CHAPTER 43

VALENTINA IMARA MEADOWS

Sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam ko nang magising ulit. Na para bang lahat ng bigat na nararamdaman ko sa katawat at sa dibdib ay naglaho na... ngayong nalaman ko na ang katotohanan at kung anong meron kay Rafael.

Pikit matang napakapkap ako sa kinahihigaan ko. Trying to search for Helios' warmth, pero wala siya. Why did I feel like the surface was moving? It felt shaky yet smooth as it moved swiftly.

I quickly opened my eyes and realized that even Helios was no longer there. That's when it hit me... I was in a moving car.

Nang tingnan kung sino ang nagmamaneho, nakita kong si Oceanus pala 'yon.

"Oceanus," I called out to him softly.

Agad na namuo ang mga luha ko habang nagmamadaling maupo. Hindi naman na masyado makirot ang sugat ko sa likuran, pero may kaunting sakit pa rin akong nararamdaman.

I peeked out the wide window of the backseat. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing when I saw we were no longer in Helios's mansion. Nasa kalsada na kami at paalis na sa teritoryo nila.

"Bumalik na tayo..." naiiyak kong sambit.

Hindi niya ako sinagot. Oceanus kept his eye on the road, driving seriously. Habang nakatitig lang ako sa kan'ya, doon ko na rin napansin ang kalagayan niya. He seemed to be doing much better, except for the bruises that hadn't completely healed and the large scar on his face from being whipped.

"I need him," I said, tears streaming down my face. "Please, Oceanus. Let's go back there. I need him. I need Rafael... I need Helios."

Isang buntong hininga ang narinig ko sa kan'ya bago ito magsalita.

"I'm sorry, Hexia. We can't go back there yet. I already sent a signal to Atlas that we managed to escape, kahit na si Helios ang nagpatakas sa atin. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sainyong dalawa ni Helios, but... going back there would be even more dangerous."

I cried harder, my sobs filling the entire car as we drove back to Atlas's warehouse.

"P-please..." I begged.

Oceanus sighed deeply and met my tear-filled eyes briefly. He shook his head and sped up the car as if someone were chasing us.

"I'm really sorry, Hexia. It will only make it harder for Atlas to rescue us if we go back just so you can see him. The situation is still complicated and chaotic, and I believe only Atlas can fix it."

Mas lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi niya. I clutched at my chest as I felt it constrict and ache, slowly sinking back into the seat.

One night together wasn't enough if we were going to leave so soon. I knew it was difficult, but I felt like I was losing my mind. Five years apart, thinking something was true, only to find out it was a lie.

Ngayong nalaman ko na ang totoo. Parang ang hirap na mahiwalay ulit ako sa kan'ya. Pero alam kong wala naman akong magagawa. It's like there's a massive wall between us and a weight pressing down on me. Kahit magkasama lang kami kagabi parang gusto ko pa rin siyang makasama ulit ngayon.

"We're almost at the warehouse, Hexia. Atlas will meet us at the underground parking lot," Oceanus said.

Pero hindi ako nakasagot, masyado akong nilalamon ng emosyon ko ngayon. Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at huminga ng malalim.

"Why? B-bakit mo pa ako sinundan doon, Oceanus?" nanginginig ang boses ko ng tanungin siya nang maidilat ko ang mata ko. "Look at what happened to you. You got caught up in what they did to me in the torture chamber."

"It was part of our plan to rescue you, Hexia. Atlas found out from Pallas that it was Perses who ordered your abduction. There was a connection problem with the earpiece, and I couldn't hear Atlas' commands, which caused issues. We couldn't just storm in because we weren't prepared for Plan B," he explained as he continued to drive.

I wiped my tears quietly and closed my eyes as I felt them swelling. Ramdam na ramdam ko na ang pamamaga at pamimigat ng mata ko. Gusto ko na rin makapagpahinga... At last, we were on our way back to Atlas' warehouse, a place I've come to see as a second home.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this, Oceanus."

"No, Hexia. We should be the ones apologizing for not rescuing you sooner," Oceanus replied, his voice full of genuine regret.

Hindi ko na siya sinagot. Pinikit ko na lang ang mata ko at pinakalma ang sarili. The pain and tightness in my chest remained. Nilalabanan ko ang sarili ko na huwag muling lumuha sa tuwing pumapasok sa isipan ko ang itsura ni Helios.

I don't know when Helios and I will meet again. It hasn't even been a day since we last saw each other, yet I already long to see him again.

▄︻デ══━一

As soon as the car descended into the underground parking lot of Atlas' basement, we spotted Atlas standing at a distance, accompanied by Ria, who also seemed to be waiting for us.

Mabilis kong inayos ang sarili. I was wearing an oversized black T-shirt and matching black pajamas. Hindi ko na rin naman masusuot ang gown ko dahil sira na 'yon dahil sa tauhan ni Perses. Madumi na at may mga bakas na dugo.

"We're here, Hexia—oh, you're awake," Oceanus said.

I just nodded at him as I combed through my long hair with my fingers. As we approached the end of the passage to park the car, I noticed the concern in Ria's expression as she stood beside Atlas. Habang si Atlas naman, nakatayo lang habang nakahalukipkip. Nakakrus ang dalawang braso sa matipunong dibdib habang nakatingin sa kotseng minamaneho ni Oceanus.

Agad akong bumaba at lumapit sa kanila ng tumigil na ang kotse ni Oceanus.

"Hexia!" Ria exclaimed, nagmamadali siyang nagtungo sa akin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit.

I heard Oceanus's footsteps behind me as he walked directly to Atlas, who gave him a curt nod.

Niyakap ko rin pabalik si Ria at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, muling tumulo ang pinipigilan kong luha. Memories of the torture chamber replayed in my mind over and over again... I could almost still feel the whip slashing across my back repeatedly.

"Ria... you'll help me to get rid of this scar on my back," mahina kong usal sa kan'ya habang magkayakap pa rin kaming dalawa.

Her embrace tightened, and I heard her sniffle quietly. She was crying.

"Of course. We'll remove it if that's what you want," sagot niya habang lumuluha pa rin.

She was the one to gently pull away from our hug, and I saw the redness in Ria's eyes. Inangkla niya ang kamay sa braso ko at parehas na naglakad patungo kay Atlas na ngayon ay kinakausap pa rin si Oceanus.

"I'm sorry," I immediately said when I got close to Atlas.

He let out a deep sigh before turning to look at me. His arms were still crossed as he took in my appearance. Halos hindi ko na rin nakita ang sarili ko simula noong nadakip ako ng mga tauhan ni Peres. So I had no idea if I looked presentable or if my face showed the toll of what I'd been through.

"We should be the ones apologizing, Hexia. I'm sorry we couldn't rescue you right away, but we moved as fast as we could once we learned you were taken. Unfortunately, another issue arose, which delayed things, and the earpiece connection also caused problems—"

"Alam ko na 'yon, Atlas," I cut him off. "Oceanus told me about the issue with the earpiece. Instead of just rescuing me, he ended up suffering through the torture that was meant for me."

They knew, and I knew, that I wasn't okay—not yet. It was evident in the way I carried myself and in my tone when I spoke to them. I didn't have the strength or the will to pretend that what Perses' men did to me in that torture chamber didn't affect me deeply.

I was grateful Helios had killed them, pero sa totoo lang sana man lang ay nagtira si Helios kahit isa man lang para masubukan kong latiguhin siya kagaya ng kung anong ginawa nila sa akin para maramdaman nila yung sakit.

"When both of you are in better shape, we'll discuss everything," Atlas said gently. Oceanus and I nodded in response. "For now, don't hesitate to go to the lab for help. There are doctors there who can treat both of you. Hexia, Ria will be the one to personally look after you."

"Alright, thank you," I replied quickly.

Atlas gave a small nod before signaling Oceanus to follow him. They entered the open elevator ahead of us. Ria and I followed closely behind, silently making our way upstairs.

▄︻デ══━一

"Ginawa nila 'to sa 'yo?" halos hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Ria sa akin ng makita ang buong likod ko.

I had already gone to my room to rest and didn't go straight to the first floor of Atlas' basement. I couldn't stay still, feeling the urge to rest while seeing the scars on my back.

Sobrang lala ng sugat ko roon. May iba't ibang haba ang mga sugat sa likod ko na para bang ginuhitan ng bata. There were long ones, short ones, and some that seemed deep.

Naabutan pa ako ni Ria na umiiyak sa harapan ng salamin habang pinag mamasdan ang sugat sa likod. Hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala sa kinahihinatnan ng likod ko ngayon. I felt so ugly because of it. My confidence felt shattered because of the huge scar on my back.

"Yes..." I answered softly.

Kaya ngayon... parehas kaming dalawa na nakaupo sa kama. Nakatalikod ako sa kan'ya habang siya naman ay maingat na naglalagay ng cream sa mga peklat ko roon.

We were sitting cross-legged, and it seemed like she was struggling to speak or ask about what had happened to me at Perses' mansion.

"Huwag kang mag-alala, Hexia. We will get rid of this scar on your back," pagpapagaan niya sa loob ko.

"Sa tingin mo ba matatanggal pa 'yan sila?" tanong ko sa kan'ya. "Hindi ko alam kung matatanggal pa 'yan. Some of them are so large and long, I don't think they'll ever fade out," I responded, staring blankly at the headboard.

My tears fell once again as I remembered what happened in the torture chamber. I let them fall; komportable naman na ako kay Ria, kaya okay lang na maging mahina ako sa harapan niya. She listened to what I said, but I knew she was crying too, from her soft sniffles.

"We'll find a way to remove all of your scars, Hexia. We'll ask Atlas for help; makakatulong si Pallas para d'yan sa gusto mong gawin..." nanginginig din ang boses niya dahil nagpipigil ito ng iyak.

"Natingnan ba nila nang maayos si Oceanus?" tanong ko. "I hope that they checked him properly."

I felt her lower the loose shirt I was wearing, and I turned to face her. I held her hand and looked at her face, which was now wet with tears.

"He was whipped across the face. I'm so worried, Hexia, because I'm sure it must have hurt so much—"

"Ikaw ang iniiisip namin, Hexia, kung alam mo lang. Just seeing your scar on your back, I can tell some of your wounds are so deep. Atlas immediately asked for help from Pallas to track you and find out where they took you. He was right—they took you from Perses' territory. It just took longer because of a problem that came up. I'm sorry, Hexia. If only you had been rescued sooner, you wouldn't have to go through all of this."

Tipid ko siyang ningitian at hinaplos ang braso niya. Sobrang namumula na tuloy ang mata niya.

"Even if Atlas had succeeded in rescuing me from Peses' territory, alam kong sasaktan pa rin nila ako. There was nothing I could do but accept it. Did you make sure Oceanus' face wound was properly treated? I feel so guilty..."

"Shh... It's not your fault, and first of all, no one is to blame for all of this, Hexia," she interrupted, her voice firm.

I nodded, my lip trembling as I looked at her. I sighed softly, trying to calm myself. The room fell silent for a while, neither of us speaking.

Ilang segundo rin yata ang nakalipas bago manlaki ang mga mata ko ng may maalala. I needed to ask for that because I knew that Helios didn't use a condom when we had sex in his room.

"Ria, may itatanong pala ako sa 'yo."

"Ano 'yon?" tanong niya sa akin. Lumapit pa siya para marinig niya ako ng maayos. "Does something hurt? Do you want to take a painkiller to lessen the pain you're feeling in your back?"

Mabilis akong umiling. "No. I just want to ask something because I'm not sure if you have this in the lab, since all you do there is drugs."

"Okay. What is it?" she asked.

"I need pills."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Pills? Anong klaseng pills ba?"

I swallowed and felt embarrassed to mention it to her. "It's contraceptive pills. I need them now, Ria. Do you have any on the first floor? If not, I need to buy some immediately because maybe—"

I panicked when I saw her start crying in front of me. She grabbed my hand tightly while looking at me.

"Did they touch you?" mahina niyang tanong sa akin habang umiiyak. "Did they r-rape you there?"

My eyes widened, and I quickly shook my head. I gently stroked her arm to calm her down.

"No! They didn't touch me, Ria. I'm fine; sinaktan lang nila ako at salamat naman dahil hindi na pumunta pa sa puntong 'yon. Please, calm down. I just need the pills because I had unprotected sex," I explained.

She froze at what I said. She quickly wiped her tears and hugged me lightly.

"Oh my god, thank God they didn't touch you," she sighed with relief. "Who did you have sex with?"

Ang huli naman niyang sinabi ang hindi ko inaasahan. Parang nasamid pa yata ako sa sarili kong laway dahil doon. I scratched my cheek, feeling it heat up as I felt embarrassed.

"D-do you really need to know who I had sex with?" I asked, stammering.

"Oh my! I'm sorry. Hindi mo na pala kailangan pang sabihin 'yon; baka hindi ko kayanin 'yang sasabihin mo, and worst! Baka detailed pa," she said, getting off the bed and trying to compose herself.

"Don't worry, I don't kiss and tell," I replied with a smile.

She breathed a sigh of relief at what I said.

"Good. I'll go up to the first floor and get you a Plan B. I guess this is your first time, right? And I'll also help you track your menstruation to make sure nothing slips through. We can also check you out first to find out which pills suit you best."

"Is that a thing?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"Of course," she replied with a smile. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you so you don't get pregnant. Do you want kids?" she joked.

My eyes widened at her question. Gusto ko ba ng baby? My heart raced as suddenly, Helios' smiling face appeared in my mind, looking at me with a soft and gentle expression.

I swallowed hard and quickly tried to push that thought away. Well... gusto ko naman, basta ba siya ang magiging ama ng anak namin. But not now. I don't want that now because our situation is still too complicated to think about getting pregnant.

Atsaka bakit ko ba naiisip 'to!? I'm still too young to have kids. I should be enjoying being single—no, hindi na ako single... We admitted to each other that we love each other, so I guess boyfriend ko na siya.

I sighed at my own thoughts and looked up to see that Ria was waiting for me to answer her question.

"Y-yes, of course. Who wouldn't want that?" I stammered. Who wouldn't want kids if the father is Helios?

I tightly shut my eyes as his sweaty face from that moment of intimacy between us flashed in my mind. Kumalma ka nga, Hexia!

She smiled at me. "That's good to hear. Stay here and don't sleep until you've taken your pills. I'll be quick," she said, rushing out.

I nodded. "Sure. I'll wait here."

I saw her rush toward the closed door, but she stopped to glance back at me.

"Do you think you two will have sex again?" she asked. "Plan B is only taken once, Hexia, because it's an emergency pill. If you're going to be sexually active, I suggest that after taking the emergency pill, you follow it up with regular contraceptive pills," she explained.

I nodded slowly. "Yes, sure. Please bring the regular contraceptive pills you mentioned. Hihintayin kita rito. Thank you, Ria."

"Okay! Stay here; I'll be quick."

Hindi na ako sumagot. Pinanood ko na lang siyang lakad takbong lumabas sa aking kuwarto. Slowly, I lay down on my side and stared blankly at the closed door.

"If you're going to be sexually active, I suggest that after taking the emergency pill, you follow it up with regular contraceptive pills."

"If you're going to be sexually active, I suggest that..."

I clenched my eyes shut as Ria's voice echoed in my mind.

"I guess I'll be sexually active..." 

SHANGPU