Lizzie

Well, that didn't go well, did it? And it certainly didn't go as I expected. And how did I expect it to go? Fuck knows. But not like this. Not with Brandon walking out on me like that, I feel.. Actually, I haven't got a clue how I feel. I've just told my bestie I'm ready for sex, and he goes all weird on me and tells me he has to leave. Really? Seriously? I'm so angry at him right now, like I want to punch him in the face.

He's made me feel judged, too. Do you understand? Do you get what I mean? Like, it's okay for him to put out and fuck anything that has a pulse, but as soon as I mention sex or me having sex, he freaks out, gets up, leaves some lame excuse and heads out the door.

I still see his notebooks and folders on my dresser. The thing is, I know he needs help with this assignment, but the way I feel, it's the last thing I want to do.

The other dilemma I have is that since he walked out, I didn't get to tell him I wanted my first time to be with him. Brandon is my only option. You already know I am not the kind of girl who goes to parties much, nor flirts with the other guys. Sure, I've had a couple of boyfriends over the last few years, but they've been my dorky classmates, and there is no way I am going to go back and ask one of them. How does a geeky, non-party animal get laid other than asking her best friend, that is? Google!

Am I being weird? Of course, I am when Tammy and Lilly are the ones I should be recruiting for some help here. Though I daresay with everything Tammy has just been through lately, she's probably not going to want to talk about my losing-my-virginity predicament. I don't have any other options. There is no other guy in my life, there is no boyfriend, and there is nobody I fancy or crush on. Except, damn Brandon.

I throw myself on my bed in despair. How hard can it fucking be? I know for a lot of girls, this is the most important thing in their young lives, and that it should mean something. For me, I honestly have to admit it's more about trying to get Brandon to notice me because I am shockingly frightened as hell when we get separated to go to college. Am I panicking? Damn straight I am. Wouldn't you be?

And what if he meets the one? Then what will happen? He'll put a ring on her finger; he'll have kids, and oh my god – his bestie, aka me, will be sitting around like a frigid spinster bitch.

I feel like crying out of frustration. Surely there has got to be an easier way to let Brandon know how I feel about him. And on top of everything, I sure hope he isn't going to give me the cold shoulder for long, only he's now my prom date too.

What I need is to enlist the girls. We're all close; we've known each other practically all our lives, and they're the best. Rolling over to my left side, I reach for my mobile and open up our group chat. We called it The Supremes.

Me: Hey ladies, what's up?

Lilly: Sunday roast with all my weird family and Denver just left. Agh. He escaped.

Me: laughing emojis

Lilly: Not funny, Lizzie. I was looking forward to being with him today.

Tammy: Girls, I'm free. My folks have announced they're hanging around now permanently, and Willow is over the moon. I think they're being sincere this time.

Me: Fantastic. I'm so happy for you and Willow. It's going to be amazing.

Tammy: They're taking us to Disney in the summer. We can't wait; then Dad wants to take us away on the yacht for a week or ten days. It's like seriously fucking hell, I can't believe it.

Lilly: So happy, Tam. Kisses and emojis.

Tammy: Thanks. You guys are the best. So, what's going on, Lizzie since you started our chat?

Me: I've got a big issue. It's like huge.

Lilly: Spill

Lizzie. V-card.

Lilly and Tammy: Holy Fuck. Seriously?

Me: Can you girls come over? We can chat and do our school stuff.

Lilly: Abso-fucking-lutely.

Tammy: Be there in fifteen.

We all hang up and I flop back against my three scatter pillows and place my hands over my face. Am I blushing? Damn straight I am. It's out there now, finally. Brandon knows and the girls are going to know. That makes me fifty-percent on my way, right? Oh my god. Oh my god. It's going to happen, now all I need to do is make sure it happens with Brandon. Because I am not ready for losing him when he goes to college. No fucking way. I love him. There I've said it.

I am. In. Love With. Brandon

It doesn't take long for me to hear Tammy's screeching as she runs up the stairs. I didn't even hear her ring on the door, but then it's always open house around ours.

She's wearing yellow neon cut-off shorts, a bright green halter-neck top and the scariest neon pink nail polish I have ever seen. "Wow you look colorful." She throws herself at me and gives me a huge hug. Tammy smells of strawberries; it's so fresh and clean. I love her shampoo and body lotion.

"Damn girl. You're finally going to open up that lady flower of yours." She giggles. I give her a friendly slap on the arm.

"Ssh. I don't want my mom to hear." Which she could easily do if she happened to go past my room with the door open. Tammy giggles some more. She sure is pretty with her blond hair, baby-blue eyes, and her insane smile.

"I've only just made the decision." I feel embarrassed even though I know I don't need to be, not with Tammy.

"Shoot, you got here first." Lilly dashes into the room and hugs me. "This calls for a pink celebration, ladies." From her large Marc Jacobs bag, she pulls out a bottle of pink Moët and three champagne flutes.

We all giggle. Lilly hands the bottle to Tammy, who pops the cork like a pro with no spillage. We clap our hands together like excited girls that we are as Tammy pours the champagne. We clink our glasses.

"To Lizzie, going to lose her v." We sip at the divine champagne; bubbles float up my nose.

"And?" Tammy asks, leaning forward.

"And, what?" I ask. I know damn well what she's after.

"Who is it going to be?" Lilly adds, like I don't know already.

"Can't say."

"What the f." Tammy pushes me gently. "Tell us, already."

"I can't. I haven't made my mind up just yet." I lie. It's the lie of the century, and I know I'm blushing.

"Is it Grayson, the defense player on the team? He's seriously hot and those brown eyes, boy I could melt right into him." Tammy says with a mischievous look and winks. Actually, Grayson isn't too bad-looking.

"Think he's seeing someone." Lilly pipes up as she scrolls through her phone.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"Looking up available guys on Instagram for you from school."

"Oh. My. God." I say, and we all burst into fits of laughter.

"What you need is a party or something, or how about prom night. Have you got a date yet?" Lilly furrows her brow as she asks. I cough and take another sip of champagne.

"Brandon," I say it as quickly as I can, you know, so they can't really hear me.

Tammy splutters her champagne. "Brandon." Her voice is a screech and her eyebrows are raised. "Won't he just end up ditching you for a piece of skirt? You know what he's like."

"Hey, how about Miles Delaney? He's seriously hot, and he is free." Lilly says and shows me the screen on her mobile.

"Shit, he is fucking gorgeous," Tammy says and nods her head. "You gotta hook up with Miles, not go with Brandon. Then you can make out, and you know." She winks. These two are hysterical.

"He's not bad. But the thing is, Brandon felt sorry for me because I was bitching about having nobody to go with and offered. I'm not going to let him down last minute. Besides, we may get crowned prom queen and king."

"Nope. That's going to Denver and I." Lilly nudges me with a smile on her face.

"Fuck that. What about Miles DeLaney?" Tammy is insistent. "Message him and see if he's free in the week for a movie or something. You guys can make out in the cinema, then move on to his car. Oo, it'll be awesome." Tammy pours more champagne for us. The warmth flows down my throat and into my stomach. It's giving me a nice buzz. So, how am I going to tell them that it's actually Brandon I want to lose my V to? Or maybe. Yeah, that's it. Fucking genius. Maybe I need to make Brandon jealous and make him realize he wants me.