Tuesday. The chapter's here as promised.

Now wear your seatbelt as the roller coaster's going higher and it's a hella long chapter.

Enjoy!

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Just as we left Ryan's house, I came back to mine. As I opened the door, my stomach churned as I saw two figures, sitting in the living room having the times of their lives.

I gulped down as I closed the door behind and ran away from my house.

I inhaled and exhaled.

I looked and the then shut things down.

I blinked again and again.

Cleared my thoughts, my tears, my pain.

How did it all happened?

My legs screamed for mercy, my thighs spoke for pause, my body ached for break but I neglected each demand and continued to run far and far away.

The moon lit up the dark but the gloom stayed right where it was. The wind became colder and heart frigid.

I finally came to a halt near a wall rounding off the corner and straightened my back against it trying to take in the oxygen needed. No, it can't happen. It couldn't be true.

Not believing what I saw, I slid down the wall and rested on the cold ground.

I rubbed my face and ran a hand through my hair.

He was back.

I remembered how he did it all, how he destroyed my life and brought it from top to bottom. I remembered how it all crumbled ...

It was a cold night and fever had gripped my body those days. I knocked on Mom's room trying to talk, to make things up after Dad's death. I was alone, lonely and was in desperate need to talk to someone. Ian was there, but we weren't that much close to get to share the personal problems yet and I needed to discuss about me and Logan.

'Yes,' A voice answered my knock and soon I found myself in. There she was—mom—standing in her blue dress that dad brought to her on their anniversary but she wouldn't wear that for no particular reason and seeing her in that dress was like a hard blow. 'Oh there you are sweetie, is it looking good?' She twirled partly to show me the front that I already saw.

I nodded in yes and sat on the bed. 'Where are you going?'

'Just on a meeting.'

'Wearing this?' I couldn't hold back my anger. She was going to meet him, Henry, that what Ian told me his name.

Her face darkened as she turned around. 'Why is it bothering you?' She asked sharply and I swallowed.

I shook my head and looked down on my lap. I wanted to tell her about Abigail, about the cyber bullying but I never knew I needed this much courage to tell her this. 'I need to talk to you mom.'

'I'm listening.' Her tone was not helping. Anyway, I braced myself as I risked a glance at her.

'I—

'—how's your diet going by the way? I saw some chocolate wrappers around here.'

'Ian had some.' I answered. 'Mom, I wa—

'—And what about the rebounding I sent you the article of? Your hair will look so beautiful.' She twisted the bottom of the lipstick and a bright red stick came out. Dad loved red on your lips. I thought. But you never wore it.

'Mom, I don't need that.'

She turned around—the lipstick still applied carefully on the half of her lip— a strange smile on her face. 'Sweetie, you'll look so beautiful. I mean you are but these things will enhance your features.'

'But I get hungry and I can't sleep because of it.' I argued.

'Baby,' she rolled the lipstick back and sat with me on the bed. 'Listen to me,' she cupped day chin and turned my neck to look at her bright blue eyes with a cat eyeliner on it. Dad loved cat eyes but you'd say you can't apply good eye liners. 'This world, is strange. If we need to survive, we need to play by it's rules and rules bring beauty sweetheart. It's another rule.' She laughed at her own chain but I internally cringed as I thought about eating only leaves in whole day and drinking loads of water and sleeping with grumbling stomach.

I decided not to tell her anything else. That the only thing that matters for her is only me being thin. I knew I was thick—fat, but I never hated myself. I was me and no one could change it but mom wanted me to. To fit into the stencil she provided me.

And at that moment, I missed dad more than I ever did. He'd tell me I was pretty, for him, I was a princess. A girl who was beautiful. A human who was perfectly imperfect. That day, i learned how to hold back my tears. That day, I decided to hide my emotions. That day, I learnt that not every blood relation is good. Some are toxic and eat you alive.

That was the day, I truly fed up with myself.

So I kept myself quiet, stopped listening to her and veiled my emotions to her. Ten months were long time for her but for me, it was just like yesterday when dad left us.

She painted her lips red, let her blonde hair fall loose on her shoulders, wore a blue pendant with matching pair of earrings, and a block heeled shoes with a clutch.

Just like dad wanted to see her.

I left her room and entered in my own room and locked it. My nose prickled and my eyes stink and it felt as if loneliness has clutched my heart and has squeezed it till the last ounce.

It was a mystifying feeling. Not knowing what to do and what not to do. Crying seemed too painful and staying quiet was too inevitable. I called Ian but no answer came.

I threw the phone across the floor not caring about it getting broken.

I jumped back as a knock sounded on the door of my room. Mom must've left then who is there?

Must be mom. Convincing myself, I stood up and unlocked the door and there, standing, was Logan.

His hair short, his handsome features and muscular body, at this hour of night, his presence was unwelcoming.

He smiled at me. 'What are you doing here?' I asked him.

'Your mom left.' He said. 'Keeping the door open.'

'Oh, Okay. Thanks.' I smiled at him.

'Yeah,' he scratched his neck. 'I've been downstairs for a while and I'm getting bored.'

'Then play some games.'

'I don't ... actually.'

'You can go with the tv.'

'My show won't be aired tonight.'

'Then what do you want?'

'Can we talk a bit? I mean I know since your dad passed, we haven't been much talking yet but, you know and I'm moving out so... '

'Logan, I'm not feeling quite well. I think I have fever so, yeah.' I mustered enough courage to close the door but his hand stopped it.

'Hold on there now, you won't invite me in?'

'You're already in the house, but in my room? No chance.' I tried to close it again but he held it firmly.

'Come on, I've never been in here.' With his strength, he pulled it open and entered. I stepped back and keeping as much distance as I could. He paced around the room, looking at my drawings, my books, my pictures. He picked up a photo frame on my nightstand, scanned the picture then placed it back down. 'Nice room you've got in here.'

'Logan, please, leave.' I said.

He turned around to look at me and smirked. 'Why?' He tilted his head. 'Scared I'll do something? Maybe get a bit touchy?'

'Logan,' I tried to breathe properly but oxygen was not enough. 'Please.'

He walked forward. 'Or maybe, take things further?'

I stepped back until my back hit the study table. He continued walking towards me until he was only on shoulder's length. 'You don't talk to me these days much.'

'Because you've been involved quite with Abigail.'

He laughed and stepped closer. 'Oh, she. She's boring.'

I furrowed. 'You're playing with her? She likes you.'

He shrugged. 'I don't.' He stepped further closer and now, his face was incredibly close. 'Wanna know why?' His lips touched the brim of my ear. Because I like someone else.' I tried stepping away but his hands caged me from either sides. His fingers traced my bare arms, my shoulders and then halted on my chin. 'Someone who doesn't like me back.' He pouted and his index finger, gently, caressed my cheeks and my jawline.

'Logan.' My feet, my hands, my body —froze. It felt as if I had been trapped. 'Go Away.'

'And I really want her to like me back.' His fingers rested on my neck while his thumb caressed my cheek. His one finger traced random circles on my stomach that my shirt failed to hide. His face came near and his breathe fanned on my lips. 'What should I do Jane? How should I make her like me?'

'T-Talk to her then.' I wanted to find a good chance to escape while I indulged him in talking. He placed a kiss on the bottom of my ear.

He smiled humourlessly and shook his head. 'It doesn't work. She doesn't talk to me. She locks herself in a room and whine. She doesn't let me in.'

'Then you should let her go.' I looked at a lamp that was placed at the far corner of the study table.

'But it hurts. Letting go hurts.' His lips brushed mine and it took every ounce of my body to stay still. 'It hurts so badly. It feels as if ... ' his other hand reached my back. 'It feels as if I'm breaking into pieces.' And it slowly went down to where my shirt lifted up. His hands touched my stomach and I palmed my fists. 'It feels as I'm walking on fire.'

'Logan,' I pushed him away and frailty took over my body. I could feel the fever again taking over me. My head aches with the force I used to push him away as his hand began going up more . 'Stay away.'

But he didn't. He stepped closer and pressed his lips against mine. I pushed his chest away, tried to escape but his grip was strong. 'Let go!' I yelled at him as I finally got freed from his grip.

He breathed heavily as he watched me with dreading eyes. 'Why? You need someone and if I'm trying to help, Why won't you let me?' His outburst left me on verge of tears . I leant against the table to hold myself steady as my legs felt giving up. Hot air came out of my nose and each part of my body hurt as my cheeks flushed with fever.

'Because I don't need you.'

'Liar! You need me. You like me. Why don't you just admit?'

'I don't. I lost Abigail because of you. She was my best friend but I lost her because of you!'

'You're getting me. Why do you even give a fuck about her?' He was utterly confused and rage and storm swirled in his eyes but his confusion was making me mad.

'Listen to me Logan,' I stepped close to him. 'I hate you.' I spat. His eyes were dead silent as his expressions went blank. For a moment, there was no emotion in his eye that I could suspect as he slowly took in the words. 'Get it? I don't like you and will never. Get out of my room and my life.'

Then came the oddly calmness on his face. The thorough control on himself grew and mine lost. I tried to figure out him, thought of depicting his emotions but they all were hidden behind a serene wall.

His eyes lowered to my stomach that grumbled. He smirked, 'hungry? Want to eat something?'

'Huh?' I couldn't get him. What did he want? A second before, he was raging with fire but now, he was acting as if nothing happened.

'I'll cook you something.' And he left the room. I stood there, thinking what just happened? After hectic efforts, I controlled myself and reached my phone on the floor.

The screen was broken but it will still work. I called Ian.

No answer.

I called again but he still didn't answer. He must've been in the gym excercising while his phone would be in bag but I needed him.

My hands began shaking. If Logan comes inside and force me to eat whatever he made, things won't be good. I needed to reach Ian or mom. Anyone.

I called mom but the call went to the voice message. Meanwhile, I heard footsteps coming upstairs. My breath got rough and my hands shook. I called mom again but she didn't pick up. 'Please, pick up.'

And after one more ring, she did. 'Mom! Mom!'

'Janelle, I'm busy right now. You need to stop calling me.'

'Mom, help me.'

'Janelle,' she used the motherly tone. 'I'm busy right now.' And she cut the call.

The footsteps increased and then were at my door. I called Ian again. 'Come on now!' Tears clouded my vision. 'Pick up.'

My door was knocked again. 'Enjoy in there.' Logan called. My forehead wrinkled but before I could know what was happening, my door was locked from outside.

I ran to the door and tried to open it. 'Open it!' I struggled hard. 'Logan! Are you out there? Open it!' I shook the door further as I heard the sound of footsteps getting faint.

My phone rang and I ran back. 'Ian!'

'What happened? My phone was in my bag.'

'Ian,' I sniffed. 'Ian—I don't know—its,' Words refused to be formed as tears rolled down my cheek again and again. 'Ian—i'm'

'Hey, shhh, relax.' Ian said calmly. 'Tell me clearly. Are you crying?'

'Come home. Logan's here and I'm locked.' Voices wailed in my head and my heart beat faster. The room shrunk and darkness wrapped me from around.

'I'm coming. Hold on there.' At first I thought he cancelled the call but my phone gave away. I tried the window which was locked again. I bit the back of my hand to stop myself shivering. Running to the door again and again, I attempted to break it but only hurt myself.

'Open it!' I yelled with my fists hitting the door furiously. 'LOGAN! OPEN THE DOOR! WHY WON'T YOU OPEN IT?' I jiggled the knob as hard as I could that it came out. I hit, kicked the door more but I gained nothing.

Suddenly, the fire alarm blared through the house. Eyes widen, pupils dilated, adrenaline bursting in my body, I tried the window, the door, the walls, the table. Anything, anything that could lead me an escape. I banged my head on the door as head aching increased.  'OPEN THE DOOR!' My voice broke as I screamed loudly.

From the bottom of the door, the smoke began entering the room. I coughed and my head ached again as if someone hammered pins in it. World began spinning around. The fever consumed my body from top to bottom. I had used much more effort than I could and now I had none left. I opened my mouth to breathe through it and coughed again.

'Open the door.' My voice was barely a whisper. I had screamed enough, shrieked enough and only waiting was the answer. I coughed so hard that I bent down and fell on the floor. I could see the smoke from the door and the room began getting hotter not knowing whether it was my fever or the fire.

But every energy was derailed out as I laid down helplessly on the floor. 'Let me out,' I said in a low voice. 'Let me out.' I repeated. A tear slipped down my eye. It trailed through my nose and on my other cheek and finally fell on the floor. 'Please.'

Sirens could be heard, distant voices chattered but no one could hear me. That was it, I thought. That was all it. but then it would be good. I'd escape.

Rivulets of sweat flowed down my face and breathing got more difficult. Each breath was pain as my lungs took in the smoke.

'My sister's in there!' I heard someone yell but I couldn't make up who he was. I blinked as the door fell as it burned in fire and a thick curtain of fire was in front of me. It was all yellow, too bright, too hot. I coughed and coughed. The fire snarled at me, telling me how low I was. 'Elle!' The voices were getting faint. 'Jane! Where are you?!'

I answered but no words came out. It was all my miserableness laughing at me in the shape of fire. Then a blurred outline of a person appeared on the doorway. 'Holy shit! Janelle!' Ian ran towards me, shook me. He didn't wait further but scooped me up in his arms. 'Hold on there kid,' he whispered. 'We're gonna go through this.'

Then I closed my eyes knowing I was safe. Finally I had someone I could hold on to.

Ian made it out of the fire lit up by Logan. Saved me from burning in there.

Prevented me from escaping.

After who know how many days later, I found myself on a hospital bed with Ian sleeping on it. He was snoring loudly that actually woke me up. 'Ian.' I shook him awake.

He rubbed his eyes. 'Hey, you're up. How are you?'

'Okay I guess.'

I tried getting up but yelped as my neck hurt. 'Easy there. You've got some bruises here and there.'

'I don't remember getting any.'

He smiled sadly as he lifted his own forearm wrapped in bandage. 'I guess God gave us a sibling mark.'

I tried laughing but it only gave me pain so I didn't. The door creaked as someone entered. Mom.

Ian's smile wiped off. 'Oh sweetie, you're alright. I was so worried about you.' She side hugged me and it hurt further. 'I thought I lost you. I was so scared. How did it happen? I bet you were careless again?'

'Don't mom.' Ian spoke.

Mom's face fell. 'What?'

'Stop doing—pretending that you care.'

'I'm not pretending.'

'Then you must've stayed with her than leaving her alone to go on your fucking date with that man.'

'Ian, watch your language.' Mom warned.

'Words don't matter much anymore.' I placed my hand on Ian's to stop him from saying whatever he wanted to say.

'Ian, if you saved your sister then you had to.' Mom was back on her stern tone. 'And Janelle, you should've to close the door.'

'And you should've stayed or at least listened to Jane!' Ian almost shouted. 'Your daughter was dying and you were busy with your fucking date!'

'Ian!'

'What? What Ian?' Ian was on his feet. 'One month hadn't passed since dad's death and you were hanging around with that guy who killed him.'

Mum was dead silent.

'In front of you and you didn't do anything but you rather watched him die. He was our dad, mom,' his voice broke. 'He loved you so much. He deserved some too. Why couldn't you give him some?' Ian fell back down on the chair with tears crystallising his eyes.

'I—' It was the first day I watched mom speechless.

'Was Dad not enough that you left Elle alone to die too?' Mom watched Ian crestfallen. 'How could you do this? We're your kids mum. What did we even do that you couldn't love us enough?' He said so slowly that it was barely audible. From the window on the door, I watched the face of the man because of whom we both lost our family. Ian's jaw clenched as he noticed Henry. 'Go,' Ian said. 'Go with that man. Leave us alone.'

'How can I—

'Just like you left Jane to die in the fever and fire. Just like you left Dad to die. Leave us and live your life and let us live ours.' Ian held my hand as he told mom. 'We'd be better than this.'

It was enough for mom to leave the room. I watched Ian who rubbed his temples and lowered his head to hide from me but I already saw the tears that fell on the sheet one by one. He rubbed his temples more furiously.

A nineteen year boy, losing himself among the world of chaos.

After a couple of days, I was discharged. Ian got a good job he had been applying for a long time while I recovered. But nothing was same as it was supposed to be. When I finally got back to school, everyone gave me weird looks, whispered as I passed. I didn't get any of it until it was break and everyone refused to sit with me.

Days passed by just like this. I was all alone in the school where Abigail would pass by me as she'd sneered and I'd miss her old one.

One day, when I was alone in the library, a chatty girl sat with me with pity in her eyes. She introduced herself and said whatever happened, she won't care but I didn't get what she was talking about then she pulled out her phone and showed me the hatred of people for me on social media.

My eyes popped out as I read the tweets and posts saying that I was the one who started the fire and wanted to trap Logan because he rejected me. Exactly opposite of what happened. I wanted to cry when I saw how much I was hated for something I never did. I knew Logan did this. To take revenge from me because I rejected him but I never knew, Abigail, my childhood best friend, would do it too.

That day I clung to Ian who told me whatever people say, all I had to do is to ignore. That he was with me and he'd never leave. But the school became hell for me and everyone simply ignored me. They won't talk, won't help me, won't look at me—pretending as I never existed.

Except for that chatty girl, Mia, who helped me go through these times and my brother Ian. We both'd do jobs and support ourselves financially. Ian sold the house mom bought for us in La and instead bought a smaller one. Dad had left enough money for us and mom would visit us twice half a year and apparently, we both were fine.

Two years.

Two years have passed and the fine had cracks in it now. The fine was crumbling and the passage for escape was narrowing.

It seemed the time had been reversed.

I was losing Ian like I did after dad's death, Henry was involved again and being Henry's nephew, Logan came back living in my house.

oOo

My Jane has such a hard past.

Vote if you liked and don't forget to comment.

I'll see you on Friday.

Love 💕, huz