Songs for this chapter are:

Matt Nathanson- Come on get higher

The Fray - Never say Never

Demons- Imagine Dragons

Something Great- One Direction

Tessa's POV.

Every single time Sophia mentioned New York during dinner, I begin to panic. I'm the one who brought it up, but I was only trying to take the attention away from Landon. I knew he was embarrassed and I  said the first thing that came to my mind, it just happened to be about the one topic that I shouldn't mention in front of Hardin.

I need to tell him tonight. I'm being a ridiculous, immature coward by keeping this from him. The progress he has made within himself will either reach it's head or he will surprise me by handling it well. I never know what to expect from him, it could go either way.

I'm leaning against the doorway of the dining room, standing in the hallway. Karen is wiping the top of the stove with a wet cloth, Ken has moved to the chair in the living room and is now asleep. Landon and Sophia are sitting at the dining room table in silence. Landon attempts to sneak a glance at the woman and when she looks up at him, she catches her eyes on his and shows him her beautiful smile.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, with him so fresh out of a long-term relationship, then again, who am I to have any opinions on the relationships of others? I clearly have no clue how to navigate my own.

From my view here in the doorway that connects the living room, dining room, and kitchen, I have the most perfect picture of the people who mean the most to me, including the most important, Hardin, who is sitting on the couch in the living room, staring blankly at the wall.

I smile at the idea of him walking during his graduation in June. I can't imagine him in a cap and gown but it's certainly something that I am looking forward to seeing and I know that it meant so much to Ken that Hardin agreed. Ken has made it clear on multiple occasions that he never expected Hardin to graduate from college and now that the truth of their past is out in the open, I'm sure that he never expected him to change his mind and go along with the typical graduation ritual. Hardin Scott is anything but typical.

From New York? 

I should have known that voice wouldn't stay away long. I was hoping that she consumed too much ham and would be out for the night at least.  

I would come back for Hardin's graduation of course. Will he change his mind and refuse to attend after I tell him?

There is a pretty high possibility of that happening, it's almost a guarantee really. I press my fingers to my forehead, willing brain to function properly. How should I bring it up now? What if he offers to come along to New York? Would he do that? If he does offer, should I agree?

I can feel his eyes on me from where he sits in the living room. Sure enough, when I look over at him, he's studying me, green eyes curious, and mouth pressed into a soft line. I give him my best "I'm okay, just thinking" smile and watch as his lips turn to a frown and his brows pull together. He's on his feet now, walking toward me, crossing the room in long strides, and within seconds he is leaning across me with one of his palms pressed against the wall to support his body while it hovers over mine.

"What is it?" He asks. Landon's head lifts from his focus on Sophia at the sound of Hardin's loud voice.

"I need to talk to you about something," I quietly admit. He doesn't look concerned, not as concerned as he should be.

"Okay, what is it?" He leans closer, too close, and I try to step away, only to be reminded that he has me pressed against the wall. Hardin raises his other arm to completely block me in and when my eyes meet his face, an obvious smirk covers his face.

"Well?" He presses for words from me when I stare at him in silence.

My mouth is dry now, at the most awkward time, and when I open it to speak I begin to cough. It's always that way it seems, in a quiet movie theatre, in church, or while having a conversation with someone important. I usually have to cough in the situations where coughs don't fit in. Like right now for example, I'm having an inner rambling session about coughing, while coughing, and while Hardin is staring at me like I'm dying in front of him.

He pulls away and walks into the kitchen with purpose. He moves around Karen and returns to me with a glass of water for what feels like the thirtieth time in the last two weeks. I take it and I'm relieved when the cool water calms my itchy throat.

I'm aware that even my body is trying to back out of breaking this news to Hardin and I want to pat myself on the back and kick myself in the chin at the same time. If I did that, I assume Hardin would feel a little sorry for me due to my insane behavior and possibly change the subject.

"What is going on? Your mind is moving a mile a minute," he looks down at me, holding his hand out for the empty glass. "I can tell," he adds when I begin to shake my head.

"Can we go outside to talk?" I turn toward the patio door, trying to make it clear that we shouldn't talk in front of an audience. Heck, we should probably drive back to Seattle to discuss this mess. Or further. Further is good.

"Outside? Why?"

"I want to talk to you about something," I repeat. "In private."

"Fine, sure."

I take a step in front of him to keep the balance. If I lead the way outside, then I may have a better chance to lead the conversation. If I lead the conversation then I may have a better chance of not allowing Hardin to steamroll the entire thing. Sort of.

I don't pull my hand from Hardin's when I feel his fingers lace into mine. It's so quiet, only the soft sound of the voices from the crime show Ken fell asleep watching, and the low rumbling of the dishwasher in the kitchen.

When we step onto the deck, those sounds dissolve and I'm left alone with the sound of my chaotic thoughts and Hardin's low humming. I'm grateful for whatever song he's quietly humming, almost silently really, but it's distracting and helps me focus on something outside of the blow up that is sure to come within the next few minutes. If I'm lucky, I will have a few minutes to explain myself and my decision before he reacts.

"Spill." Hardin says as he drags one of the patio chairs across the wood of the deck.

There goes my chance at having a few minutes, he's not in a waiting mood. He sits down and rests his elbow on the table between us. I scramble to sit across from him and struggle with the decision of where to place my hands. I move them from the top of the table, to my lap, to my knees, and back to the table before he reaches across and flattens his palm across my fidgeting fingers.

"Relax," he softly says. His hand is warm and it completely covers mine, giving me a sliver of clarity, if only for a moment.

"I have been keeping something from you and it's driving me insane. I  need to tell you now and I know this isn't the time but you have to know before you find out another way,"

He lifts his hand from mine and leans against the back of the chair. "What did you do?" I can hear the anxiety in his tone, the suspicion in his controlled breath.

"Nothing," I hastily remark. "Nothing like what you are assuming."

"You haven't.." he blinks a few times, "you weren't.. with anyone else, were you?"

"No!" My voice squeaks and I shake my head to prove my point. "No, nothing like that. I've just made a decision about something and I've kept it from you. It doesn't involve me being with anyone else."

I'm not sure if I am relieved or offended that this was his first thought. In a way, I'm relieved because moving to New York couldn't possibly be as painful for him as me being with another man, but I'm slightly offended because he should know me better than that by now. I've done my share of irresponsible, hurtful things to him, involving Zed mostly, but I would never sleep with another man.

"Okay," he rubs his hand over his hair and rests his curved palm over the back of his neck, massaging the muscles there. "It couldn't be that bad then."

I take a breath, deciding to just throw it out onto the table, no more dancing around the subject. "Well,"

He holds a hand up to stop me. "Wait, how about before you tell me what it is, you tell me why."

"Why what?" I ask, tilting my head in confusion.

"Why you made whatever choice you're pissing yourself over." He raises a brow to me.

"Okay," I nod. I sift through my thoughts while he watches me with patient eyes. Where should I begin? This is much harder than simply telling him that I'm moving but it's a much better way to communicate the news to him.

Now that I think about it, I don't think we've ever done this. Anytime there is some big, dramatic thing happening, we always find out from other sources in that same big, dramatic way.

I glance at him one last time before I begin to speak. I want to take in every inch of his face, remember and study the way his green eyes can appear so patient in times like now, but so harsh in the past.

I notice the way the soft pink of his lips appears so inviting now but I remember the times when they were split open, on one side, straight down the middle, blood pouring from the gashes. I remember his piercing and how it grew on me so quickly.

Inside of my head, I relive the way it felt when the cool metal would brush across my lip. I focus on thinking back to the way he would pull it between his own lips whenever he was deep in thought and it just looked so tempting, I began to mimic his action every time we would kiss.

I think back to the night when he took me ice-skating in his own attempt to prove that he could be a "normal" boyfriend to me. He was nervous and playful and he had taken out both of his piercings. He claimed that he did it because he wanted to but still to this day, I think he removed them to prove something to himself and to me. I missed them for a while, I still do sometimes, but I sort of loved what their absence represented, no matter how undeniably sexy they looked on him.

"Care to share?" He teases, leans up, and rests his chin in the palm of one hand.

"Yes," I smile nervously and begin. "Well, I made the decision because we need time apart and it seemed like the only way to be sure that actually happens."

"Time apart huh?" His eyes set on mine, pressuring me to back down.

"Yes, time apart. Everything is such a mess between us and I needed to put distance between us, really this time. I know we say that all the time, we do this little song and dance around everything and we drive back and forth from Seattle to Pullman and now London was involved, we are basically spreading our mess of a relationship across the globe." I pause for his reaction and watch finally tear my eyes from his.

"Is it really that much of a mess?" Hardin's voice is soft.

"We fight more than we get along,"

"That isn't true." He responds, tugging at the collar of his black t-shirt. "Technically and literally, that isn't true, Tess. It may feel that way but when you think back over all the bullshit we've gone through, we've spent more time laughing and talking, reading, teasing, and in bed of course." He smiles a small smile and I can feel my resolve weakening.

"We solve everything with sex and that's not healthy." I push my next point.

"Sex isn't healthy?" He scoffs. "We are having consensual sex, sex full of love and full of fucking trust, yeah it also doubles and amazing, mind-blowing fucking sex, but don't forget why we do it. I don't fuck you just to get off, I do it because I love you and I love the trust you place in me when you allow me to touch you in that way."

Everything he is saying is making sense, despite the fact that it shouldn't and I feel New York City slipping further and further away.

"Have you ever looked into the signs of an abusive relationship?" I decide to drop the bomb sooner rather than later.

"Abusive?" He sounds as if he's gasping for air. "You find me abusive? I've never laid a hand on you and I never would." There's a defensive edge to his voice and I stare down at my hands.

"No, that's not what I meant." I answer honestly. "I was referring to both of us and the way we do things to purposely hurt each other. I wasn't accusing you of being physically abusive."

He sighs and runs both hands over his hair. "Okay, so this is obviously much more than some stupid decision to move across the state or something." He's panicking now.

 "I'm going to ask you something and I want your real honest answer, no bullshit, no thinking about it, just say what comes to your mind when I ask, okay?" Hardin asks.

I nod. Unsure where he is going with this.

"What's the worst thing I've done to you? What's the most disgusting, terrible thing that I've put you through since we met?"

I begin to think through the last eight months but he clears his throat, reminding me that he wanted me to say the first thing that came to mind.

"The bet." I spit out. "The fact that you had me completely fooled when I was falling in love with you." I fidget in the chair, not wanting to open that vault right now, or anytime in the future really.

He appears thoughtful, lost for a moment. "Would you take it back? Would you change that mistake of mine if you could?"

I take my time to think this through, really think this through before answering. I've answered this question before, many times, and I've changed my mind even more than that, but now the answer feels so... final. It feels so final and certain and it just feels like it matters more now than ever before.

The sun is now moving lower in the sky, hiding behind the thick trees lining the Scott' property and the automatic patio lights just turned on.

:"No, I wouldn't take it back." I say, mostly to myself. Hardin nods as if he knew exactly what my response would be.

"Okay, so next to that what is the worst thing I've done?"

"When you ruined that apartment for me in Seattle." I answer without thought.

"Really?" He sounds surprised by my response.

"Yes,"

"Why that? What was it about me doing that that pissed you off so bad?"

"The fact that you completely took control of a decision that was mine and you hid it from me."

"I won't try to justify that shit because I know it was fucked up," he shrugs.

"Okay?" I hope he has more to say on that.

"I do understand where you are coming from with that. I shouldn't have done that, I should have talked to you instead of trying to keep you from going to Seattle. I was fucked in the head at the time, still am, but I'm trying and that's something different than before."

I'm unsure how to respond to that. I agree that he shouldn't have done it, and I agree that he is trying now. It's hard to remember what my point behind this entire conversation is supposed to be.

"You have this idea in your head baby, an idea that someone planted there or maybe you saw it on some shitty television show, or maybe in one of your books, I don't know. But real life is fucking hard. No relationship is perfect and no man is ever going to treat a woman exactly how he should. I'm not saying it's right, okay?" He lifts to hand in the air to stop me from interrupting.

"So hear me out, I'm only saying that I think if you and maybe some other people in this fucked up, criticizing world, would just pay closer attention to the shit behind the scenes, you would see shit differently. We aren't perfect Tessa, I'm not fucking perfect and I love you, but you are far from perfect too," he winces at me, letting know that he means that in the least terrible way possible.

"I have done a lot of shit to you, and fuck, I've made this speech one thousand damn times, but something inside of me has changed, you know it's true."

When Hardin stops speaking, I stare into the darkness behind him for a few seconds before responding. "I'm afraid we are too far gone, we have both made so many mistakes."

"It would be a waste to give up instead of fixing those mistakes and you fucking know it."

"A waste of what? Time? We don't have much time to waste now." I say, inching into the inevitable train wreck.

"We have all the time in the world, we are still young. I'm about to graduate and we will live in Seattle. I know you are sick of my bullshit but I'm selfishly counting on your love for me to convince you that I should have one last chance."

"What about all the things I've done to you? I've called you names, all the stuff with Zed?" I bite my lip and look away at the mention of Zed.

Hardin's fingers tap against the glass countertop of the table. "First off, Zed doesn't have a place here, in this conversation You've done stupid shit, so have I. Neither of us had any damn clue how to be in a relationship. You may have thought you did because you were with Noah for so long, but let's be real here, the two of you were basically kissing-cousins, that shit wasn't an actual relationship."

I glare at Hardin, waiting for him to continue digging this hole he's working on.

"And as far as you calling me names," he smiles and I begin to wonder who this man sitting across from me actually is. "Everyone calls each other names, I'm sorry but even your mum's pastor's wife is calling her husband an asshole. She may not say it to his face but it's the same shit and I would much rather you call me an asshole to my face." He shrugs his shoulders.

"You have an explanation for everything, don't you?" I ask Hardin.

"No, not everything. Not much really, but I know you're sitting across from me looking for a way out of this and I'm going to do my damn best to make sure you know what you're saying."

"Since when do we communicate this way?" I can't help but be astonished at the lack of yelling and screaming coming from both of us. Hardin crosses his arms in front of his chest and picks at the frayed edges of his cast.

"Since now." He shrugs again. "I don't know, but the other shit didn't seem to work for us, so why not try this way?"

I feel my mouth fall open in surprise from his nonchalant statement. "Why do you make it sound so easy, if it was this easy, we could have done it before."

"No, I wasn't the same before and neither were you." He stares at me, waiting for me to speak again.

"It can't be this simple. I need time to myself, Hardin. I need time to find out who I am and what I want to do with my life and how I'm going to get there and I need to do that on my own." The words taste like acid as they leave my mouth.

"You've made your mind up then? You don't want to live with me in Seattle? Have you already gotten your own place or something? Is that why you're so closed off and unwilling to actually listen to what I'm saying?"

"I am listening but I've already made up my mind.. I can't keep doing this back and forth, back and forth. Not just with you, but with myself."

"Where's your place at then? Which neighborhood in Seattle?" Hardin leans back against the cushion on the chair and lifts his legs onto the table.

"It's not in Seattle," I try and explain. My tongue is suddenly made of lead and I can't get a word out.

"Where then? Which suburb?" He questions.

"It's New York, Hardin. I want to go-"

"New York?" He removes his feet from the table and stands up. "You're talking about actual New York? Or is that some little hipster neighborhood in Seattle that I haven't come across yet?"

"Actual New York," I clarify as he paces across the deck. "In a week,"

Hardin is silent except his feet hitting the wood as he walks up and down the length of the deck without speaking.

"When did you decide this?" He finally asks.

"After London and after my father passed away."

"So me being an asshole to you made you want to pack your shit and go to New York City? You've never even left the state of Washington, what makes you think you could live in New York City?"

His response stirs my defensive side, "I could live anywhere that I want. Don't try to belittle me,"

"Belittle you? Tessa, you're one thousand times better at everything than I am, I am not trying to belittle you. I'm only asking, what makes you think that you can live in New York? Where would you even live?"

"With Landon,"

"Landon?" Hardin's eyes widen and I stand back. This is the look I've been waiting for, wishing wouldn't come, but now that it's here, sadly, I feel slightly at ease. Hardin was taking everything so well, he was being more understanding, calm, and cautious with his words than ever before, it was throwing me off.

This look I know. This is Hardin, trying to control his temper. "Landon, you and Landon are moving to New York." He says.

"Yes, he was already going and I-"

"Who's idea was this? Was it your idea or his?" Hardin's voice is low and much less angry than I expected. There is something worse than anger though, and it's hurt. Hardin is hurt and I can feel my stomach and chest tightening at the surprised, betrayed, guarded energy taking over him.

I don't want to tell Hardin that Landon asked me to move to New York, I don't want to tell Hardin that Landon and Ken have been helping me with recommendation letters and transcripts, admission packets and applications.

"I'm going to take a semester off when I get there." I tell him in hopes to distract him from his question.

He turns to me, cheeks red under the patio light, eyes wild, and hands clenched at his sides. "It was his idea, wasn't it? He knew this all along and while he had me convinced that we were.. I don't know? Friends.. brothers even, he was going behind my back."

"Hardin, it isn't like that." I try to defend Landon. Hardin and I were in the worst possible place when Landon offered me to come along to New York City with him.

"Like hell it isn't, you two are something fucking else." He shouts, waving his hands frantically in front of his body. "You sat there and let me make a fool out of myself offering you marriage and adoption and all kinds of shit and you knew, you fucking knew, you were leaving anyway?" He tugs at his hair and changes the pattern of his feet. He's walking toward the door now and I try and stop him.

"Don't go in there, please. Stay out here with me and we can finish talking about this. We have so much more to talk about,"

"Stop! Just fucking stop!" He shrugs my hand off of his shoulder when I try to touch him. 

Hardin yanks on the handle of the screen door and I am sure that I hear it tear at the hinges. I rush behind him, hoping that he isn't going to do exactly what I think he will, exactly what he always does when anything bad happens in his life, in our life.

"Landon!" Hardin yells the moment he steps into the kitchen. I'm thankful that Ken and Karen seemed to have gone upstairs for the night.

"What?" Landon shouts back. I follow Hardin into the dining room where Landon and Sophia are still seated at the table, a nearly empty plate of desserts between them.

Landon's expression changes as Hardin barrels into the room, jaw clenched, fists tight. "What's going on?" Landon asks, eyeing Hardin carefully before looking to me.

"Don't look at her, look at me." Hardin snaps. Sophia jumps in her seat but quickly recovers and turns her focus to me as I stand behind Hardin.

"Hardin, he didn't do anything wrong. He is my best friend and he was only trying to help." I try to calm Hardin down. I know what he's capable of and the thought of Landon being on the receiving end of that makes me sick to my stomach.

"Stay out of this Tessa." Hardin doesn't turn to around.

"What are you talking about?" Landon finally asks, though I know that he is fully aware of what it is that made Hardin so angry. "This is about New York, isn't it?" He says.

"Fuck yes it's about New York!" Hardin yells at him and Landon stands up. Sophia sends Hardin a murderous warning glare and I decide that I'm okay with the two of them becoming more than friendly neighbors.

"I was only looking out for Tessa when I invited her to come with me! You broke up with her and she was broken, absolutely broken. New York is what is best for her." Landon calmly explains.

"You know how fucked up you are? You pretended to by my fucking friend and then you go and pull this shit?" Hardin paces again, this time in a smaller circle across the empty space in the dining room.

"I wasn't pretending! You messed up again and I was trying to help her!" Landon yells back at Hardin. My heart is racing as Hardin crosses the room and wraps his fists around Landon's shirt.

"Help her by taking her away from me!" Hardin pushes Landon against the wall.

"You were too high to care!" Landon screams into Hardin's face. Sophia and I are both watching, both unsure what to say or do. I know Hardin and Landon much better than she does and even I don't know what to say or do.

It's pure chaos, the two men yelling in each other's faces, the noise from Ken and Karen rushing down the stairs, the rattling and shattering glasses and plates from the table that Hardin pushed Landon's hip into before shoving him against the opposite wall.

"You knew what you were fucking doing! I trusted you, you piece of shit!"

"Go on then! Hit me!" Landon screams in Hardin's face. Hardin's fist raises but Landon doesn't blink. I yell Hardin's name and I think I hear Ken doing the same.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Karen tug at Ken's shirt, holding him back from stepping between the two men.

"Hit me, Hardin! You're so tough and violent, go on and fucking hit me!' Landon goads him again.

"I will! I'll-" Hardin's hand lowers but he raises his fist back toward Landon's face.

"You won't do it." Landon's cheeks are red with anger and his chest is heaving but he doesn't look the least bit afraid of Hardin. He looks pissed off but very collected at once. I feel the opposite, I feel like if the two people I care about the most get into a fight right now, I don't know what I would do.

I look at Karen and Ken again. They don't seem concerned for Landon's heath. They are too calm right now while Hardin and Landon are screaming back and forth.

"Yes I fucking will! I will smash this stupid fucking cast-" Hardin trails off. He stares at Landon and turns back to look at me before focusing on Landon once more.

"Fuck you!" Hardin shouts. He lowers his fist and turns on his heel to leave the room. Landon is still against the wall, looking as if he may punch something himself. Sophia is on her feet now, moving to comfort him. Karen and Ken are talking quietly amongst themselves, walking toward Landon, and I, well, I'm standing in the middle of the dining room, trying to understand what just happened.

Landon demanded that Hardin hit him, I heard him scream in Hardin's face. Hardin's temper was  already shot, he felt betrayed and screwed over again, and yet he didn't do it. Hardin Scott walked away from violence, even in the heat of the moment, he didn't lay a hand on Landon.

(Hey guys!! I just wanted to thank you for all of your support and encouraging words around the announcement with UTA and Wattpad working together to bring After to the screen. I feel so incredibly blessed and overwhelmed with the amount of support I have been getting and most importantly, I want to thank you all because none of this would be happening if it wasn't for you and your passion for After.

Wattpad is such an amazing and supportive company and community and they have done so much for me and I encourage you all not give up on your stories on here, when I started writing After, I had zero reads and Zero followers and I never, ever thought anything could come from writing about a band that I love, and now all of these amazing opportunities are happening and it's a dream come true, literally. so thank you for all of your supportive messages and tweets and comments. I love you all so much!!! I will be updating Thursday)