Big and Strong

Saina's

"EVERYTHING looks good, Saina."

The air of dominance was so thick I could slice it with a knife.

That is what I always feel whenever I am around Gabriel Consunji. He came to the office that day, nagulat pa nga ako kasi pagdating ko ay naroon na siya, he was sitting on my swivel chair. Wala namang sinabi sa akin ang EA ko. I just went out to get something to drink from the cafeteria, hinanap ko na rin si Birada kasi ibabalik ko sana ang lunch box niya but the people in their area told me that he went out with some of Papa's team. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa, I just left the lunch box at his assistant's table and then I went back to my office to where I found Gabriel Consunji, sitting on my chair while reading the papers I was looking at earlier.

"I... I just went out to buy something to drink, Sir." Wika ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagpapaliwanag sa kanya, it's just that he makes me feel fidgety. Maybe it's because of the guilt that I am feeling. After all, my father is the reason why his family suffered for a long time.

"You used to call me Uncle Gab, what happened?" Napakunot ang noo niya. I shrugged. Napalunok pa ako.

"Well, it's just that... my father and Adriel..."

"You're not your father, Saina. It's not your fault, you are the mother for my grandchild, we should have a way better relationship than this." He sighed. Napatango na lang naman ako. "I suppose the investigation is doing well?" He asked me. Napailing ako. Hindi ko naman talaga masabing mabuti nga ang nangyayari sa investigation. Unang – una, my father wouldn't crack, he keeps treating this as a joke, pangalawa, kuha ni Papa pati ang mga tao sa finance, sa totoo lang, nasa loob ako ng kompanya ko pero hindi ko pinagkakatiwalaan ang mga taong nasa paligid ko. It's just that, it's too risky. Hindi ko alam kung sino sa kanila ang totoo. I am in my position today because of this man right here, I'm not even sure if he plans to keep me after this thing is done.

"Don't worry, Saina, everything is in place." Ngumiti sa akin si Gabriel Consunji bago siya tumayo. "Let your old man be as comfortable as he is." Lumapit siya sa akin at saka huminga nang napakalalim. "Let's just say that this is all an act to make him believe that he is safe – I hope you don't spill, Saina, you are the mother of my grandchild and I'd hate it if you become my enemy too."

My breath hitched.

"You don't want me as your enemy, Saina. Know your place."

Matapos noon ay umalis siya. Naiwan ako sa gitna ng office kong nakatayo at hindi makahinga. Hindi ko naman kahit kailan balak nag awing kaaway ang kahit na sino sa pamilya nila. I know what they can do and I am not crazy, it's just that I want this to end already. I want a peaceful life hindi iyong araw – araw akong stressed sa tatay ko.

I knew that Gabriel Consunji has a plan, and he's probably taking his time before he strikes, natatakot ako para sa Papa ko, but then, I couldn't blame Gabriel Consunji, he lost half of his son's life, kahit na siguro anong gawin ng kahit na sino ay hindi maibabalik iyon. I'm just glad that I'd be spared by his wrath. Selfish man pakinggan, pero mas inuuna ko ang anak ko kaysa sa kung anupaman.

xxxx

IT'S only four pm and I found myself walking the corridors to go home. Wala akong masyadong ginawa ngayong araw na ito. The investigators are already doing all they could to crack everything, hindi na ako nakikialam, basta kapag kailangan nila ako for questioning and for signing something naroon ako, hindi lang naman sa kanila ang focus ko kundi sa ibang parte rin ng kompanya, ako ang temporary CEO, I have things to attend to, meetings to show up to and people to meet – and I did all of these today that's why I told my EA to make sure that I don't have anything for four o'clock onwards because I want to go home early. I miss Haniel, it's just the middle of the week but I already want it to be a weekend so bad – kaya lang kapag naaalala kong sa weekend pala ay may playdate si Haniel at si Joshua ay na-stress din ako, makikita ko si Birada – sana naka-off ang kagaguhan niyang ugali sa araw na iyon.

I sighed and stopped when I reached the elevator. I pushed the button and when the door opened, I got in obliviously. Ni hindi ko napansin iyong taong nakatayo na pala sa loob. I just had to look when I felt the person staring at me. I saw Birada – speaking of – dapat talaga hindi iniisip ang mga taong wala, bigla silang nagpapakita.

"Hello." Napilitan akong batiin siya. I was just reminded of the lunch he brought me earlier. It tasted good, he is a good cook, nabusog talaga ako, the least thing I could do is to thank him and be friendly kahit ngayong araw lang. "Are you going home?"

"I'm picking up Joshua at school." Matipid na wika niya. Mukha namang nasa civil stage na kami. Mukhang malabong awayin ko siya today. "Aren't you going to pick up Hanhan?"

I had to control my amused smile upon hearing him call my son Hanhan.

"Oh no, that's his father's job."

"I see." Napatango na lang siya. Hindi naman ako sa kanya nakatingin kundi sa reflection niya sa pinto ng elevator. Napuno ng katahimikan ang paligid nating dalawa. I was clutching on my handbag so hard, tapos para akong tanga na naghihintay ng sasabihin niya, because I know that he has something to say, he looked like he has some opinion to share, ako na rin iyong hindi nakapagpigil, I looked at him.

"What is it?" Halos hind inga nagbubukas ang bibig ko habang nagsasalita. He shrugged. I knew it, he has something to say.

"You and that guy..." Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Uriel, he's Gabriel Consunji's son."

"Yes. The father of my child."

"I see."

"And what's that supposed to mean."

"It's just that, it's a good plan. I mean, out of all the people in the company, ikaw ang inilagay ni Mr. Consunji sa posisyon and now I know, it's because you are the mother of his grandchild." I know what he's trying to imply. Hindi ako tanga at hindi ako kahapon pinanganak. Pinamaywangan ko siya.

"Are you saying that I slept my way through this position?"

"Sa'yo nanggaling---" Hindi na ako nakapagpigil, ang kapal kasi ng mukha niya kaya sinampal ko siya nang napakalakas.

"Well for a moment there I thought we could be civil to each other, but here you go again, turning on your fucking ugali. Die you fucking moron!" Sakto namang bumukas ang elevator, tuloy – tuloy akong lumabas at dumiretso sa parking lot kung nasaan ang sasakyan ko. Napakakapal ng mukha niya. Wala siyang alam sa kwento ko! Putang ina niya!

xxxx

Gerardo's

"Daddy, bakit namumula iyong pisngi mo?"

Hindi nakalagpas sa matalim na mga mata ni Joshua ang pamumula ng pisngi ko. Dala – dala ko iyong school bag niya at nakatayo kami sa labas ng pinto ng classroom niya. Hinihintay niya si Haniel kasi raw hindi natapos nito ang lecture nila so he had to stay and finish it. He didn't want to leave his best friend alone that's why I found myself standing with my son.

"Ah, mainit kasi anak." I ruffled his hair.

"Okay." He looked at the classroom door again. He pouted a bit when he realized that Haniel hasn't gone out. "Daddy, excited ako sa playdate namin!" He sounded so enthusiastic. "Oh, did you give Mommy the juice and the gummies? Did she like it? Did you?" Medyo natagalan ako ng pagsagot kasi kinakapa ko iyong cellphone ko. I was looking at my son, mabilis ang shifting ng emotions ng anak ko, kung kanina sunod – sunod ang tanong niya, ngayon ay natahimik na siya at paiyak na.

"You didn't give it?"

"I did. Here, look." I showed her Saina's picture. Agad ko namang napangiti ang anak ko.

"Yehey! Thanks Daddy! Mommy looks so pretty here!" I sighed again. I should really talk to my son about him calling Saina Mommy. Hindi tama. Hindi naman kasi niya nanay si Saina at isa pa, bak mamaya ay hindi komportable si Saina sa kaalaman na tinatawag siya ng Mommy ng anak ko.

Alam ko namang ayaw niya sa akin. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyon sa sampal niya sa akin kanina. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isipan ko at nasabi ko iyon sa kanya. I just wanted to know what kind of relationship they have, ang alam ko kasi may asawa kasi si Uriel Consunji, alam kong may anak itong kambal, pero nagtaka lang ako kung bakit mas matanda si Haniel sa mga batang iyon and then I thought of something, tapos nagkahalo – halo na. I didn't mean it to be that way. Hindi ko ginustong mainsulto si Saina pero sa ganoon na nga nauwi. Noong mahimasmasan ako, nakaalis na siya. Madalas talaga bobo ako eh.

Okay na kaming dalawa. I saw her smile today, and I suddenly found myself wishing that smile was directed to me – for me. Mukhang natuwa talaga siya sa bento box na dala ko kanina, it's just that why do I have to be so stupid.

"Hanhan!" Narinig ko na lang ang pagsigaw ni Joshua. Nakalabas na rin pala si Haniel sa classroom. Inihatid pa siya ng class adviser nila. Isinukbit noong teacher ang bag sa likod ni Haniel tapos tumakbo na si Haniel papunta sa amin.

Nagulat ako noong mag-bless siya sa akin and then he beamed at my son.

"It's Thursday tomorrow! Dalawang tulog na lang!" Halata sa bata na hindi pa siya sanay mag-tagalog. Hinawakan nila ang kamay ng isa't isa at sabay silang naglakad papunta sa parking lot. I was just looking after them. Haniel looked taken cared of. Saina is a great mother – I am sure of that, nakita ko naman kasi kung paano niya tratuhin ang anak ko. Kapag naaalala ko iyon ay inis na inis ako sa sarili ko.

"Oh, there's my Papa!" Humarap si Haniel kay Joshua. "Bye Joshua! See you tomorrow!" Tumakbo na siya papunta kay Uriel Consunji. I was standing just close enough to look at them, he saw me too. Tinanguan niya ako, hindi nagtagal ay lumabas sa kotse na iyon si Gabriel Consunji. Nakatitig siya sa akin, he started to walk to me. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ng anak ko.

"Gabriel Consunji." Pakilala niya sa akin. He offered me his hand and I took it.

"Atty. Jose Gerardo Birada."

"I know who you are. Do you know who I am?" Tanong niya sa akin. I nodded. "Good. I just want you to know who I am, the person who will be the reason of your sinking career, Attorney. Good day."

I stood there looking at Uriel Consunji and his father and fuck – I just feel so intimidated.

xxxx

Saina's

"MOMMY! Mommy! It's ten am! Are you ready!"

I couldn't help but smile as I heard my precious boy running around his room, getting ready. It's Saturday, at ang naging usapan pala nilang dalawa ni Joshua ay alas diyes daw sila magkikita. Dito sila maglalaro sa bahay, nagkasundo rin kami ni Birada na iiwanan niya si Joshua at babalikan mamayang alas singko ng hapon. Wala naman akong gagawin, okay lang sa akin na ako ang kasama ng dalawang bata para sa araw na ito.

Mabuti nga at ganoon ang usapan, kung pipilitin ni Gerardo na mag-stay dito sa condo habang naglalaro ang mga bata, hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko, bahala talaga siya sa buhay niya, mula noong araw na sinampal ko siya sa elevator ay hindi na kami naging okay, balik na naman kami sa bangayan. Bahala na talaga siya sa buhay niya kasi mukha talaga siyang chewing gum.

"Baby love, calm down, he's gonna be here any minu—"

"Mommy! It's 10:01! Oh no! What of Joshusa changed his mind?! What if he doesn't want to play with me anymore?!"

"Haniel, maybe he's already here. Baka nasa elevator lang. H'wag kang mainipin, okay?" I ruffled his hair. Huminga naman siya nang malalim, akala ko ay kakalma na siya pero bigla na naman siyang hindi mapakali nang tumunog ang doorbell namin. I walked towards the intercom, pushed the button to see who is in the front door. Si Haniel ay nagtatalon para makita ang tao sa labas. Napatawa siya nang malakas nang makita niya si Jose Gerardo at siyempre kung nandito si Gerry ay narito na rin si Joshua.

"I'll open the door, wait." I simply said to them. Halos magtatakbo si Haniel, siya na ang nagbukas ng pinto.

"Joshua!" He beamed. Nagyakapan pa silang dalawa, tinatapik – tapik pa nilang dalawa ang likod ng isa't isa. They're so cute, I wanna bite their cheeks.

"Sorry we're late. Daddy had to go to the gasoline station and then we had to drop of my Tito Andres. But we're here now and Daddy made some cake!"

Tumaas ang kilay ko. Cake? He bakes? He makes those bento things and now he bakes. Wow, kahit nakakabwisit siyang kausap, at kahalubilo, impressive.

"Not cake, it's just some cupcakes. Everyone can bake those simple things."

"Mommy makes the most delicious fried chicken ever!"

"Favorite ko po iyon, Mommy!" Sabi naman ni Joshua.

"Oh really? Tamang – tama, Joshua, I made some today for lunch. I hope you're very hungry!" Siyempre, bilang tao at kailangan kong maging civil kay Gerry kahit punyeta siya, nginitian ko siya. "Let's eat! I hope you're hungry too." I really wished that I thought of putting pampatae sa ipapakin kong fried chicken dito kay Birada.

We all went into the kitchen. Malaki ang unit ko. I bought three units and turned it into one. I have four rooms here, one for my son, one for me, my office and then a guest room. Sa lahat ng rooms ay may sariling bathroom. I have a spacious but minimalist living area, a balcony and a mini entertainment room – kung saan naroon lahat ng video games ni Haniel. Hindi naman dati mahilig sa video games ang anak ko, I must say that Avery trained him well. Nakakatuwa nga kasi nagiging masayahin siya tuwing uuwi siya from his dad, it's all because of how well he is treated in there.

Hindi ako nangingiming ipahiram si Haniel kasi mas nagiging masaya siya kapag nakikitya ang mga kapatid niya. Nagiging sobrang daldal rin siya, kinukwento niya sa akin nang buo at detalyado ang lahat. Hindi siya ganoon noong nasa Italy kami. He was home schooled in Italy, he was always looking out the window, thinking of playing outside, pero dahil natatakot akong makita kami ni Uriel noon, hindi ako pumapayag na lumabas siya. But that all changed.

Naghain na ako, tinulungan naman ako ni Haniel at ni Joshua, si Birada ay tumulong rin. I put the bowl of fried chicken on the center of the table, nilabas ko rin ang macaroni salad and mashed potato. I made sure that the jellies I made for dessert is chilling in the ref. We all sat and that was when I noticed Joshua looking at me.

I smiled. "What is it, honey love?" I sweetly asked him.

"Mommy bakit po walang kanin? Diet ka po?" Napakunot ang noo ko. He wants rice? But we already have potatoes for carbs also iyong salad.

"Uhm, we won't eat rice now but later tonight." Paliwanag naman ni Haniel. "We only eat rice once, it's either rice or bread or any alternatives. Mostly we eat pasta, because when we were in Italy, we always eat pasta! Mom makes the most delicious Italian carbonara!"

"Do you want rice, honey I can make some." Akmang tatayo ako nang magsalita si Birada.

"May dala kaming adobo saka kanin."

"Oh, we can eat that too." Wika ko. Nakramdam ako ng hiya, of course, maghahanap ng kanina ang bata, he was raised that way. I smiled at him again. Hinintay ko si Birada na ilabas ang mga dala niya. I saw the bowl of pork adobo sa gata and then the fried rice that he got, it's smells so good.

"Here's the rice, you can eat the chicken." Wika ko ulit.

"Thank you!" Sabi ni Joshua. "Sana palagi kayong kakain ng kanin. Sabi ni Ninong Jufran po, ang kanin ay nagpapalaki ng titi!"

"Joshua!" High pitched na wika ni Birada. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"Mommy what's a titi?" Tanong naman ni Haniel. Bigla na lang akong napatawa ng napakalakas. I looked at Gerry.

"You answer him." Sabi ko habang itinuturo ang anak ko.

"Ikaw ang nanay!"

"Anak mo ang nagsimula!" Tawa ako nang tawa – iyong tipong hindi na ako makahinga.

"Ano..." Hindi makasalita si Birada. Again, Haniel asked.

"Do I have a titi, Mommy?"

"Yes, baby love." I was giggling.

"It's a body part!" Sigaw ni Birada.

"Oh!"

"Iyong titi iyong nilalabasan ni wiwi! You know when you pee!" Paliwanag ni Joshua. Lalo akong natawa. Si Birada at pulampula ang mukha.

"OH! It's a penis! But Tita Avery said it's called burbur!"

"WHAT?!" Ako naman ang napasigaw. Haniel only smiled.

"She calls daddy's bur Gaston cause she said that it's big and strong!"

"OH MY GOD!" Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. It's my turn to be flustered, si Birada naman ang tawa nang tawa. Pero nawala rin iyon nang magsalita na naman si Haniel.

"Uncle Gerry, is your Bur big and strong too?!"

And at that moment, I fell of the chair because I just can't stop laughing. Here I thought that this would be awkward, but it's not at all – well not for me, maybe for Birada but so far, I am enjoying myself.