"Mm, I know..."

Eiharu's voice barely a whisper. His smartphone currently sticks to his ear, he only uses a bare minimum of strength to keep it in place. The hums he once in a while lets out to shows that he is still listening is what heard in the room aside from the murmurs from the other of the line.

'I'm sorry, Eiharu. But that's all... I did this for you. Because I love you.'

The voice which belongs to his own dear mother sounds a little grim. Eiharu doesn't react for a few seconds, doesn't know what to say in particular, but also because there's nothing he could say in this kind of situation. He understands perfectly why his mother insists on making him getting out of his bedroom.

"I understand, Mom..." His voice rather hoarse, he forgot when was the last time he properly hydrated, "I forgive you... Stop saying sorry..."

Without giving a chance for her to say something else, Eiharu already hung up and threw his phone to the carpeted floor.

He lies there, limbs spread out on his messy bed, unmoving aside of his heaves chest showing he is still breathing. The blurry sight of the ceiling above his head, he ponders what kind of painting would look good so he can stare at it without getting bored. His mind wanders to the interior of his bedroom, imagining some changes which obviously not going to happen. The minimum light peeking through the closed curtain adds more to the unhealthy and stuffy small space. Just by staying there, Eiharu sweats badly despite the air conditioner is working nonstop to cool the room.

He needs to get out.

But the option is just not for him since he doesn't want to do it.

If not because his mother forced him to make her a lunch box, he surely won't move from his current position no matter how uncomfortable has it become. Still, minutes passed, the lunch hour is getting nearer, and he spends a full twenty minutes lying there like a log, mind busy thinking about many scenarios he will never be in.

Basically, he is procrastinating.

A loud ding coming from his smartphone he threw earlier, followed by a voice message from his mother reminding him the time is ticking, adds more to his carved deep anxiety.

"I knoooow...."

He whines, even though there's no way his mother can hear it. He shifts his body slightly, feels the cold air touches his sweaty back. Even getting out of the bed is so much work, he really prefers to lie down all day long. His hand fumbles on the nightstand looking for his glasses, doesn't bother with the fingerprint dirtying the lens. Waiting for the numbness leaving his legs, he's so tempted to lie down again. If not because another voice message coming in, he might spend another full hour procrastinating.

With much unwillingness, he finally rose from his seat, drags his legs towards the door and leaves the bedroom.

========

The sound of the knife against the cutting board, followed by a sizzling pan on the stove. Eiharu's hums can be heard, in rhythm with the gentle song playing through his headphones. His slender fingers swiftly move from one spot to another; cutting, flipping, folding. The counter lining in front of him, no space visible as any kind of ingredients are spread over. Cute patterned paper boxes sitting not far from there. As he glances at the small bunny printed on it, he couldn't help but smile a little.

The traces of uncooked-yet-ingredients stick to his hands, add more to his appeal. His face might be hidden by his long bangs, but the eyes focused on the work in hand, shows the glint which usually isn't there. He can whine all day, protesting against the work he needs to do instead of lazing in his bedroom. But he couldn't deny the feeling of joy as he dances in the kitchen. Besides, no one will see even if he flipped on the counter or something.

The hums earlier gradually changed to a proper sing. His voice isn't that bad, albeit the hoarse is more or less taking over. The fast beat of his song doesn't affect his pace. He managed both them well, singing and cooking, like a professional in their field. Seeing the beautiful golden color, a smile of content spreads on his pale face. A little bit of taste testing, then everything went perfectly.

It was a small accident, when drops of water slide down from his wet hand to the sizzling pan. The hot oil splashed to his hand, leaves some small yet hot drops to near an old wound on his wrist. He halts for a moment. His mind playing a record of some things that happened in the past in auto. One which he prefers not to recall.

One which triggered the existence of this ugly scar.

His alarm snapped him back from his thought. He quickly turned off the stove and washes the burn, cooling it down roughly and starts putting the food in the boxes. He only has less than an hour left to deliver the package. If he doesn't move soon, then he will be caught in the wave of people returning from their lunch break. Not only it means he will be late to bring his mother her lunch, but it also means he will need to deal with so many strangers on the road. And the latter is what he tries to avoid as much as he can. He put on his mask and hoodie, make sure the door is locked properly, took a moment to inhales deeply, then off towards the busy streets of the city he lives in.

A little bit amiss of his calculation, the street is almost filled by many businessmen alike. He checks his watch, sees the needle is ticking on time. This many people returning to their offices, might be because of the heavy clouds in the sky. Forecast weather gave an early warning about what seems to be an unexpected-yet-expected downpour. No need to say, Eiharu is prepared before he left the house earlier.

Across the road, the hospital building where his mother is working is standing tall intimidatingly. Eiharu spends a few moments to admire the beauty of its structure. The owner of this place must have spent a lot of funds to build such a massive facility. Even though it's not the first time Eiharu visit that place, every single time, he always felt amazed.

Not only the outer look of the hospital is amazing, but the interior is also as much as frightening. He isn't particularly fond of hospitals in general, knowing he had no good memories about one, but whenever he stepped inside, it doesn't feel like he is in a medical facility at all. If not because of white-robed staff passing him every less than 5 seconds and the heavy smells of medicines, he's going to mistake this place as a normal office building.

After signing on the guest book, he waits for his mother in the lobby. The open space is filled by new patients and staff walking back and forth. Some looking so happy as they leave the building, some looking grief as they rushed to the reception table. Many doctors, old and young, taking a company of the patients, all equally happy and gloomy.

Eiharu's mind wanders. He recalls about someone, one who was an important part of his short high school years. That person once mentioned, that someday he wants to be a doctor. He strived to work hard, with this kind of fully equipped facility as the place as the goal. Eiharu remembers how that person's eyes glinted as he spoke about his dream, deep down prayed that someday he can achieve it.

Now years have passed since that moment. That person should be graduated from university a few years ago. Knowing he was a brilliant student, Eiharu won't feel surprised if he finished his study earlier than expected. His work was always tidy and perfect. If he managed to get a position in this kind of place, it's pretty much like a destined fate he had since birth.

By the last line of thought, Eiharu lets out a bitter snort.

Albeit he almost never goes out, almost never socialized with anyone aside from his mother, he still taking track of most individuals he knew through his life. With how the world practically an open book on the internet, he can easily look for things with few searches. He tracks his old teachers, his classmates, his acquaintances, those who were a part in his life despite their presence were not that insignificant. Most of them are now at the peak of their life; good career, stable economy, happier moments....

Eiharu is lying if he said he doesn't feel envy. He is by default drown in loneliness more than he dares to admit. But to go out of the way and enter society, he still has no courage to. Let alone leave the house. He doesn't even dare to look for any information online about two people who affected his life the most.

His crush.

And his bully.

========