I'm obsessed with this cover so much. Play it while you read the chapter.

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'You OK?' Ian asked as I sat freezing on the bench in the park.

'Seriously?'

'I'm coming.' He said sternly.

'Are you sober?'

'Not much.'

'I'm going to Mia then.' I said.

'She's full. I called her. She's hosting guests.' Ian's information made me groan the loudest in this cold. 'Hey, I'm sober enough to drive.' I shivered as the cold wind blew. I wrapped Ryan's hoodie around myself.

'Then come idiot.' I turned off the call.

The winds howled and stormed around like I was the only toy they found interesting to play with. Ian came after about twenty minutes and just as his car stopped, I jumped right in and took a deep breath in the hot , warming atmosphere that brought relief to my body from head to toe. I didn't say anything as Ian took me somewhere rather I closed my eyes and thought about the fight Ryan and I just had.

'What is this place?' I asked Ian as I got out of his car and stared at the building.

'My new temporary shitty rented home.' Ian explained as he led me upstairs. After passing four staircases, he opened the door of his apartment and might I say, I was shook!

When Ian said temporary I thought it will be bad, and when he said shitty, I thought it would be a dirty useless apartment and when he said rented, my imagination led me to some worn out, wooden house with cracked floors and a ceiling with holes in it  but I was wrong all along.

This apartment was the kind you we see in movies and secretly drool over. The one with a big lounge, two rooms, one big fat kitchen, a wide balcony with workout supplies all decorated and well kept . 'How did you get it?' I couldn't tore my eyes off the walls that adorned a splendid wallpaper.

'One of the fellas help me get it. The owner's not in town and he was a friend of the owner so ... he helped me get it.' Ian explained as he threw the keys on the counter and kicked his shoes off.

'But what if the owner's come back and ask for the rent?' I took my jacket off but kept on wearing Ryan's hoodie.

'Then I'll pay. I have some savings.' Ian placed some juice and leftovers on the counter in front of me. 'Hungry?'

I nodded yes. 'I can help too,' I chugged the juice.

'Are you gonna live here?' He asked me.

'No.' I answered almost too instantly. I should leave my house and live here but I can't. I can't leave my home that Ian and I built in my mother's hand or my dad's killer. 'I'm not going to.'

'Then don't pay.' Ian sat on the other side of the counter as I ate the pasta. 'Save it like you have been since the beginning so you can build a house for yourself by yourself.' I smiled at Ian as he recounted my childhood's dream.

'What about you?' I questioned. 'What will you do?'

He shrugged. 'I don't know.'

'Neither do I.' I threw my gaze down as my mind again played the very fight I had with Ryan.

'Well, I know one thing we can do.' Ian stood up. 'Play tekken until we fall asleep.' I smiled the widest as I jumped from the stool and followed him.

He was right.

We played until we fell asleep. It was fun. I finally breathed like I was free. Free from all the strings that held me back for so long.

The sun was my alarm clock and if it won't work, then Ian's high pitched song was always there for me. I tossed and turned as I shut the alarm off, placed the covers over my face and slept again.

I woke up after two hours, seeing the time that I need to go to work, I tossed again and started scrolling through my phone. 'You missed school.' Ian came in the room.

'I know.' I continued scrolling.

'You don't miss school.'

'I just didn't want to go.'

'What happened?' He sat on the bed.

'Nothing.' I scrolled up further and eventually, the mobile was snatched by Ian. 'Hey!' I protested but Ian turned the mobile off and threw it on the couch.

'You had a fight with Ryan?' He arched his eyebrow but I simply balled myself under the covers.

'Elle?' Ian poked me in my stomach.

'Well, yes. He doesn't want to go to the contest anymore!' I exclaimed as I bursted out of the covers making Ian jump backwards.

'Understandable.' Ian shrugged.

'I know but I can't just let him quit you know,' I sat on the bed. 'He has his whole life in front of him and he is determined to not follow it just because he lost someone.'

'He lost everyone Elle,' Ian highlighted. 'What did you expect him otherwise? To go around, practice the shit out of him and win that fucking trophy he exchanged for his family?'

Ian's words hit me hard that I felt the blow inside. I threw my eyes down and stared at the sheets. 'I... 'I was lost at words. 'But he has to get up and fight.'

Ian chuckled humourlessly. 'Seriously Elle? It's been only four days since he lost his grandma.'

'Why are you picking sides?'

'I'm not. I'm just saying that you should not force him. Just ... let him be.'

'But I can't leave him alone.' I argued. 'He's not okay. He needs me.'

'He's not sure what he wants. He's just confused and he'll probably end up ditching all the shit and leave.'

'What's wrong with you? Why are you talking like this?'

'Because I have been through it all and so do you but I have not forgotten nor have I forgiven ok? I remember the unforgettable pain Elle that you have ignored all through this.' Ian's voice grew louder.

'Are you blaming me that I wasn't there when he returned?' I jerked my neck at my side. 'Seriously Ian? I thought we were over that.'

'We never were.' Ian stood up from the bed. 'I still want that man behind the bars.'

'But it will affect mom!' I hauled myself up from bed too. 'And we'll lose her too.'

'Do we still have her?' Ian asked as his stared at my crystallised ones. The numbing pain came back, the threatening heart beat, the heat of tears was felt again. Each heartbeat pumped stinging throughout the body. I clenched and unclenches my hands as I watched Ian climbing downstairs and vanishing away from my vision.

***

'Ma'am you forgot your change!' I shouted behind a lady. She turned around to have the twelve dollars and then left. I sighed as I closed the cash register.

'The sun isn't shining today.' Sarah came from behind.

I looked out of the door. 'It is. Look outside.'

'I'm talking about here.' She circled her fingers over my face.

I breathed out as I rested my face on my palm. 'I'm getting into too many fights.' I told her.

'It is a sign that you are too exhausted,' Sarah picked up cups from tables. I helped her along. 'take some rest.'

'No I'm not. I'm just ...' I pondered over. 'Just ...'

'Just just just.' She poked the tip of my nose. 'Whenever you're worried, your sentences stop right there.'

'I don't know what to do Sarah.' I picked up a plate from the couch and a folk from beneath the table.

'You know what Jane? It's not always looking at the right way. Sometimes you have to look at the wrong path and figure out why it is wrong.' She suggested wisely. She tied her ponytail.

'But when I look at the wrong path, it's gets more wrong.'

'It simply means you are not looking.' She patted my back. 'It's okay to breathe Jane.'

I took out my phone and swiped through some photos as I made my way back to home and halted at the one taken three years ago. It was only me, Ian and Dad. I always envied how similar Ian looked to Dad while I, I was completely different. How much things can change just in one moment? How much something can be turned upside down?

I remembered when mom would leave us for months and I would cry out for her but Ian would always come around and comfort me. How when Logan left the town with horrible announcements and I would cry my eyes out each and every night, Ian would hold me together.

Now it all felt so foreign. It all would stop at a point I couldn't go further or going further needed such strength I couldn't muster. I sat on the bench of The Lovely Garden as I stared at the sky. 'You need to find better place Âme. This place sucks.'

'You can't just show up like this.' I turned my head to look at Ryan who came forth and sat beside me on the bench.

'I'm sorry?' He jerked his head to his side. 'Look, I had no idea what I was doing so I'm sorry.'

'It doesn't do much Ryan.' I folded my hands over my chest as I murmured.

'Then what should I do?' He asked, intrigued. I looked at him, his tired eyes, his pale face and his messy hair. 'I'll do it.'

'I don't know.' I said.

'What do you mean you don't know?'

'I just...' Just just just. I stood up from the bench. 'I don't know!'

Just as I was to make my way out, Ryan, gripping my elbow, spun me so that I crashed in his chest. 'Listen to me, I'm sorry. Like, real sorry.'

'Ryan—

'—I blamed you, which I shouldn't've done and I'm sorry.' 

'I need to do.'

'Jane, please.'

I jerked my hands away. 'I really need to go.'

***

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