I didn't sleep that night well. Ryan's hurt on his face would burn in front of my eyes. I knew I should not behave like I do with Ryan but he was so nice that I thought he was not good.

I almost wanted to board The Wandering Train that night but then I'd remember what I did to Ryan and I discarded the thought.

***

'How was your English's test?' I asked Mia while we staggered down the hallway which was lined with students hurrying towards the cafeteria sharing the same desire of fulfilling our appetite as us.

'I'm gonna fail.' She weeped. 'I solved one side of the test and forgot to turn it the other way and there was this new boy who kept on throwing me the paper balls asking me for my number.' Mia complained and I shook my head. 'I mean I get it I'm pretty and stuff but you can't just do it. Like can't.'

'How's it's going with Yang?' I asked quickly interrupting Mia's long series of complains.

'Okay actually. He's nice, a little ruddy but okay anyways.' She said. 'Yesterday, he apologised me for his behaviour because he nearly beat the crap out of a boy who whistled at me.'

'He apologised to you for scaring you?'

'Yeah, I cried.'

'Was he that scary?'

'Not really. I was just not expecting it. I had planned a different date.' I recalled the night I behaved with Ryan and I almost wanted to punch my own face. It was just Ryan but somewhere, my heart was making him more than just Ryan.

We reached the cafeteria where a table was already occupied by Anastasia and Shania.

They both were quite busy with their conversations but soon looked up and waved at us.

'Watch girl.' Abigail whispered to me as she bumped my shoulders. 

I rolled my tongue inside my mouth and was about to answer her comment but couldn't as she swayed her hips and walked in front of me.

Abigail, mimicking me, walked towards Ryan who was going towards a table when was halted by Abigail who said, 'Can I talk to you?' She used the extremely high pitched voice and made an innocent face with her brows furrowed and a playful smirk looping around her lips.

She was trying to copy me. Keyword : trying. I casted a look around. One of her minions and the people around had taken their phones out for they had already suspected the picturesque scene that was about to occur in front of us. Oh God, another post.

'What's the deal?' Ryan asked her.

'It's about — ' Abigail gripped her head. '—Oh God, I can't stand.' Abigail loosened her body that threatened to fall onto the ground.

She waited for Ryan to make a move at least but he simply watched Abigail ambiguously. As Ryan didn't make anymore, Abigail fell butt-first. Her butt hit hard onto the floor and a loud laugh escaped my mouth. 'You idiot! You were suppose to catch me!' Abigail shouted at Ryan.

'Why would I catch you?' Ryan turned around to see the only source of laugh and  giggle from me and Mia as the rest of the cafeteria was dead silent. He narrowed his eyes at me before and I saw the flash of playfulness in his eyes.

'Because I was falling! Damn you!' Abigail told Ryan fiercely.

'Who told you to wear this much high heels?' Ryan said.

'It doesn't matter,' Abigail shook her head and got up while rubbing her butt. 'You should've caught me. Aren't you gentleman enough?'

'I don't know,' Ryan raised his hands in surrender. 'But I guess I couldn't bear your weight.'

Abigail 's eyes widened with disbelief. 'Did you just call me fat?'

Ryan shrugged non-coherently . 'I just stated the fact.'

'Stop making the video!' Abigail yelled at one of her minions who was shooting this hilarious scene at her phone but stopped as soon as she received the order from her boss. The blonde model stormed out of the cafeteria leaving only a handful of students being dead silent as the rest of them were laughing their hearts out.

We seated at the table with Anastasia and Shania who were busy tapping away whatever the captions they felt suited to the hilarious scene as this would be the new post.

A trio joined us at the table. 'It was amazing.' Mia commented even before Ryan took his place.

He flashed a smile at Mia. 'I'm glad you liked it miss.' He winked and I could practically feel Mia melting down beside me.

'Hey look,' Shania elbowed me. 'It's the GIF Mike sent us. It's getting popular.' The lead actresses of the GIF was, without any doubt, Abigail who kept on falling onto the ground and getting up and down again fulfilling the demand of the format. The shares and likes onto the GIF only increased by every passing second.

All of them were laughing hysterically on the GIF. 'It's not right.' Their laugh stopped.

'What's not right?' Shania asked me whose laugh died down to chuckles.

'You shouldn't've called her fat.' I directed my statement to Ryan.

'She shouldn't've called you slut.' Mia retorted.

'It doesn't matter.' I waved her off. At this moment, there were many other things revolving around my mind.

'Why doesn't it matter?' Ryan interrogated me. 'If she gave you a tag without your permission, then she deserves one too.'

'Because Ryan you don't know what she'll do to herself after this,' I stared at Ryan whose brown eyes were already fixed on me. 'She'll start going on a strict diet that'll consider eating only a lettuce leaf in whole day, she'll measure her weight every now and then, start wearing tight clothes, feeling anxious with each and every of her move , envy others and God knows what else she'd do.'

'It's her choice,' Ryan argued. 'It depends upon her whether she fights these anxieties that she has pet or simply let them go.'

'It's not easy to let go Ryan,' I told him. 'The society never lets you breathe until you become the one they really want.'

'Society is never powerful enough to force the things upon you than you, yourself are,' Ryan said wisely. 'You guys simply portray yourself to be the weak one.' .

'Tell me then, who is happy in this world if he is ugly?' I asked him. 'You has scars, bad pasts, lack of money. Ryan people don't let people like those live.'

Ryan only said, 'They all can. If they choose to.'

'It's not easy. Choices are considered as enforcements here. If you choose to wear what you want, the enforcement would tell you so many cons and eventually —indirectly—would enforce upon you what you have to do. And in the end, your choice would be moulded into the rules that you wouldn't even notice.' I concluded. Ryan nor anyone else tried to argue anymore.

These were not my intentions but I had seen the truth and had already prepared myself to face it rather than denying it.

There was a darn silence except for the munching of sandwich and chips that Noah was doing, not even considering to close his mouth. Even the cafeteria was silent. Perhaps people enjoyed, like always, nosing in other people's affairs.

The silence began nibbling me as well as the others and Noah munching was only getting louder.

'Noah!' Everyone called him after a while causing his mouth to remain hanging in air and his half bitten chip fell off.

'What?' He asked innocently.

'Shut the fuck off dude.' Yang told Noah.

'But—

'There just had been a World War III and you want to eat?' Yang expressed all of our annoyance.

'I was—

'You should respect the situation.' Ryan told Noah.

'I was just—

'Lots people around the world are getting killed.' Ryan added. And I got it. They both were teasing Noah.

'Wait what?' Noah wrinkled his forehead.

'And many don't even have food. They are suffering from it.' Yang said.

'I was just hungry.'

'You should donate this food to people.' Anastasia joined in.

'Like me,' Ryan said and leaned in to snatch the sandwich from Noah. 'Thanks bud.' He said before he stuffed the whole sandwich in his mouth leaving Noah in the same position with his mouth hanging open and dumbfounded.

A little more silence until we all burst into laughing. I saw that now that Ryan was trying to lighten the mood. It was a good gesture for the tension was getting heavier.

When my laugh died down to chuckles, I found Ryan already looking at me. His intense brown eyes were lingering on me as if calculation something .

He instantly looked away. I had decided to apologise to him but it didn't seem easy.

'So girls, you free tonight?' Yang asked.

'Why?' I questioned.

'For destroying this rich bastard's house,' Noah pointed at Yang. 'Party.'

'Yes,' Anastasia was first to say, 'I've been waiting for it!'

'It's boring,' Shania said. 'I might like to read a book at home.'

'Oh yell yeah!' Mia accepted.

Then all eyes were on me. There were numerous calculations going around my head. I had to go to work and homework today besides, Ian would be alone and I desperately needed rest. Thinking about the coming weekend was enough to stir my insides.

'Hey Âme,' Ryan pulled me out of my thoughts. 'What about you?'

'I. . . ' I pondered over it. Thursday, it was and perhaps parties were something I wanted to stay away as much as I could. Scandals could easily be slipped from them. 'I don't know.' I said.

Ryan

I turned the music on. It needed to be for the need to empty my mind was hanging so low.

I saw her. How she tensed up at the mention of the society.

Janelle.

How it seemed so odd for her to even talk about it. I noticed the silent tears hidden behind that fake laugh and control over own self. She keeps herself reserve. She'd talk to you if she wants, hell even take the award for Best Sarcasm but she doesn't talk much. She doesn't like being invaded in her life And specially concerning Abigail. She hates it and it puts her on edge.

At the party, I thought, if she arrives, I'll let her loose.

But she didn't want to come to the party and the reason, as far as I could muster up, was not the work.

Wait, why the hell am I thinking about her anyway?

Despite my subconscious, my mind wandered off again.

I thought about the moment I saw her in the garden. That was when I knew she couldn't deserve any other name but Âme. She seemed so relaxed in the garden like that was all she needed. My hands clutched my phone as her bruised neck and her pale face in the bathroom came running to my mind.

I had no idea why but it stung. Seeing like her like that. I had no idea what had happened but she doesn't deserve that.

I recalled the moment when I touched her. She was small and petite and catastrophically beautiful. The way her eyelids draped over her blue eyeballs, her lips were carved perfectly and the plump lipstick suited her lips. Her creamed colour forehead was wrinkled at first but it relaxed so smoothly. It all was nothing but mesmerisingly beautiful.

'Yo bro!' Yang snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. 'Fall back on earth angel.'

'I'm here.' I stated as I relaxed back on the couch. Another group of boys and girls I was not interested in came by us to sit.

'Hey Ryan.' Abigail flirted. . 'Looking handsome.'

'Thanks.'

'I heard you're with Jane now?'

'You heard wrong.' I displaced her fingers that crawled their way up to my chest. 'I'm not with her.'

'You should not either.'

'As far as I know, she doesn't bite.' I joked and earned a chuckle from Noah who was virtually dug into the bag of chips and was munching on them loudly.

'Oh she swallows.' She said.

'I don't want to talk about her.' I told her. The way she was talking. . . well, it arose the unsettling feeling of anger in me.

'I'm just warning you.'

'I'm good really.' I slid away on the couch to create a good distance between her and me.

'You were not like this before.' She pouted.

'I don't even know your name.' Her pout drooled but I didn't care.

'That's because you are after that Jane bitch. I'm much better.' Abigail attempted to come closer but frustrated, I nodded at Yang and stood up from the couch.

'I gotta go now.' I walked out of the restaurant and in my car. I stared at some unfocused distance until I pulled the car out of my parking lot and drove.

I drove home. My sweet home and parked in the garage. Our home was rather smaller than most people had expected specially judging from my car which was simply a gift from a father that I received on his death day.

I sighed as the painful memory again found its way In my mind.
I walked in the house that had the warmest feeling ever. entering in it was light coming back to my peace. All the tensions , worries were left out and the walls were raised up, to protect me from them.

Right in front of me, was a bedroom that had been currently occupied by my Grand dad and grandma and immediately left to it is another unoccupied room followed by finally the kitchen. At the entrance are the stairs that lead to the one and only room, mine.

I was an orphan.

'I'm home.' I called out and placed my keys onto the stand and my shoes onto the shoe rack.

Grand ma was not home neither was Grand Dad. It was their afternoon walk time. I loved the fact that they spent so much of their time together. Age had never affected their love nor money. Someday, I thought, when I'd grew up, I'll be like them.

I climbed up to my room and took a shower. A cold one to keep my mind parted from her memories.

I wrapped my lower body in towel and with the other, I rubbed it over my head and got out. My phone lit up and I checked it letting the towel fall around my neck. It was Yang. Asking me to bring beers for him.

He always had this problem. His parents were strict against alcohol and he was addicted to it. It would either be me or Noah bringing beers to his house.

I texted him back ok and dressed up. Running a hand through my hair, I put on my shoes, stick a post-it note on the refrigerator telling my grandparents that I'll be late, put the phone in my pocket, grabbing the keys, I left the house.

It did not take me much time to grab a handful of beers. I still had two hours before the party would start so I parked the car at the side of the road and leant my head against the head rest. Abigails' voice echoed in my head.

But my mind didn't like wandering off there.

It was something else that I wanted to know.

Janelle.

I had no concern if she was a scandalous person or not. Maybe it was just her past and the fact that Abigail was saying something only meant it was a lie.

Perhaps it was the reason Jane didn't want to discuss Abigail or anything from her past. But again, who likes to? We all have moments we regret and truths we like hidden.

With all the reasons in my mind, I drove.

Finally, I parked the car and found myself going in the cafe.

There she was, smiling sheepishly at me holding a cup of mocha latte for me.

oOo
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