Lizzie

The music is so loud, I can hear it from the end of the drive where my father has dropped me off. "Don't be too late. You sure you don't want a ride back home, Lizzie?" He asks. I can tell he is concerned; this is my first house party. Neither of my parents is used to me going out into the big world. Just kidding, what I mean is they are hiding their nerves very well and not making a big deal of me going to my first ever party.

Sure, I've been to the school discos. But they are governed like we're babies with teachers milling around, some even joining in the dancing. Like we want to see that. Ugh. It grosses me out so much.

"I'll be fine, pop. Honestly, it's just a bunch of kids. Besides, you know Lilly and Tammy will be here." He squeezes my hand that sits on my lap. I'm not going to admit it, but I'm as nervous as hell. There are so many kids outside, sprawling masses of them on either side of the drive, on the front steps to this grand house. It's painted white with a dark green front door and has white sash windows.

"I'm going to get a lift with either Lilly or Tammy. If I run into issues I can give you a ring." He nods. Pleased that at least I have some plan in place. I could walk home; it's only a couple of miles, but it's something I'd rather not do in the dark.

"No drinking and no drugs. Do you hear me?" His voice is stern. Like I'm going to be that dumb. That sort of thing is for losers.

"Absolutely not. What do you take me for, Dad? Honestly." I huff and open the car door and get out. "See you later. I'll be in before midnight."

"Eleven."

"Fine, eleven then." Gosh, parents, I love them, but really. All the kids are going to be hanging out to way later than that. I close the door and don't look back. Dad waits a few seconds, then I hear the car start up.

There are kids my age hanging around the front door, all with plastic beakers or beer bottles. I can tell some are already drunk, as a couple of them are staggering. I make my way around them and hope that I'm going to bump into Lilly or Tammy soon. The thought of going inside on my own scares the living shit out of me. I don't even recognize any of these kids from our school or class.

A track is playing; I make out it's Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift. Good track. She's one of my favorites. Gingerly, I walk towards the steps and up. "Hey babe." Some kid says. He has very blonde hair, like an albino and extremely pale skin. Perhaps he has a reaction to the sun. I'm not surprised. He probably burns really easily. I ignore him. "Stuck up bitch." I hear him snigger, and his friends laugh. Just keep going, Lizzie.

It just feels so odd without Brandon by my side. I feel like half a person. I feel lost. Miserable and totally alone. Physically, I feel sick; my stomach clenches and unclenches. It's such a definite pain, cursing through my body. I feel breathless. Like someone has punched me in the stomach. I wish he were here with me now; only I know he'll be with her. With Jennie. I want to cry, but instead I put my shoulders back and walk into the vast entrance hall.

It's huge and circular with no furniture in it whatsoever. I'm guessing the parents of whoever's party this is, has moved everything out to save it getting damaged and ruined. There are girls and boys huddled together in little groups. Some are kissing. One guy has a girl backed up against the wall. Her short skirt is up her thighs as she wraps her slender legs around his body. What kind of party is this?

"Hey Lizzie." I hear my name being called. Nobody bothers to stop what they're doing to look around. "Taaaaaate." I hear it more loudly. Glancing around, I finally see Lilly screeching for me. She looks cute and adorable in her pink halter-top with the red hearts on it, and her cut-off denim shorts. I actually feel a little dressed up in my denims and black top. All the girls look like they're wearing practically nothing.

Rapidly, I walk over to her, as if she is going to give me some kind of reassurance and comfort. She embraces me and kisses my cheeks. "Oh, my God. I'm so glad you came and didn't chicken out."

"Well, I said I would." I shrug my shoulders like it's nothing.

"Yeah, I know. But it's really not your kind of thing." She grabs my hand and pulls me through double doors that lead to what looks like a lounge area. There are two navy plush sofas facing each other with a wood table between them. I notice the orange resin that shoots through the center of the table like a blazing sun's hot streak. It's stunning.

"We're going to go find Tammy. Denver is coming later. He's finishing up practice." I nod. I can barely hear her; the music is so loud. Now they're playing Dua Lipa's Dance The Night. Really? I mean, I love Dua Lipa, but not this track. She drags me through the lounge, through French wide doors and out onto a terrace, patio area.

Wow. It's stunning. Fairy lights hang from every tree. There are mini street lamps dotted around, casting an orange glow across the manicured lawn. In front, down some steps, is a swimming pool where the kids are already throwing themselves in. Yes, some of the girls are topless. It's not even that late; how early did they start drinking?

And then I spot Tammy. She's pretty hard to miss. Her ultra-blonde hair is plumped up full; she must have spent ages in the salon to get that look. She's wearing a bright push-up bikini top with sequins all over it and a skirt that only just covers her buttocks. My parents would be spitting feathers if I came out dressed like that. We all know Tammy's parents don't care what she does. Providing she isn't hassling them, then they don't care. She's had nannies all her life, constantly changing them. The poor girl hasn't had a steady nanny in her life since the age of five. Her mother is too busy being a billionaire's wife to even notice what her own daughter is doing. It's sad, and it has affected how Tammy behaves. We can all see that.

Her drinking has gotten out of control too. We've not said anything to her, but one of us has to. It's as if she is on a course of self-destruction.

Lilly pulls on my hand. "C'mon. We need to get to her right now before that blasted bikini top comes off and her girls are on display. She's already wasted."

I let Lilly pull me along as I try to avoid colliding with other kids. I'm wondering where Denver is and hoping he hasn't got his tongue down some girl's neck already. I'm not holding out much hope that I stand a chance.