Zeta's POV

The rest of the party was as boring as watching paint dry, but it was the first sleepover I had been to in a few years. The boys left at around 1 A.M. and the girls started playing truth or dare. After a few rounds, I got chosen for the first time. It was annoying that they took so long to pick me, but it wasn't like I wanted to play anyway.

"Zeta, truth or dare?" asked Nora.
"Truth I guess," I reply
"If you could fuck anyone of the boys that were here, who'd it be?"
"Do I have to answer?" I questioned.
"It's Truth or Dare! Of course you have to!" Lucy insisted.
"Alright, fine. Jax..." my voice trailed off.
"I knew it!" says Aria.

"You didn't know-" I stopped myself.
"What?"
"Well I just thought that Emerson would have told you, that's all."
"Zeta," Emerson whispered "I'm not one to go blabbing everyone's secrets. No matter how close they are to me."

"Thanks," was all I thought to say.

When we went to bed, I heard giggles for some of them were drawing on others or whatever. I didn't want to be a part of it. I lied down, but I almost forgot about the nail in my arm and the pressure sent shooting pains throughout my body. But I just sucked it up and went to sleep.

The next morning, the first thing I did was check the mirror to see if any graffiti had been done on my face, luckily there was no damage. For breakfast, Emerson and Aria's mother cooked us waffles. I said thank you and stared at them for a while. I reminisced about the waffles. They were so lucky that at their age they still had a mother to cook them breakfast. My mother began to make me make my own when I was fourteen.

"Zanetta?" asked their mother "Is everything alright?"
I nodded and wipe underneath my eyes, "Yeah. It's just..."
"Is the breakfast okay?"
"Yes! It's not that. I'm sorry... excuse me," and I rush into the bathroom before I burst into tears.

Why was I getting so upset about waffles? Why is everything getting to me lately? I don't understand why I can't just woman up and put my big girl panties on and get over the fact my parents are criminals. I didn't know what they were doing was all wrong. I knew the drugs were and that's what screwed them all up, but I thought they loved me and I bet they did. I just have to accept the fact that this is my new life now.

When I explained why I felt the way I did to Emerson and Aria, I apologized for being a pussy. They said that what I was going through was tough and that they understand. But they don't understand. No one understands! I don't know a single person who understands what I'm going through and I'm so over everyone trying to help. I don't need every single person to try and help me. But Jax told me that they aren't trying to upset me, but if I push them all away then they're going to stay away.

And maybe he's right.

I like Jax and if that's the girl he needs me to be, then maybe I can try and figure out how to be that. But I don't want to change for a guy, and I don't think that's what he wants me to do. But why doesn't he like me instead of that skank!? A;though I did kind of act like one at my party... but she was a bitch at my party! What does he see in her!?

I'll show everyone exactly the perfect person they want! Sort of like who I used to be. But if everyone's just gonna keep bugging the crap out of me about all of this then I'll just give them exactly what they want.

~•♥•~

Besides everything, there's one thing I don't understand about life. Why it sucks for one person and then is amazing for another. And then how it seems to be perfect for a certain person, but they are miserable. Everything about life is complicated. I just don't understand why.

At school on Monday, Aria, Emerson, and Lucy invited me to try out for the cheer-leading squad. At first, I was like hell nah, but then I realized that plastering a fake smile would be the perfect way to win everyone's gratitude. I would be as fake as Kim Kardashian. It was perfect.

The try-outs were on Thursday, so the four of us practiced the routine. It was very difficult at first and I was all backwards, but then when I started to get the hang of it, I was actually having some fun. The only problem was that the outfits were short sleeved and skirts. So that meant that they would see my cuts, the nail, and my stomach. I didn't know how I felt about that.

We picked up the outfits on Tuesday and we met up at Lucy's house as usual, but I didn't want to change. "Do they have any long sleeve outfits?" I asked. "You sure are a fan of them, why?" Aria answered with a question. "They're just more comfortable for my uh... form," I lied. Emerson shook her head, "What are you talking about? You are one of the skinniest people I've met!" They were on to me! I could tell by the look on their faces. "Just try it on." I didn't want to, but I knew the jig was up.

I went into the bathroom and changed. My cuts weren't as bad being that I hadn't added a new one since my parents were arrested, but I kept the nail where it was since it wasn't that noticeable. I hated the fact that my stomach was showing, but I couldn't turn back now.

Hiding my wrists, I exit the bathroom and walk up to my friends. "See girls, what I tell you? She's as skinny as a twig!" Emerson exclaimed. Now that I sort of looked at myself, I guess I was sort of, but that didn't change anything. "You look fine!" Aria insisted. "And it's just cheer-leading, not anything bad," Lucy said, innocently.

But my arms were showing and it was covered with dry blood and it was as smooth as gravel. I guess they noticed because they came up to me and grabbed my arm.

~•♥•~