patted his back.

Jeff is really crying right now?

My heart broke with each sniffle.

I do not know what I was expecting before but it was definitely not to see him cry. He has just been so emotionally stable and it came as a great shock to see him break in my arms.

“I just need a minute. A minute like this and I will be fine.”
He said in between tears.

He can use more than a minute if he wants. I want him to be fine.Just like he made sure I got to be fine. Just like how he was the shoulder I could rest on whenever I was weak. I want to be that shoulder to him now. 

Just like he said he pulled back after a minute.
“Are you okay now? Do you want to talk about this?”

“I am fine. thanks.”
He said and flashed me that fake smile that I was already getting tired of seeing. 

He turned to leave the classroom.
He just can’t leave. Not like that. not without talking about what just happened or what I can do to help? or just something. Anything really.

“Jeff.”

 “Forget about this Jada. Please.”

“I do not want to turn a blind eye just like I have been doing for months now. You are my friend. You help me when things are hard. You help Jayden but who is doing the same to you? I want to be that person. the person you can talk to when things get too hard. You don’t have to cover everything with a smile. It just makes things worse and those things you always post on your social media before we resumed were also alarming. Come on Jeff. Please.”
He sighed.

He ran his hand across his hair, a habit he learnt from Jayden.

It felt like he was contemplating on whether to talk or not. like it was a death or life issue.

He stared hard at me and I flashed a smile.

I hope he opens up to me because I have also pulled all the courage in me to ask him this.

It is not a secret to both of us that we like each other. In fact, we have had moments whenever Jayden was not with us.

Not like we have gone far beyond hugging but I would love to think that he considers it as a moment too. And that he likes me back.

I don’t want to be the only one having these feelings or thoughts.

“Jada, I know and I understand you. I… I was just thinking about my life. I don’t want to spend the rest of my days here worrying about my grades, reading hard like my life depends on it only to still be second or third. I am tired of reading. I am tired of going home to that man. I am tired of how I go crazy over a mark. I want everything to stop and just enjoy a life a normal sixteen years old is entitled to. not this! definitely not this!”

I walked closer to him and hugged him.

Grateful that he was finally opening up to me. finally talking about this with me.

“I am tired too Jeff but we don’t have a choice.”
I said after a while.

We were both seated and he seemed to have calmed down a little bit.

“Do you want to know what I was thinking about?”
I nodded,

“the best way to disappear. I can’t keep going on like this Jada. It is killing me from inside. Being constantly compared to my best friend, abused by my own father because I end up disappointing him every single day. a mark? I am so grateful I live in a hostel because if I went back home showing him this, he would be in another fit.”

He took in a deep breath and a tear slipped from my eyes as I watched him.

Who says boys don’t cry?

Jeff could not keep his tears,
“Am I not pathetic? Over a fucking mark? I can’t keep on living like this Jada. This, my life is hell.”

“Mine too. You know if we look at it that way everyone here is living in their hell. I have HIV. My dad still compares me to my brother too. My best friend revealed my secret to the world. I felt the same way too. But Jeff, I am here. I fought my way to be here and I am still going places. 
Do not think about this day alone. This will pass and the future will be good.”
He smiled,

“How do you know?”

“I don’t. I just can feel that the Baba God watching us has a great plan for us.”
He chuckled,

“And I am also here. we can go through this together.”

I smiled and stretched my hands to him, he smiled back. this time not his fake smile but a real one and held my hand in his.

“Together.”

 The both of us smiling like fools at each other in an empty classroom made me remember when mum and I went to the slums for volunteer work last summer. I remember watching the kids dance in pure bliss, laughing and just being themselves. They were poor but happy. 
And it brought me to this question:

 ‘what is the point of having so much money when it can’t buy us our peace and happiness?’ 

That question though,
I feel really bad for Jada and Jeff.

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

It would be great if parents stop comparison.

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Love y'all

Eniola_writes 💕💕