© Copyright 2011
All work is property of Leah Crichton, any duplication or reproduction of all or part of the work without explicit permission by the author is illegal.

Bête Noire: (beyt-nwhar)

a person or thing particularly dreaded

one that is to be avoided

Hours passed. We sat in my room and did nothing. Said nothing. I thought about my dad and the unmistakable burden I’d be to him if I chose to stay and fight. I thought about the guilt I’d feel if I left. Which would be less devastating? To lose a child, or to lose any semblance of a life he could have if he could grieve and move on? The same question ran over and over again in my head, but I was still no closer to finding an answer. I was only able to conclude that the burden I would be to him by surviving should have made the choice easy.

Orion was nervous. He never sat for long, getting up often to pace. I was sure he was about to wear holes through the flooring. It was driving me crazy. “Orion, sit down; you’re making me edgy.”

“Sorry. Will you tell me?”

He was still on about wanting to know what I'd seen that scared me so badly. He came at me swiftly and cupped my face in his hands. “Please tell me.”

“I can’t.” It wasn’t even the nasty thing Damien had done to me in the vision. The feeling I got from him was the most vile, loathsome, horrendous blend of emotion ever. The hatred, the emptiness within Damien was vast. 

“You can tell me.” 

“I know.”

“You might feel better if you tell me. I’ll feel better.”

If I shared what happened, it might be able to alleviate some of his tension; maybe he'd stop pacing. “I saw my entire childhood, my parents and Luke. Every Christmas or birthday I ever had. All of it. I saw the accident, Orion. I saw what you did.”

He remained silent, but nodded his head. As I spoke the words, I remembered very vividly how strong the feelings he had for me were. “I felt you, too.”

“Felt me?” 

“You, how you feel about me. I didn’t realize… I never knew it was so intense.” He didn’t say a word but his eyes burned into mine, trying to read my face. “Then I saw myself get older, and I barely wake up, Orion. I can say a few words to my dad, but that’s all. I’m dependent on him for everything.  I can’t walk, I can't talk, I can’t do anything. I felt him, too. It was awful. He was so sad.” A tear ran down my cheek. Orion, still listening intently, wiped it away with his fingertip.

“That made you scream.”

“No. No, that wasn’t it at all. He had me.” The look on Orion’s face told me that I didn’t need to elaborate on who he was. “I felt him too; he's evil.” Even putting it into words frightened me.

He shifted to wrap his arms around me and whispered, “I know what he made you feel. I’m sorry. I thought the twins would be helpful to you, not scare you more.”

“They couldn’t help it.” They were, realistically, only trying to help. “You got so mad at Alicia, I think you frightened her.” For a brief moment, I was distracted from the depraved surge of emotions, the feeling of Damien.

He sighed. “I need to apologize to her. I was so worried about you.” Judging by Alicia’s ability to allow me to feel everything he did, I was certain worried was putting it mildly.

“I don’t know what to do. I wanna see Luke and my mom. Where are they?”

“They’ll be back later. They didn’t need to be here when you found out, especially Luke. He may have tried to intervene, and you needed to know.” He was right. Luke wouldn’t stand a chance if he tried to stop Orion from doing anything at all. My brother wouldn’t care, he’d still try.

I was about to ask him if they were alright but his attention was no longer on me. He jumped to his feet. The abrupt movement made my stomach churn. “What is it? What’s wrong?” 

“Damien’s coming.”

My heart began to race so fast I figured the rapid acceleration might bring on a heart attack and finish Orion’s job for him. I panicked. “What? How? Are you sure? How do you know?”

“I just know. He’s coming to check up on you,” he said. His body was rigid, and mine began to shake. “Listen to me.” Orion pulled me up and grabbed my shoulders. “We haven’t got a lot of time. He’ll be here soon. You have to act like nothing has happened.”

“He’s going to know you’re here!” I argued.  “If you can tell he’s here, can’t he tell the same?”

“I told you already, he won’t imagine that you’re speaking to me again. The thought won’t have entered his thick skull. He’s too egotistical to be looking for me, but you have to act like yourself. You can’t show him you’re scared.” I stared at him with a vacant expression.  How was I going to pretend that I wasn’t terrified? My eyes burned. Orion shook me again. “Ireland, are you listening to me? I can smell the fear on you, for God sakes. He will, too.  You can do this. I’ll be right here if anything happens. Remember my promise.” 

I didn’t have time to remember, because the distinct sound of rock meeting glass nearly made me jump out of my skin.

He was here.

The Devil’s Advocate.

My very own bête noire.

“Go to the window,” Orion ordered. “I’m right here.” My feet had more common sense than my brain, because trying to lift them was next to impossible. Orion’s hands pushed me forward. “Go to the window.” I shuffled one foot in front of the other, but each step felt like I was summiting Everest. The rocks hit the window again. Muffling a scream, I continued forward.

When I looked through the glass, there he was. He didn’t look at all threatening, standing below on the grass, but looks had zero relevance. I felt him. I forced a smile while trying to lift the window but my arms, like the rest of my body, shook. Orion stood with his back against the wall to my immediate left.  He saw my struggle and extended his finger under the frame, giving it a shove. It opened so fast I worried the glass might shatter.

“Hello, love.” Damien’s voice was deep and controlled.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Hey.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yep. Fine.”

“I’ve come to check on you. I went to the school to collect on our rain check for lunch, but you weren’t there. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I tried with little success to get a grip on the terror that coated my voice. “Sorry, I don’t feel very good today. My head…it hurts pretty bad. I think maybe I’ve been overdoing it lately, or I’m coming down with something.”

I reached my hand out, pretending to grab onto the window frame inside my room, but I was searching for Orion. His warm fingers found mine and gave a squeeze as he whispered, “You're okay.”

“Is there anything I can do, darling? Anything at all?” The sincerity in his words was almost believable.

“No thanks. I was just going to lay down for a bit and try to get my head to stop pounding.”

His eyes fixed on me as if he was contemplating, searching, prodding me to reveal my lies. The thought was nauseating.

“I can come up if you’d like. Keep you company.”  

“No that’s okay. I like to share just about everything ‘cept germs; you know, in case it’s the start of a cold.” I hoped my pathetic excuse might quash his curiosity.

“Alright then, love, don’t say I didn’t offer. If you need anything though, you call me, okay?”

“Thanks.” I coughed for effect, then worried I might be pushing my show too far.

He turned to walk away and air escaped from my lungs. Before he got very far, he turned back around. “Oh, and sweetheart?”

“Yeah?” God, please let him leave.

“I’m going to hold you to that lunch, as soon as you’re well enough.” He wagged his finger.

“Okay.” Even thinking about it was revolting.

“You get some rest,” he said.

“Thanks, Damien.”

“Anytime.” He walked to his car and got in. I couldn’t move away from the window fast enough. I was stretched with the tension of an extended rubber band, and I couldn’t relax until Orion’s body was finally no longer stiff with anxiety.

“He’s gone.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He looked at me and put his hand on my cheek. “You did good.”

“That was hard. I’ve never been that scared.”

“I know, but try to remember that as long as Damien knows nothing at all he’s not going to try to hurt you.  He’d rather charm you. To take you by force would be his last resort. He’d rather have you go willingly, remember that.”

“Orion, he wants me to go for lunch.”

“I know.”

“That's asinine!”

“I need time to think.” He raked his hands through his hair. “We can pull this off. We just have to make sure everything is executed perfectly.”

“There’s nothing to execute. I’m not going anywhere with him.”

“I know you don’t want to.”

“No. Orion, I’m not going to. Not that I don’t want to.” There wouldn’t be any discussion about it.

“Listen, Tiger. You might not have a choice, unless you’ve made your decision already. Have you?”

“No.” 

The questions began to spiral through my mind again. My dad could have a chance at some sort of life after I was gone, but would he get over the grief? What would become of Orion and my dad if I stayed? My dad would be consumed by depression and guilt. Would he ever get past it?

And Orion.

I had known him for such a short time, but I couldn’t imagine any part of my future without him in it, be it in this world or the next one. I had never loved someone so much.

He stepped forward, interrupting my thoughts. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then trust what I told you. It’s true. I know him. If he can get you by winning you over, this would be much more satisfying for him than having to overpower you. I know Damien better than you think. He couldn’t consider a more desirable way to win than to have you leave me for him.”

“What exactly are you trying to say?” 

“I’m saying that you’ve already let him in. You cannot be sick forever. You cannot avoid him indefinitely. If you want to buy yourself some more time, you’re going to have to face him.”

I looked at him like he was demented. “That’s your idea?” The panic in my voice returned tenfold. “That’s a bad idea. That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Do you have a better one?”

I had nothing. He knew I had nothing. My idea was to hide in my room until I chose life or death, which, quite simply, was not an option. “No,” I sighed. “No, I don’t have a better one. But yours is dangerous. It could backfire.”

“It won’t.”

“What if it does?”

“It won’t. I won’t be far from you at any time. Nothing bad will happen.”

“How are you going to hide and watch, Orion? You’re the same size as a freaking tree. You don’t exactly blend in.”

He put his arms around me and pulled me close to him. His mouth was near my ear. “No more fighting.”

I rested my head against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat was calming, and the energy I had left to argue began to fade away. “When are Luke and my mom coming back? I want to talk to Luke,” I whispered.

“I know. You’ll be able to talk to him soon. Promise.”

Orion had spent the last several hours making an incredible number of promises to me. If he was unable to keep them—every single one—the consequences would surely be detrimental.