I don’t know how long Harry and I laid there in a numb silence.  It was strange how often that seemed to happen with Harry; it was so easy to get lost in each other that we never noticed the passing hours.  Usually, it was because we were having such a good time, content to just be in each others’ company.

Other times, though, we struggled to hold onto reality because of a more malignant cause, such as right now.  Time slipped by us as we tried not to feel, but feeling anyway.  Sometimes, it was one of us hurting and the other comforting, sometimes the other way around.  The worst, though, were times like this, when we both were feeling the many levels of emotion and still looking to each other for comfort.

As awful as it was, I wouldn’t have chosen anyone else to go through it with.  He was my rock, my foundation, and he was all I needed to get through the worst of situations.  I only hoped I could be strong enough to do the same for him, because even though he would never admit it, I knew he needed to lean on me, too. 

We hadn’t moved from our original position, only shifting enough to run our fingers over each others skin in an attempt to soothe what we couldn’t with words.  My hand had found its way to his neck, running slowly across the silky skin covering it.  I watched as my fingers trailed light patterns over it, feeling the muscles and veins running taught beneath his skin. 

I could feel his fingers contracting and relaxing on my lower back, the pads of them just barely grazing my skin beneath my t-shirt.  His eyes were closed but I knew he was awake; his breathing had yet to even out and was still fairly shallow, opposite of the deep, slow, even breaths he took when he slept. 

I tried to think of any possible words to say that could make him feel better, because I knew he was feeling a mess of emotions right now.  I wanted him to know that what had happened wasn’t his fault, but more importantly, I wanted to know that he was going to be okay.

Tonight’s events had to have brought back traumatic memories of that awful night four years ago, which in my opinion was much more important to deal with than guilt he did not deserve over Colt.  He had been doing so well lately in terms of dealing with his father; he was finally opening up, sharing details, looking back with a happy nostalgia rather than a aching sadness when he spoke of him, and the last thing I wanted was for him to revert back into that dark place. 

I let my fingers dance softly across his cheek, causing him to open his eyes slowly to look at me.  I bet my lip gently before releasing it to speak.

“Harry,” I whispered.  “Do you wanna talk about it?”  I knew he would know I meant his father rather than Colt; it was weighing on him clear as day even now as he gazed at me with pained eyes.

He was silent for a long time, examining the different features of my face while he was lost in his own head.  I waited patiently, hoping he would want to talk.  He was so quiet in his nature that when he did share his feelings with me, I remembered every moment.  He took a deep breath, sucking his lips into his mouth before making eye contact me and letting out a heavy sigh.

“I never actually saw my dad’s accident,” he started slowly, his deep voice reverberating through me.  I stayed silent, eyebrows pinching together as I watched him, encouraging him to continue. 

“My mom wouldn’t let me… I had to stay home with Gemma while she went to the accident but he… he was already gone when she got there.”  I could feel the heavy expression on my face as I took in his careful words, feeling the pain dripping off his voice at not even having the chance to say goodbye to his father.

“That had to be how it was, though… all the lights and the panic and the glass… I just…” he took a shaky breath, his voice cracking slightly.  “I can’t help but be thankful he didn’t… suffer through that before going, you know? Like he died right away so at least his last few minutes weren’t complete… chaos.” 

I understood what he meant.  The anarchy and madness that had been the scene we had just witnessed was scarring, haunting, and would surely be forever burned into my brain.  I don’t know how much Colt would remember of it, if he pulled through, but I couldn’t even imagine how terrifying that would be to be in the center of it.  A shiver ran through me.

Harry had a point; at least his dad had gotten to skip the pain and agony. 

I pet my fingers through his hair, letting the strands slide through my palms. 

“At least he didn’t suffer,” I said, cringing at the stupid cliché but unable to come up with anything better.  He nodded slowly, his eyes dropping to a spot on my neck. 

“Yeah, he was just… there one minute and gone then next,” he said quietly.  “Like… seeing that brought it all back, but it also made me realize it could have been worse for him,” he said slowly, referring to his father.  I managed a soft smile, feeling some of the tension I had been holding in my face ease. 

“That’s a beautiful way to think of it, Harry,” I told him.  I was so proud of him for how far he had come.  Even now, confronted with a direct reminder of his greatest loss, he was handling it so well, thinking of the positives instead of dwelling in the pain and letting it drag him down.  My heart surged with appreciation for him once more.

“You’re so strong, babe,” I said as I ran my fingers down his cheek, unable to stop myself from touching him.  His palm squeezed my hip, silently thanking me. 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I am now without you,” he said, finally bringing his eyes back up to mine.  “If I had seen that tonight and I didn’t have you with me… I don’t know what would have happened,” he admitted.  “I need you.”

A pang shot through my chest and my heart sped up at his words, thudding erratically behind my ribcage.  “Baby, I’m always here.  You know that, right?”

He nodded, eyes flicking back and forth between each of my own.  “I know. Thank you for that, Joey.”

I sighed, needing him to know how much he had helped me as well.  I needed him to know that I needed him, too.

“Of course, babe.  I would have lost it if I didn’t have you,” I told him quietly, my fingers tracing his jaw now. 

“You have me,” he said softly.  “You have me, and I have you, right?”

I smiled gently at him, feeling a tiny spark of fire light inside me at his words, warming some of the chill that had settled over my body.  “You have me, Harry.  You’ve always had me.”

His hand left my hip and reached up to my face to brush my hair back before settling over my skin.  “You’re just… you’re my angel, Joey.”

I sucked in a quick breath before wrapping both of my hands around his cheeks, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to his lips, sniffling lightly as I pulled back, trying to reign in the tears pricking behind my eyes.  How was I so lucky to have him?

“Oh, Harry, you’re mine, too… my angel,” I told him, feeling every word down to my bones.  His intense gaze burned into mine.  Every fiber of my being seemed to be throbbing, the heavy emotion being exchanged between us embedding itself into every aspect of my body. 

“No one’s ever loved me the way you love me,” he said quietly, petting my hair back gently with his long fingers.  “And I can’t imagine being loved any better than you love me.”

“God, Harry, I don’t think I could love you anymore or I’d explode,” I said honestly.  It was true; often times I felt so overwhelmed with love for him I thought I was sure to spontaneously ignite, certain my body would be unable to contain the intense, all-encompassing emotions. 

“I feel like I’m so obvious about it, but I feel like it’s constantly… radiating out of me or something.  Like everywhere I go people can tell how much I love you but I don’t even care,” he said.  “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

                  I wrapped my arms around his neck, needing him closer to me with this powerful exchange of words.  Pulling lightly, I tugged him on top of me, reveling in the comforting weight of his body covering mine.  He rested on his elbows, their pressure points denting lightly into the mattress on either side of my head as his fingers wound into my hair, lightly caressing either side of my scalp.  His hips rested lightly between my legs, warming me with his body. 

                  “I’d do anything for you too, Harry,” I said, my voice a whisper now as his lips hovered inches from mine, our gazes connected.  “Anything.”

“I love you, Joey,” he said simply, his deep voice so low I could barely hear it.  His chest rumbled against mine as he spoke. 

“I love you, too, Harry,” I said.  His mouth kinked slightly to the side before he ducked his head down and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me slowly and deeply, feeling every single movement.  These were the kisses that lit me on fire and made me feel more loved than I had in my entire life. 

I could feel the profound need, the desperate longing, and the undying love with every kiss and touch he gave me, pouring every word and emotion we had just expressed into the kiss.  It wasn’t a kiss that led to anything more- it was a kiss that allowed us to feel the love we had for each other. 

It was such an all-consuming feeling, so fulfilling and loaded with every captivating aspect of what we loved about each other that it filled my entire body with a buzzing affection for this beautiful boy, man, that I called mine.  My love, my angel, my Harry. 

Thank you for reading!! I'm sorry it's shorter than normal- it was making me extremely emotional while writing so I hope you liked it!! It's not the end, promise :)