Songs for this chapter are:

 Drop in the ocean- Ron Pope

Hundred- The Fray

Fix You- Coldplay

Hardin's POV.

"Where should I go?" Tessa quietly asks. Her voice soft and raspy over my harsh breathing.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully. Part of me wants to tell her to get on the next plane out of London, alone, but the selfish and much stronger part of me knows that if she did that, I wouldn't make it through the night without drinking myself sick. Again. My mouth tastes like vomit and my throat burns from expelling the liquor from my system in such a brute way.

Tessa opens the center console between us, pulls a napkin from the compartment and begins to wipe the corners of my mouth with the rough paper.

Her fingers barely touch my skin and I flinch away at the icy temperature. "You're freezing. Turn the car on."

I don't wait for her to oblige, instead I lean across and turn the key myself, blasting the heat from the vents. The air is cold at first but this expensive ass car has some power and warmth quickly  spreads through the small space.

"We need to get gas in the car. I don't know how long I was driving but the gas light is on and that screen says so too," she tells me, pointing to the lavish navigation screen in front of us. The sound of her voice is killing me.

"You've lost your voice." I say, even though it's incredibly obvious. She nods and turns her head away from me. My fingers wrap around her chin and I turn her face back to me. "If you want to leave, I won't blame you. I'll take you to the airport right now."

She gives me a puzzled look before opening her mouth, "you're staying here? In London? Our flight is tonight, I thought?" She asks. Her voice comes out as more of a squeak than actual words and she breaks into a coughing fit.

I check the cup holders for a sign of something to aide her with but they are empty. I change the subject, "Trade me places, I'll drive over there." I nod toward the filling station across the road. "You need water and something for your throat." I wait for her to move out of the driver's seat, but she rakes her eyes over my face before shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the parking lot.

"You're still over the legal limit," she finally whispers, careful not to strain her nonexistent voice. I can't exactly argue with that. There is no way that a few hours of dozing in this car has sobered me completely. I drank enough liquor to black out most of the night and I have a massive headache. I'll probably be drunk for the entire fucking day, or half of it. I can't tell. I can't even remember how many drinks I had..

My jumbled counting is cut short when Tessa parks in front of a gas pump and reaches for the door handle. "I'll go in," I tell her and climb out of the car before she can argue against it.

There aren't many people inside, only men dressed for work at this early hour. My hands are filled with aspirin, water bottles, and bags of snacks when Tessa walks into the small store. I watch as every head turns to look at the disheveled beauty in her dirty white dress.

"Why didn't you stay in the car?" I ask her as she approaches.

"Your wallet," she waves the black leather in front of my face.

"Oh." I don't know how she got it but I'm glad she brought it in before I made it to the front of the line. She disappears for a moment but takes her place next to me just as I reach the counter.  Both of her hands are filled with large steaming cups of coffee.

"Can you set the location on your phone while I pay?" I ask her, taking the oversized cups from her small hands.

"What?"

"The location on your phone so we can see where we are." I clarify.

"Allhallows," the portly man behind the counter remarks. "That's where you are." He nods at Tessa, who politely smiles back at the man.

 "Thank you," she widens her grin and the poor bastard flushes. Yeah, I know she's hot, now look away before I rip your eyes from your head. I want to tell him. After the night last night, I really could use the outlet and I'm really not in the mood for his eyes to be raking across her chest at seven in the fucking morning.

If I wasn't immensely aware of the lack of emotion behind her eyes, I probably would have pulled him over the counter but her fake smile, black rimmed eyes, and dirt stained dress stop me and yank me from my violent thoughts. She just looks so lost, sad, and so fucking lost.

What have I done to you? I silently ask her. Her focus has now shifted to the door where a young woman and child are entering, hand in hand. I watch her as she watches them, a little too closely if you ask me, it's really almost borderline creepy. When the little girl stares up at her mum, Tessa's bottom lip trembles.

What the hell is that about? Because I threw a fit over the new revelation in my family?

"Ready?" I ask her, nudging her with my elbow because my hands and arms are full of shit.

"Yeah, sorry." She mutters and grabs the coffees from my hands.

I fill the car with gasoline and consider what the consequences would be if I drove Vance's rental into the sea, we are right next to the shore in Allhallows, it wouldn't be hard. Tessa and I could call a cab from here back to wherever my own rental is parked.

"How far are we from Gabriel's bar? That's where the car is." Tessa informs me when I join her in the car, it's like she can read my mind.

"Only about an hour and a half, traffic considering."

Tessa twists the top off of the small bottle of aspirin and shakes three of them into my hand. "Do you want to talk about last night? I just received a text from Kimberly," she frowns, staring down at the small screen.

Questions begin to surface, pushing through the muddied images and voices from last night. Vance locking me outside and walking back into the burning house... "He's not.." I don't know how to ask the question. It won't seem to pass over the lump in my throat.

"He's alive of course, but.." Tessa's eyes begin to fill with tears.

"What? He's what?"

"He was burned," 

A slight and very unwelcomed pain tries to seep through my cracks. Cracks that she caused in the first place. 

"Only on one leg. Kim said that one of his legs was burned and that he's to be arrested as soon as he is released from the hospital, which should be soon, any minute really."

"Arrested for what?" I know the answer before she gives it.

"He told the police that he was the one to start the fire," Tessa lifts her shitty phone in front of my face so I can read the long text message from Kimberly.  

I read over the message, not learning anything new from what Tessa just explained to me. I don't say anything. I have nothing to say.

"Well?" She asks softly.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you even slightly concerned about your father?" She takes in my murderous glare, "I mean Christian."

"He shouldn't have even showed up there."

"Hardin," she looks appalled by my statement. "That man came there to help me, to help you." She begins to ramble.

"Tessa, I know-" I interrupt her and she surprises me by holding a hand up to silence me.

"I wasn't finished. Not to mention he took the blame for a house fire that you caused and he was injured. I love you and I know you hate him right now but I know you, the real you, so don't sit here and act like you don't give a shit what happens to him because I know damn well that you do." She coughs after her angry speech and I push the water bottle to her mouth.

I take a moment to mewl over her words as she gulps down the water. She's right, of course she is, but I'm not ready to face any of the things that she just mentioned. I'm not fucking ready to admit that he did something for me. I'm not ready for him to suddenly be a fucking father to me. Fuck no.

I don't want anyone, especially him to think that this somehow evens the score, that somehow I will forget all of the shit he missed, all of the nights I spent listening to my parents screaming at one another, all of the times I rushed up the stairs at the sound of my father's drunken voice.

No, fuck that. It's not fucking even and it never will be.

"You think because he gets a little burn on his leg and takes the blame for me that I will forgive him?" I run my hands through my hair. "I'm supposed to just forgive him for lying to me for twenty one fucking years?" I ask her, my voice much louder than I intended it to be.

"No, of course not!" She raises her voice right back at me. "But I refuse to allow you to brush this off as some small thing he did. He is going to jail for you and you act as if you couldn't be bothered to even ask how he is. Absent, lying, father or not, he loves you and he saved your ass last night."

"Who's side are you fucking on?" I ask her. This is bullshit.

"There aren't any sides!" She shouts, her voice echoing louder in the small space and not helping my ringing headache one bit. "Everyone is on your side, Hardin. I know you feel like it's you against the world but look around you. You have me, your father.. both of them, Karen loves you as her own, Landon loves you much more than either of you will ever admit."

Tessa half smiles at the mention of her best friend and continues, "Kimberly may challenge you but she cares for you too, and Smith, you are literally the only person that little boy likes." She gathers my hands in her shaking ones and rubs her thumbs across my palms in gentle caresses.

"It's ironic really, that the man who hates the world is most loved by it," she whispers, her eyes glossy and full of tears. Tears for me, so many tears for me.

"Baby," I pull her over to my seat and she straddles my waist. Her arms lock around my neck. "You selfless girl," I bury my face in her neck, almost trying to hide in her messy hair.

"Let everyone in, Hardin. Life is much easier when you let others in." She says, rubbing my head like some sort of pet, but I fucking love it. I nuzzle further into her.

"It's not that easy," I tell her. My throat burns and I feel like the only breath I can catch is when I'm breathing in her scent. It's clouded by the faint smell of smoke and fire that I've seemed to smother the car in, but still calming

"I know," she says, her voice low as she continues to run her hands over my hair.

Why is she always so understanding when I don't deserve her to be?

The honking of a horn brings me out of my hiding place. All of the gas pumps are taken and apparently the man in the truck behind us doesn't appreciate us holding him morning up. Tessa climbs off of my lap and buckles herself in the passenger seat.

I consider keeping the car parked here just to be a dick but I hear Tessa's stomach rumble, making me reconsider. When was the last time she has eaten? The fact that I can't remember tells me it's been too long.

"Eat something," I push a breakfast bar into her hands as I drive across the street to park in the empty lot where we slept last night. I pull to the back of the lot, close to a cluster of trees and turn the heat on. It's spring now but the morning air is crisp and Tessa is shivering.

"We could go to Haworth, see Bronte County. I could show you the moors." I offer.

She surprises me by laughing.

"What?" I raise my brow at her and bite into a banana muffin. 

"After the night you had," she clears her throat, "you are discussing taking me to the moors?" Her head shakes and she reaches for her steaming coffee.  

I shrug, chewing thoughtfully. "I don't know.. "

"How far is the drive?" She asks, a lot less enthusiastic than I thought she would be. Granted, if this weekend wouldn't have been pure shit, she probably would be much more excited. I promised to take her to Chawton too but the moors seem much more fitting to my mood right now.

"Four hours or so to Haworth."

"That's a long drive," she muses, sipping at her coffee.

"I thought you would want to go," my tone is harsh.

"I would.." she trails off.

I can clearly tell that there is something troubling her about my suggestion. Hell, when am I not creating trouble behind those gray eyes?

"Why are you complaining about a drive then?" I finish off the muffin and rip open another.

She looks slightly offended but her voice remains soft and raspy, "I'm just wondering why you would want to drive all the way to Haworth to see the moors," she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and takes a deep breath.

"Hardin, I know you enough to know when you are brooding and withdrawing from me. You wanting to take me to the moors that inspired Wuthering Heights rather than somewhere from an Austen novel has me on edge, more than I already am."  She unbuckles her seatbelt and shifts her body to face me.

She can see right through my bullshit. How does she always do that?

"No," I lie, avoiding those damn eyes of hers. "I was simply thinking you would like to see the moors and Bronte County. Sue me." I roll my eyes, not willing to admit that she's right.

"Well I'd rather not go there really. I just want to go home," her fingers play with the wrapper of a breakfast bar.

"You need to eat something, you look like you will pass out any moment."

"I feel that way," she says quietly, more to herself than me it seems. I take the bar from her hands and tear the wrapper. I am considering shoving the damned thing into her mouth when she takes it from me takes a bite.

"You want to go home then?" I finally ask her. Not wanting to ask where exactly home will be for her.

"Yes, your father was right. London isn't as I imagined," she grimaces.

"I ruined it for you, that's why."

She doesn't deny it but she doesn't confirm it either.

Her silence pushes me to say what I need to say. It's now or never.

"I think I should stay here for a while.." I say into the open air between us.

Her mouth stops it's chewing and her eyes narrow at me. "Why?" She asks.

"It doesn't make sense for me to go there."

"No, it doesn't make sense for you to stay here. Why would you even consider that?" Her feelings are hurt, I knew they would be but what other choice do I have?

"Because my father isn't my actual father, my mum is a lying-" I stop myself from calling her the name I want to, "and my biological father is going to jail because I caught my mum's house on fire. It's a ridiculous drama series on it's own, all we need is a cast of young girls with too much makeup and impractical clothes and we would have a hit." I answer wryly.

"I'm still not seeing why any of this would make you want to stay here," her sad eyes study mine. "Away from me, that's what you want to do isn't it? You want to be away from me." She says the last part as if she knows it's the truth.

"It's not that," I don't know how to put my thoughts into words, that's always been my biggest fucking problem. "I just think if we had some time apart you could see what I'm doing to you. Just look at yourself." She flinches but I force myself to continue, "you are dealing with problems that you would never be faced with if it wasn't for me. You have too much on your plate as it is."

"Don't you dare act like you're doing this for me," her voice is as cold as ice. "You are as self destructive as they come and that's your only motive behind this."

I am. I know I am. It's what I do, I hurt other people and then I hurt myself before anyone can hurt me. I'm fucked up, that's just the way it is.

"You know what?" She says after giving me long enough to speak up, "fine. I'll let you hurt both of us in this self depriving mission of y-." My hands are on her hips and she's back on my lap before she can finish.

Tessa tries to climb off of me, scratching at my arms when I won't let her move an inch.

"If you don't want to be with me then get off of me," she seethes. No tears, only anger. Her anger I can handle, it's the tears that kill me.

"Stop fighting me." I press, gathering both of her wrist behind her back and holding them in only one of my hands.

"You don't get to do this every time something hurts you. You don't get to decide that I'm too good for you!" She shouts in my face. I ignore her and bring my mouth to the curve of her neck. Her body jolts again, this time out of pleasure, not anger.

"Stop it," she says, with absolutely no conviction. She's trying to deny me because she thinks she should but we both know that this is what we need. We need the physical connection that brings us to an emotional depth that neither of us can explain, nor deny.

"I love you, you know I do." I suck at the tender skin at the base of her neck, reveling in the way it turns pink from the suction of my lips. I continue to suck and nibble at the skin, just enough to create a cluster of markings, but not hard enough to make them stay for longer than a few seconds.

"You sure aren't acting like it," her voice is thick and her eyes follow my free hand as it moves across her exposed thigh. Her dress is bunched up at her waist in the sexiest way possible.

"Everything I do is because I love you. Even the stupid shit," I reach the lace of her panties and she gasps when I run a single finger across the moisture already collected between her thighs. "Always so wet for me, even now." I push two fingers into her and she whimpers and arches her back against the steering wheel. I move the seat back further.

"You can't distract me with-" I remove my fingers from her and plunge them back in, stopping the words before they can fall from her lips.

"Yes baby, I can." I bring my lips to her ear, "will you stop fighting me if I let your hands go?" I ask her. She nods. The second I let her hands go, they move to my hair. Her fingers bury into the thick mess of hair and I tug the front of her dress down with one hand.

Her white lace bra is sinful despite it's holy coloring. Tessa, with her blonde hair and white ensemble clashes in the most obvious way with my dark hair and dark clothes. There is something so fucking erotic about the contrast, the ink on my wrist as my fingers disappear inside of her again, the clean, unmarked skin of her thighs, the way her soft moans and whimpers fill the air as my eyes drag shamelessly up her body back to her chest.

I tear my eyes away from her perfect tits long enough to scan the parking lot. The windows are tinted but I  need to be sure we are still alone on this side of the street. I unfasten her bra using one hand and slow the movement of my other. She whines in protest and I don't bother to hide the smile on my face.

"Please," she begs for me to continue.

"Please what? Tell me what you want," I coax her the way I always have since in the beginning of our relationship. It has always felt like unless she spoke the words aloud, they couldn't be true. She couldn't possibly want me the way I want her.

"Touch me," she reaches down and pushes my hand back between her thighs. She's swollen and waiting and fucking soaking, wanting me, needing me, and I fucking love her more than she could ever comprehend.

I need this, I need her to distract me, to help me escape all of this bullshit, even if only for a little while.

I give her what she wants and she moans my name in approval, taking her lip between her teeth. Her hand moves under mine to grip me through my jeans. I'm so hard that it hurts and Tessa's gentle touches and squeezes aren't helping.

"I want to fuck you, now. I have to," I say, gliding my tongue over one of her breasts. She nods, her eyes rolling back in her head and I suck  at the sensitive tip while kneading it's twin with my hand that isn't  between her legs.

"Hardin," she groans. Her hands are eager to free me from my jeans and boxers. I lift my hips enough for her to tug my jeans down my thighs. My fingers are stull buried in her, moving at the slowest pace, just enough to drive her fucking crazy. I remove my fingers from her and bring them to her swollen lips, pressing them into her mouth. She sucks at them, her tongue running slowly up and down my fingers,  and I groan, quickly withdrawing them before I come from that alone. I lift her by her hips and lower her back onto me.

We share the same relieved moan, both desperate for one another. "We shouldn't be apart," she says, pulling me by my hair until my mouth is level with hers.

"We have to be," I say as she begins to swivel her hips. Fuck.

"I won't force you to want me. Not anymore," Tessa lifts herself slowly. I begin to panic but all my thoughts are lost as she lowers herself back down me and then repeats the same torturous movement.

"I want you," I breathe into her mouth, her tongue laps around mine as she takes control. "I always fucking want you, you know that." A low sound rips through me as her hips quicken. Holy fuck. She's going to kill me.

"You are leaving me," she glides her tongue across my bottom lip and I reach down to where our bodies are joined and bring her swollen clit between my fingers.

"I love you," I can't find any other words and she's silenced by me pinching and rubbing her sensitive bud of nerves.

"Oh god," her head falls to my shoulder and she wraps her arms around my neck. "I love you," she practically sobs as she comes around me. I follow directly after, filling her with every drop of me, literally and metaphorically.

Minutes of silence pass between us and I keep my eyes closed and my arms wrapped around her back. We are both covered in sweat, the heat is still pouring from the vents but I don't want to let her go long enough to turn it off.

"What are you thinking?" I finally ask her. Her head is resting on my chest, her breathing slow and steady.

She doesn't open her eyes when she responds, "that I wish you could stay with me forever."

Forever. Have I ever wanted anything less with her?

"Me too," I say, wishing I could give her the promise of a future that she deserves.

Tessa's phone buzzes on the floorboard and I reach across the grab it, shifting her body with mine. "It's Kimberly," I hand Tessa the phone.

Two hours later we are knocking on the door of Kimberly's hotel room. I'm almost convinced that we are at the wrong room when I take in Kimberly's appearance. Her eyes are swollen and she doesn't have an ounce of makeup on. I like her better that way but she just looks so wrecked right now, like she has been crying for days. She probably has been.

"Come in. It's been a long morning." she says, her normal sass completely absent. Tessa immediately hugs her, wrapping her arms around her friend's waist, and Kimberly begins to sob.

I feel incredibly uncomfortable just standing in the doorway and despite the fact that Kim irritates the shit out of me, I know she isn't the type that wants an audience while she's vulnerable. I leave them in the sitting room of the grand suite and take a seat in the kitchen area.

I pour a cup of coffee and stare at the wall until the sobs turn into muffled voices in the other room. I'll keep my distance for now.

"Is my dad coming back?" The green eyed boy sits down in the plastic chair next to me. I didn't even hear him approaching.

"Yeah. I think so," I shrug, staring intensely at the wall. I should tell him just what a fucking great man his father.. our father really is.

Holy shit. This kid is my fucking brother. I can't wrap my head around it.

"Kimberly said that he's in trouble but he can pay his way out of it. What does that mean?" I can't stop the scoff that comes from my mouth at his intrusive eavesdropping and thorough questioning.

"I'm sure that's the case." I mumble. "She just means that he will be out of trouble soon. Why don't you go sit with Kimberly and Tessa?" My chest burns at the sound of her name as it comes from my mouth.

"They are mad at you. Especially Kimberly but she's more mad at my dad so you should be okay." He tells me.

"You'll learn that women are always mad." I inform the boy.

"Unless they die like my mom did." My mouth falls open and I look at his face.

"You shouldn't say shit like that. People will find it.. odd."

He shrugs his shoulders as if to say that people already find him odd. That's true I suppose.

"My dad is nice, he's not bad," his random choice of words has me ready to run for the hills.

"Okay?" I stare down at table.

"He takes me a lot of places and he says nice things to me." He sits a piece of a toy train on the table. What is with this boy and trains? 

"And?" I swallow the feelings that come with his words. Why is he rambling about this now?

"He will take you places too, and tell you nice things."

"Why would I want that?" I ask him, his green eyes tell me that he knows much more than I assumed.

"You don't want me to be your brother, do you?" He asks. Damn it. I desperately search for Tessa, hoping that she will come save me from this awkward conversation. She would know exactly what to say.

"I never said that."

"You don't like my dad," he says. Tessa and Kimberly enter the room before I have to say answer him. Thank god.

"Are you okay, honey?" Kimberly asks the little boy. He doesn't speak, he nods and takes his train cart with him into the other room.  

(How is everyone's week? Mine has been busy but really good, I hope yours is the same! Love you all so much! I know I don't' update as often as I used to but if you go back and look at the chapter length, these chapters are two or three times longer and much better quality ( I think at least so I hope you do too hah) I just like to be able to take my time and write the chapter instead of rushing but I do know how it feels to wait for updates so I try to keep that in mind! Ily all! xo)