Songs for this chapter are:

Over my head - The Fray

Through the dark- One Direction

Blood Bank- Bon Iver

JUNE.

Tessa's POV.

"Do I look okay?" I turn around in the full length mirror, tugging at my knee-length dress. The maroon silk has a nostalgic feel to it underneath my fingers. The moment I tried the dress on, I fell in love with the way the material and color reminded me of my past, of a time when I was someone else.

This dress is different than it's earlier version. That dress was loose fitting and high collared, with three-quarter length sleeves. This dress is form fitting and has a slightly lower collar with a cut-out pattern across the neckline and there are no sleeves. I will always love that old dress, but I'm happy with the way this dress fits me now.

"Of course you do, Theresa," my mother leans against the doorway with a smile.

I've tried to calm my nerves in preparation for today but I've managed to drink four cups of coffee, eat half a bag of popcorn, and pace around my mother's house like a madwoman. Every single second of every day in the last two months has been leading up to this day. Hardin's graduation.

I'm slightly paranoid that my company will be unwelcomed, an offer made to be polite, but silently taken back in the time we've been separated. The minutes and hours have ticked by somehow, in the same way it always has and always will, but this time I'm not trying to forget him. This time, I'm remembering and healing and thinking back on my time with Hardin with a smile.

That night in April, the night that Landon handed me a reality check on a silver platter, I drove straight to my mother's house. I called Kimberly and cried into the phone until she told me to suck it up, stop crying, and do something about the direction my life was headed in.

I hadn't realized just how dark my life had become until I started to see light again. I spent the first week in complete solitary, barely leaving my childhood bedroom and I had to force myself to eat. Every single thought I had revolved around Hardin and how much I missed him, needed him, loved him.

The next week was less painful, as it was in the past during our breakups, but this time was different. This time, I had to remind myself that Hardin was in a better place with his family and I wasn't leaving him to fend for himself.

He had his family there to help him if he needed anything. The daily calls from Karen were the only thing that kept me from driving back to Pullman to check on him one hundred times. I needed to get my life together, but I also needed to be sure I wasn't doing more damage to Hardin's life, or anyone else around me.

I had become that girl, that burden on everyone around her and I didn't realize it because Hardin was all I could see. His opinion of me was the only thing that seemed to matter and I spent my days and nights trying to fix him, fix us, while breaking everything else, including myself.

Hardin was persistent the first three weeks, but just like Karen's daily calls, they lessened and lessened until I was only getting two calls a week between the two of them. Karen assures me that Hardin is happy, so I can't find it in myself to be upset that he doesn't keep in touch as much as I wanted and hoped that he would.

I keep in touch with Landon the most. He felt terrible the morning after my reality check. He came to Hardin's room to apologize to me, only to find Hardin alone and pissed off. Landon immediately called me, begging me to come back and let him explain, but I assured him that he was right and I needed to stay away for a while. As much as I wanted to go to New York with him, I needed to go back to where the destruction of my life began, and start over, alone.

Landon's reminder that I wasn't a part of their family hurt me the most. It made me feel unwelcomed, unloved, and unattached to anything or anyone. I felt like it was just me, untethered, floating around trying to latch myself onto anyone who would take me. I had become too dependent on others, and was lost inside the cycle of wanting to be wanted.

I hated that feeling, I hated it more than anything, but now I understand that Landon made that statement out of anger alone. In my time away, while rebuilding my own relationship with my mother, I know that I was an essential part of Hardin's willingness to accept and work on his relationship with Ken. I didn't do it for him, but I helped him become a better person and that is one of my most proud accomplishments.

"Daydreaming won't help you get out of the door any faster," my mother walks toward me and pulls open the top drawer of my jewelry box. A pair of small diamond studs are placed in my hand and she closes her hand around my palm.

"Wear these. It won't be as bad as you think, just keep yourself composed and don't show any weakness." My mother advises.

I laugh at her attempt to comfort me and push the back onto the second earring. "Thank you," I smile at her image in the mirror and she, being Carol Young, suggests that I pull my hair back away from my face, add more lipstick, and wear higher heels. I brush off her advice and thank her again when she doesn't push the ideas.

My mother and I are on the path to the relationship I always dreamed we would have. She's learning that I am a young woman, capable of making my own decisions, and I'm learning that she never intended to become the woman she is now. She was broken by my father all those years ago, and she never recovered. She's working on that now, sort of in the way that I am.

I was surprised when she told me she met someone that she has been dating for a few weeks now. The biggest surprise of all was that the man, his name is David, is not a lawyer, he's not a doctor, he doesn't drive a brand new car.

He owns a bakery in town and he laughs more than anyone I've ever met. He has a ten year old daughter who has taken a strong liking to trying on my clothes that are far too big on her small frame, and letting me practice my slowly developing makeup and hair skills on her.

She's a sweet girl, named Heather and her mother passed away when she was seven, and surprisingly, my mother is very sweet to the girl. David brings something out in my mother that I have never seen before and I adore the way she laughs and smiles when he is around.

"How much time do I have?" I turn to my mother and step into my shoes, ignoring the way my mother rolls her eyes when I choose the lowest heeled shoe in my closet. I am already a nervous wreck, the last thing I need to add to my anxiety is to have to worry about walking in heels.

"Five minutes, if you want to arrive early, which I know you do." She shakes her head and pulls her long blonde hair to one shoulder. It's been an amazing and emotional experience to watch the shift in my mother, to watch some of the stone crack, and to watch her become a better version of herself. It's nice to have her support today, especially today, and I am thankful that she has kept her opinion on me going to Pullman to herself.

"I hope traffic isn't bad. What if there's a wreck? The two hour drive could easily turn into four hours and my dress will be wrinkled and my hair will be flat and-"

"You'll be fine. You're overthinking, now apply some lipstick and get on the road."

I sigh and do exactly what she says, hoping that everything will go as planned. For once.

Hardin's POV.

"The dumbest fucking shit I've ever worn in my life, that's what that is," I groan, staring at the hideous black gown in the mirror in front of me. I'll never understand why I'm being forced to wear this shit. What's wrong with wearing normal clothes during the ceremony? I would be color coordinated with the mass of black anyway.

"Oh, come on. Just wear it." Karen rolls her eyes at me.

"Pregnancy is making you a lot less tolerable," I tease her and move out of the way before she swats at my arm.

"Ken is already at the Coliseum, he's been there since nine this morning. He will be so proud to see you dressed in this gown and walking across the stage." She smiles as her eyes gloss over. If she cries, I'm going to need an exit. I'll just slowly walk out of the room and hope she doesn't follow.

"You make it sound like I am going to prom," I grumble, adjusting the stupid material that is swallowing my entire body.

My shoulders are tense, my head is throbbing, my chest burning in anticipation.

Not for the ceremony or the diploma, I could give a shit less about either of those. The overwhelming anxiety stems from the possibility that she may be there. Tessa is the only reason behind me putting on this show for everyone, she is the one who convinced, well, conned me into going in the first place, and if I know her as well as I know I do, she will be there.

Though her calls have become less and less frequent, her texts have become practically non-existent, she will come today.

An hour later, we are pulling into the parking lot of the Coliseum where the graduation is being held. I agreed to ride with Karen after she asked me ninety times. I would have preferred to drive myself but she's really clingy lately. I know she's trying to overcompensate for Tessa's departure from my life, but nothing will fill that gap.

Nothing and no one would ever provide what Tessa has provided for me, I will always need her. Everything I do, every single day since she left me, is only to be better for her. I've made some new friends, okay, two friends. Luke and his girlfriend Kaci, are the closest thing I have to friends and they are okay company. Neither of them drink much, and they don't spend their time attending shitty parties or making bets. I met Luke, who is a few years older than me and being dragged to couples therapy once a week, during my weekly session with Dr. Tran, mental help extraordinaire.

Not really, he's a scam artist with a who I pay one hundred dollars and hour to listen to me talk about Tessa for two hours a week, but it makes me feel better talking to someone about all the shit inside of my head and he's decent at listening to me.

"Landon is sorry that he couldn't make it. He is so busy in New York," Karen tells me as she pulls into the parking space. "I promised him that I would take a lot of pictures for him today,"

"Yay," I smile at Karen and climb out of the car.

The building is packed, the stadium style seats are filled with proud parents, relatives, and friends. I nod at Karen when she waves to me from her seat in the front. Being the wife of the chancellor gives her an advantage.

I can't help but attempt to find Tessa in the crowd. It's impossible to see half the faces because the damn lights are so bright and blinding and excessive. I would hate to see how much this extravagant ceremony is costing the University. I find my name on the seating chart and smile at the grumpy woman who is in charge of seating. She's annoyed because I may have missed the rehearsal but really, how complicated could this shit possibly be?

The plastic seat is uncomfortable and the guy next to me is sweating like a damn whore in church. He's fidgeting, humming to himself, and his knee is shaking. I almost want to say something, until I realize I'm doing the exact same thing, minus the disgusting sweat.

I'm not sure how many hours have passed, it feels like four, when my name is finally called. It's awkward and vomit inducing, the way everyone was staring at me, and I rushed off the stage when Ken's eyes started tearing up.

I just have to make it through the rest of the alphabet so I can find her. By the letter V, I think I may just stand from my seat and interrupt the entire thing. How many people can possibly have the last name starting with the letter V? Apparently a lot, that's how many.

Finally, the cheering has gone down and we are finally able to leave our seats. I practically jump from mine the moment the crowd starts heading toward the floor. I excuse myself from Karen's weeping congratulation speech and rush off to search for her. I know she's here, I can feel it somehow.

I haven't seen her in two months, two fucking long ass months, and I am buzzing, high on adrenaline when I finally spot her near the exit. I had a feeling she would do this, come here and try and sneak off before I found her, but I won't allow it. I'll chase her car down the street if she tries.

"Tessa!" I push through the huddled families in my way to get to her and she turns around just as I sort of shove a young boy out of the way.

It's been so long since I've seen her that the relief is overwhelming. So fucking overwhelming, and she looks as beautiful as ever. Her skin has a tan glow to it that she didn't have before and her eyes are brighter, happier, and the shell that she became has been replaced by life. I can tell all of this just by looking at her.

"Hey," she smiles and does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear when she's nervous.

"Hey," I repeat her greeting and take a few moments to just take her in. She's even more beautiful than the memory of her in my head.

She seems to be doing the same thing, and I watch as she looks me up and down. I wish I wasn't wearing this stupid cloak thing, then she could see how much I've been working out.

"Your hair is so long," she speaks first. I laugh softly and push my fingers through the mess. It's probably all fucked up from that cap, speaking of cap, I don't know where the damn thing went. I may have left it at my chair, I don't know, nor do I actually care.

"Yeah, yours is too." I say without thinking. She laughs and brings her fingers to her mouth. "I mean, your hair is long. It's always been long though," I try to recover but it only makes her laugh again.

Smooth. Really fucking smooth.

"So was the ceremony as bad as you expected?" She questions. She's standing less than four feet away from me and I wish we were sitting down or something, I feel like I need to sit down. Why am I so fucking anxious?

"Worse. Did you see how long it was? The man reading off the names was ancient," I tell her, hoping that she smiles again. When she does, I smile back at her and push my hair away from my face. I really do need a haircut, but I think I may keep it this way for a while.

"I'm really proud of you for walking. I'm sure Ken is so happy."

"Are you happy?"

"For you? Yes, of course. I'm very happy that you walked. It's okay that I came, isn't it?" She asks, looking down at her feet for only a second before her eyes focus on mine. There's something different about her, something more confident, more... I don't know, strong?

She's standing up straight, her eyes are sharp and focused and even though I can tell she's nervous, she's not intimidated like she used to be.

"Of course it is. I would have been quite pissed if I walked for nothing," I smile at her. The two of us both seem to be doing nothing but smiling and fidgeting with our hands. "How are you? I'm sorry that I haven't called much, I've been really busy," I ramble.

She shakes her head at me, "it's okay, I know you have a lot going on with graduation and preparing your future, all of that." She smiles a barely-there smile. "I've been well, I applied to every college within a fifty mile radius of New York City."

"You're still wanting to go there? Landon said you weren't sure?" I ask her. I just talked to Landon yesterday and he said he wasn't sure if Tessa was still going to move there.

"I'm not sure yet, I am waiting to hear back from at least one college before I relocate. Transferring to the Seattle campus hurt my record. The admissions department at NYU said that it made me seem flaky and unprepared so I'm hoping that at least one of the colleges there will disagree. Otherwise, I am going to take classes at a community college until I can transfer into a four year." She takes a deep breath. "That was a long explanation to a short question," she laughs and steps out of the way as a sobbing mother walks hand in hand with her gown clad daughter.

"Did you decide what you want to do next?" She asks me.

"Well, I have some interviews set up over the next few weeks."

"That's good, I'm really happy for you."

"None of them are here though," I clarify, watching her face closely as she takes in my words.

"Here as in Pullman?"

"No, as in Washington."

"Where are they? If you don't mind me asking?" She's composed and polite and her voice is so soft and sweet that I have to take a step closer to her.

"One in Chicago, three in London."

"London?" She tries to hide the surprise in her voice and I nod. I didn't want to have to tell her this, but I was just taking advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I probably wouldn't move back there anyway, I'm just exploring my options.

"I wasn't sure what was going to happen, you know, with us." I try to explain.

"No, I understand, I'm just surprised, that's all."

I know what she's thinking just by looking at her. I can practically hear her exact thoughts.

"I've been talking to my mum a little lately," I tell her. It sounds weird coming from my mouth and it was even weirder when I finally picked up the phone when my mum called. I had been avoiding her up until two weeks ago. I haven't exactly forgiven her but I'm sort of working on trying not to be so pissed about the whole mess.

"You have? Hardin, that is so great to hear." Her frown is gone and she's smiling so brightly at me that my chest literally fucking aches from the beauty of it.

"Yeah, a little." I shrug my shoulders and she is still smiling at me like I've just told her she won the damn lottery.

"I'm so happy that everything is working out for you. You deserve everything good in your life."

I'm not sure what to say to that but I have missed her kindness so much that I can't stop myself from reaching for her arm and pulling her into a hug. Her arms move to my shoulders and her head drops down to my chest. I swear that I just heard her sigh.

"Hardin!" My name is called and she pulls away to stand next to me. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks nervous again. Luke and Kaci are approaching us now, a bouquet of flowers in hand.

"I know you didn't bring me fucking flowers," I groan, knowing that it must have been his woman's idea.

Tessa stands at my side, staring wide eyed at Luke and the short brunette at his side. "You know it, I know how much you love lilies." Luke talks shit and Kaci waves to Tessa.

Tessa turns to me, confused, but smiling the most beautiful smile I've seen in the last two months. "It's so nice to finally meet you," Kaci wraps her arms around Tessa's body and Luke tries to shove the hideous bouquet into my chest. I let the flowers fall to the floor and he curses at me before tossing them into the nearest trash can.

"I'm Kaci, Hardin's friend. I've heard so much about you, Tessa." The woman wraps one arm into Tessa's and I'm a little surprised when Tessa smiles back and instead of looking to me for help, she jumps into a conversation about wasted flowers.

"Hardin seems like a flower type of guy, right?" Kaci laughs and Tessa giggles along. "That's why he got those ridiculous leaves tattooed on him,"

"Leaves?" Tessa raises a questioning brow.

"They aren't exactly leaves, she's just giving me shit but I did get a few new tattoos since I've seen you," I tell her. I'm not sure why I feel slightly guilty, but I do.

"Oh," she tries to smile but I can tell it's not authentic. "That's good." The mood has shifted into slightly awkward and as Luke tells Tessa about the new tattoos across the bottom of my stomach, he makes a big mistake.

"I told him not to get them, the four of us were out and Kaci got curious about Hardin's tattoos and decided she wanted one," he says.

"Four?" Tessa blurts the word and I can see the regret in her eyes when she asks.

I glare at Luke at the same time that Kaci digs her elbow into his side.

"Kaci's sister," Luke tells Tessa, trying to fix his fuck up, but making it worse.

The first time I hung out with Luke, we met Kaci for dinner. That weekend, we went to a movie and Kaci brought her sister along. A few hang outs later, I realized that the woman was sporting a little infatuation and told them to call her off. I didn't, and still don't want or need a distraction while waiting for Tessa to come back to me.

"Oh," Tessa gives Luke her fake smile and stares off into the crowd. Fuck, I hate the look on her face right now.

Before I can tell Luke and Kaci to fuck off and explain this shit to Tessa, Ken approaches me.

"Hardin, I have someone I would like you to meet," he says to me. Luke and Kaci excuse themselves and Tessa steps to the side. I reach for her but she brushes me off.

"I need to find a restroom anyway," she smiles, and walks away after a quick hello to my father.

"This is Chris, the man I was telling you about. He's head of publishing out at Gabber in Chicago and he came all the way here to talk to you." Ken smiles and I can't help but look for Tessa in the crowd.

"Yeah, thanks." I shake the short man's hand and he launches in to conversation. Between wondering what kind of shit Ken had to pull to get this guy here and worrying that Tessa won't find the bathroom, I barely catch half of his offer.

After wandering around to every bathroom and calling her phone twice, I realize that Tessa has left the graduation without saying goodbye.

(Only five chapters left! I have a favor to ask, if you could (and have time) could you comment your favorite quotes from the entire series? I would really appreciate it! I love you all and hope you had a good weekend! Mine was hectic but good! I love you all! xo)