Lizzie

There. I said it. And I can't read Brandon's face. He hasn't said anything. I can't tell what he is thinking. I kind of chickened out of then asking him if he would, you know, help me out and be the one. Only, I have to trust the person that I decide to lose my virginity to after all. It's not on my radar to give it up to just anybody.

He shifts on the bed, and his eyes are now open, wide open. His startling blue eyes have gone so dark I can hardly recognize them.

Usually, a sign of anger or hurt from all the years I have known him. "A bit of a shocker, right?" I say timidly, biting my lip. If I bite it anymore, I will for sure draw blood.

"Just a bit," he says and runs his hands through his jet-black hair. It's the color of hair that millions of girls around the world use hair dye for.

"I don't know what to say. I'm totally like. Shit." He runs his hands through his hair again; it's now disheveled, but it looks damn sexy. "Have you mentioned this to Lilly or Tammy?" I shake my head, then look down at my feet. I'm wearing cute blue socks with ice cream cones on them. It's all I can focus on right now.

"Lizzie, this is a real shock. You're not even dating anyone. What are you intending to do? Get laid by some random jock or something and then be left afterwards? You know those guys only hook up, don't you?" He asks like he thinks I am dumb. Which I am clearly not.

"I'm eighteen, Brandon. I think I'm ready."

"How do you know that for sure?"

"You've had sex."

"Of course, but I'm a guy; it's different for me. We don't give a shit about hearts, flowers and happy ever after." His voice is exasperated. Maybe now isn't such a good time to mention that I want him to be the one.

"That's not true. Some guys do. Look at Denver and Lilly." That causes Brandon to snort.

"You can't even use Denver. He lost his V when he was something like fifteen, before he got it serious with Lilly." I raise my eyebrows. I thought for sure that Denver had been a virgin when he met Lilly.

"Look, all I know is that I'm ready and I do actually have someone in mind," I tell him now feeling a little more in control of myself. What's the worst that could happen? He could laugh out loud at me. That would only serve to embarrass me, but it'd make me more determined. Jeez, I do not want to be the only girl in school who still hasn't done it.

"Lizzie, all I'm saying is that you're not the kind of girl to just give it away. You want a relationship, dating, someone to love you. And it's what you deserve. Not a hook-up. Lizzie-Baby, you are not that kind of girl. And if you're thinking you don't want to be the only girl who hasn't had sex, you can wipe that straight out of your mind." Shit. He knows me so well; I guess he would, since we've been besties since the age of five.

"It's not just that. I want it, Brandon. I really want to do it. Of course I've gone to a few bases with guys, and now I'm just ready to do it." I shrug my shoulders. I guess you know when you know, right? There is no peer pressure; it's just the way it is.

"I want it to be you," I tell him, his eyes open even wider, and he's staring at me. I squirm in my seat and then start to giggle, nervously. Because he is being so silent, and there go the hands again, raking through his hair. The hair I want to run my fingers through, down his face, and rock-hard body and abs.

"Me?" Brandon is almost squeaking, then lets out a whistle.

I nod. "Yes, you."

"Lizzie. I don't know what to say. Only, you can't be fucking serious, right?" His brows are furrowed, and he looks so confused that it's actually quite adorable and sexy at the same time. "Shit. I feel like I need a strong drink, and it's still daytime."

I laugh. "It's not that bad, Brandon. I'm only asking you to help me. You are right about one thing. I don't want a random hookup with someone I hardly know. And aside from you, Tobias and Denver, there is no one else I can ask."

"Yeah, but still. Holy Fuck, Lizzie. This is huge. I've never, you know, done it with a virgin before. Plus, you're my best friend. Isn't that just a bit fucking weird?" I shrug again. I seem to be doing a lot of that, but at least I don't feel as weird or embarrassed as I thought I would. Finally, it's out in the open. What I can't tell him, though, is how much I already love him and want to feel him inside me; I need to feel Brandon kissing me, his hands running over my body. For me, it's Brandon or no one. I can't even entertain the thought of having sex with someone else. Not when he has stolen my heart. And maybe it will change how he feels about me. I just sit here on the chair still and pray that he doesn't totally freak out on me and go all weird. Like keeps his distance.

"I seriously don't know about this, Lizzie. I mean it's a bit weird. Honestly, I'm not sure that I could. It feels so," Brandon is struggling to find the words.

In exasperation, I lift my arms up and then slap my hands down on my thighs. "Crikey, Brandon, it's not the end of the world. It's just sex. We're eighteen; we're practically adults, so what's the big deal? You have sex with lots of random girls without batting an eyelid so what's the issue?"

"It is a big deal, Lizzie. You're my bestie, not some girl I have a hook-up with, bang senseless, then tell her to fuck off." That makes my face blush. Am I seriously getting turned off by the words bang senseless? It brings a flush to my cheeks because I want to be the girl he bangs until I can't walk. Only, I can't exactly tell him that, can I?

Brandon gets up off the bed and comes towards me. He crouches down between my legs, his face level with my stomach and looks up at me. His blue eyes are filled with something I can't detect, but it looks pretty deep; it makes me tingle inside from my toes to my fingertips. Heat is rising inside my body; he is so close to me, I can feel the warmth of his body.

"I need to think about this, Lizzie-Baby. It's kind of like a bolt of lightning out of the blue." He stands up and plants a kiss on my head. "Let me think about it. I've gotta go. You understand, right?"

"Sure. Of course. Take your time. There's no rush." I tell him. He leans in and kisses me again. I can smell his woody aftershave, and it takes all my power not to grab him and pull him to me for a deep, lingering kiss.