Lizzie

"I feel sick," I say to Brandon as we get back into his pickup.

"Me too, Lizzie. I'm so angry I just want to punch his face in and stop him from breathing." I can see he is seething, his knuckles going white from gripping the steering wheel.

"Don't do anything stupid, Brandon. Let the police handle it. You've got to think of college and football. Don't let some prick get the better of you and ruin the rest of your life." I know I sound like his mother, but it's only because I care for Brandon. We all already know I am in love with him, with my best friend. Now and Forever.

He doesn't reply; instead, he just backs away from the house, turns the car and starts to drive us into school. It's not the first time I have witnessed this ice-coldness from Brandon. It's a sign that he is more than angry; he is as mad as hell. And I get that. We're all angry; we're all upset. We're all dying a bit inside for what has happened to Tammy.

He is so quiet that I want to reach out and squeeze his hand; I want to draw the anger out of him and suck it into my own body to deal with. Because I know that I won't try to do anything stupid. The police will handle it; they'll find this fella and put him away behind bars for what he did. The last two people I want to see throw their futures away over some prick are Denver and Brandon. Lilly must also be beside herself, knowing that Denver will stand by Brandon in trying to find this asshole and beating the shit out of him.

We arrive at the school and Brandon parks in his designated spot right next to Denver's Corvette. We both get out silently, both wrapped in our own thoughts. I hope Tammy will be okay and I pray she will seek counselling. There is so much her young shoulders need to cope with right now, and without professional help she could slide down to the bottom of the pit, and nobody wants that for her.

"I'll catch up with you later," I say as I turn to Brandon. He only nods at me. It crushes my heart, and I know he has got a wall of ice around him right now. Being locked out as this hurts, it hurts so damn much I feel like I can't breathe. With heavy feet, I go to my locker and open it, pull out my class books and a green folder with my notes in it and slam it shut. He doesn't even look; he's already on the way to his science class.

"Should you be out here?" The monitor asks. Jeez, give me a fucking break already! I shrug my shoulders and walk away without saying anything to him. What's he going to do anyway, report me? He knows who I am. He knows who Brandon is; he'll do nothing but shout his mouth off, try and look important and go back to stuffing his fat face with yet another doughnut. I know I'm being a bitch with a capital B. I know I'm being mean and intolerable, but fuck it; so would you be if you'd had the morning we've had and the news of Tammy. I am spitting angry and hurting. It's crushing me.

I slide into class; the teacher, Mr Miles, doesn't bat an eyelid. I look for Lilly across the desks, and she smiles a small smile. Her eyes are searching, but I can't exactly update her right now. From the way Mr Miles is just carrying on with class, I am guessing that the principle has let our teachers for the day know about what has happened.

He picks up the book we're all studying for English. Romeo and Juliet and assigns a few people to be the characters and to read from it. Mr Miles doesn't choose Lilly nor I, which he ordinarily would. I thank God for that. The last thing I feel like doing right now is playing some fictional part of a book. Not when real, horrid, scary life is happening around me.

It's sad. We are supposed to be looking forward to prom in a few weeks, finishing for summer, hanging out, going to the movies, ball games, holidays, and just being teenage kids until college. I was supposed to be going with Brandon to Oregon tonight. My guess is that won't happen now. Besides, I don't want to leave Tammy.

Sneaking my mobile out of my purse I flick the screen up and swipe on Brandon's avatar to send him a WhatsApp message.

Guessing we should do Oregon another weekend.

I receive a thumbs up. That's it. Nothing more.

I understand he is angry and I also understand he is in class just like me. Mr Miles looks at me and frowns but says nothing as one of my classmates, Anika, reads a part for Juliet. It all sounds utter nonsense to me now, today, right now. Nothing makes sense not anymore. I hate growing up. I hate being a teenager. I hate that I love my best friend who is blocking me out. I feel miserable and alone.

Finally, the bell goes. I can't pack my bag up quick enough and get out of class. We've all got history next; at least my assignment is ready to hand in. It's not strictly due until Monday, which is a relief since Brandon's isn't finished yet. We'll hang tonight, and I can help him with it. I know he and Denver don't have practice tonight, so he and I can chill out in my room with some music on.

I'm not in the mood to watch a girlie movie because, you know what? Life isn't all it's cracked up to be right now. They portray all this nonsense about boy meets girl, going to parties, playing beach games, going to the mall, making out, and living happily ever after. Where are the movies where there are tears, sadness, heartbreak and friends being date-raped? Where the fuck are those movies?

"Hey, Lizzie." I hear Lilly's voice. "You've zoned out. Come back to me." She is shaking me. I have tears streaming down my eyes.

"Sorry, Lilly. I'm just so shaken by everything and so angry."

"Me too, honey. Me too. How is Tammy?"

"She's with Brandon's mom right now. They're going to the police station together. That poor girl. She's going to have to try to relive the whole ordeal and have swabs taken and...." I break off I can't bear to say anymore. Lilly pulls me into her and hugs me. Kids walk around us in the corridor giving us space.

I spot Brandon coming out of his class; his head is hanging down, his hands are in his pockets. I know that look. It spells trouble. My bad boy, billionaire boyfriend is about to get himself into rollicking trouble if nobody stops him.

"Lilly," I say. "You need to have a word with Denver. Brandon won't listen to me, and I know he's going to try and find out from Ted who the guy was that was with Tammy last night."

"Of course. Don't worry. I don't want the two of them doing anything stupid either." She assures me.

"Guys, get to next class. Stop clogging up the corridor." God, I so want to punch the monitor in the face right now. Why can't he just lock himself in the broom cupboard or something? Everyone hangs out in the corridor between classes, then rushes to scrape in the door at the very last minute. Lilly, my innocent and delicate friend, actually flicks him the finger. He looks at her and blinks. His jaw almost hits the ground.

"Way to go, Lilly." We high-five. Brandon walks past us to the third door on the right for our history class. The coldness swallows me up like ice on a mountaintop in the Himalayas. I get goosebumps. Maybe I should have made him take me to Oregon after all.