I've seen better

Saina Antoneitta Buensuceso's

"YOU'LL be taking over your father's company, aren't you excited?"

Hindi ko alam kung nang-iinis ba si Uriel. Nakatalikod kasi ako sa kanya. Abala ako sa pamimili ng damit para kay Haniel. It's Saturday and Uriel requested if he could see his son today, eksakto namang nasa mall kaming mag – ina nang tumawag si Uriel kaya pinapunta ko na lang siya rito. Haniel was holding Uriel's hand while they were following me around. Kung ano – anong shirt, polo shirt, pants at shorts ang kinukuha ko para sa anak ko. Tulak – tulak ng attendant ang isang pushcart na mapupuno ng damit ni Haniel ngayon.

"Are you mocking me?" I finally faced him. Uriel is looking so good – madalas kong mabanggit kay Avery iyon at ang sinasabi lang naman sa akin ng asawa niya ay alagang Apelyido raw kasi.

"I'm just saying. After three years, your father is finally under investigation. It's supposed to be like that years ago kundi nakialam iyong mga board members ninyo, at kung hindi ka nagpakipot na ikaw ang uupo as CEO. You deserve this more than your father. As my wife will always tell me, isa ka raw sa pinakamalakas na babaeng kilala niya. She adores you a lot."

"And that's why I like Avery so much. Hindi siya toxic, hindi katulad ng ibang naging girlfriend mo na kahit may asawa ka na, which is Avery, ako pa rin ang inaaway nila. Like why? We didn't even end up together. Of it weren't for your wife, we're not even co-parenting." I rolled my eyes. Maldita pa rin naman ako, alam ni Uriel iyon. Minsan namamalditahan ko pa rin si Avery, pero gets naman ni Avery, at isa pa, hindi ko naman siya minamalditahan to the extent na parang hindi pa ako nakaka-move on sa asawa niya.

I have moved on. I have accepted the fact that Uriel is just a part of my past. Hindi ko kahit kailan pwedeng itanggi ang naging nakaraan namin dahil kahit gaano iyon naging masakit sa parte naming dalawa, it resulted to something beautiful, si Haniel.

"Sometimes, I think about it and I realized that Avery is too much for me. I mean, look at the two of you, your friends!"

"At this point, Uriel, hindi ka ba nakakahalata na kinakaibigan ni Avery lahat ng ex mo? Two days ago, we saw each other and then she started asking me about your exes, as if my ala mako. Girlfriend ko ako noon, hindi mo sasabihin sa akin kung pinagloloko mo ako." I snorted. Namutla naman ang mukha ni Uriel, tinawanan ko siya at hinawakan ang kamay ni Haniel.

I leveled with him, touched his cheek softly and smiled wide.

"Baby, let's go try on the outfits I picked for you. You should be ready for your first day of school tomorrow. Aren't you telling me last night that you're excited?"

"Yes, Mommy! Told you! I already have a friend there. I just don't know if we have the same class." Doon ako naba-bother. Paano siya nagkaroon kaagad ng kaibigan, samantalang pabalik – balik si Haniel dito sa Metro at sa Batangas, sa ancestral house ni Mama.

"You already have a friend?" Uriel's voice sounded so concern. I guess we shared the same sentiments.

"Yes! He's my playmate in Roblox and minecraft. He's the same age as I am, Papa. His name is Joshua. He's my new best friend!" Napatingin sa akin si Uriel. I shook my head. I wanted to tell him that I have no idea what Haniel is saying, that is why I am so concerned too. Baka mamaya kasi hindi naman bata ang kalaro ng anak ko, maybe it's just some dude who's trying to screw with my son because of the surname he's using now.

A year ago, finally, Uriel and I settled things and by then, Haniel became a legal Consunji. His name now is Haniel Peter Buensuceso – Consunji. Proud na proud si Uriel sa kinalabasan ng pangalan ng anak naming dalawa. Si Avery nga ay halos maiyak pa dahil nga sa nangyaring pagpapalit apelyido ng anak ko. I really like Avery, minsan nga ay naiisip kong ipahanap sa kanya ang kalaro ni Haniel just to be sure that he's safe.

Of course, I want my son safe, but then, naiisip ko naman, naririnig ko naman silang nag – uusap ng best friend niyang si Joshua, and he really sounds like a little boy. Bahala na, if ever something bad will happen, I will protect my son, plus naniniwala akong hinding – hindi hahayaan ni Uriel na masaktan si Haniel. He maybe all sorts of things, but he's a great father to our child.

Uriel waited for Haniel and I to finish shopping – of course he paid for whatever I bought for my son. Hinayaan ko naman na siyang magbayad, after all, he is Haniel's father and if he wants to provide for him, he could and he would with no questions asked. Kahit nga noong hindi pa kami okay, at kahit wala siyang ideya kung nasaang lupalop ako ng mundo, my mom told me that he opened a bank account for Haniel and he deposits money in there monthly.

Mabait naman si Uriel, sadyang gago lang siya.

The three of us ate an early dinner bago kami ihatid ni Uriel pauwi. Dala ko naman ang kotse ko pero mas gusto raw niyang masigurong makauwi kaming mag – ina. Grateful naman ako kay Uriel, kahit hindi kami naging maayos bilang magkarelasyon, damang – dama kong maayos kaming dalawa ngayon bilang magkaibigan at bilang magulang ni Haniel.

Sabagay, ganoon naman yata talaga. Uriel and I were friends first, and then in junior high school, it just so happens that we became a couple, walang ligawang nangyari, lagi lang naman kaming magkasama noon, suddenly, he just told everyone that we're dating and I went along because deep inside of me, I know that he's just not a friend. Uriel was special, he is someone that I wanted to be with.

Everyone knew about us – even my family, especially my dad. Akala ko nga okay ang lahat, wala naman kasing sinabi si Dad na hindi okay sa kanya ang pakikipagrelasyon kong iyon. We were happy, we were inseparable, pero pagdating ng graduation noong college, sinabi sa akin ng tatay ko na engaged ako kay Miguel, sa kapatid ni Uriel, at wala akong magagawa kundi ang tapusin ang lahat sa amin ni Uriel.

He was the one that I love. I was willing to give him everything. He was willing to fight for me, but then, I was a scared girl, wala akong nagawa kundi ang sundin ang magulang ko. Pumayag ako sa engagement, I broke things of with Uriel, and for the first time in my life, I saw how he looked at me with so much hatred in his eyes.

Nasaktan siya, nasaktan rin ako, and this pain changed the both of us – for the worse. I became unsufferable to Miguel, I became a bitch. Kung hindi ko makuha ang gusto ko noon, ipinakikita ko kay Miguel kung gaano ako kamaldita. In my mind, I was always comparing how he's treating me versus how Uriel treated me before, and I just knew that for Miguel, whatever we have is just a business partnership. He will never look at me the way Uriel looked at me, he will never hold my hand like how Uriel used to.

But I stayed with him – for years – kasi para sa akin, ano pa ba ang saysay nang lalayasan ko siya? Nawala sa akin si Uriel, I hated myself because I was such a coward.

And then, Haniel happened. Lahat ng hatred sa mundo ko, nawala nang makita ko ang anak ko. Bunga man si Haniel ng pagkakamali nang gabing iyon, pero kahit kailan hinding – hindi ko siya pagsisisihan.

"We're here." Uriel broke the silence inside the car. He parked his car in front of our residential building. Si Haniel ay ilang beses nang naghihikab. Alam na alam kong mamaya – maya ay tulog na siya kaya kailangan na naming makaakyat sa taas. I faced Uriel. I smiled at him and muttered my thanks for spending the day with our child. Bago ako bumaba ay inabot ko sa kanya ang dalawang paper bag na may lamang isang dress at pair ng shirt and pants for his twins.

"For Elle and Ern?" He asked me. "Thank you, Saina."

"I don't know kung magugustuhan ni Avery iyan, it's not Gucci, but I hope the twins wears it. May matching outfit sila with Haniel, when he comes over to you, ipapadala ko so Avery can take pictures of them."

"Thanks, Saina. See you next week, bud! You'll be coming home with me! You can play with your siblings!" Ngumuso si Haniel kaya natawa ako.

"I love my siblings, Papa, but I prefer playing with Tita Avery. She's so much fun to play video games with! She said she'll teach me to play DOTA so I can compete internationally and win a lot of money tapos sabi niya babalatuhan ko raw siya ng pambili ng Louis Viton bag!"

I rolled my eyes again. Avery and her silly jokes.

"Alright kiddo, say bye to your father."

"Bye!" Sabay kaming bumaba ni Haniel ng kotse. We stood there until Uriel left. Magkahawak kamay pa kami ni Haniel na pumasok sa loob ng building hanggang sa makarating kaming dalawa sa loob ng unit ko.

"Take a shower, I'll cook a light meal for you. What do you want, love?"

"Nothing, Mama. I'm not hungry. Can I play with my Ipad?"

"Sure, just an hour and a half, alright? Maaga tayo bukas, dadalawin natin si Lola sa Batangas. Tapos sa Monday, may school ka na so no Ipad na tomorrow night."

"Okay, Mama! I love you!" Haniel ran to his room. Ako naman ay ipinasok ko sa silid ko ang mga pinamili. Iaayos ko iyon sa closet ni Haniel kapag may time na ako. Hindi nagtagal ay narinig ko nang humahagikgik si Haniel sa kabilang kwarto. I couldn't help but check on him, kausap na naman niya iyong tinatawag niyang best friend.

"Anong ulam ninyo?" The boy sounded like a boy – parang kasing edad lang rin siya talaga ni Haniel.

"We ate out. Mom bought me clothes to be ready for our term this Monday. I really hope I get to see you in class, Joshua!"

"Kung si Maam Steffi rin ang teacher mo, siguro magkaklase tayo. Naku sana hindi ka mapunta kay Ma'am Camille! Medyo masungit siya lalo na kapag nagpapabasa ng English! Kinukwento noong mga dating grade 5!"

Haniel laughed like the sunshine that he is.

"But I know how to read English. I just find it hard reading some Filipino words 'cause in Italy, we speak English and Italian."

"Shala naman. Kami dito sa bahay Tagalog lang na may puntong Bulakenyo."

Bigla akong napangiti. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about.

xxxx

BUT on that Monday morning, I realized that I have everything to worry about.

Iniimbestigahan si Papa sa posibilidad na pagdispalko niya sa pera ng kompanya, ito rin ang unang araw na uupo ako as CEO ng Buensuceso Food Corp. Kung sa ibang pamilya at kompanya, willing na willing ang mga tatay na ibigay ang posisyon sa mga anak nilang tagapagmana, ibahin ninyo ang tatay ko. He didn't want me to be the one in position, why? Simply because I am a woman, wala lang siyang nagawa dahil tinanggalan siya ng board ng karapatang magdesisyon and everyone voted for me to be CEO of the company.

Ang buong akala ko ay ganoon lang ang lahat. I thought just because he is under investigation, he'd back down, or even turn his back temporarily and wait for the lawyers and investigators that I hired to finish with the prelimenaries, but the old man is in my supposed to be office now and he's with his own team of lawyers and it fucks me out because I don't have any fucking idea what do fucking do next!

It's like he has decided to camp in there.

"What are you doing, Papa?" Inis na wika ko nang makapasok ako sa office niya. Hindi lang naman siya ang naroon, sabi ko nga he has his own team consisting of a bunch of laywers and advisors.

"I am innocent until proven guilty, my dear daughter. Hangga't wala pang napatutunayang nagastos ko ang pera ng kompanya at hindi pa sigurado ang involvement ko sa mga anomalyang ibinibintang sa akin ng BOD, I will be hear in my office, running my company." Nginisihan niya ako. I made a face. I love my father, but I sometimes wish that he's a bit docile so I can do what I came here for.

"Pero napag-usapan sa board na ako ang CEO until things are proven—"

"Until things are proven, pero wala pang napapatunayan, Saina. Also, who did you have to sleep with to be able to get this position, anak? Manang – mana ka sa akin, tataluhin mo kahit na sino makaupo lang sa puwesto."

My mouth parted and my eyes widened. I cannot believe that I am hearing my father say this to me. Anak niya ako, tapos sinasabi niya sa akin ang mga bagay na iyon? Ganoon lang ba talaga kaliit ang tingin niya sa akin? To think that I am his own flesh and blood?!

"Nakalimutan kong hawak mo nga pala sa mga kamay mo si Gabriel Consunji dahil kay Haniel. Good job anak, pero hindi ko pa rin matanggap na ikaw lang ang magpapatakbo ng kompanyang pinaghirapan k—"

"Oh talaga ba, Papa? Pinaghirapan mo?! You kidnapped Adriel Consunji, you took him away from his family just so Gabriel Consunji will lose focus on their business! Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit sa matagal na panahon naging miserable ang buhay ng pamilya nila Uriel. Tapos ikaw pa iyong may ganang maggaganyan? Hindi ko alam kung anong balak sa'yo ng mga Consunji, but I'm sure as hell, na hindi basta – basta palalagpasin ni Gabriel Consunji ang ginawa mo sa pamilya niya! At kung ako ang tatanungin, wala nang imbestigasyong kailangan pang maganap, because I know you! You're my father and I am aware of what you can do!" I was hissing. Hindi ko na masikmura ang mga pinagsasabi niya sa akin.

"Miss Buensuceso, pardon me, but you cannot say things like that to my client. Pwede kang kasuhan ng character defamation." May epal na sumabat sa usapan naming mag-ama. My head harshly turned to my right and there, I saw a man, in an expensive black suit.

He looked neat in his styled hair, suit and his Italian shoes. Tingin pa lang, alam na alam ko nang isa siya sa mga abogado ni Papa. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"At sino ka namang epal ka?" Kinalimutan ko na ang business ethics, wala na akong pakialam. Inis na inis na ako. He stood up, walked closer to me and offered me his hand. Which I only stared at.

"Atty. Jose Gerardo Birada." Nakangising pakilala niya. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. I crossed my arms and looked at him from head to toe. When I looked at his face, I was greeted by a stupid, stupid grin. "Do you like what you see, Miss Buensuceso?"

"Meh." I muttered. "I've seen and tasted someone better."

His jaw dropped. I didn't care. I faced my father again.

"You wanna camp in here, fine. But nothing will ever change, my father dear, I am still the newly appointed CEO of the BOD and you're just a misogynist sore loser who cannot accept defeat! I am so glad my mother left you! I cannot imagine her still stuck with a loser like you!"

Iyon lang at nagmamadaling lumabas ako ng opisinang iyon. I called Patricia – my EA and told her to tell the VP of operations to vacate the office because I will be using that.

"God! Napalilibutan ako ng mga tanga!" Stress na stress na wika ko.