After two days, the funeral was a quite choir of Ryan's griefs.

We were unable to first tell Ryan about his grandma and when we did, the first thing he did was to rush to the hospital.

Ryan's stability came after a whole day.

I had seen three most broken people in my life. One was my mother when we lost our father. One was Ian when he found out about the cause of Dad's death. And third, was Ryan.

I smiled at a lady, thanking her for her support for Ryan and made my way to Mia. And then did I realise how hard it must've been for Ryan to give fake smiles to people who never gave a shit about his grandparents and now are here because they saw Ryan on television.

Yang was managing the funeral and Noah was helping James, Ryan's grandfather, with the guests. I sat beside Mia on the couch whose eyes were fixed on something in front of her , holding a glass of wine in her hands. 'Where's Ryan?' She asked.

'He went in his room a couple of minutes go.' I answered.

'You should go to him.' Mia advised.

'I think he'll be fine. He needs some time alone.'

'He needs you.' She said. 'He's been pretending the whole funeral that he's okay, I think he needs someone to finally let his emotione come out.' She took a sip. 'You know when people hold on too much, they snap.'

I never heard Mia talking like this but I didn't want to argue so I nodded. 'Okay.'

I carefully climbed up the stairs all the time thinking that when I'll enter his room, he'll simply ask me to go away but it wasn't like this. I knocked on the closed door. He didnt answer, trying one more time, I entered his room.

Ryan was standing by the window, the coat of his suit and tie was on the floor, he was holding his wine glass in his hands and was looking out of the window. 'Ryan,' I said slowly, carefully. I proceeded towards him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

His face was hard and I couldn't decipher the expressions that adorned his face. All I noticed was that he kept on clenching his jaw. 'Don't ask me if I'm ok.' He said. 'I'm not.'

'I won't.' I sured him as I looked out of the window too. It was chilly with cool winds blowing but it seemed that Ryan was not bothered by it. 'That's why I came here.'

'You should go away.' He nearly whispered. I let my hand slip down to his shoulder.

'You can talk to me you know.'

'There's nothing to talk. She was ill, I ignored her, she died. Period.' Ryan shrugged it off.

'Hey, no.' I tried to wind my hands in his but he snapped them away.

'You should really leave.' His tone was dangerously low. 'Please.'

I kept on telling myself that it was because he was hurt, that he was angry and that he'll say sorry and we'll hug and he'll let him emotions out but no, I was wrong. So wrong. 'I...' I trailed off. I lowered my head, took a deep breath and just as I was about to leave the room, I heard him say,

'Fuck it!' I felt his hands on my waist and I was turned around and was pulled in a sudden, yet tight hug. He dug his face in the crook of my neck and I felt something wet on my neck. Registering that he was crying, I hugged him more tightly. He stayed there for longer than I could think of. His sobbing was muffled down, I stopped felling the tickling of his tears.

He pulled back. His bloodshot crystallised Eyes brought tears to mine too but he wiped them off, took a very deep breath caressed my cheek.

'You're ok?'

He nodded. 'Better now.'

'I'm here.'

'I know,' He looked up and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. He caught my hand and pressed his cheek to my palm. 'and I'm glad.'

Mia and Noah stayed at Ryan's home helping James out who was atleast was eating and talking than Ryan who simply disappeared after the hug.

Yang dropped me home and I thanked him.

'You should visit him again.' Yand suggested.

'He needs time.' I said as I opened the car door. 'Bye.' I said, got out of the car and closed the door behind me.

The next day I visited but Ryan was still in his room. So I left. Mia called me telling me that he was doing OK so after that day, I stopped visiting.

Instead, I focused on my job with Sara. She got it back and I was glad. Ian was staying sober because mom was not home but still he wasn't in the mood of talking. Probably I was busy with my job that we wouldn't get enough time to talk.

Mia had to leave so it was my turn of staying at Ryan's as Noah too, needed to go and Yang was helping Ryan with other things like food and clothes. I texted Ryan.

Me : Hey,

I swirled my thumbs over the screen , searching for words but I didn't have any so I simply hit send. He didn't reply me afterwards.

Ryan's POV

I placed my hands in my pockets as I walked around the lonely park Jane was so keen of visiting. Memories came back. Memories, that were too painful to think about. I simply needed to shut myself out.

My phone beeped. I took it out and looked at the screen. Just seeing her name made me feel a little lighter. I stared at the text. She needed to talk to me and so did I.

I was hating myself for ignoring her. She'd come to my home and I'll purposely stay in my room. She'll try to talk to me but I'll walk away.

The truth was, deep down, I blamed Jane. If only she wouldn't force me to enter The Forbes, if only I'd stay with my grandma, maybe she would've lived. Maybe, she would've been with me.  But I knew, it was useless. It was not her fault. Not at all.

But I just needed a reason to blame someone rather than myself. I was already hating myself enough that doing more would just make it all worse.

Jane POV

I climbed downstairs and halted in my steps as I suspected guests over our house but I was in no mood for the guests so I left the house.

The guests always reminded me of Logan. He'll come with his aunt to our house on mom's invitation and then he'll snuck out and we'll hang out. It was childish, but it was fun.

We were childhood friends until a spark of money burned in him and everything fell apart.

I chose walking over driving to Ryan. I didn't want to think about my so-so ex. I desired to reach Ryan's home slowly. Probably because he was dodging my calls and ignoring me.

Soon I regretted my impulsive decision as the night just got more chilly and cold that I thought maybe, it'll snow.

I decided to just check on Ryan and leave. If he didn't want to see me, then I shouldn't but the coldness of the night was doing no good in helping me not to change my mind.

I brought my frozen knuckles to the door and they didn't even touch the door when it was opened. 'What the hell? Jane, where's your car?' Ryan held my hand and dragged me in. I was shaking when I stepped in his home.

'I just didn't feel like driving.' I unwrapped my muffler and took my wet jacket out. My nose was cold and I couldn't feel my hands. Ryan ignited the fire in the fireplace. He ran back and placed his hands on my frozen ones.

His eyes widened. 'You're freezing.' He made me sit in front of the fire place and rubbed my palms against one and another trying to help me get the warmth.

Ryan disappeared again and I got the clue that maybe now that I've checked up on him that he's fine, I should leave too. Probably he doesn't want me in but the fire was something that stopped my feet from moving. It felt so good but still, the cold was there and despite the fire, I was only getting colder.

Ryan came back with a blanket and wrapped the blanket around me. I stared at his eyes and he stared back until he tore his eyes away. He touched my wet sweater. 'You should take it off too.' He said.

'I'm fine.' I didn't have any other garment to keep me warm other than this.

'It's really wet. You'll catch a cold.' He didn't hear my answer and unbuttoned my sweater. He took it off with one swept and just as it was off, another wave of cold hit me but Ryan took his hoodie off and helped me wear it and then wrapped the blanket around me again. He touched my forehead.

'You're hot.' He said.

'I'm sitting right in front of fire.' I answered.

'Humph,' he didn't answer but rather sat with me. 'I don't think it's fire.' He stood up, stayed in kitchen for sometime and was back with a bowl of what I suspected was soup.

'No way,' I said. 'Don't Ryan,'

'You have fever.' He said. 'Eat this, it'll help.'

'Nope.' If one think I can't eat, it's soup.

He placed the bowl beside me and kneed down to my level. He touched my forehead again. 'See? You have fever. Why did you have to walk?'

I threw my gaze down. Should I tell him? I had no choice.  'I thought you might not want to see me so I should go slowly.' I confessed.

'What?' Ryan was half laughing. 'Why would you think this?'

'What do you mean by that?' I cocked my head at my side and poked my finger in his hard chest that my blanket slipped down but I didn't care. 'It's you who have been ignoring me. It's you who just disappear whenever I come here. It's you who doesn't return my calls. It's you who doesn't reply to my messages. What else can you expect me to think of?'

He ran his and through his hair. 'Yeah, that,' he looked away. 'We need to talk.'

'Yes,' I snapped.

'James left.' He sighed.

'Left? Left where?'

'For Ojai.'

'What's Ojai?'

'A small town in South California. His hometown.'

'Oh,' was all I could say. 'I'm sorry.'

Ryan shook his head. 'It's fine. He wanted to go so I let him go.'

I nodded. 'What else?' I urged him.

'What else?' He repeated as if I was teaching him Spanish.

'Why were you ignoring me?' I posed.

'Oh, I ... uh,' he ran his hand through his hair again. 'Why don't we have some soup?'

'Ryan,' I warned him. 'Spill The beans.'

He stared at me. His eyes searched mine, calculating, worrying over something I had no idea. 'I was blaming you for grandma's death.'

My forehead wrinkled. 'What? Why?'

'Well,' he ran his hand through his hair again. He was either really nervous or really scared. I couldn't decide any. 'You pushed me into the contest and I focused on it so much that I almost forgot her and I couldn't get to visit her much so uh ... I ... I blamed you.'

I looked at the dream catcher hanging on the wall behind Ryan. 'Is that really what you think?'

'No, hey,' he rewrapped the blanket around me and placed his hand beneath my chin to lift my face up to look at his eyes. 'I was just overthinking , ok?' He caressed his thumb over my chin. 'I'm over it.'

His eyes were so warm. 'So you won't fight in the competition anymore?' I asked what I had been wondering for so long.

'Obviously no.' He let go of my chin and grabbed the bowl. 'You should eat this.'

'You are quitting?' I ignored his last comment.

'It's getting colder.' He swirled the spoon around in the soup and forced it in my mouth. Then another. And another. I chewed and drank on the soup and strenuously, gulped it down. He was about to put another one but I jerked it away.

'Ryan, answer me.' I demanded.

'No.' He said sternly. 'I'm not standing on that shitty stage again that took away everything I had.'

***

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